Saturday, July 30, 2005

Really Mad Now!

The yard used to be fun! We could dig and dig and nobody seemed to care. We could roll in dirt and play in mud and drag Loki through poop, and nobody cared, they actually seemed to enjoy watching us do our husky thing.

Then that new deck came (with the impenatrable gate). The humans also brought in some really nice stinky dirt for us to play in... but then yelled at us for digging in it and eating it.

Then they grew that stuff called grass (which is good to eat when you need to horka). Then every day at certain times it would rain in a spray and hit us while we tried to poop.

The final straw was today. The deck people buried really tasty cardboard for us to find and eat, but the human woman won't let us do that! I mean, they must have left that tasty cardboard down there just for us, and its our duty to dig it up and eat it, but every time we do, we get yelled at... I was actually swatted lightly on the butt today for doing it! Can you believe that?

They put big square rocks over some of the tasty places, which forces us to dig under them to get at it. Its just not fair to have that tasty cardboard in the ground, taunting us. We must have it!

Does anyone else have humans that won't let you do fun things like dig holes in the yard? Let me know, because I'm really pouting right now!

Friday, July 29, 2005

Stupid Human Tricks #5: Stickers


Clothes and hats are one thing, but putting stickers on a husky?


Just plain humiliating. What next? Will they staples things to us? And of all things, an "I Voted" sticker. I tell you what, if we HAD voted, you humans would be eating out of bowls on the floor, sleeping on those "cushy" beds you bought us that we don't like, and kiss those leash laws good-bye, we're running willy nilly.

Poor Ash describes the torture:

Hi Meeshka!
Here is the awful pictures of me and my sticker. Thankfully, after having been on their jackets all day, they weren't too sticky and came off really easily. I was SO embarrassed that I couldn't even bear to move, I just laid there, miserable. It's a good thing that Mom took the sticker off as soon as the evidence photos were done being taken. As soon as she took it off, I jumped up, leapt off the bed, and gave them both the "You're stupid!" woo and demanded a can of food as reparation for the whole incident. I got it. =)

Many good woos!
Ash

Very good advice for others Ash, once the humans are done playing "dress up" you should demand payment for your humiliation. Not the usual everyday treats, but special things, like a whole steak!

Thursday, July 28, 2005

A Don't Eat Item

Indy, the poor sombrero pup, writes:

HELLO MEESHKA,

I READ YOUR LATEST BLOG ENTRY AND HAD TO SHARE A HOLIDAY SNACK I TRIED LAST CHRISTMAS. Oh sorry, I forgot about the caps lock...

The humans did the strangest thing - they brought a real tree into the living room and hung brightly colored things all over it. They put lots of new decorations up around the house. One morning the male human stayed home from work. He was in the bathroom and I began my morning house inspection, as is my duty. I found this shallow glass bowl of brightly colored leaves, pinecones and berries on the coffee table, and it smelled so good! Of COURSE I had to taste it, it smelled so delicious. Well, the male human came out and yelled "NO, STOP THAT!" and took the stuff away. My tummy felt a little funny, but I was okay. I did notice that later that night when the male human took me out to answer nature's call that it smelled like the leaves and berries and pinecones. The male human seemed to find it quite funny, but the peices of pinecone did NOT feel good coming out! So I won't be trying any of that stuff again!

Indy

Potpouri is mentioned as a no-no for eating, and I would imagine that not only pine cone passing would be a good reason, but also the stinky stuff the humans put on it to make it smell like a forest (trust us, that's not what a real forest smells like, and we should know, we have 7 yards of smell buds in our noses), can't be too healthy either. If you want your house to smell like a real forest, I would suggest adding some dead, decaying things like a dead squirrel in your basket of pretty smelly things. We'd enjoy that a lot more!

Oh, and those trees they kill and put in the house once a year when the snow falls... nice to pee on, we really appreciate that, especially when its really nasty and cold outside, so thank you!

To Eat or Not To Eat, That Is The Question

The goal of every husky should be to taste, sample, and even gourge on all of the human food allowed, or "found" unguarded.

There are pitfalls to this sampling, and some things that you shouldn't eat because its really bad for us (not only for the trim waistline we have to maintain, but could actually make you sick, maybe make you die!)

Things NOT to eat:

Grapes and raisins: they will cause our kidneys to shut down and that will kill you.

Chocolate: Although VERY tasty, it contains something called Theobromine and that's not good for us, it can kill you.

Caffeine: coffee is very tasty, I drink my human's coffee when they leave it on the table, but it gives me the zoomies, and a lot isn't good at all for us.

Avocado: BAAAD

Macadamia nuts: BAAAD

Onions and onion powder: Onions have a chemical in it that causes an anemia, that's a very bad thing!

Salt: We can't process salt very well.

Yeast Dough: eating that is really bad mojo, because the warmth of our stomachs will cause the yeast dough to rise and give us a blockage.

Garlic: closely related to the onion, it will give us anemia. Yes, there are humans out there that actually think that giving garlic will prevent fleas and is healthy for us, but tell your human to stop giving it to you before your innards congeal.

Products sweetened with xylitol: That's a "natural" sweetener that comes in gums and toothpastes and stuff. It's not good at all for dogs.

Good things to eat:

Raw Roasts! Sammy actually stalked, subdued, and carried away a 5lb rump roast that was sitting on the counter, menacing the entire family. He saved us all, bless him.

Bread: The trick to bread is that it comes in a shell. Slit the shell to release all the the slices and eat them.

Cheese: rarely found on the counter, grab as many as possible, but beware of the kind that comes in a shell, you have to unwrap the shell first to get the cheese. Eating the plastic shell will land you at the ER Vet, so always remove the shell.

A lot of things come in shells, so you have to learn how to unwrap before eating.

There are more tasty things to eat, if you've eaten something tasty not listed here, send me an e-mail at: meeshkaworld@gmail.com and I'll start a list of tasty items. Or, if you've eaten a bad thing, tell us about it so others can learn the dangers.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Stupid Human Tricks #4: It can't get any worse (can it?)



Ok every husky, I almost didn't post this because its just too horrific.

I'll let poor Tag explain:

Hi Meeshka,
You know, I am absolutely fine with wearing a Green Bay Packer collar and bandana on game days and think it is a hoot to high five my humans when the Pack scores a touchdown (they are so amused by this simple little feat that I get cookies as a reward), but I have to draw the line with them putting those damn flowers on me!



I am a sled dog after all and I deserve much more respect than this. Can you imagine me running up the starting chute knowing all those silly Alaskans saw me in a flower collar? I would get no respect.

Of course being the superior Siberian I am, I shredded the darn thing first chance I got, but the picture as evidence remains. Could I look more embarrased?

Please spread the word so other Siberians do not suffer my fate. If you see sparkly/flowery/tinkly collars in your human's possesion-do not wait. Destroy immediately. Or else you could suffer my fate.

Sincerely,

Tag, wheel dog extraordinaire

Cruel Hoax Alert

It has come to my attention that the humans are playing a cruel hoax on some huskies.

I was very suspicious when asked my opinion on squeeker toys, as generally I'm not asked for my opinion on anything (food, sleeping position on the bed, treats, whether or not I WANT to be combed or have my nails trimmed).

Upon further investigation, I discovered that there is a plot brewing to drive us insane. Some humans have actually admitted to HIDING SQUEEKERS to drive us insane!

They purposefully get us hooked on squeekers, then they hide them in their pockets and squeek them so we'll run around looking for them!

How would they feel if we hid the remote control for the tv and randomly changed channels on them? Not so funny anymore, is it? Lose your car keys? Gee, I don't know where you could have put them (jingle, jingle).

Stupid Human Tricks #3: Attack of the hats



Indy sent me these photos as proof that we all do not suffer alone:

Dear Meeshka,

My human volunteers with Tails of the Tundra, and through reading her email I learned of your blog. I have sneaked into my human's email account and I am sending you the evidence of my torture and abuse.



This MUST be passed on to HULA! We cannot stand to be humiliated like this any longer! All Huskies must know that when your humans bring out silly costumes and give you treats and bring out that little electrical thing with the bright light, they are planning to show EVERYONE THEY KNOW how ridiculous they made you look!

Indy in Sombrero



Indy continues:

After the incident with the sombrero, my mom (the female human) and dad (the male human) laughed and laughed at the picture.



The next day while they were both at work I tore that sombrero to shreds...I think they got the message!

Abashedly yours,
Indy

Monday, July 25, 2005

The Art of Squeeky

The human woman today asked me my opinion of squeeky toys.

My response: much like the small edible toys we find in the yard on occasion, they don't last long enough.

When I first arrived at the house, there were a LOT of squeeky toys. I love squeeky toys, except for their lack of resiliency. Typically they only lasted about 5 minutes (less than 60 seconds once I found the trick to gutting them).

Initially I thought their intended purpose was to train me for bigger, faster prey in the yard. Squeeky toy is thrown (simulating the prey escaping), squeeky toy is caught, then gutted in the fastest amount of time, much like a human rodeo. Every time I'd gut one, the humans would look at me with disapproval, take away the remains, and so I thought that I didn't gut it fast enough. They were very hard to please, those humans. Here I was, ripping and shredding as fast as possible, and they still weren't happy with my times!

One day, the stuffing was just too tasty to waste, and since I knew the humans would not be happy with how slow I was and would take it away, I decided to eat it. It was tasty.

A few hours later, nature called, so I performed my duties in the yard (in front of everyone, how demeaning), and once I was done, I stood up, but something bumped into the backs of my legs. It scared me! I turned around quickly, but something kept hitting me, so I ran for my life!

The human woman was laughing! She could see that something was chasing me, but wouldn't get it away from me, wouldn't help me! They put me in the truck and (so embarrassing) took me to a place so OTHER PEOPLE COULD MAKE FUN OF ME!

These new people kept looking at my butt, chuckling. They made me lay down on a dark table and took pictures of my insides, then left me, probably to show them to the humans so they could laugh too. It was very distressing.

A few minutes later, the strange humans took me outside where I was finally able to rid myself of the hitchhiker. On the ride home, the humans kept saying "couldn't poop it out BEFORE they charged us for an x-ray". Um, hello? Do I ask you to poop on command in the middle of the yard? Out in the rain (ick) and bugs, and tickly po-po grass? No, so shut up!

After that they got new squeeky toys without innards. I thought for sure I'd please them with the squeeky removal time, since all that is involved is flipping open a pocket on the stomach, but no. 3 seconds flat is not good enough for them.

When the step brothers came, all squeekies got put away because they don't know how to share and be nice and give me their squeekies when I want them.

So, my opinion on squeeky toys... too much stress!

Stupid Human Tricks #2: Others who suffer



Poor Tundra writes:

dear meeshka,
i stumbled across your blog today and just wanted to say...my humans and yours seem to get their jollies the same way. first, they cleverly subjected my deceased older brother Dakota to a cutesy pose under a quilt in 2001. he tried to teach them that this was just an unacceptable way to photograph a husky (i think you can see the pain on his face in his picture), but a few years later, they've done the same to me.


Tundra Quilt Abuse



Tundra continues:

First my mom bundled me under a quilt when i decided to rest on a pillow she'd left out on the sofa for a guest. she thought it looked like i was saying 'come on mom, five more minutes!' but i was really saying 'when i say woo, i mean you're annoying.'


Tundra Hat Pose



Tundra continues:

and then i suffered the worst injustice of all: i was forced to wear a red sox cap. my dad smiled for the camera. however, i love the yankees and merely suffered through it with a nonplussed expression..



there are lots more like these if you're interested. just wanted to show my solidarity with your situation.

-tundra, 14 months, nyc

Quilts and blankets seem to be a common torture theme here. The hat incident shows a disrespectful disregard over team preference!

Poor Tundra, abused at such a young and formative age, probably shies away whenever headwear or blankets are brought out.

The horror!

Meeshka

Sunday, July 24, 2005

My Loathesome Barrier



An astute husky viewing the pics that my humans had proudly posted, notice this particular picture with the description "The gate at the bottom of the deck stairs to keep the pups from running up and down them."



I'm embarrassed and ashamed to admit that this is one barrier that I have not cracked yet. They planned this all along when the deck was built, specifically to keep us from running up and down the stairs and having fun.

The last deck didn't have this, and the last deck we could actually put our entire bodies through the pickets to woo at the neighbor dogs, but not this deck. We can barely stick our snouts through the pickets. Even mutant paw puny Loki can't squeeze through the cracks to get through this gate.

This weekend the humans had people over... AND DIDN'T LET US GREET THEM! The people stayed on the deck and we were left in the yard... abandoned... alone... nobody to claw! There were small human people and they came down the stairs to pet us through the slats, but they wouldn't come into the yard and play with us at all. The human woman wouldn't let them, even after I woo'd softly asking politely if I could claw and knock down the small humans.

We did everything we could to open that gate, go around the gate, go through the gate, but some evil genius must have made that gate. I bet it was the same evil genius that made that MOST EVIL trash can that we can't get into anymore!!! The human woman keeps saying that she loves the trashcan, but we HATE it!

yours humbly and locked out of the deck until we figure it out

Meeshka

Husky Helping Paws



A husky's work is NEVER done. There are numerous chores that must be done around the house that only huskies can perform.

Here are just a few of the chores:

Alerting humans to storms
Alarm clock
Shredding
Making beds

Making beds is an art form. The humans have it all wrong, carefully laying the sheets out on the bed all nice and straight and flat. Every husky knows that things in a ball are much more comfortable.

In our house, the manner in which covers are balled up requires us to run at full speed into the bedroom, we then jump at the foot of the bed, then slide toward the head of the bed, taking all covers with us.

But that's only the technique for making an already human made bed. If the human bed making technique is in progress, it is every huskies duty to jump on the bed as the sheets or blankets are being spread, preferably landing under the blankets and sheets so that your body forms a lump. The humans will try to get you to move, but you must make them understand that flat sheets and blankets are not comfortable, so refuse to leave.

Sgt Zim of the Army of Four clearly demonstrates in the picture the proper way to bunch up a fitted sheet.



Fitted sheets are tricky, in that you must wallow, roll, paw, and roll enough to disengage it from the mattress. This technique also provides the husky with a nice little hidey hole (if you can't see the human, you are invisible). If possible, leave as much fur as possible on the inside of the fitted sheet. This will tell other huskies that the bed has been properly made.

The only drawback to this method is that if you stay in the sheet too long, and other huskies are in the house and do not realize that you've already made the bed, you may get jumped on in their attempt to help with the bed making.

Bravo Sgt Zim for creating a perfect bed!

Defeating Barriers



The humans try all sorts of pathetic things to keep us out of places where they don't want us.

From doors (which are USUALLY effective due to our lack of oposable thumbs), to gates, and sometimes even furniture, they throw anything and everything in our path to keep us from investigating, or even going places that are rightfully ours.

This picture was sent to me by Sgt Zim of the Army of Four. The humans were trying to clean the upstairs for guests and didn't want their huskies to "mess it up".



There is the husky rule that states: "If any pre-inspected room has been altered in any way, or if a place is created that has not been inspected by huskies, it must be inspected by huskies and approved for husky use".

Since a pre-inspected room had been altered, it was Zim and Dave's responsibility to inspect, but the humans placed a piece of furniture in their way. Being good huskies, this did not deter them for one second, and a way around (or over) was found, inspection was completed, fur was placed to mark the inspection sites.

I applaude Sgt Zim and Dave's initiative, but I'm also a little confused as to why there were three stuffed things on the barrier. It is my feeling that they should have been shredded and possibly eaten prior to the arrival of the human guests in order to cause even more chaos and a trip to the emergency vet.

I am only assuming that they have a plan for the stuffed things, and total chaos would not be achieved at the time this picture was taken. I do expect a picture of the remains and a description of the chaos it caused once that plan has been put into action.

Friday, July 22, 2005

The Importance of the Hidey Hole



Part of the essential Husky repetoire is finding a good hidey hole.

You find something tasty that you know the humans won't want you to have, you can eat it in plain sight and get caught, or you can escape to your hidey hole where you can eat the tasty thing in peace and quiet. It's also good for keeping the tasty thing from being stolen by your step brothers and sisters.

Not only is a hidey hole good for eating tasty things, but if it's a really good hidey hole, the humans can't find you, and they freak out, which is always fun. Before discovering this hidey hole, the humans ran around the house for a good 10 minutes calling my name, accusing each other of leaving a door open, and calling each other bad names. I just sat and enjoyed the show.



The smaller the hidey hole, the better. I had several hidey holes in the house until the humans decided to remodel. One was in my puppy crate, which had been turned into a toy box.

Another hidey hole was under an end table, that one was great fun because there were some wires and things that hung down the back, and I managed to chew through a whole bunch of them before the humans noticed!

Loki (the gimpy mutant foot yappy puppy) is thin enough (I could get back there too, I'm not fat, I just choose not to go back there) to go behind the couch. He's also springy enough where he waits for the humans to watch the tv, then spring up from behind the couch onto their laps. Scares the crap right out of them.

It's up to you to find the perfect hidey hole, whether its in a closet, under some furniture, behind some furniture, anywhere you can find that will provide you with tasty eating privacy, and maybe a chance to watch the humans freak when they can't find you.

Meeshka Puppy



I just wanted to put the obligatory cute puppy picture up here, because dang! I was such a cute little puppy.



 Not that I'm not cute now, but you can clearly see why the humans picked me:

Cute and fluffy
Innocent
Beguiling eyes

Little did they know, and little did I know that instead of being catered to, pampered, and spoiled on the show circuit, I was destined to be cooped up in a house with three gimpy huskies with all of my daily responsibilities. I should be eating room service in a 4 star hotel.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Stupid Human Tricks


Ok, this is the last straw.

I was laying on the bed waiting for our usual bed-time treats, except the humans were lollygagging and not coming to bed. So I continued to wait there patiently (sorta) until the human woman walked in, proceeded to cover me completely with the blanket until only my head peeked through.



I'd like to point out that I'm a husky, I'm already cute and fluffy, I don't need a comforter!

That was bad enough, but then the human woman comes in AND TAKES MY PICTURE! You can see the look of disgust on my face, they're so simple I just don't see how they can function.

I know I'm not the only one that suffers these humiliations. If you have been horribly embarrassed like this, dressed up, mortified in front of your subordinates, and made to look like a fool, send my your pictures. Yes, all of us will laugh at you, but we'll also learn how to avoid these situations in the future. Your embarrassment may help another husky.

Send your embarrassing pics to:
meeshkaworld@gmail.com

Let me know its ok to post them on my blog, for educational purposes.

Incredibly embarrassed:
Meeshka

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Husky Instruction #1: The Proper Way to Take Over a Couch



This picture clearly depicts the proper method for taking over an entire couch.

Gather your forces, find your spot, and sprawl. It's essential that you take up every inch of space, otherwise the humans will try to squeeze into a spot.



You'll notice how I have to spread out in order to cover my assigned area, as Nova and Sam are shirking their couch cover responsibilities by curling up.

If you don't have adequate forces, then you'll need to move ALL of your toys and chewbones into the vacant spaces.

Another helpful Meeshka tip of the day

Ratted out to the enemy

It has come to my attention that my human has ratted me out to her "support" group, and they are, as I type, plotting and planning more evil ways to control us!

A few brave souls have managed to communicate their tales of horror to me when their human wasn't looking.

Poor Pretty Princess Sasha Sue writes that her efforts to provide her humans with some much needed structure and a reasonable schedule (namely attending to poor Sasha Sue's needs) is met with lame excuses for their laziness! I also wanted to take a moment to wish Sasha Sue the best of luck in the Furniture Olympics. I only hope her humans will allow her to continue her practice sessions.

I was simply aghast when Keema wrote in to tell me of a fiendish plot used by her human after a rightful and successful escape:

Keema writes:
"Well, I got out once and mom realized there was no way she was going to catch me. So....she flagged a car down (since she was too far away from Joe's house to go back and get her car) and told the people what was going on. The guy told mom to hop in and I turned around in time to see mom as she started to get into this car.
WAIT....where is she going for a car ride that I was not.

It was a ploy and as I was trotting closer to the car to go with her, Joe
reached out from behind a bush and tackled me. WHAT!!!! They tricked
me. So be careful everysibe that if you get out and you see your humans
getting into another car, other then your own.....IT IS A TRICK!!!!!"

It's bad enough when they try to catch you on their own, but now they're enlisting complete strangers to keep us on our leash of oppression!

Also, one last note, and its very important. I know that members of the Husky United Liberation Army (HULA) have been secretly posting suggestions to the human list to provide us with more treats, better treatment, and more freedom, but you really have to watch the little button on the computer that says "caps lock". I realize these keyboards aren't meant for our big paws, but the humans now know that HULA agents are posting, and one of the signs are a lot of words in capitol letters. Also, make up a human name, they seem to think that unless there is a name, the information is suspect.

Yours in eventual domination of the world

Meeshka

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Beware of the "rescue" huskies



I just wanted to tell everyone about a recent experience I had. One of my step brothers decided that he wanted to be Alpha in the house.



Yes, the humans are "suppose" to be the alphas, but come on, look how ill equiped they are to handle that job. They cut their food with knives! They use tools to dig holes! They actually come back when the door is opened (which is a good thing actually, since I can't get the food bin open... yet).

Step brothers and sisters, especially those that are "rescued" are a danger to our culture! They come into the home, all thankful and gooey, blabbing about the HORRIBLE conditions they use to live in, and how could I be so ungrateful to the humans that took them in.

They cuddle with the humans and do what the humans tell them to do (most of the time), give paw when told, take up most of my bed and generally inconvenience me.

Sure, they're fun to play with (when I deem it time to play), but I was here first (the old husky doesn't count, he's retired), so its MY house, MY rules and I'M the ALPHA!

So I'm fine when the two step brothers go after it, arguing over stupid things like the water bowl. They know to stand back when I want a drink, so if they want to rip each other to shreds, then that's more food and water for me. But if they bump into me when they're arguing... watch out!

So Loki, the mutant pawed suck up, decided he was in charge, so I had to set him straight and mounted him. Since the unfortunate surgery that ruined my career, I've gained some weight, but I'm not fat! I just happen to weigh a bit more than he does, and pile drove him into the ground, but it's not because I'm fat, he's just scrawny and mutated.

The human male yelled at me! AT ME! Can you believe that? Loki played it up, looked all pathetic squashed underneath me, wagging his tail, sucking up to the human male.

I simply can't understand how they expect me to run this house when they won't let me take charge.

Husky Definitions

The humans speak a whole different language than us. Apparently they feel that our speech is charming and cute, little do they know what our "woooing" means, and I'm not divulging that information here!

I've compiled a short list of words the humans use with me, and my interpretation of these words. Hopefully they will be helpful to my husky readers.

"NO" = wait 5 seconds and try again

"Stop" = wait 5 seconds and try again

"Give" = Chew really fast and swallow

"come"= No idea

"fetch"= usually combined with the human throwing something she apparently didn't want, like I want it?

"heel" = Apparently means "pull back on the leash and choke me when I'm trying to pull you down the road"

"gentle" = chew on the hand but don't leave deep marks

"go outside" = ploy by the humans to go someplace cool without us.

"Wanna go for a ride?" = yes, a cool trip, but to the place where they poke, prod and then clip your nails, avoid this one!

Husky Escape Protocol


As a husky, it is your sworn duty to escape. Not only does it give you a chance to run free, sniff many interesting things, the ability to meet other dogs, but it also can provide hours of entertainment watching your humans do outlandish things to get you back.

Things to look out for once you've made your escape:

1.) human pulling up in a car while you run, opening a door and announcing "go for a ride?"

Don't fall for this one, they'll only take you back to the fenced yard, not to an ice cream store.

2.) Human calling after you to come back.

Come on, if you fall for this one, you aren't a real husky and should be ashamed of yourself.

3.) Human offering a really good treat.

You'll get fed again, pass up the freebie treat because its only a trap to get you within reach.

4.) Human falling down pretending to be injured.

Sure, we don't like to see the human injured (unless we do the injuring, and that's fun), but they're just trying to fool you into coming back to check on them. Keep running!

5.) Human running in the opposite direction.

This is the most cruel ploy. Sure, it's hard to ignore centuries of prey drive, but this is also a trick to get you to change direction so someone else can grab you.

If possible, resist the urge to keep running and find a good place to hide, then watch the human frantically searching, calling, and getting more and more frantic by the minute. I've heard tales of humans climbing over fences, tripping on things, running into things in their frenzy to get a husky back. These are proud moments in husky history and need to be shared to continue our proud tradition!

Most importantly of all, if caught, pretend like you meant that to happen. Make the humans feel as though their dramatics were all for nothing. Look at them with your beautiful eyes, get all fluffy and cute and pretty soon, they'll be praising you and giving you treats.

You should also expect to have your escape hatch closed for at least a week. The humans will be doubly vigilent in containing you. Let them think they've won, wait until their guard is down, then find/create another escape route when they relax again.

Monday, July 18, 2005

The Zen of Siberian Husky

There are probably a lot of you that have no idea what it takes to be a Siberian Husky. I'm sure a lot of you can't help but admire my beauty, my stunning figure, and my cool exterior and want one of your very own.

YOU ARE A FOOL!

Here are the (until updated) 11 principles in the Zen of Siberian Husky

1.) We aren't blue eyed lemmings that do whatever you want us to.

2.) We're incredibly intelligent, and if you leave something within our reach that we want, we shall have it, and we shall destroy it, no matter what it is.

3.) Do we shed? Are you freakin kidding me? We have two coats of fur, we're a literal fur throwing machine.

4.) Want to walk me on the beach without a leash? Sure, you'll see my tail end as I beat it anywhere but where you are, and no amount of pathetic calling will bring me back. I'm a HUSKY, I PULL SLEDS AND RUN FOR A LIVING, are you kidding me, walk? And do you actually think you can catch me? You are very pathetic!

5.) Got a nice yard... give me 10 minutes and you won't. Who needs plants and grass when you can have these lovely deep holes.

6.) Think you can train me to behave? RIIIIIGHT, don't even try. I'll have you locking food up in the microwave for safety, picking hair out of your food with no complaints, curling up into a ball so I can have most of the bed, and bowing to MY schedule.

7.) Fetch? FETCH? Yeah, go get it yourself, and if you wanted it that bad, why did you throw it?

8.) Furniture is made to riccochet on, if you happen to be sitting on it while I bounce off the couch at 90 MPH, perhaps you'll learn not to sit there next time I want to run.

9.) Left a door open? I'm gone, see ya, not coming back.

10.) If you put a fence up, it's just a logical thing to dig under it, or climb over it. I'm a busy husky with places to go, things to see.

11.) Cats and small animals? Yes please, with some gravy if you would be so kind.

All About ME!



So, you're probably wondering who I am. Apparently you aren't very "in the know".



I'm Meeshka, I'm 4 years old and a show quality Siberian Husky (if those meddling humans hadn't had me fixed, I'd be Westminster Best of Show right now).

Likes:
Used Kleenex
Soggy Cardboard
Cardboard boxes
Clawing unsuspecting humans
Torpedoing unsuspecting humans in the eye
Air conditioning vents
Going places

Dislikes:
Riding in the car (makes me sleepy)
Thunderstorms (totally freaks me out)
People touching my feet
Getting brushed
Getting wet (except for mud, I like mud)
Having people walk too close to me when I'm asleep
Other dogs chewing on MY chewbones

I'm very important in this house. I have to wake the humans at 5:30am so they can let me and those other interloper huskies out, then feed us. I make sure the others don't try to steal the food.

At 6am I have to wake those lazy humans up AGAIN so they can fix my kong treat before my nap.

I demand lunch at noon, then dinner at 6pm sharp.
I make sure the other huskies don't get tasty things out of the yard before I get to taste it. If they fight over something tasty, then its up to me to make them stop so I can have the tasty thing.

When it storms, it's up to me to wake all of the humans up by clawing them, then getting them to leave the bedroom for their own safety.

I have other duties, but I'll go into that later, I'm very tired and need to nap.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Dear Meeshka: Crates

Dear Meeshka,

My owner is very upset with me. I'm a young husky and I LOVE ripping things to shreds.
Today I tore up a wonderful couch, it was very squishy, full of foam and I had loads of fun ripping it up while my master was at work. Unfortunately, when she came home and I showed her how hard I worked today, she was not pleased and mentioned something about "shelter" and "bad dog" and some other words I didn't understand, but were probably very bad.

What can I do?

Regards

Couch Shredding Husky

Dear Couch Shredding Husky,

Your master apparently doesn't know a lot about huskies if she's letting you just have the run of the house. Oh yes, there are some huskies that are completely trustworthy in the house alone, but they aren't being very good huskies.

We huskies get bored VERY easily, and we find things to do when we get bored. Shred couches, tear up books, eat cassette tapes, rip back wall to wall carpeting. You name it, I've heard it all (and done it all). Once, as a puppy, I completely obliterated an entire huge cardboard box in about 30 seconds. It was great fun!

It can also be great danger! Power cords, poisons, medicines, even a simple dish cloth can mean peril, surgery, and even DEATH!

I have a crate. It is MY crate. My step-brothers also have crates, and because I'm the alpha of the house, I can go into their crates when I want, but NOBODY dare get into MY crate. I love my crate. My crate is my sanctuary, where I go when I want to get away from it all (meddling step-brothers), or just when I feel like it.

During the day when the humans work, we all wait with anticipation while the human woman makes our kong treats, then rush down the stairs and get in our crates and wait for the treats. We spend about 4 hours at a time (max) in our crates, then we get out for lunch and a romp in the yard, then more kong treats, and another 4 hours until the humans come home from work. Usually we nap in our crates, or chew our kongs.

We're safe in our crates too. If someone would break into the house, we can't escape. If a fire broke out in our house, the firemen know EXACTLY where we are and come straight in and carry us out in our crates (our humans left detailed plans with their neighbors on where we are). We also don't get into trouble in our crates. We can't tear up the furniture, or pee where we want, or hurt ourselves by chewing on things we aren't suppose to chew on.

Some humans think that crates are cruel, but if our humans left us to rip things up, or allowed us to get into things that might kill us, I think that's even crueler. I've heard that a lot of huskies go to the "shelter" because they rip up things in the house. "Shelters" are bad, because there are so many dogs in "shelters" that most of them don't ever find good homes, and they are sent to the Rainbow Bridge before their time, through no fault of their own, mostly because the humans didn't understand that something as simple as crate training would make their dog happier, healthier, and the human happier because they wouldn't have to spend all that money on getting new furniture.

So, Couch Shredding Husky, tell you human to buy a book on huskies, or join a husky list. What you do is perfectly normal for us huskies, and as denning animals, buying you a crate is perfectly normal and acceptable (as long as you aren't left in there for too long during the day), and that a tired husky is a well behaved husky!

regards

Meeshka

This is ME



I am a Siberian Husky.
I am perfect for my size, actually I'm breed standard (thank you very much).
If you think I should be much bigger, you are thinking of a Malamute.
I have one blue eye, and one brown eye, this is normal.
I shed 365 days a year, twice a year I "blow coat" which means I look as though I'm unravelling.
I dig
I run and don't come back when called.
I do what I want, when I want, not when you want.
The air conditioning vents in the house are MINE.
If you throw the ball, then you get off your butt and go get it, that's not my job.



I am PERFECT!