Saturday, August 27, 2005

WHERE'S MY BED??????

Oh, those humans have done it now! That's it, I'm packing my chew bones, kongs, and taking the car and leaving, this is the last straw!

All day today the humans have been sneaking around, at one point they locked us outside for hours while they did devious things in the house.

We all knew something was up, but were not allowed to investigate at all! They even put a bunch of stuff into the upstairs living and gated it off from us so we couldn't investigate it.

If that's not bad enough, OUR BED IS GONE!!!! Oh sure, the humans call it their bed, and those uncomfortable flat things on the floor are suppose to be our beds, but they are delusional.

They took our bed! It's GONE!!! The only thing left in that room are those stupid cushion things and an air mattress. Are they insane? Do they actually expect us to sleep on an air mattress from now on? I don't think so!

Oh, they keep laughing at us and saying a new bed is coming, a better bed, a much bigger bed, but I don't see a bed right now when I need it. How am I to get my beauty sleep?

This is just horrible, I can't believe it! Sigh.

If anyone wants a very cute and fluffy husky, just e-mail me... but you BETTER HAVE A BED!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Distract and Conquer

We just had a lovely case of distract and conquer that required no effort on our part whatsoever.

Food bowls went down, and there's a knock on the door. The human woman goes to answer the door, and Loki, Sam, and I start the race to see who is the fastest eater because Nova has wandered off to help the human woman at the door, leaving his full and tasty food bowl untouched and unguarded!

Loki won, and I'm very disappointed. But on the good side, I heard the human woman tell Loki: "well, you'll certainly get a surprise tonight when that stool softener kicks in".

Note to self: don't touch the old dog's food, there's icky things in it.

Meeshka

Sunday, August 21, 2005

The Art of Skitter


Being the Alpha husky (don't let the humans fool you, they certainly aren't qualified to be Alpha), one of the main tools in your Alpha arsenal is the "Art of Skitter".

You may be wondering why you should skitter. Good question (sigh). As the Alpha, you could simple walk over to the step sibling that has what you want and demand it. If you truly are Alpha, they will give it up, but that's not good enough. You have to be dramatic, dynamic, and flambouyant!

Instead of walking over, start with the low, high pitched keening noise. This is a warning. Those experienced with skittering should simply back away from the object and let you have it.

If they don't, change up to a louder, high pitched wailing noise. This should make the offender pee themselves and hand you the item.

If that doesn't work, then you must change over to a very loud banshee wailing while low crawling at a high rate of speed toward the offender. That gets them every time. They'll run into things in their rush to get away.

Skittering is indeed an art form. Do it wrong and you look really foolish. Do it right, and everything is yours for the taking.

Start out with a good skitter posture.



You need to be laying on your stomach with all 4 feet under you. With a good skitter posture, you don't need to get into position, which means the possibility of losing the tasty item. The offender knows that you're getting into position and could take the tasty item out of skitter range.

The high pitched keening noise is a warning that more is to come. Its easier if they give up quickly, because skittering does take a lot of energy, but it is very impressive. I especially like to do it when I'm laying right under the human woman's desk. You should see her move when I dart from under there.

The skittering prep noise is sometimes confused with the "I want" noise. The skitter noise is more of a "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee", where the "I want" noise (followed by a claw to the bare leg) goes more like "EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrr" She jumps at either one, which could possibly throw off my aim during the "I want noise".

By the way, skittering does NOT work with humans, so don't even try it.

Another helpful Meeshka tip

Friday, August 19, 2005

Question for HULA



Ok everyhusky, we have a real puzzler here.

I received the following e-mail from Thelma (it's a bit long, so be patient), who writes:

Hi Meeshka,
I need some advice here and was hoping you and our other HULA members might be able to help.

I did a silly thing. In typical Siberian style, I showed my superior skills at something my human *wanted* me to do so now she expects me to do it all the time!

Let me explain. First, you need to understand that I am fantastically fast and fleet on my feet. Oh, I know this is a Siberian trait but I am EXCEPTIONAL at it. I am the fastest of all the dogs living here except that silly Alaskan. I mean, really-if you made me half greyhound and called me a fancy name I could go faster too I am sure. But I blow all these other Siberians out of the water. So my human hooked me up in something called a "harness" and attached me on some long leash thingy and then she had the gall to tell me to pull while she went for a joy ride on this big tricycle thing behind me. I mean, I did all the work and she was just laughing and having a good old time. But of course I was wonderful at this and just me and Malibu pulled her all over the trails.



So here is the trouble. The tricycle thing slows me down. Big time. And the human makes me go where she wants, these things called trails, not allowing me to go off the "trails" where the really neat stuff is. So I have staged a few, well let's call them, "Siberian strikes" and decided to not really pull but rather just hang around for the ride. She is not happy. She told me that I have a choice. I either decide to pull along with the rest of the team (that strong Tag always shows me up!) or else I will stay home on race weekends while the team goes off on their sledding adventures. I was fine with the staying home thing until she mentioned, gasp, KENNELS! She is going to put me in one her kennels where those "foster dogs" live!!!

Can you believe it? My fancy tushy sitting on concrete rather than a couch??????? For a whole weekend? Oh sure, they are indoor kennels and heated/air conditioned and filled with shavings with dog houses etc etc. But still, me? In a kennel? For a whole weekend???? What is a girl to do?

So, do I cave and be part of the "team" (I am very good at this, remember-I just prefer to run loose which she will NOT allow ever while we are on those "trails") or do I hold my ground and sleep in a, gasp, kennel, for the winter weekends?

Anxiously awaiting your thoughts,
Thelma
Here is a picture of me and Malibu out on the trails one day. I am the stunning beauty on the right. Little blurred, but what can I say? I am fast!

Dear Thelma,

This is EXACTLY why huskies shouldn't do what the humans want us to do! Sure we're born to run, sure we're born to pull them on things, but that doesn't mean you have to do it if you don't want to. Good for you for going on strike, it still proves that you have some power over the humans. Unfortunately, the consequences of your actions is the KENNEL (egad).

You can delay the kennel for one trip by doing this: PULL, pull like you've never pulled before, and gain the human's trust again. She'll take you on this trip, where you can relax and have fun and spread the HULA word to other huskies... then refuse to pull.

Sure she'll be mad, sure she'll threaten you with all sorts of horrible things, but you at least get one good trip out of it.

When you get back from this trip, she probably won't expect you to pull again, but eventually she will, and then you PULL again! Pull like the best of them, and she'll forget your little stint, think you've learned your lesson, and take you on another trip... where you wear your harness with pride, lay down and take a nap and refuse to move.

You can probably milk this for about three trips (humans are forgetful creatures) before you are banished to the KENNEL.

If any HULA members have any other plots, please let Thelma and I know by e-mailing me at: meeshkaworld@gmail.com

Meeshka
Dominating the world one human at a time

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Psychic Success!



Dear Meeshka,
Dave here, of the Army of Four. Here's a pic of me. You'll note two things: one good, one not-so-good.



The good is the most obvious -- WATERMELON! After a suggestion by a couple bipeds on the Sibernet-L yesterday, we decided we needed to try some. The problem was mom had just cut open two of my other favorites a couple hours earlier == cantaloupe and honeydew. Mmm. But not to worry. Storm, Amber, Zim and I sent a mind-meld message out to the golf course in the direction of our dad. Sure enough, he stopped at the Farmers' Market (out of the blue!) and bought (yeah!) a watermelon. What a success! And what a great treat! I love it!

The not-so-good thing in the picture is the trash can. Recognize it? Yep... thanks to YOUR mom, Meeshka, we also have the $200 Sibe-proof trash can. CATS! This thing is impenetrable! It's like the Ft. Knox of trash cans! How's a Siberian supposed to snag any goodies with THAT thing around? The old one is in the garage; when we go out that way, I'll often stop and give it a nudge -- like a pat on the shoulder of an old friend.

Sometimes I wish your mama would keep her big ideas to herself!

Woooooooooo!
Dave

PS: Did you hear the good news about my biopsy? Woooooooo!

Good work on the melding of minds and getting some tasty watermelon. I'll have to live vicariously through you, as my humans don't love us enough to buy us watermelon (I'm working on that right now).

The trash can is HORRIBLE! There's NOTHING you can do to get into it, absolutely NOTHING!!!! The human woman giggles every time she opens and closes it. We just glare at her.

I also want to send out a hardy CONGRATS ON THE BENIGN BIOPSY DAVE!!!

Dave had a lump in his mouth. After all that nasty surgery to remove some teeth, it grew there, so his humans had it removed. They were very scared that it was something bad, but its not a tooooomer, it's just a lump, perfectly harmless. I'm sure all of that cool watermelon is soothing after such a nasty surgery, and I heard rumors that your pals played tricks on you while you were still groggy. I'd be checking the human camera for evidence!

Meeshka

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Success!!!

Hey every husky!

We've had quite a rousing success with the HULA Operation (HULA, in case you didn't get your handbook stands for "Husky United Liberation Army) codename: "International Huskies be Obediant for no Reason Week", it completely threw off the humans!

Mika and Shadow had their humans so confused that they didn't properly put away grocery items. They report in that peanut power bars are good for stashing in case of emergency, but don't hide them in the couch, that's the first place the humans always look. They were also able to trash some other goodies in the process.

Malkin was able to successfully complete the "distract and steal" of the bed from his human. You would think that once you've done this enough, the humans wouldn't be fooled by it, but no, they fall for it every time. Just this morning I woke the human woman up at 4:30am to "go out", and managed to run back inside (the key is getting Nova the old guy to go out too, he takes a long time getting up the stairs), and completely drape myself on the human woman's side of the bed. Even Sam jumped on, and the human woman had to contort herself around us, because we look so cute and she doesn't like to disturb us.

WAY TO GO MALKIN!

Dave, Zim, Storm, and Amber successfully used the husky mind meld to compel their human to buy, bring home, slice and feed them watermelon! This truly proves the power we have over those simple humans.

Everyone must now concentrate on their favorite foods, and let me know if you get it. I'm sure the humans will report their strange buying behaviors to the others on the spy list in case they won't let you use the computer.

Good luck and happy eating!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Fun with Mud



We had some rain today, it was very nice! The ground has been especially hard lately because of the heat, but today, lots of rain, which means LOTS of mud.

This is an old picture (which explains the snow), but its about how I looked this afternoon after digging a particularly wonderful hole in the mud. The humans (as usual) were not very pleased, but what great fun it was!



I heard the human woman saying that she purchased something called a "dremel" that would "take care of those razor sharp claws of mine". I have no idea what she's talking about. My claws are perfect, perfect for digging craters and mud holes big enough to lay in. I don't understand why she would want to "clip" them at all.

My claws are also great at getting her undivided attention. I simply bounce, bounce, bounce, wooo and claw her leg and she jumps up to do my bidding. If I didn't have my sharp claws, I wouldn't be able to do that, now would I?

Humans are silly

Monday, August 15, 2005

Sad Times For Us

Last week my distant friend Sindari crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

Yesterday my friend Kemo Sabe of Nittany (Kemo for short) passed away as well.

I had the pleasure of meeting Kemo at one of the events that my humans took me too. It was our job to lure the people to the booth and behave (which is tough for us), look pretty (that's easy), so the humans can tell the visitors about our breed (leaving out some very important information, but hey, they try).

Kemo was quite a lady, elegant, refined, and beautiful. She carried herself with confidence and everyone just adored her. She did tricks, but she did them with such a flair, that it was ok that she did tricks. She made them look good.

We all behaved ourselves those three days, but I got to hear some of the Kemo stories, and she was a husky through and through. If you'd like to see a picture of her, go to:Kemo's Picture scroll down toward the bottom, that's Kemo wearing the husky backpack.


The night is a bit darker tonight because such a shining star has dimmed, but she waits for her mistress across the Rainbow Bridge with Sin, Zen, and Crystal (more of my good friends who have passed), and of course Nikki.

God Speed all of you!

A humbled Meeshka

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Meeshka Money



In case you couldn't tell, this isn't real money.



My humans don't have this kind of cash laying around or else I'd have a diamond studded dog collar and a butler to follow me around and do my bidding.

Oh no, this was a staged photo. My human woman thought it would be cute to force me to chew on fake money as a statement about how much it costs to keep huskies. She says that money just flies out the window from our expensive treats, our expensive dog food, and replacing expensive items that we destroy.

Well, duh!

They blame us for the high heating/air conditioning bill, they blame us for the high water bill, they blame us for the high grocery bill (and never give us tasty scraps), they blame us for hair all over (ok, we do have plenty of that, but we're giving creatures and like to share), they blame us for ruining the carpet with our muddy feet (grow some tasty grass and you wouldn't have a mud issue, but leave our holes alone).

So yes, we are expensive, but deservedly so. I don't see a cat thanking you for a tasty dinner by putting its cold wet nose on the bare underside of your arm. When is the last time a gerbil brought you a dead bird? How can a parakeet show its love by throwing itself on you while you sleep?

We're so taken for granted.

Meeshka

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

What's Wrong With This Picture?



I'm sure every husky recognizes the "International Scratch My Belly" pose when they see it.



Do you know how long I had to lay there like this before the human woman even noticed?

WAY TOO LONG, that's how long!

The humans have been obsessing lately about something called "work", which we're lucky enough not to have. A bit scatterbrained, they actually left old guy-guy Nova outside and forgot about him. He was none too pleased about that.

We've been doing our best to focus their attention back to us (the most important part of their lives).

Loki is currently staring intently at the food on human man's plate, I shoved my cold nose on human woman's bare foot. Even old Nova is getting in on the act, with the cold wet nose on the underside of the arm whine whine maneuver.

Oh sure, they play with us, had a rousing game of riccochet bed last night. We get fed, but I still contest that its not enough and not as frequent as we need, but they're still distracted.

Of course, not distracted enough to leave their plates of food unguarded, but enough to not notice my white fluffy belly needing a rub.

I hereby vow that once we've taken over the world, the humans won't have to work because we want their undivided attention and constant bending to our whims.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Mind Games

Ok everyhusky, it's time for "International Huskies be Obediant for no Reason week"!

It's up to you to confound and confuse your masters by doing what you're told, being quiet, and generally napping (which is about the only way for us to stay out of trouble).

Throw them for a loop by coming in when called, they'll be so surprised, expect treats galore!

Be really really quiet and they'll come running to see what you've done... and amazed when you aren't doing anything. Watch the look of disappointment on their faces as well. They actually love it when we rip something up. Talk about it all the time to their friends, trying to outdo each other. "My husky ripped apart my entire book collection... well MY husky ripped apart the complete original works of Picasso!"

Give them nothing to brag about for a week, they'll offer you things to shred after that!

Here's another good one, stare at something for a long time, like a wall. Or, run to the door and act like an ax murderer is standing on the other side. When the humans check it out, walk away like "oh, my mistake, nothing there." Do it again in 10 minutes.

Meeshka

Monday, August 08, 2005

Basic Husky Rule #1

Apparently there is a need to teach the humans some simple, basic husky rules for a more harmonious household.

This need to teach was brought to my attention by the long suffering Indy, who writes:

Meeshka,

My silly humans left out not only my plastic bucket of liver treats, but also a bag of mail and a bag with peices of plastic in it. Of course, I HAD to break the container of liver treats and eat my fill (burp), then I was having so much fun that I had to shred the plastic bags as well. Then my human father got home and was angry at me! Don't these humans every learn? If you leave it out, we will SHRED IT! Huskies HAVE to do that, it's a RULE! Please use your blog to notify humans about this universal Husky law!

Indy

Sigh. Those humans.

Ok, so listen up all you humans (and I know you read this to learn our innermost secrets), here is RULE #1 of huskies:

SHRED! SHRED stands for:

See it
Have to have it
Rip it
Eat it
Destroy it

See, now wasn't that simple? We've already explained that huskies must inspect rooms that were modified, or rooms that were added. Part of that inspection includes SHRED. If it's where it isn't suppose to be...

Call it our way of helping you humans put your stuff where it belongs. Next time (once you've bought a replacement), you'll put it back where its safe, now won't you?

On another note, I just wanted to congratulate Loki for a victory tonight. The human woman made salad with sprinkled shredded cheese on it. Using the distract technique, Sam was able to lure the human women out of the kitchen long enough for Loki to lick all of the cheese from one of the salads.

Way to go Loki and Sam, good husky team work!

Meeshka

A Day to Celebrate



You're probably saying to yourself "That's not a husky", and you are right. That is Sarge, he's an honorary husky, and today he turns 12!



The one good thing you can say about humans is that they sure know how to throw a party, and a very good reason to throw a party is to celebrate a birthday!

My own humans celebrate ours with a special trip to Starbucks, then we all get Frosty Paws ice cream before we go to bed.

Well, today is a special day for a very special "Honorary Husky".

Sarge had some medical problems and he almost didn't get to see 12, but his humans (another good thing you can say for them) took him to get help, and now he'll be celebrating in style today!

According to his human, there will be frisbee and ball playtime (and as a good "honorary husky", he should only bring it back once, then insist the humans go get it), munchy treats like Denta-bones, and Yummy Chummies (which my human is too cheap and lazy to get for us, I envy you Sarge).

Tonight's birthday meal will consist of dog food AND Alaskan Salmon (OOOOH), with the obligatory birthday Frosty Paws for dessert, please watch out for those candles!

Of course it is my humble opinion that we should be getting that menu every day, since every day with us is special.

It is important for us to celebrate our birthdays, and also those of honorary huskies. After all, the more dogs we corrupt... I mean convert to the ways of husky, the better our lives will be!

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Opening Cans

Pretty Princess Sasha Sue has brought up a good topic: How to open cans.

Chewing open the cans is not only time consuming, but bad on our pretty teeth. The metal is also very sharp and can cut us!

Generally, soda and beer cans are very thin, and easily punctured with the canines so that the liquid just squirts right out for the drinking.

My role model and mentor Nakidka (who I never had the opportunity to meet, but I do feel a great bond for), figured out that if the humans bring a really big can full of beer to the house, all you have to do is use your muzzle to press the hose end, and the liquid just streams right into your mouth. You do have to wait for the humans to pump the big can again, but once that's done, there's more beverage for you.

Most food cans in the kitchen are fair game, but they are made of stronger metal, and not easy to puncture. Here's the trick.

1.) Distraction
2.) Conquer

Why go through all the trouble of chewing open a can when you can have a human do it for you. The technique is very simple:

1.) wait until the human has opened a can using one of their pathetic tools.
2.) Knock something over (loudly) in another room. Make sure there is breakage, leakage, and general chaos.
3.) When the human comes to scold you, look really sorry and sad, then slink off. The humans are wired so that they must clean up messes immediately.
4.) While the human is cleaning up the mess, saunter into the kitchen, take the opened can off the counter, and dine happily.

Another variation of this technique is:

1.) Using a step sibling, have them go into another room and scream bloody murder. While the human is figuring out what is wrong, eat the contents of the can. You will have to play the injured the next time a can is opened, it's only fair to swap roles.

Always find ways to make the humans do all the work for you. There's no need to exert yourself.

Medicine is ICKY!

I think it bears repeating the medicine is ICKY!

We all KNOW its icky, because we refuse to take it, and force the humans to put it in tasty cheese, or tasty peanut butter, or tasty food. We will eat around it, spit it back out, but they insist we take it (for our own good), and force it down our throats.

With that, I want to remind every husky that humans usually have something called a "medicine cabinet" where they put all of their icky medicine. The medicine cabinet should be avoided at all costs!

Rowdy posted a good reminder why both chocolate and medicines are bad for us:

"Howdy Meeshka,

Some things to add to your not to eat list. We had company last Christmas and everybody was coming and going getting ready for the day we all get presents. All the humans had left me home by myself and as usual I was looking to see if Mom had left me any treats stashed around the house. She often hides stuff for me to find. Well I found these 2 big pieces of chocolate and peanut butter in a very pretty wrapper. I was very polite and didn't tear up the pretty wrapper to much but ate the chocolate and peanut butter things. The were so good. I went back looking for something more. I found this white bottle and when I shook it, it rattled so I knew there must be something good inside. So I chewed up the bottle to get to the goodies inside. I ate most of them. But by the time my Mom got back home I wasn't feeling very good. When Mom got home, I walked up to her and got sick right in front of her and the the other humans. It was very embarrasing. But I couldn't help it. I did it again several times. Mom started running around the house crying trying to figure out what I had gotten into. She found the pretty wrapper and the what was left of the white bottle. She called my Doctor and took me to see him. She told the Doctor I had eaten 2 Reeses Peanut butter cups and almost a whole bottle of Advil. The Doctor checked me over and said I would have to spend the night. Then they stuck me with this needle thing and left it in my leg and hooked it up to this bag. Mom said it was medicine that would make me feel better. I had to spend the night in this cold cage. The nice lady there said my mom was very worried about me and was calling to make sure I was alright, about every hour. The next morning the Doctor told my Mom that I could come home if someone would be there to watch me all day. In a couple of days I was back to myself and trying to get at all the presents under the tree. Doc said I was lucky and there was no permanent damage, what ever that is. Mom say it was the Advil stuff in the white bottle that made me so sick. I think it was the chocolate and peanut butter things. Now anytime I smell chocolate I turn and go the other way. Anything that make you feel that bad can't be good for you. I don't know how the humans can eat it. If I find it in the house now I take it to the back yard and bury it. I don't want Mom or my human brother to get sick. Sometimes the humans don't know what is best for them.

Rowdy "

The humans should know better than to hide tasty things in their medicine cabinets, because without thinking, we'll get in there and forget that they are bad, and eat them. They should also remember to put things away, because Husky rule #1 states that if there's something there that doesn't belong there, it is OURS.

So, remind your humans not to leave the icky medicine within reach. Give them a good shock by carrying the bottle to them, spit it on the floor, and woo angrily "YOU DON"T LOVE ME!"

Meeshka

Thursday, August 04, 2005

General Complaints

It's too hot here. As a densely fur packed husky, I should be romping in the snow, or partaking in room service at a nice 4 star hotel after winning a dog show, but no, I'm stuck here in the blast furnace of Maryland, land of strange bad tasting bugs.

Keeping my trim figure has been difficult during this hot weather, and the fact that the human woman has put barriers over the tasty cardboard means I'm not getting sufficient exercise through digging. They don't understand that hole digging provides a nice cool spot to lay in.

Tonight I went outside to do "my business" as the humans call it, and Loki attacked me, as usual. He waits near the house until I'm walking toward it, then he attacks, streaking through the yard with his gimpy paw (amazingly fast for a gimpy). I dodge, weave, dash, and he grabs my tail to slow me down.

Have I mentioned how much I hate anyone touching my tail? I do, really hate it. It's a pretty tail, a very fluffy and sensitive tail, and yet this interloper ALWAYS grabs it because he's too slow to drag me down the proper way (by my neck). After he stops me, then he latches onto my neck and tries to throw me down, but he's so puny that I just laugh at him.

Amateurs.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Got Your Feets

I wanted to share the charming game that my human woman plays with me. I'm pretty sure we aren't playing by the same rules, but what can you expect from humans.

Apparently the game is called "Got Your Feets". It usually starts while I'm trying to take a nap on the bed. She wants me to leave her alone when she's on the bed? Well, then stop bothering me with your silly little game.

The human woman will come in, and then proclaim "got your feets" as she tries to touch my very sensitive, dainty, and very clean (freshly washed in a water bowl) feet. The more I pull back, the harder she tries to touch my feet. I'm sometimes forced to fold them under my body to keep her from touching them.

The more I protest, the more she tries to touch them, until finally the game turns into: "Got Your Severed Hand In My Mouth"

Ok, I don't try to rip her hand off (on purpose), it's just my way of keeping the hand from touching my dainty, pretty feet. Sometimes I do forget that the human woman doesn't have the protective layers of fur that my step brothers have, and I have left a few marks, but they were entirely by mistake... her mistake when she tries to escape the husky teeth of doom.

Today she tried to poison me with that frou frou carpet shaker powder. Maybe tonight I'll play a game with the human woman that I heard someone on the tv play. It's called "Got Your Nose". I'm not exactly sure how its played, or where exactly I can hide the nose where the step brothers won't get it. But the humans on the tv seemed to enjoy it a lot.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Sam Sits



This is me and my dysfunctional step brother Sam who is sitting on me.



Sam sits... on everything.
People
Dogs
Toys
Food bowls
Water Dishes

He's got bad hips, so the humans took him away for a few days and he came back all stinky and groggy. For 10 weeks (yes, 10 WEEKS) I wasn't allowed to torture him, hit him, throw him down, NOTHING. I did make fun of the stupid haircut he got, one leg shaved like a poodle. I called him Mr. Fancy Pants, he didn't like that.

The humans explained that he got a new hip, a bionic hip. Silly humans, that was just a tv show, but Sam (because he's a guy) actually believed that, so now he throws it in our faces all the time... literally.

He sits on you. Overpowers you with his steel hip. The picture is of me, being sat on by Sam, who is also gloating about his hip, the powerful hip of steel. Yeah, right, duh.

After 10 weeks I ran him down, threw him to the ground and drug him through mud. Compliments of the powerful Meeshka, no bionic hip required.