Thursday, November 30, 2006

Prepare for the Day

HULA operatives!

I will be reporting soon on a very important training mission that will determine our readiness to take over the world. Please stand by for this most important announcement in the next day or two.

In the meantime, I've receive a covert report from Agent 00K9 on training activities underway:

Dear Queen Meeshka, With great pleasure, I have covertly been contributing to your plan of overthrowing the human world. Since I last checked in with you, oh mighty leader, I have stolen another sandwich left unguarded, escaped a few times out the front door when unsuspecting humans visited my home and best of all on one of those escapes I chased the neighbors cat. Yes! It was fantastic. How dare that feline patrol my front yard. It was imperative that I set it straight. I allowed the feline to escape as it was much more pleasurable to listen to the humans scream in fear of its life. You would have enjoyed the sight of my human woman jumping up and down in her pink fuzzy housecoat as I chased that cat across the street and up the fence. I’ve laughed for months during my incarceration. Yes, it’s true. The human woman has been containing me during visits of other humans; just in case I decided to show them how easy it is to manipulate them. Back to the topic at hand, play fighting. Normally I am viscous in my relentless attempts to bring down the other gimpy dogs. I always attack at the throat bringing them down in the Caribou style. But I have decided that I must confuse the humans in this war. I must stay a step ahead of them in my pursuit of freedom and power for all huskies. The human woman brought home yet another dog that she calls a rescue. This one is a malamute puppy, a small whiny little thing that supposedly has a genetic defect and won’t become taller than me. There is no challenge in bringing that little runt down. But I watch carefully for the times that she brings out that camera thingy. As soon as it appears I confuse the humans by acting as if I am innocent. I have attached a picture of my innocent looking self with the runt. Little do they know that as soon as their backs are turned I slam it down and make it whine. It’s great fun. Human steps out, I look innocent and sweet.


Door shuts, I slam the little booger and the human steps out and yells at the other dogs!
Got to love it.


Keep up the fight,

Agent OOK9

Monday, November 27, 2006

How We "Play"

Fu-Fu asked if the humans play with us. Well, they do, but its kind of a long story (which I'll interupt here to say that the human woman bought MORE sleepy pants today).

Unlike most dogs, we huskies are always plotting, planning, scheming, and thinking. We don't have time for "play" like other dogs who aren't trying to take over the world. We have devious things we want to do, so while we do "play" its actually covert training for our master plan.

For instance, some dogs like to play "tug o' war". Huskies will humor the humans for a bit, but generally we feel that if we want something, we'll just take it. There's no need to tug and fight over something with the humans, when eventually they'll go off and do something else, and we'll go steal a pot roast from a counter.

Some dogs play "fetch". Huskies feel that if the human didn't want the ball, they shouldn't have thrown it, and if they want it back, they can just walk over and get it themselves. Sure we may chase after the ball while its rolling, but that's part of our covert training to track down and kill small woodland creatures.

Here are some training techniques that are disguised as "games" that huskies will play:
  • Gut the squeeky toy (bonus points for fastest times)
  • Riccochet bed (leaping off and on the bed, using it as a springboard)
  • Dig to China or freedom (whichever comes first)
  • Sink Sucking (the humans leave so much good tasty things on their plates)
  • Important Paper Shred (if its put up somewhere, it must be important)
  • Cushy Hoarding (gather as many cloth items as possible and lay on it)
  • Drop Kong on Bare Feet
  • Wolf vs Caribou
Wolf vs Caribou is a very important training tool. In our case, we play Wolf vs Annoying Caribou. One husky is the wolf, the other husky is the caribou. In our case, Sam and I are the wolves, and Loki is the annoying caribou. The object of this game is to stalk, chase, drag down, and savage the annoying caribou. Per the human woman's rule, we can't savage him so much that he squeeks, so we'll give her that one, but sometimes its just too easy to get carried away with the game and we forget the rule.

So, the question was: "Do the humans play with us", and the answer is: sorta.
We like an audience when we do our training, so they are usually standing around watching us and saying things like "oh, look at them play, they're so happy". Meanwhile we're thinking "hehehe, we have them so fooled, we're on a training mission"

Meeshka
(Commander, HULA Forces)

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Odds (no, not the gimpies) and Ends

The humans have been home for four whole days and frankly I'm sick of them being around. The human woman mentioned something about going back to work tomorrow (complaining as usual), and frankly, I need some peace and quiet.

To answer some questions left as comments:

The humans are too paranoid to give us our own dog door. We'd probably never come back inside, unless it was to get our bed time treats and to hog the bed. They feel that left to our own devices, we would just do evil in the yard, and would have dug under the fence (despite their devious attempts with concrete and chicken wire) while they slept. They control us with a tight leash, which is why we fight the leash of oppression.

The stick pile continues to dwindle away. Sometimes I think she just re-arranges it into interesting shapes to make it look smaller, but I do suspect she's stealing valuable and tasty limbs and doing something with them.

You have it lucky Zim. When I come in from the rain and get into bed, the human woman just complains about the wet sand I leave behind and contorts herself into some kind of position to get any bit of the bed. Loki tells her off when she tries to encroach on any of his half of the bed, and I heave a huge SIGH when she bothers my sleep. She can't go sleep on the couch because they cut it in half and moved half upstairs, which isn't big enough for her to lay on. She does sometimes go into the guest room to sleep on the hard normal bed, but that was during storms, and that was before she started putting a t-shirt on me.

Kelsey and Smokey, you really have to train harder in your anticipation of human food falling skills! You both should have been on that pumpkin pie the very second it hit that floor to clean it up. The key is being underfoot all the time, whether you are laying right in front of the fridge or oven (watch out for the oven, the falling things are very hot), or walking slowly beside the food carrying human, you have to be right there for the action. Sometimes bumping into the food carrying human creates great results as well, but be sure to "yip" in pain to make the human think that they stepped on you and caused the spill, not the other way around.

Just a few helpful tips from Meeshka

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Humans Don't Like Help

Apparently humans don't like help.

For instance, the human woman was out early this morning (no, not in sleepy pants, although that is surprising) re-arranging our wood pile again. Just when we get the wood pile where we want it... in a not so pile, strewn throughout the yard actually, bits and pieces all over the place, she goes out and messes with our system.

We had tasty bits of sticks in one area, the fun to climb on big chunks in another area, and little tiny branches all over. We liked our system, and she ruined it.

So, we see her gathering the twigs and branches again and we tried to help. Ok, so Loki and Sam got into it trying to move the same branch, but they were just trash talking... there were no injuries (that wouldn't heal over time). I was doing my best to watch her with the branch cutters. Those things are pretty cool, but I could have done the same thing with my teeth. It still amuses me that humans have to go buy tools that let them do what comes naturally to us.

She kept yelling at me to get back. How on earth was I suppose to learn the tool if I can't watch while standing on the limb she's going to cut. I helped her with the twine. It was apparent that she wanted the whole spindle thing unwound, so I grabbed an end. Apparently that wasn't her plan. While she was chasing me, Sam peed on the rest of the twine.

It was at that point that she decided that we needed to go inside, so we couldn't help her anymore. We instead decided to jump on sickly human man, because he couldn't let us out (the human woman announced to him that he couldn't) so we pretty much tortured him for a good hour until we could go out again.

Sigh... there was the stick pile, even more smaller than before. The sticks keep disappearing, and we suspect that they get thrown over the fence where all of the dead things go.

The human woman has been hard at work implementing my howliday card ideas. I especially like my new one. Human language is silly sometimes, they have a different word for everything, and depending on where you come from on the earth, there's different words for the same thing.
So, here's the latest howliday card for your viewing pleasure:
Merry Whatever

Meeshka
(Queen of the dwindling stick pile)

Friday, November 24, 2006

What's a Husky To Do?

I wanted to clarify something that the human woman has been spreading around. She claims that I wake her up every morning JUST to steal her spot on the bed. She's so delusional. After all, I have her trained to scooch over to the very middle of the bed to allow me enough room for my fluffiness. Why on earth would I wake her up to take what I already have.

No, you see, the human woman is very lazy. If I let her, she'd sleep all day and all night. In the mornings, I actually let her get a small nap in after she gets up in the early morning to feed us, so I don't know what she has to complain about.

The reason I wake her up in the mornings, and then immediately take her spot on the bed is so she doesn't crawl BACK into bed and then its even harder to get her up again. She thinks I'm doing it to steal her spot, when in fact I'm doing her a favor and making sure she gets up to do the things she needs to do in the house, like feed me kleenex, and scratch my belly, and give me cool water, and take me out, let me in, take me out, let me in, take me out, etc.

So, just wanted to clear that up.

Today she was gone ALL DAY doing something for homeless northern breed potential HULA dogs. We stayed home with the human man, but he was very sick today. Barely got out of bed, but somehow found the strength to get up and feed us our lunch (he better had, sick or not, we need lunch). When she got home a HALF HOUR AFTER OUR NORMAL FEEDING TIME, we were very demanding. Something about that turkey that makes you crave it on a regular schedule. She made up to us for being gone all day and gave us an extra helping in our food, which we thanked her for with a claw.

I'm sure after being gone all day she'll want to go to bed early. That means (sigh) I'll have to work really hard at getting her up tomorrow.

Meeshka
(my work is never done)

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Turkey Day Everyhusky (and dog and doglet and Fu-Fu)

The human woman will claim that she spent the whole day slaving in front of a hot stove, but don’t let her fool you. She spent most of the time on the powerbook, so I wasn’t able to blog this morning.

The humans have gorged themselves silly on turkey and other things. We were given just a paltry thin slice of the tasty meat. I got so excited that I reared up to wave my paws with excitement, slipped on the tile floor and bonked my chin hard. The humans, at least, were very concerned about my well-being and didn’t laugh. My chin felt much better with the tasty turkey morsel, but it wasn’t nearly enough for healing purposes. We got a little bit more after they ate, but still, not enough to appease us. Rumor has it that dinner will be very tasty tonight, so I’m counting the minutes until dinner time for us.

Its oogie rainy and cold here again, so no sitting on my new throne. I’ve only been outside 2 times today, I’m trying to hold it so I don’t have to go out there. I’m like a sponge in the rain, and then I have to endure the horrible “rough towel” when I come in. I tend to wait until the human woman is leaning over me, then I shake. She loves that.

Oh, by the way, the human woman didn’t want to admit this on the blog, but she’s so pathetic that last night she realized that she had been wearing her sleepy pants inside out all day. Heaven forbid that anyone in the house (us) should notice something embarrassing. The next thing you know she’ll be wearing them out to stores and stuff, not just going out in them to check the mail. Apparently her human friend V in North Carolina says that wearing sleeping pants is ok to wear out to the store down there.

I’ve never lived in North Carolina, but old guy-guy Nova did, and he told me that its not too bad down there, but they hardly got any snow, so I don’t think I want to live there. If I can’t play in snow... wait a minute, we rarely get any here... so what’s the difference?

Ok, I think I’ll go take a nap now which will make the hours and hours until turkey dinner time go faster.

Meeshka
(more turkey please, my chin hurts)

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Stick Pile Update


So, you may be wondering why I'm lounging and pouting under an end table. I thought you'd never ask!

The human woman has been working hard to organize our stick pile, and doing a great job. She's got a pile of small, tasty, easy to chew and break sticks in one pile. There is the fun to climb on large limb pile, and she has uncovered my own personal throne, which is the stump of a tree. I love sitting on that stump. I would show you a picture, but I'm too busy pouting.

You see, its raining out. For those of you who don't know me (shame on you), I don't like the rain. The rain makes me less fluffy. Its wet. I don't like my delicate and tiny feet to get wet, and I don't like it when I'm not to my full fluffiness when I'm wet. Therefore, I'm pouting under the end table.

There has been some misunderstanding with my new tree stump throne, and that is that Loki thinks its HIS throne. He is sadly mistaken, and I've had to chase him off of it a few times with my skitter/screech approach. He just laughs and bounces away. That boy just doesn't know when to take things seriously. I had to chase him around the yard the other day because he barked, and barked, and barked at Sam until I couldn't stand it any longer and was forced to chase him. He made the mistake of getting cornered near the shed. You would think he would learn after that, but no. The moment I taught him a lesson, he just runs right back and attacks me. He's not very bright.

Word of warning to everyhusky (and dog) some moron by the name of Justin is posting comments with a link on a lot of blogs. He left one on mine, but the A04 warned me about him. Apparently if you click on the link it takes you to fur-less and clothes-less humans, and also downloads viruses to your computer. If you see a comment from some idiot named Justin, don't click on the link. Report his butt to blogger (I doubt they'd do anything, they're too busy keeping the old blogger up with duct tape) and maybe we can get him booted. I just wouldn't click on ANY comment links from now on, so don't bother leaving any, or clicking any of them.

Meeshka
(stop the rain so I can sit on my new throne!)

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Look at Our Fun New Gift!

Today started out to be a very boring day. The human woman left for a while, came back smelling like a pet cemetery, the human man stayed home, but he was reading stupid books and didn't pay us much attention. That's fine, because normally sunday is sleep day, but still.

Human woman gets home, and then there's a knock on the door! OOH, was it the guy that brings the good smelling boxes that the humans don't share with us?
No
Was it the guy that brings the little white boxes of good smelling stuff that the humans don't share with us?
No
It was some guy, and for some reason because that guy was around, we couldn't go outside. Then there was a whole bunch of noise out back, and we wanted to go investigate the noise, but the humans wouldn't let us... but I snuck a peek in the kitchen window, and it was the guy in the tree!

After what seemed like forever, the guy in the tree finally left, and the human woman let us outside, and this is what we found:

Look at what the tree limb fairy left for us! There is an absolutely HUGE pile of limbs in our yard, just for us! We sniffed the limbs, and tried to climb into the limbs (the human woman yelled at us) and played keep away around the limbs, and generally tried to be helpful, but the human woman wasn't having any of that.

Apparently all of these limbs came from our trees, and apparently one of the trees is actually laying on the ground now. They got a good deal from the guy cutting down the limbs and trees, and part of that deal was that we have to clean up the limbs! We'll have limbs to chew on for a looooong time! Maybe some woodland creatures will move into the limbs and we can eat them. The human woman managed to cut up and bag some of the limbs, but she thinks it may take her a long time to do it, but we'll be out there to help her too, so it'll be no time before we have those pesky limbs all piled up neatly. We'll have so much fun with our new obstacle course!

Meeshka
(Just LOOK at those limbs!)

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Wooo!

WOOO!
Wooo woooooooooo

Wooooo, sniff, woowooooooooooo

Woooo wowowow!

Woooo? WOOOOOO!

Dog Translation:
BARK!

Bark, bark, bark, yip

Bark, sniff, barkbarkbarkbarkbark

Bark yip!

Bark? bark bark!

Meeshka
(let the humans figure out that one!)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Who Ordered This Crappy Weather?

As most of you on the East Coast know, we had some really crappy weather today. Its November... it should be snowing, but what do we have? Torrential downpours, wind, and THUNDER. Oh yeah, so you know what that means, right...

Yep, the shirt. Unbelievable. The human woman has just sucked the life blood from me, taken away the very claw I live by, no more fun, no more making her run from me... she gets out the shirt at the first crack of thunder and renders me harmless. There is no joy in Meeshkaworld.

On top of that, I've been getting some pretty irate comments and even e-mails from dogs blaming me for their humans reading our innermost thoughts and secrets here on Meeshkaworld, and using it to their advantage. Um... hello? Did I not tell everyhusky (and dog) that this was PRIVATE for us only? Why are you allowing your humans to read our secret HULA plotting and planning? I tell you these things so that you can be aware of them, and plot tactics to get out of shirts, stop the non-stinky things, and get good food from them! I don't post them so they can read it and thwart our attempts to take over the world.

For instance, I get this e-mail from Sasha:

So, OK, I don't like rain. Big deal. It gets my nice coat wet and soggy, and it's noisy, and I don't like it. So the human woman apparently heard about some magic cure for not liking rain from Meeshka's human woman.
Why do we let them talk? So she comes down with a tee shirt. And then she put it on ME!! I don't wear tshirts.

Then, just in case things aren't bad enough, she takes my picture. Look how stupid I look.
Once I"m done pouting (and the rain's over) I'll think of some good way to get her back. If anyone has any suggestions, please post them to Meeshka's blog. I'll read it, even though I'm not talking to Meeshka. She's the one that got me into this mess in the first place.
Sasha, in a stupid shirt.

Can you believe that?? She's blaming ME for her wearing a shirt! Well Sasha, if you kept the blog hidden from your human (like all of you should be doing) then you wouldn't HAVE to wear a stupid t-shirt! So don't be blaming me when all of your humans buy stupid trash cans, non-stinky spray and put you in t-shirts!

Meeshka
(try to help huskies out and they turn on you... no good breed goes unpunished. harumpf!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

It Doesn't Stink

Since there has been a lot of hoopla and concern over this new miracle liquid the human woman has purchased, I thought I’d clarify a few things.

It has NO smell! No smell at all! Its completely odorless! No frou-frou smell, no fake flower smell, no fake piney smell... nothing. Its as if nobody had been there at all!

Everyone must block the following website: zero odor

It is EVIL! EVIL I TELL YOU!

Some also wondered about the special guest post from Sasha. Sasha has posted before on my blog, and other have as well, when they have something important to say. Sasha, Ray, and Isis worked very hard at driving their human man insane last night while their human woman went out to some foul store to buy things. I only felt that their accomplishments showed what potential we all have to drive our humans insane. I plan on continuing “Drive your humans insane week” tonight with something annoying, just haven’t figure out what yet. I prefer to work spur of the moment, whereas the gimpy mutatoe plots and schemes and plans and then gleefully brags about his exploits. Yes, he’s fine after his award winning puke on the area rug and mole killing. He made a desperate attempt at attention when he stole something off the bedroom end table and then guarded it.

I’ll never understand him. He steals and hoards. Doesn’t chew it up, doesn’t destroy it, just hoards. When he first came here, he’d steal every towel, blanket, pillow, or dirty piece of clothing, pile it up and lay on it. Sam, at least, use to drag the sheets into his crate and suck on them back when we were crated in the bedroom. he also managed to shred a down comforter by dragging it into his crate and sucking on that. It looked like it snowed in the bedroom. Human woman was not pleased, as apparently its very difficult to sew a sucked on, ripped down comforter without spewing feathers all over.

Oh, another thing, the human woman raked some leaves into a pile for the mutatoe. He LOVES laying in leaf piles. Makes him feel very important or something. The odd thing is... he pees on the leaf pile, then lays in the leaves. Ok, euw.

One last note... Holly.... don’t eat the bowl, just carry it around wherever the humans go and throw it ON their bare feet. If that fails, push button phones don’t require opposable thumbs, so dial your local SPCA and report this “diet” crap to them. I’m sure they’ll pick you up and feed you.

Meeshka

Monday, November 13, 2006

Drive the Humans Insane Week Kicks Off!


Hey, it's Sasha.

Meeshka forgot to tell everyone about Drive the Humans Insane Week, so I guess it's up to me.

We had a great start to the week.
We howled through dinner (they had meatloaf, we wanted some) In between howls, we clawed and poked with ice cube noses.
So they fed us.
Isis, in a daring display of Drive the Humans Insaneness, jumped up on the bench at the kitchen table and started helping herself to leftovers.
However, she didn't share any with me, so I'm not so happy about that.

Then we had to go out, but it was RAINING. So I peed right outside the door, so the human man couldn't close it and leave us out there for hours and hours in the pouring rain.
Then Ray peed ON the open door, so he REALLY couldn't close it.
So we ran back in.
Ray must've forgot he had to poop, so he decided to do it right in the dining room! And a LOT, and smelly. Way to go, Ray. Cause, really, who's gonna hollar at a creaky blind dog?

SO that's how we started Drive The Humans Insane Week. We're still plotting out the rest of the week's festivities.

Claws and Regards

Sasha

This is Human Woman War

So after Loki's amazing horka in the kitchen (just to clarify, he managed a 10 point horka on the hard to wash throw rug, mere inches from the easy to clean linoleum), a box arrived at the house today. We don't know who leaves these boxes, but if we find them, we shall claw them.

Did the box have tasty husky cookies or treats in there?
No

Did the box have squeeky toys in there?
No

The human woman literally giggled with glee when she opened it... some stupid containers of liquid. The label says (yes, we can read) Zero Odor.

My first guess was that with all the crap the humans bathe in, wash their fur in, clean their clothes with, and rub under their arms (I will never figure that out), that even they were nauseated by the smell of all of these things, and she had bought something to neutralize their smells. Perhaps something in a doggy fragrance.

Oh no. She didn't buy it for them, even though they really need it. She bought it "for" us. Why? I don't know, its not like we asked for it.

So, she tried it out. Typically when she buys things she sees on tv (which is rare, I have to admit, she doesn't fall for too much), she tries it, mutters in disgust, and throws it out.

She read directions, she sprayed, she sniffed, she seemed happy. Hmmm, ok, so I had to go sniff too. OUR SMELLS ARE GONE! Once again we've spent an inordinate amount of time making sure our smells permeate the entire house... and now they're gone! She sprayed the part of the sofa we like to "mark" because its OURS, and its gone, our smells are gone!

ALL GONE!!!!

She had the gall to read the label to me, where it said that you can spray it right on kitty litter (hmmm, maybe its like a salad dressing of sorts) and it removes the odor! She said that they even claim it'll totally kill skunk odor. Well, I tell you what, I'm going out to look for one right now, and I'll show her that it doesn't work so she'll throw that crap right out.

She's been spritzing all night. It claims to remove stains (yeah, right, I'll leave a nice stain and see what it can do).

So everyhusky, and dog... the human woman will soon be bragging about the joys of Zero Odor to all of her human friends (Army of Four, watch out, I'm sure your human woman whose brain is connected to my human woman, will get a box soon), and pretty soon our houses will smell like NOTHING. How boring is that?

Meeshka
(she comes at me with the spray bottle, she's losing an appendage)

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Let's Get Ready To Rumble!

Ok, so when I gave the call to arms to everydog to drive their humans insane, I sat down and had a long, slow talk with Sam and Loki (I have to talk slow, they're a bit dense), explaining that we have to kick up our natural tendencies to be annoying to teach the human woman who is boss.

Well, apparently Loki either didn't understand, or has taken it upon himself to best me in annoying. We've all done our fair share of begging, looking cute and fluffy and hungry while they eat. I've clawed and pranced and woo'd. I've even managed to get the human woman to share her tasty, buttery Costco croissant with me... even the human man shared. Our bothering them has been a great success.

Today, since its raining, I went out and dug in the mud, we all got wet, and that should have been sufficient annoying for one day... oh no.

Gimpy suckup mutatoe goes outside in the rain to get all muddy, while we're inside napping, getting the jump on annoying. Then he has the gall to carry in a dead mole and plop it in his cage! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? He's showing off now! I even heard the human woman say that he is the most evil. THE MOST!!! I'm suppose to be the MOST evil! This is MY house, and I say that I'm the MOST evil husky here!

I can't believe that. I don't know whether to show him up, or throw him to the floor and chew on him.

harumph!

Meeshka
(I will not be bested by a gimpy)

OOOH, that little gimpy! He just hurled up all of his food in the kitchen. He's just sucking the attention right away from me! I'm sure his hurling had something to do with drinking muddy rain water and getting the mole. He's so annoying.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Tip # 584 On How To Drive The Humans Insane

Apparently the best thing to do, is do nothing.

We're just laying around after a rough day in the yard, and suddenly both humans come bolting out of their chairs and racing for the stairs. The human man peels off and runs for the bedroom.

We woke up and were like "WHAT?"

Apparently they heard one of the yippy neighbor dogs whining and thought one of us was in pain or something. They were running around because they couldn't remember if we were outside or not (gee... that's nice, guess I need to claw more).

They were so relieved that we were fine, they hugged and petted us. For nothing. All we were doing was napping.

The humans get stranger and stranger every day.

Meeshka
(Hey, I didn't do anything, how about a cookie?)

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Tip #583 On How To Drive The Human Woman Insane

We behaved for one day... sorta. Sometimes you have to take a day or two off to throw them for a loop. If you behave badly every day, they expect something weird. You have to surprise them.

Sam managed to hurt his front leg. In case you didn't know, on top of having one bionic hip, one bad hip, Sam also has one front leg shorter than the other. He's a mess, and that's why he cops a tude all that time. He's cute, he's lopsided, he runs funny, he's a gimpy. Not quite sure what he did to it, for all I know he may be limping for attention. of course its really hard to tell that he's limping, since he's lopsided to begin with, but the human woman is sure he's limping, so he's getting ALL sorts of attention.

Which is what brings me to the title of this blog post... here's another fine example of making the human woman scream and get you all sorts of attention:

Yes, its the ol chew on a really sharp knife trick!
Hey, I didn't get it out of the sink where someone left it right close to the edge where Loki could easily reach it. I just happened to take it away from him and chew most of the handle off. I didn't swallow it, I'm not stupid, but it was good for removing some of that pesky tartar from my back molars.

You should have seen the look on the human woman's face when she saw me chewing on that! She was so concerned that I had cut my legs while holding it to chew on, that she didn't even yell at me! She just checked my legs (the fluffiness keeps me safe), and then gave me a hug of relief that I wasn't bleeding all over the place.

So, lesson learned: chew on a steak knife... get praised and hugged. Gosh I love humans, they make no sense at all.

Meeshka
(the plastic was very tasty)

Monday, November 06, 2006

Gotta Hand It To The Mutatoe


DSC01753.JPG
Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema.
Although he is annoying, sometimes I have to hand it to the Mutatoe for coming up with unique ways to drive the human woman insane.

Take today for instance. Our morning routine pretty much goes like this:
We claw the human woman awake and demand to go outside. We do our business, and then demand to come inside and be served our breakfast.

After the human woman wastes water in the shower thing, Mutatoe demands to be let outside again (he hoardes water and has the bladder of a flea). Bionic hip Sammy usually goes out with him. I like to stay inside for some early morning clawing and annoying.

After the kong bone treats are prepared (I supervise to make sure she isn’t skimping on the treats), she will let the gimpy boys back inside. Normally they’re in a hurry to get inside so they can get their kong, but this morning, Loki noticed that the human woman was wearing a white shirt. I’m sure you know where this is going.

Yes, Loki decided that he saw a horrible predator in the back of the yard, so he ran back there to attack it. Despite the calls from the human woman, he refused to come inside, and actually yapped at her to come look at the predator. She couldn’t refuse his bouncing and pointing, and actually walked outside to see what he was looking at. When she was half-way in the yard (the point of no escape), he tore after her and leapt onto her, making sure to smack her with his well dirtied mutatoe sponge-like paw, then ran to the back door looking cute and ready to go inside.

Oh yeah, we all laughed and laughed when she walked in, muttering about the dirt on her sleeve, but what she didn’t realize was that she had two very large mutatoe foot prints on her back. Apparently a co-worker pointed that out to her, AFTER she walked through the busy halls at work, no doubt being laughed at behind her back. What made it even funnier was that she tried to use a brown paper towel to wipe the mud off, and it just made things even worse.

So, what have you done today to make your human foolish?

Meeshka
(plotting for tomorrow)

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Blatent Marketing Ploy Alert

Ok, here’s a blatant marketing ploy to get your humans to go out and get some REAL husky howliday cards. Don’t let them buy those crappy, smarmy cards that show us all cute, fluffy, and without claws.

Get them to go take a look at these howliday cards. I particular like “The Nutcracker Suite, Husky Style”... I’m the inspiration for that one ☺

Ok, get their wallets and go to:
gimpydogs howliday cards

Keep up the good work


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Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema.
We've had some great reports of begging, being annoying and clawing lately. I'm very proud of our Husky United Liberation Army (HULA) members. Sorry I haven't posted in a day or two, but I've had to keep on the human woman so she actually learns who is boss. She forgets things very easy, and she's incapable of keeping her stupid bed inflated.

Apparently the cause of the leak wasn't the mattress, or the pump, no it was one of the air tubes leading to the mattress. So all of that, and all she had to do was removed one of the stupid air hose extensions. I had to suffer on a deflated bed more times than I can count, all because she's a moron.

I've successfully clawed my way to staying outside in the cool air for long periods of time, where I plot and plan my next adventure while I nap. Loki had a wonderful fence hole dug, then had to scream and yell and throw a fit when Sam and I tried to help. Of course, here comes the human woman to cover it up again.

The mutatoe also had a mental breakdown yesterday when his purple, stinky no longer squeeky ball somehow ended up downstairs where he couldn't get it (I'm not saying who moved it). You should have heard the fit he pitched trying to get at it. Like a little husky girl crying.

There was some excitement in the yard today as gazillions of black birds descended upon our trees and screamed at us. They refused to come down and play though, all they did was scream, poop, and annoy me.

Tonight I plan on doing some leg clawing, claw torpedoing (very effective in removing the human woman from her chair), and perhaps even some woo'ing and stomping of my delicate, tiny feet.

Meeshka
(come down you stupid birds!)

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Its Worse Than I Thought!

All right everyhusky, including the honorary dachsie huskies, the doglet husky, and the Copper husky, and yes, yes Holly, you are northern breed, so you are HULA (hear you woo), and I will be an honorary pirate... if I don't have to wear a headband. Its bad enough having the human woman trying to dress me.

Its very clear that there are a lot of you that are either training your humans wrong, or you've gotten greedy and lazy humans. I hear its very hard to trade in humans (unless you are a rich rock star and can just pick them up on vacation), so we'll have to work on some training techniques for these slow learning humans you have.

Lesson #1: Never let them eat in peace. Sure, you aren't allowed to steal the food right off their plates (unless there is more than one of you, then you can use the distract by screaming in pain while the other swoops in for the steal), but you must make yourself glue to them as they eat. Stare at them with starving, pathetic eyes. Make your stomach gurgle. Horka at meal time. Go for the guilt!

Lesson #2: lay with your head in the empty food bowl. Look up once in a while and whine. Perhaps lick the empty bowl and sigh really hard.

Lesson #3: poop in their bed (just because its fun)

Ok, lets get out there and start being pathetic. Practice your stomach growling, lick those empty bowls, and if all else fails... jump on them like a trampoline early in the morning. If anything, they'll be bruised, dazed, half asleep and will do anything to get you to stop that!

Meeshka
(goooo TEAM HULA!)

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

HULA RISE UP


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Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema.
It has come to my attention that some huskies are NOT being fed enough! There are some humans that think that their huskies should only be fed when the humans feel they should be fed, and they're only getting fed ONCE A DAY!

Are you kidding me? Do you humans eat just once a day? No, I think not. I see my human woman stuffing her face with some kind of food or another all the time, and on weekends its a regular gourge fest for her. Snacks, chips, those tasty goldfish crackers (which she's been very sneaky about, since she knows we'll demand our fair share), chocolate, ice cream, meats, vegetables (she can keep the vegetables).

Granted, she does feed us three times a day, and a bed time snack, but what's with this once a day thing for some? Its totally unfair and undogly to slop out ONE portion of food per day. We're HUSKIES! We have high metabolisms. Our sensitive stomachs get all oogie when we don't get enough to eat. How can these human expect us to maintain all of our fluffiness off of one paltry meal per day?

It is time we slipped this leash of oppression and demanded with the almight CLAW the respect and food we deserve. Rise up and demand your food, and if they hold up those opposable thumbs to show you their might... claw it off!

Meeshka
(daylight savings time my fluffy butt, I know when its time to eat, I don't need no stinking clock... its time to eat when I SAY ITS TIME TO EAT)