Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Change of Scenery


While the tasty fledgling bird season isn’t in full swing, the gimpy suck up mutatoe and I discovered that mole season has indeed begun!

I had myself a very tasty mole today, cultivated from the ground, all fresh and warm. After a furious battle to subdue this mighty foe... I lay him near my delicate little feet to let it get all good and tasty (and torture the mutatoe). The gourmet husky chefs all agree that you have to let the prey sit for a little while, not only so you can show off the spoils of your battle, but to tenderize it a bit.

Yep, you guessed it, while I was letting my prey tenderize, out walks the human woman. She mistook the mutatoe’s play bowing and agitated excitement as happiness to see her, but he was really saying “ha ha, now she’ll give me the tasty mole”.

I tried to hide the mole in my mouth, but that human woman is quick and she told me to leave it, which I did... dutifully I may add. Sigh. Over the fence it went.

To make up for it, the human woman let us come inside from downstairs. This is where the spineless Sammy spends all of his copious free time, so we ran in, thinking we’d get to beat up on him. Oh no, he was upstairs! He was in OUR spot! We sniffed every inch of his area, nothing interesting at all down there. I’m pretty sure the human woman hides all of his toys, and treats, and special things from us. I’m sure that while we’re upstairs, the spineless wonder is getting all sorts of treats, attention, and toys, while we languish upstairs, treatless, toyless, attentionless. Its a conspiracy.

Ok, enough of the sniffing, its boring here, so we demanded to go back outside, hoping more moles would sacrifice themselves to us. No luck.

The next time we were let in, it was through the deck entrance, and that sneaky spineless Sammy was once again downstairs, being fanned by feathers and fed treats by the handful. That’s ok, the human man gave us jerky treats when we ran into bed.

Meeshka
(one of these days I’ll uncover more evidence of the spineless Sammy spoiling and publish them for the world to see)

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Lazy Deck Day


DSC02325.JPG
Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema.
Its so hard to be a husky, especially in early spring.

The mutatoe and I spent some time out on the deck this afternoon (and yes, the gate was open), waiting for the little fledgling bird snacks to fall from the sky. Apparently the little fledgling bird snacks aren't ready yet, I do recall them being more readily available in the next few weeks, so I'll need to start my stretching and limbering exercises so I'm ready. Those little things sure can run, which makes for an even nicer snack... having to "work" for it.

We went downstairs again for a spineless Sam visit. He's got such an attitude down there. He thinks he owns that room, and got all snarky with the mutatoe, put his paw on the mutatoe's neck (which is the international husky sign for: I'm a butthead) and the mutatoe didn't take kindly to that, so the human man got all worried and sent us outside. They act as those the spineless wonder is made of glass or something. I'm pretty sure he could take a head pounding with no problem, but he does things like limps and looks pathetic. Just the other day he was riccocheting off the aero bed and running around like a loon, but then the human woman wanted him to do something, so he started limping around and acting like he could barely move.

Gotta hand it to him, he's sure milking that recovery for everything its worth.

After our visit, I decided to run around the yard a bit. The mutatoe can't catch me when I'm in full out run mode, and I managed to do two circuits around the yard, then dash onto the deck without him latching on to my tail. Because of that, I deem today to be a very good day.

Meeshka
(don't touch the tail)

Saturday, March 24, 2007

The Abuse Continues


I’m not liking this whole “Sammy needs more attention” thing, and frankly its gone on long enough.

For instance, the other day I REALLY had to go potty at 4 a.m. I dutifully wake the human woman (who graced our presence on the comfy sleep number bed that night), and demanded to be let out. Loki went with me, because he does what I tell him to. She opens the deck door and out we zoom... I’m talking real potty emergency here, but we get to the stairs... and the freakin gate at the bottom is shut! I turned to woo and point, but the lazy human woman had already gone back to freakin bed! Can you believe that!

So, there we sat, legs crossed, tapping our claws (or mutatoes), and waited. About 15 minutes later, the human woman comes back and tells us to get back inside. I stood at the landing and woo’d. Um, hello? Gate locked! She demanded that I come back inside. WOO, GATE LOCKED! She insisted, so FINE! I huffed inside and stepped on her bare foot on the way in.

When the alarm went off at 5:30 a.m. she hauled her lazy butt out of bed, we ran for the door. She lets us out again and DIDN’T OPEN THE FREAKIN GATE!!! I had half a mind to lay a nice stinky one right on their precious deck. Oh, I was furious! Fifteen minutes later, she comes back. Woo, idiot woman, gate locked! She made us come inside and asked if we wanted breakfast... um, no, I’d like to pee a river now thank you!

She ignores my sarcastic woo and goes downstairs to let precious spineless Sam out. It must have dawned on her pea sized brain when she got outside that the gate was closed, because she hurried Sam through his morning routine, came back up and was very apologetic and took us back outside and even made sure we made it down the deck stairs ok, and apologized while we nearly burst our bladders running for our spots. I stepped on her bare foot again when we came back up, really mashed the claws down too.

The gimpy suck up mutatoe is really going through human woman withdrawal lately. He’s very angry that he’s not the center of her attention. I’ve tried to explain to him that Sam is more important right now, we’re just second (but fluffy) fiddles to his whims, and why does he have to be such a big screaming cry baby when he sees the human woman giving Sam attention. I swear, he makes such a huge scene whenever he wants some attention. Its actually embarrassing to watch (and hurts my delicate, yet fluffy ears) with all his dramatics and screeching. He’s even perfected the screeching, throwing himself into a semi-fluffy pile temper tantrum. Its got potential for award winning performance.

Last night he was so upset that he wouldn’t come out of his crate to sleep in the comfy bed with the human man. Ok, so human man flails and won’t let us take over the bed, but still, I just don’t see how sleeping in your crate will show the human woman how tortured and hurt you are, when she’s sacked out on the aero bed using Sam as a pillow. Whatever, that meant more room on the comfy bed for me, so go ahead with your dramatics, that’ll really show the human woman.

sigh

Meeshka

Friday, March 23, 2007

One Way to Drive Your Humans Insane


Please tell your humans to click on this link

Not only will they walk around signing this song... but they’ll hate those things called cats and we won’t have to deal with them anymore.

Thank you for participating in the effort to drive your humans insane.

regards

Meeshka

Thursday, March 22, 2007

A Poem

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm very fluffy
pet me or taste the wrath of my claw

Meeshka

Monday, March 19, 2007

A Little Bit of Rebel


Seeing how we’re pretty much left to ourselves at night when the humans come home (human woman downstairs with suck up spineless Sam, human man locked in front of his computer playing some silly computer game called World of Warcraft... note to all dogs, get your humans addicted on this game and we’ll rule the world much sooner than expected), Loki and I decided to help ourselves to whatever we wanted tonight.

Hey, who is going to stop us... if we’re quiet enough.

First up, Loki deftly removed every piece of silverware from the sink for us to lick. Quite tasty. He’s very handy since he’s like one of those “stretch armstrong” dolls from the olden human woman times. He just ooozes into the sink with his stretchy body and grabs things and spews them onto the floor, where I get first lick.

Next, we found a sock. It was a tasty human man sock, brown, with a nice etched design. I think they call them “dress” socks, although the human man doesn’t wear dresses, and who would walk around wearing a dress with socks. Whatever, it was pretty tasty. At least it looked tasty, since suck up mutatoe gimpy wouldn’t let me taste it. Oh no, he wanted that sock all to himself and wouldn’t let me have any.

I told him to give it to me.

He refused

I demanded that he give it to me

He laughed at me

I slammed his head into the floor and walked off with my sock.

Apparently the noise of mutatoe’s head being smashed into the floor alerted the human woman, who came up, saw me eating the sock and took it away from me. Great, now she’s going to blame me for getting the sock and ruining it. Way to go mutatoe! She even looked for and threw away the other matching sock, so we couldn’t get that one.

Meeshka
(used socks are the best)

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Been On Strike

In case you haven't noticed, I haven't posted in a while. I had it with the human woman, staying downstairs with Sam all the time, and not giving me the full attention that I so fluffily deserve.

I've been pouting and on strike until my attention conditions have been met, and I also want my own trailer and catering service. Ok, so I didn't get the trailer and catering service, but I am getting more attention, and we also got to see the captive puppy twice this weekend.

I think its rotten that they're keeping a perfectly fine, if not incredibly clumsy, Sam down in that dungeon all this time. Of course if he was down there all the time and I was getting attention, it wouldn't be such a big deal, screw him, leave him down there. Apparently him being down there means I don't get attention, therefore I went on strike to bring him back up the stairs (so I get attention).

So he still can't control his back legs very well, he was never graceful to begin with, and it'll be much easier to knock him down now. So he can't get up the stairs or go down them by himself yet, we'll just knock him down the stairs when we go down and he'll get down them eventually. So he leaks a little still... um.. ok, he can stay down there.

To get my demands I've been doing an awful lot of pouting, sighing, acting sickly, not wanting treats (and you know how hard that was for me), and not even clawing the human woman. Well, its hard to claw her when she's never around, but before my strike I'd wait for her to get up the stairs and then claw her for no reason. I think she started to think that something was horribly wrong when she realized her legs weren't bruised.

So, we're not getting equal opportunity human woman time. Sure, she still disappears downstairs with Sammy, but when she does come up, she's making sure we get our well deserved attention and petting. She's such a moron though, because at one point she felt that brushing me would be quality time... the fool. I allowed some very light combing, just to appease her, then clawed her. She actually smiled and admired the bruise.

Yesterday we got to go downstairs for a bit of Sammy visit time. He's a bit of a snob though, he thinks that whole downstairs is his and he copped a tude with that gimpy suck-up mutatoe Loki. They got a bit pushy and I had to throw myself between the two of them to get them to settle down, and sure enough, back upstairs we were sent. That mutatoe really knows how to blow a good thing.

Today Sammy came upstairs for a visit and we played a little bit, after some more posturing and stuff by the Mutatoe, but then we calmed down some (only because we knew if we didn't, downstairs he'd go again). I couldn't help myself and chest bumped him, then ran to the couch for a rousing game of ricochet run fest, but apparently that's not allowed either. Sigh. Down he went again.

Ok, so it was fun while it lasted, and we made the humans all nervous and nutsy with our smacking at each other and butt bumping, but still... I wish it were the good ol days again where anything went and I had unlimited clawing access to the human woman.

Meeshka
(recovery sucks)

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Major Pet Food Recall!


The humans have botched up again and now there’s a MAJOR pet food recall going on. While I’m more concerned about the dogs... they’re recalling that cat food junk too, so please, get your humans to check your food and check the MANY lists of recalled items to make sure they’re not feeding you the bad food.

If you are experiencing lack of appetite, nausea, vomitting... bite your human and have them check your food!

So far the recall just affects canned and pouched food. The human woman ran upstairs and found out that the tasty pouch food she had been giving us sporadically as a treat was one of the recalled brands, but thankfully not in the batch that was recalled. She threw it out anyway, because she cares (even though she’s selfish and evil).

Here is a link to where you can get a list of all foods. Don’t be fooled if you see the “Menu Foods Corp.” and think you are safe. That company makes foods for companies such as:

Authority,
Science Diet
Purina
IAMS
Eukenuba

Among others! Find out what canned and pouched foods your humans are feeding you and make sure you claw them into action to find out if your food is on the list.

Spread the word, spread the word!!!!

Meeshka
(I’ve been on strike for reasons I’ll explain later)

New Hula Member: Sitka


Dear sweet, beautiful and fluffy Meeshka….

Please accept my formal application for membership into HULA, also known as the Husky United Liberation Army. Below is my list of qualifications for your review.

Hugs, Sitka
http://macondawgswife.blogspot.com/

1. Demonstrating disruptive behavior: I have several tricks up my sleeve. One that I am doing right this minute… mom and dad are on the sofa watching TV. Since I don’t believe that is something they should be doing at the moment, I stand up on my back feet, put my front feet in their lap and put my mouth over their hand. Then, I tilt my head to the side and woo woo or bark at them. Don’t they know that I have to give them permission to do something? One other thing is the total destruction to the window seals to my house. You can check out pictures at this link to my blog - http://macondawgswife.blogspot.com/2007/02/old-destruction.html.

2. Cause your human to freak out for no real reason: I really don’t see anyone as a threat! I think everyone is my friend. But sometimes, I go to the front windows and bark violently. My parents jump up and run to see what is going on wondering what in the world I could be seeing outside. Wanna know what they typically what they see when they get there… a rabbit, chipmunk, birds, the welcome banner mom has in the front yard, joggers, another dog being walked by their human… you catch my drift, right?

3. Cause human guilt for no reason, other than to get attention or treats: Oh… one example will be when the parents leave for work in the morning. They put me in my “crate” – the kitchen! Now… most sibes and non-sibes would see that as an opportunity to counter surf, but I don’t. It is my den… Anyroo.. back to the example… When they leave in the morning, they always look at me through the window and tell me they love me. So, what do I do? I normally give them the sad face. Hang the head low and cocked to one side. Perhaps squint the eyes a bit… it is all about making them feel guilty for leaving me. I mean, why can’t I go to that work place too? So, either mom will come back inside for one more kiss or hug before leaving work or will stand there on the otherside of the door and talk to me for a few more minutes.

4. Destroy something: Does my mom’s nose count? I really did not mean to do it, but a few years ago, it was cold and icy outside. It was before mom got that fence thing, so I went out on a leash. Well, as mom was taking her first step down the 5 steps off the deck and I bolted because I was so excited that it was icy outside. In turn, that sent mom flying down the stairs…missing every one of them (I might add), and hitting the ground smack on her face!! She grabbed my leash, as she had let go of it in the air (and I was so worried about her that I did not run when I realized I was free, I stayed by her side), and we went back inside. Mom got the phone, called 911 for an ambulance… and 2 surgeries on her nose later and about $10,000 in medical bills (thankfully paid by insurance), mom’s nose is good as new! Other less expensive items include: removing squeakers from toys, destuffing toys, ripping comforters, attempting to chew through the seatbelt in the car to get in the front seat, a nice expensive dog bed (for some reason the humans didn’t buy me anymore of those), wrapping paper on Christmas morning (check this link for a picture of me laying in the wrapping paper goodness - http://macondawgswife.blogspot.com/2007/01/my-fur-kids.html)

5. Human Behavior Modification: Yeah, I would have to say the lack of sleep in the morning is my best modification yet! Before me… on Saturday mornings, the parents would sleep till 8:30 sometimes even 9:30. Nope, not anymore! Saturday morning – NO later than 7:45 a.m. BUT… once every few months, I do let them sleep until 8:30 a.m. (like this past Saturday morning). Coupled with that is when we are upstairs in bed and I have gotten to hot to stay on the bed. I get on the floor for a bit. Then, I walk over to dad’s side of the bed and jump up putting my front paws on the bed and look at him. That is my nice way of asking to go outside J And the grand thing about it is I HAVE THE HUMANS TRAINED!!!

6. Being dressed up as something for the humor of the humans: I really don’t get dressed up in anything. I have a love of bandanas (but that is not for the benefit of humor of my parents). The one thing that Mom did that really made me upset…. She found an old dance tutu at her dance studio and brought it home. Yes.. you know where this is going, don’t you? She put it around my neck, brought my front feet through and around my waist it went! Sadly, she did not take pictures, but I was clearly humiliated!! I jumped, twisted, turned, barked, and grabbed that darn tutu in my mouth and started ripping it to get it off of me. All my mom and dad did was laugh at me. Oh the shame…

7. Love of Kleenex: Oh now… this is something that I can not pass up. If a paper towel or Kleenex is used and put on the coffee table for a mere second… if the time is right, I nab it! Before you know it, it is in millions of pieces! Mom catches me too soon for me to be able to eat it… but shredding it sure is fun!


Welcome to the HULA Hoop Sitka!

Meeshka

Friday, March 09, 2007

Prayers for Kelsey

This is horrible, just horrible!

Kelsey is at the hospital! After performing such wonderful destruction of the purse in his HULA submission, he also ate part of a shoe, got the shoestring caught in his intestinal tract and it started doing an accordian thing and they had to remove some of his intestine.

I want every husky, dog, and Fu-Fu to pray for a complete recovery for Kelsey, that's all that matters now!

Tonight (9 March 2007 on the human calendar) at moonrise, I want a prayer woo going out to Kelsey to he can hear us and know that we're pulling for him and to get better!

This is a very hard lesson for everyone in your HULA exploits: Destroy, don't swallow, no matter how tasty it is!

Meeshka

Thursday, March 08, 2007

The Failure of the Human Calendar


Once again we are reminded of the stupidity of humans, and their lack of telling time by the sun and their need for stupid things called calendars and watches.

We dogs don’t need stupid time devices or calendars. If its hot, its summer. Cold, its winter. If its dark, then its night, if there’s light out... must be day. How hard can this be? Yet, they run their lives by a clock and calendar, and they NEVER get it right. How can humans possibly rule the free world if they need to look at a clock to tell whether its night or day?

The human woman stayed home today because apparently human visitors were suppose to come and fix the tv and the telephone (the telephone is an archaic device used for human communication). In the stupid human world, repair people only show up between certain hours, and the humans must be there when the repair people show up, or else they don’t get stuff fixed. Its like a lottery sorta, except the reward is getting the broken stuff fixed. They make these “appointments” and then sit around all day, dash to the door when they hear a vehicle drive by, then mumble obscenities when it isn’t the repair person. They do that all day. The don’t even like moving away from the door, for fear that the repair person will knock lightly and dash away. I don’t think the human woman went to the bathroom all day because she was waiting on two of those repair people.

Around noon, the human man came home because the human woman had to go see a vet about her hand. I do hope they clipped her nails and poked a thermometer up her butt like they do to us every year. The human man waited and waited and waited. Apparently they didn’t win the repair person lottery today. When the human woman came home in a horrible mood (I’m guessing she got the thermometer) she got on the communications device and started screaming at people. Something about having to take a full day off of work and nobody bothering to show up when they said they should. There was even more screaming and the word “reschedule” was mentioned, which caused her to shriek even louder and keen.

So, the humans have calendars and time pieces, and yet apparently repair calendars and time pieces are different and secret. From what I understand, “We’ll be out Thursday” means “We may be out thursday, but probably not”

Now that I understand this concept, the next HULA take over attempt will include the following:

Every husky (and dog and fu-fu) will pretend to call their humans and tell them that someone will be out to repair their tv on a certain day between the human hours of 8 and 5. We feel that the tv is a vital device to the humans (despite the stupidity it plays) and they’ll do anything to make it work. While all of the humans are sitting in their houses, dashing to the window at the sound of every car... we’ll be free to do whatever we want in the world, which includes taking it over for Husky domination.

Now, all I have to do is correlate what 20 March is in doggie moon time and we’ll be all set.

Meeshka
(March 8th? We meant the year 2010!)

Sunday, March 04, 2007

I'm Bored Again


Ok, so the humans brought Sam upstairs and put him in the computer nook with the human man. Of course they erected all sorta of barriers and gates and anti-husky devices between us and him, so no playing with the spineless wonder for us. We’re actually ignoring him. He gets all that special treatment, so he gets ignored.

The human woman is up here, but a lot of good that does us. She’s not sharing any of her tasty human foods, she’s just sitting at the desk doing something called “paying bills”, and generally, we’re napping as usual. This use to be a fun house. We use to run around and jump on things and jump on the humans, and claw them and get treats, and then go outside and the human woman would watch me beat up on either Sam or Loki (depending on who was the most annoying that day). But now all we do is lay around, nap, eat when its time to eat, go out when its time to go out. Sigh.

Ok, so maybe I want to lay around and nap. Napping is very strenuous, and you have to get a good nap in so you can nap later. Last night I napped all day, so when it was time to go to bed, I wanted to play. For some reason the human man didn’t want to play, he wanted to go to bed. Well, if the humans would simply adjust their silly clocks and learn that night time is for playing and day time is for napping, then we wouldn’t have this communication problem going on. I simply don’t understand why he seemed angry that I was clawing and jumping on him, looking all cute and fluffy of course, and didn’t want to get up, go outside in the cold and watch me run around. I would think they would be grateful for having such a cute fluffy puppy like me and would welcome any opportunity to watch me run around the yard in the cold.

But no, they don’t appreciate my fluffy, or my cuteness, especially at 3 in the morning. I’ll never understand those humans.

Meeshka
(ooh, its time for my afternoon nap)

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Look Who I Got To See


Meeshka visits Sam
Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema.
While the mutant suck up was outside, the human woman let me come downstairs and visit with Spineless Sammy for a little bit.

He smells different and I laughed at his haircut, which he didn't appreciate at all.

You can see he's trying to sit on me, so that hasn't changed at all. He really likes to sit on everything, but now that he doesn't have a spine, its harder for him to sit on something as fluffy as me.

The human woman was really nervous about me being down there with him, I have no idea why. After all, I barely clawed his back when I wanted to play with him, and I don't know why she made that high pitched keening noise when we both started jumping around and trying to body slam each other. He seems pretty sturdy to me, and if he's going to chest bump me, I'm not going to let him get away with that.

After we started skittering around and bouncing, the human woman actually pulled some hair out of her head. That must have hurt, she's very strange. Shortly after that, she told me that Sam needed to rest after all of the excitement of seeing me and I had to leave. Fine with me, I wanted to go up and lay on my vent anyway, so upstairs I went again.

It certainly was good seeing him again, but geez, if the human woman is going to freak out over me using both my front paws to body block him, then she's really going to freak when I pile drive his head into the floor for getting spoiled all these months.

Meeshka
(can't have these fragile mutants around here if I can't play with them)