Thursday, September 04, 2008

Post 70

Ok everyone, we had two very good contest entries for this latest contest, and it was very hard deciding which one to pick for the winner, so I'm going to award both of them prizes. See, this is what happens when you complain about your human, you get rewarded.

Honorary mention goes to....

Ben the Rotti, for the following human rant:

Hi Meeshka

Well for starters your stoopid hooman and mine both think its a brilliant idea to attack us with implements of torture, they both try to convince us that this action is necessary in the name of beauty (peticure my cute ass) Me and you both know that they are just evil sadists who get pleasure from our pain.. even worse they are both stoopid enough to think that WE ARE THE STOOPID ONES and that we can be tricked and cajoled with treats! Hey treats are good.. but they should realise that we are gonna take the treat and shake our tush at them, not take the treat and then allow them to torture us! Its a treat not a sedative for dogs sake! One day both our hoomans may realise that we are far too superior and intelligent for them to ever get one over on us.. then again I'm not holding my breath!
What do they not do that we would like?.. Oh thats easy.. they don't give us enough LIVERGREAT! They don't buy enough, give us enough, and therefore they are failing in there duties to worship us enough!

come to think of it.. they don't buy/give enough of ANY treat

Ben xxxx

Ben, you get this really cool Siberian Nights drinking glass (suitable to fill full of chocolatinis) and this XL Thirsty Dog Brewing Company black t-shirt, which is absolutely filled with my fluff at the moment and will continue to be that way until it gets to your house and fills your house with fluff.

The grand prize winner has to go to Dakota for this very long and very good rant about her human... I feel your pain:

Meeshka -
How the Human Woman annoys me:
My human woman - aka The Mom - sleeps. And I know that your human woman does too. Well, she calls it sleeping. What she really does is lay down, hog the comfy bed and watch TV. Or she turns off the TV and then scootches around until she finds a good spot, and let me tell you, her spot is always EXACTLY where I have carved out some space, and then she lays there. And moves around again. And sighs. And then, well, and then you should hear the noise!!!! They call it snoring, but I don't think that's accurate. It sounds more like an Uncle Jack Hurricaine and a bulldozer combined. Sheesh. Wait, throw a little of the fire siren in too. Yes, all three of those. That's better.
Now, forgive me, but I don't remember if your human woman snores or not. But, if she does, kindly explain to me why they get all uppity when we wake them at 2 in the morning to go out? I don't really want to pee at 2 in the morning, I'd just as soon be curled up and getting some beauty sleep, but the friggin' noise keeps me awake!!! If I could poke her in the ribs to get her to roll over I would, but the only thing that I've found that works is a good old fashioned Husky nose in the face. Although I may try sitting on her, similar to the technique that you demonstrated in a post earlier today.

What they don't do that I want her to?
Oh, that's a tough one. A really tough one. Lets see. Lowering the countertops so I don't have to stretch completely out to get something. She pets Bandit first when she comes in. Hey, everyone knows it's ladies first! She spends significantly more time at work than she does at home. I'm not buying the 'someone has to pay for the dog food' crap anymore. She MAKES THE BED! Every day! I go in, I get everything just how I like it for my morning nap, and she chases me off the bed and makes it. Ugh. She pets the cat. She pets the bird. I'm sure she pets the fish, I haven't figured out how yet. And, if I get a bit put out when she's doing this, I get yelled at. She runs the vacuum - a lot. I've had to blow my coat for the last six months to try to leave some fluff around. She plucks me!!! Me!!! Not Bandit, me!!
She feeds the good stuff in the morning, but feeds dry food at night!!! I'm trying to get some food in, some energy for an evening of watching the back yard, and she gives me dry food!! Not even some warm water on it!!

OK, I have to stop. My claws hurt from typing so much. Besides, here she comes out of the shower smelling like some fakey plastic flowery nasty funky 'perfume'. Ugh. She can't roll in bunny poo like the rest of us to freshen up?

Respectfully submitted,
Dakota of the East

Wow... I would say that you have some issues, but I know exactly where you are coming from... I almost thought that I had ranted that... Dakota, you win the coveted autographed copy of Pretty Sled Dogs! (If you already have one, let me know and I'll dig up something else).

Congratulations... I guess, I mean you both sound like you have humans as worthless as mine, so I'm not sure if there's really anything to celebrate. Just know: you aren't alone!

5 comments:

Dakota said...

Woo hoo!!! The Mom was finally good for something!!

I don't have this one, and now I'm going to have to nag her to hook up the dvd player in the bedroom instead of just plopping it on the floor.........

Tracey and Huffle said...

Oh well done pups! And hi Ben!

Huffle Mawson, Honorary Husky and Explorer Cat

Khyra The Siberian Husky said...

Furry well done!

Bravo!!

BTW, Ben, I donated those Siberian Nights thingies - soooooo REALLY TREASURE them - they were prokhured by a VP khandidate!!!

H&K,
Khyra

Holly said...

Wow, both wonderful rants, but Dakota, oh you poor girl!!! Good thing you won the Pretty Sled Dogs video, that might help ease your "pain" a bit!! As long as your human woman lets you watch it over and over and over and over!

Holly

BenTheRotti said...

Oh Goodness, I'm in happy shock! I mean I knew my Mum was annoying and slightly stupid but i had no idea that she was annoying to winning standards, that eases the pain of putting up with her somewhat!
Thank you so much, I'm honoured!
I promise I will treasure the Siberian Nights thingies Khyra.. knowing you have at some point had your paws on them will make them all the more special and as for the T-Shirt, I have plenty of floof to add to it, though i'm not sure my black floof will show up so good, i will have to make sure i get ample amounts of tan (yes tan NOT ginger) floof on there!

thankful happy slurps,

Ben xxxx