Saturday, November 01, 2008
Special News Bulletin
Good afternoon, everypup, I'm Sam E. Winks from the Husky News Network.
We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you a news story that just crossed our wire.
Shortly after the non-human party presidential debate held at Unity College this afternoon, sources have revealed a serious allegation about the Suction Party's plans for immigration reform.
An anonymous source has provided the Husky News Network with shocking documents that claim that the Suction Party, namely the presidential candidate Dyson Animal, is planning to allow the mass immigration of Australian Dysons into the country. While D. Animal mentions that the vacuums of Australia will join him in his, and I quote: "mission to clean up the world", end quote, he did not add that Australia vacuums would receive diplomatic immunity and be allowed into the U.S. without undergoing electrical transformation, as required by other foreign vacuums entering the country. Response has been strong to the inference that all households will be required to provide 240 volt power and plug adapters at their own cost to accomodate the new "diplomatic cleaners".
Public outrage over this possibility has been violent in some areas, with some factions insisting that all immigrants go through the proper electrical transformations, while other factions insisting that the U.S. be more accomodating to voltage diversity.
In other news, governmental sources have revealed that D. Animals step-aunt from Uzbekistan has been living in the U.S. illegally for the past 2 years. Ms. Oreck, the sister of D. Animal's adopted father, sweeps in subsidized housing in Detroit, MI and claims to enter the country when she feels like, using a home-made and illegally wired transformer to make money and send it back to Uzbekistan.
Neither party was available for comment at this time, but we will continue to monitor this story and bring you updates as they come in.