Hello everypup (and kit, and hamsterrior) it is me, your Queen with the 2008 Human Lessons Learned.
Lesson #1: No good deed goes unpunished, so if you continue to do good deeds, do them anonymously so that nobody can come blame you for doing something nice. At the very least, when accused of doing something nice, always point to someone else and say "that person told me to" then run.
Lesson #2: When all else fails: nap. Napping never hurt anyone, and at the very least you can say that you actually accomplished something.
Lesson #3: Dogs eat first, humans second. Don't listen to those stupid behaviorists, what do they know? If they knew, they would be dogs and would want to eat first too.
Lesson #4: Let us go down the stairs first instead of the other way around. Although the same behaviorists think that going first shows who is in charge... the person "in charge" is more effective when they don't have a broken leg when we push them down the stairs because they walk so freakin slow when we have to pee.
Lesson #5: You look really stupid yelling "hurry up and poop" outside where the world can hear you... so keep doing it, it makes us laugh and also makes us look for a spot longer because who can poop when they're laughing, plus it makes you yell louder and that's even funnier.
Lesson #6: Stop asking "do you want lunch?" and then shrieking when you get clawed or teeth pinched. You know the routine, get with it and stop dawdling.
Lesson #7: Humans are very hard to train, and no doubt that this year we'll have to go over and over the same lessons again, just like we did last year.
Here's hoping that 2009 will be profitable for everyone BUT those being bailed out, those that gave them the bailout, and that our humans get repaid their bailout bucks in livergreat.