Thursday, July 31, 2008

Sunday, July 27, 2008

The New Torture in Town

Now that blogathon is over, and way to go Steve, Kat, and Wilbur, and way to go Kapp Pack for staying up all night, entertaining all of us, and raising money for good causes!

There will be an announcement soon on the fundraiser that I will be having in September, so stay tuned for that, you won't want to miss it.

Anyhoo, its been busy here at Castle Meeshka. AHAHAHAAAA, Ok, I don't fool anyone with that any more do I? Yeah, generally its the same old thing day after day. Kongs, crates, naps, more kongs, more napping, sleeping, then bedtime and treats and sleeping, then getting up and napping, well, you get the picture. This weekend has been a napping bonanza because the weak immunity Human Woman caught a cold. I told her she needed to buy that expensive little yoghurt drink think that would give her the immunity of a cockroach, but noooo, she never listens to me. So its been nothing but moaning, complaining, and blowing her nose, which she's not sharing the kleenex with me the selfish but I digress.

The good thing about the human woman having a cold is that she hasn't had the strength to really try out the new thing that came in a box the other day (no, not another handbag, that's coming monday and please, please someone call that intervention show and get her scheduled soon, PLEASE).

We got THIS thing:

Ok, I say "we got" because its not really FOR us, its FOR the humans to rob us of our precious fluff in the name of grooming and cleanliness, as if we're dirty. I'm a husky therefore naturally scotch guarded for heaven's sake.

You'll note that I'm wearing a shirt because its storming. I'm wearing a shirt and she's got the new brush out. If there was any doubt about the abuse I put up with in this house, this picture alone should have everypup running to the phone and dialing the SPCA at this very moment. Not to mention those nasty dirty walls behind me, but I promised that I wouldn't point them out to everyone, so just forget I said anything, ok?

Yep, so this is one of them there fancy shmantzy brushes that all of her "friends" on some e-mail list says that she just HAD to buy because all of THEIR huskies just LOVED this brush. Right, I buy that one. Do they love it as much as new cookies? Don't think so. Do they love it like when a piece of chicken falls to the floor right at their feet? No, I don't think so.

Ok, fine, it doesn't RIP the fluff out like some brushes, and its not all pokey pokey like some other brushes, and frankly it doesn't create this fluff cloud that clings to everything with static like other brushes, and frankly... its actually not that bad now that I think about it. I'll sit still for it.. until she gets it near my delicate po-po and that's where I draw the limit. If I had a choice between the brush and a piece of chicken (or even a whole chicken) falling to the floor, I'd go for the chicken of course, but hey, the brush would come in a close second.

What? Oh geez, the human woman and her raspy nasally voice just reminded me to show you pictures of my actually getting brushed and not ripping her arm off by the roots. She said something about nobody believing that I tolerate the brush unless there was evidence. So, there, I'm being brushed... in a t-shirt... yeah, big victory there, brushing a husky that's totally stressed out by a storm, wearing a shirt, hope you're happy, enjoy your pathetic little victory humans, your time will come you know.
So I leave you with this look. Oh you know this look, its the look that says "you just try to go to sleep tonight stupid human woman, we'll see who laughs in the morning"

Meeshka
Not laughing now, but just wait.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Friday, July 25, 2008

The puppyhood of the traveling spineless bionic hip pupp

As you may recall, Spineless Bionic Hip Puppy Sam has met someone online. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking: how do you know this isn't somedog POSING as a stunning all white husky with deep blue eyes and is really a cat or worse... a squirrel looking for revenge?

Here is the hussy in question: Frankie Look at her shamelessly exposing her fluffy underbelly with that "come hither" look. She sent Sammy a nearly pornographic picture of herself lounging on the couch. She's shacked up with another guy at the moment, and yet all I hear is how much he wants to go see her and frolic on the West Coast with her. Go out for puppacino and walk along the beach. Ick.

To shut him up, I tried convincing him that a nice white truck would come pick him up if he was inside a box on the curb, but I miscalculated the stupid human calendar and put him on the curb on the one day that they don't pick up the recycling stuff. He was a bit mad about laying in the sun in a box all day, and I thought for sure he'd give up his quest to make it to the West Coast (he thinks its only a mile down the road, as Sam is geographically challenged and thinks that California and Arizona are near Washington... D.C.)

So, we're going to try this now. If you only knew how much of a hassle it is to get a cannon delivered to a back yard without the Secret Service and Homeland Security snooping in your business. The lengths I go to!

By the way, if you haven't stopped by the Kapp Pack and Steve, Kat, and Wilbur's blog to pledge money for their blogathon that starts tomorrow, you best get your fluffiness over there and do it now. You may even see a special guest blog entry from yours truly, but I'm not gonna do it for free, you have to pledge some human money!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Where Have You Been?

Yeah, yeah, stupid human woman, what can I say. She's been busy, and therefore she's hogging the powerbook and I can't get on to blog or cartoon or anything. Please berate the human woman for being so selfish and denying me my public.

Things I'll be telling you about but not tonight as I need my beauty sleep:

1.) Two nights in a row in a shirt.

2.) The thing that came in a box and is torturing me

3.) My attempts to get Spineless bionic hip puppy Sam to his girlfriend

4.) Grass tickling my po-po, can I sue?

5.) Ants in my pants!

Meeshka

Saturday, July 19, 2008

New HULA Member: Kane

WOO WoO,

All Hail Queen Meeshka,

My name is Kane, nice huh? It is a most devious name for a most devious Husky. I am nine weeks old right now and live in Sunny Southern California....

I know huh? Wheres the snow..... I have not been in this world for very long but I can already tell that they humans feel they are far superior to us Huskies, what with all their opening of cans, driving cars and the like. You know, if we had opposeable thumbs, we could do the same things.

As I was saying, I live in Southern California where there is no snow. When I was born all I could think about was the snow, but upon opening my eyes I could not find it. Apparently the human woman they call a breeder kept it all to herself in the big white box where all the cold food is. I had to have it! I planned and plotted for hours before deciding to sleep on it and take a nap. When I woke up, I knew I had to get in there and get some snow of my own. When the human woman wasnt looking I pounced! But I guess its not really snow in there, but just really cold, hard water... This was the last straw. I'm outa here. So I went through the process and found myself a nice human man that I was willing to allow to bask in my regal presence and wait on me hand and foot. Plus he said they get snow! Well maybe 1 time a year, but its better than nothing. That is, until we find a way to rid ourselves of these humans.

When I got to the human mans house I found that they have several computers handy. Apparently they knew I would want to use one and they gave me my own, though I let the human man use it from time to time. When they go to sleep I jump on and start plotting their overthrow. Whats nice is that they supplied me with this keyboard that has nice buttons that light up at night. This way until I can learn to type without looking, I can see the letters. They
are already bending to my will.

The other night while googling how to make a nuclear bomb that would not harm huskies I came across your site. I was shocked and amazed to find that there is a group of people out there who are so much like myself in their mindset. While reading through I found that you were inducting new members periodically and expanding your ever powerful army.

I would like to join my services to yours.

Some things I have done in my short time here:

1. Demonstrate disruptive behaviour:
Since I am so small (and cute) it is known that you cannot expect me to hold it for anything longer than 20 minutes or so. However I have purposely forced myself to hold it as long as possible, then at the most in-opportune time whine so I dont have to go in the small cage they put me in. Usually I do this right after the human man lies down to sleep. I then procede every hour and a half for the remainder of the night. Once 5am comes I will not go back to sleep at
all and force the humans to play with me.

2. Cause the Humans to Freak Out for no reason:
There are a couple of little human puppies running around here. Well, one runs the other walks like me on all fours, however he is trying to be like the bigger bi-peds. When he stands up I quickly take a bow, woo, and then pounce. The pup lets out a wail so loud the humans come running, thinking he has been mortally wounded.

3. Destroy Things?:
Are you kidding me.... Seriously.... I have sharp teeth that can cut through just about anything and evil talons! Since I dont know what alot of things are, it is hard to ascertain the true value of an object so I cannot efficient destroy important and prescious things. So I take it one at a time. Trees, flowers, tables and even the human pups cower when I come in the room. This one time I found this really strange looking egg. It was brown, with a rope attached to it and
had the lettering NFL on it. It gave me a look that I did not appreciated so I did a quick karate chop, locked my jaws around it and shook it back and forth until it finally gave in with a pathetic squeak.

4. Human Behaviour Modification:
Since arriving at this new place the humans have done everything my way. They take me out when I woo, clean up after me when I am being devious and don't woo for them, feed me whenever I want and even started trying to work out so they are in better shape when I get older. Apparently the human man was told that Huskies like to run, DUH!, and he went out and bought a treadmill so he can get himself ready to make futile attempts to chase me down when I get out of the yard or when going for walks.

5. Love of Kleenex:
And the box it comes in. The human woman here apparently sneezes alot, so she keeps a fresh box of kleenex near her at all times. Well that was until I quietly took it all out and hid it about the house. Well not so much hidden, but out in the open. Who looks for things right in the open anyways right...

Well, all this typing is making me sleepy again. I guess its time to take another nap.

Your humble servant,

Kane

P.S - I have my own myspace page and found there are a few Husky groups on there. We should spread the word about HULA there and reach an even bigger audience.

Here is the link http://www.myspace.com/kanethehusky

--------------------------------

Kane,
Welcome to the HULA Hoop.

Meeshka

Monday, July 14, 2008

That's MY chicken drippings!

You know, all of the gall those gimpies have! By now they should just know that whenever something tasty hits the floor, its MINE, but no, those impertinent little suck ups tried to push ME out of the way of some tasty raw chicken juice that the human woman obliviously tracked all over the kitchen.

I made sure they knew full well that chicken dripping is MINE, and you would think that I ripped the Mutatoe's head off with all the shrieking and cringing he did. I mean, come on I didn't even touch him. Didn't even muss up a hair on his mutatoe furry body, and yet he made the human woman think that I tore open his throat or something so she yelled at me and cuddled him!

He really knows how to play that human woman and get his way. I think he even pulled out a little of his own fur and threw it on the floor before shrieking like a little girl. Yeah, whatever, while he's getting all the attention, I finished up the chicken goop.

Meeshka

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Thwarted!

I'm just a bit angry right now and you won't like it when I get angry because I'll... I'll do something.

That stupid Meeshka, she said she would help me go see my new girlfriend Frankie woo!

Frankie says she has peaches and other fun things for me to share with her, and since that selfish fluffy Meeshka never shares anything with me, I wanted to go where my charm and good looks would be appreciated. I was very surprised when Meeshka offered to help me get to see my sweet cloud puppy, but I thought it was because she just wanted to get rid of me so she would get more oyster crackers.

How was I to know that when she said that delivery people stop by twice a week to pick up boxes that she actually meant the trash people! I sat in that box all morning, then afternoon, then the "delivery people" came and picked up the box I woo'd and even peed a bit with excitement, and they threw the box back on the ground (which hurt) and said they can't take me because recycling isn't picked up on Thursday. Stupid human schedule! I thought for sure I was going to go see my Frankie woo, but now I'm stuck here.

Stupid Meeshka!

Sam
(and I DO HAVE A BIONIC HIP!!!!)

Sunday, July 06, 2008

I only pee for bribes

Once again I had to wear a storm shirt. I can't wait until the human woman actually buys one of my patented and special Thunder Wonder cloaks (available on my cafe press store, and now in dog shirt sizes, not that I'm a whore for marketing or anything).

In protest, I refused to go outside. The human woman is all freaky because last night I refused to go out while the fireworks were going on, so I jumped on the bed and peed again. No harm, no foul as the Mutatoe got in the way and I peed on him so she wasn't as upset as she normally is. Hey, he was laying in my way, serves him right.

Tonight she didn't want a repeat of that whole laundry-fest so she tried to herd me outside to pee, except I tippy-toed up the stairs and refused to budge. That's when she played dirty. Yep, she got out the oyster crackers. I can't resist those tasty morsels and remember, only the Premium brand oyster crackers will do, they're the Meeshka certified treat (I'm hoping Premium will see this and send me a truck load of them).

So, I peed outside tonight. Its still raining though, so my fluff is a bit damp. I'll be sure to wipe myself off on the human woman at bedtime just for that.

Meeshka

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Storm Shirts


It has come to my attention that a lot of pups out there are being submitted to the horror and embarrassment of storm shirts. I want to apologize to everydog out there whose human now throws them into a shirt whenever there's a storm or fireworks, but honestly, it does help with the anxiety of loud noises. I know I complain a lot about the shirts that I have to wear, but they are comforting, if not a bit stylish.

The problem I see is that your humans aren't sure about what type of shirt and what size shirt to put on you. If you are lucky like me, I seem to wear the same size as my human (medium) therefore she doesn't have to squeeze me into a too small of a shirt that may strangle me or cut off the circulation to my front legs, nor does she toss me into a too big of a shirt, that won't provide me with the comfort feeling, or I trip over it, or (heaven forbid) I pee on it.

I'm sure you are saying to yourself: but Meeshka, my human doesn't wear a shirt that fits me, where can I get a shirt that fits? I thought you'd never ask.

I am now announcing the release of the new and improved Wunder Thunder Cloaking shirt.

Made from space age polymers, and improved from the first demonstration model that Mutatoe begrudgingly modeled for me, this amazing shirt comes in various and sundry sizes, styles, and is sure to fit everyone from the tiniest pup to the big dogs out there.

How do you know it will work? Well, it says so on the t-shirt, without the official Wunder Thunder Cloaking logo, its just a stupid cheap t-shirt and won't save you from the scary noises.

Remember, all proceeds will go straight to me to support my expensive oyster cracker addiction. So get your human's plastic and buy a case of them by clicking on this entire sentence.

Meeshka

Friday, July 04, 2008

Happy Independence Day

Hey every pup (and girl girl),

Today is the big human Independence Day. Yep, a mere 232 years ago (that's 1,624 in dog years) the humans voted to approve a resolution of independence from British rule... um, wait a minute, they actually did that on the 2nd of July. Oh, ok, they finally approved and signed the Declaration of Independence on the 4th of July, so that's why they set off annoying fireworks and have cookouts on this day. Ok, that makes sense, they signed a document and made it so (in the words of Jean Luc Picard of Star Trek, who isn't even born yet). Oh crap, wait a minute, it wasn't even signed until 2 August 1776. Sigh... stupid humans.

Ok, so the humans didn't like all of the taxes that the British levied on them, and they also didn't like the high prices of the goods that were sold to them by the British that were imported, and so they told the British to go away and now the British have universal health care and the U.S. humans are all nice and free of British rule and complain about the high taxes they levy on themselves and complain about the high prices of gas and their crappy health care... my, how far they've come in 232 years.

Anyhoo, happy independence day american humans. I plan on spending the fireworks celebrations downstairs under the human woman's desk, lights off, t-shirt on, and a pair of the human woman's socks stuffed in my ears to drown out the noise of the explosions if the iPod blaring 80's music doesn't drown that out.

Try not to get your fingers blown off and don't start the grill with gasoline, its stupid (as Tubey would say)

Meeshka