Monday, July 20, 2009
My Most Excellent Vet Trip (sorta)
On Saturday I got to go for a ride in the newly remodeled Husky RAV. Its about time the human woman took out those back seats and made it purely MY chariot for rides to cool places, but so far the only place I've been was to the vet this weekend. I need to make it clear to her that going to the vet does not count as a cool ride.
I thought for sure that I'd be scott free, what with the human woman incompacitated by the stupid boot thing, but she was still able to drag me into the clinic and into a room. I didn't want to go, I know what they do there and its not pleasant at all. The human man had to step out of the room to take a phone call just as they rudely put a thermometer in a place where things aren't suppose to go in, only out. I screamed really loud and scared the human man who thought I was being skinned alive.
You will be pleased to know two things:
1.) I am down to a svelte 65 pounds thanks to my fat burning regimine of laying on the air vent and starving to death on the meager amount of food the human woman put me on. My doctor was very concerned about the weight loss until the human woman explained that she had been starving me to death to make me lose weight. I thought for sure my trusty doctor would tell her to feed me more, but she didn't. I hate my vet now.
2.) I would not hold still and allow them to squirt that kennel cough crap up my nose. No amount of people laying on me (a total of 3) could get me to sit still for that nonsense. I was able to throw all of them off me and make a run for it, but I was connected to the human woman and dragging that fat load down a slippery vet clinic hallway was impossible. They ushered me back into the room and poked me with yet another needle.
They gave my human woman a vial to collect my poop to bring in, and frankly I'm not pleased at all with that. What's mine is mine and I won't let her have any. I've made it a point to poo as far away from the house as possible so she doesn't want to gimp out there in her boot and gather my precious poo.
After all that exertion you would think I would get some extra food or at the very least more cheese sprinkles than normal, but no, the meager portion of food. Come on human woman, I'm so thin I may just waste away if you don't up the caloric intake pretty soon.
Just to make sure she knew I wasn't happy about my "trip" I sat on her head at bedtime and refused to move. Tomorrow I'll claw her broken foot.