The human woman thought she'd do some nail trimming today. I have no idea what compelled her to think that, but it was my sacred duty to ensure that it didn't happen.
First she tried bribery. She got the container of oyster crackers out, which sent the Mutatoe and the Spineless Bionic Hip puppy into a frenzy of excitement. They're so easily fooled, lucky for me.
It seemed that her intent was to lure me into the bathroom (where all bad things happen to us) to contain me so she could bribe me to hand over my delicate little feety feet and clip the sharp nails I have so painstakingly cultivated. I wasn't going to go without a fight.
Initially I didn't even have to put up a fight because the moment she opened the bathroom door, the Mutatoe shoved his way in and was trapped. I guess that while he was "in there" he got the clippers because I could hear all manner of caterwalling and screaming like a little girl in between clipping noises. He apparently was sufficiently bribed to sit still long enough to have his three mutatoe talons clipped, then summarily tossed out of the bathroom.
After that, SBHP Sam pushed his way in and he got to chew on the tasty chewy bone since he either somehow manages to never need a talon clipping because they don't grow or they wear themselves short. Who knows, he's weird. So after some chewing, he was tossed out of the bathroom. Mutatoe tried to get back in there, but the human woman thought she had the answer... and tossed them both outside.
I was lounging on the bed when she came back up, but she had a look in her eye that said she wasn't going to give up, but I had a look in my eye that said I wasn't fooled by the look in her eye and so it went. She tried to bribe me into the bathroom with oyster crackers. I wouldn't budge. She tried to bribe me in there with the tasty chewy bone... nope. She tried chasing me, but I'm much quicker and dashed off to my crate. She doesn't dare do anything once I'm in the safety of my crate. She walked away, shaking the oyster cracker container, luring me back out into the room. She even walked into the bathroom and placed some oyster crackers on the floor with the chew bone, but I would only poke my head through the door. I know this game: she's going to wait until I'm in the bathroom, then close the door. She went out the other door and closed it, but I know that plan too, she was going to wait until I ran in, grabbed the oyster crackers and then sneak in behind me and trap me, but I was faster and got the oyster crackers and dashed back out the door before her fat butt could run about to shut the door behind me. AHAHAHAHAAAA!!!
We then played a bit of, get on the bed, leap off the bed, run down the hall, run back into the bedroom and ricochet off the bed, run into her, dash by her as she jumped up and down holding her shin, dash back, jump on the bed, lay down and look pretty until she approached, then leap up and dash off again.
She gave up.
Oh yeah, catch me if you can, I'm the gingerbread Shmoo.