I thought that with the spineless bionic hip knee puppy Sam being in seclusion (he's taking his seclusion way too seriously, and now likens himself to Brian Wilson and is creating some album that consists of snippets from Fox news without leaving the aerobed) I'd have a lot of time to use and abuse the human woman. On the contrary, she spends most of her time running up and down the stairs to do Sam's bidding. I'm not happy about this development at all.
This afternoon I was even so starved for attention that I allowed her to think that she was able to lure me into the bathroom, where I allowed the clipping of 4 nails for the price of oyster cracker bribes, just to get some one on one human woman time. This morning I used her as a trampoline and drew blood, so I guess that's what started the whole kick to clip my nails. She will never get them all at the same time and tomorrow I'll be sure to shred that new pillow of hers.
Earlier today I struck this pathetic pose in an attempt to get some attention. It did work, as she got out the dental chew bone, smeared the tasty poultry toothpaste on it and held it for me to chew on. Once again, I speared her hand with my lethal dew claw as punishment, and to her credit, she just let me do it. I think I'm wearing her down with my moping, pouting, and fluffy poses. I suspect that I will be back as the queen of attention once I throw in the pathetic sigh of loneliness and then I'll spear her in the eye when she bends down to pet me.