Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Leash

This morning the Mutatoe got the 2nd of the 3 fledglings in the deck nest.  The human woman has decided that at least one of the tasty snacks has to make it out of the nest, so she's getting the collar and leash out and only taking us out hooked up to her.  This is ridiculous. 

First of all, she has no idea where my favorite pee spots are, and she keeps trying to lead me over to where the Mutatoe pee spots are... euw, not going there.

Secondly, if the leash comes out, that means going someplace fun, and the back yard is not fun, especially on a leash where we can't chase little fragile squeeky birds that can't fly.

I am NOT amused.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Another Brilliant Idea

Yeah, Yeah, I know, its been a while since I've blogged.  I've had plenty of ideas to share with all of my many fans, but you know what I have to deal with.

Every time I've clawed her to let her know its my turn on the computer, or the iPhone, or the iPad, she just pushes me away, or bribes me with a cookie.  I don't tolerate the pushing, but I'll take a cookie any time.  Frankly it got to the point where I was bugging her to blog just to get a bunch of cookies and I was so full from getting so many cookies that I didn't feel like blogging anymore.  Hmmm, perhaps the human woman isn't as stupid as I thought.

Anyhoo, the latest greatest brilliant idea she's had was to get me a cooling bed.  Its something called the Canine Cooler.  Its some handy dandy squishy bed that's suppose to keep my nice and cool in the house.  Um, that's why air vents were put in floors, but hey, whatever.

The only problem with this thing is that at first it smelled really bad... like new plastic.  Overwhelmingly icky new plastic.  The human woman tried a few things to make the smell go away, like spray Febreze on it, but that just made it smell like plastic flowers.  Then she tried covering it up, but that defeated the whole cooling soothing purpose, so then she decided that the only thing she could do was to rub the Mutatoe all over it.  That took out some of the stink, but then it smelled like Mutatoe and who wants to lay on that?

It also feels strange, its all squishy and weird feeling under my feet, so I wasn't too crazy about it.  At first I just put my delicate little front feety feet on it, and yes, it was cool and soothing.  Then I lay my head on it, but that's where I draw the line!  I'm not going any further.

The human woman tried several ways to entice me on the thing:
1.) pushing me onto it.  I merely walked over it and jumped on the bed.
2.) pulling me onto it.  I merely knocked over the human woman and jumped on the bed.
3.) telling me that I wasn't allowed on it.  While a brilliant stroke of reverse psychology, I didn't fall for it.
4.) Telling me that if I didn't like it, I'd give it to the Mutatoe.  Mutatoe laughed and said he didn't even want it.
5.) this:
That didn't work either, I mean really... now it smells like human woman and who wants to lay on that!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Fledgling Season

Although I prefer grub season (small tasty bits in the ground, you just snoofle their location, dig them up, and enjoy), the Mutatoe likes fledgling season.  For me, its just too much work for so little reward.

Chase the squeaking thing, catch the squeaking thing, squish the squeaking thing, listen to the human woman scream, give the non-squeaking thing to the human woman who throws it over the fence, and that's it.  No tasty reward for all of that hard work.

This season its been Mutatoe 4, fledgling birds 0.  You'd think they'd learn by now.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

I'm Not Moving

I'm pretty sure that I can hold my pee until winter, cuz there's no way I'm leaving this air vent and going outside in 90 degree weather.