This morning I hacked into my human woman's facebook and saw she was complaining about the fact that she was downstairs and her coffee was upstairs. Typical.
What was disturbing was that some of her "friends" were suggesting that she teach her huskies (namely ME, since the other two are worthless and gimpy) to go fetch her coffee. Seriously? First its all about pulling a stupid sled when they have 2 trucks and a motorcycle, and now they expect me to go fetch her coffee when her feeble and addled mind makes her forget that she just made a cup and walked off without it?
This whole "Working Dog" breed thing is out of control. Its as if they just made up the title so they wouldn't have to be responsible for anything. I would have voted that Siberian Huskies be the "Really Fluffy Laying on a Cold Air Vent" breed, but apparently I wasn't allowed to vote.
Since I'm apparently stuck with the "Working Breed" title, I was napping... I mean thinking really hard about what sort of work I would actually be qualified to do, and then it came to me: Search and Rescue.
Well, maybe not rescue, but I'm really good at searching for stuff, like used kleenex, candy wrappers, and an entire roast left unattended on a counter. There are some limitations to our work though. We're very good at finding balls or other toys that are thrown by humans...
... we're just not very good at actually bringing the thrown thing back, so if the humans wanted us to find things, they'd need to keep up with us, because once we found the thing, well... there's other things to sniff around for, so we'd be off to find that gloriously stinky dead thing to roll in (unless of course the thing they wanted us to find was the gloriously stinky dead thing, and I would have to guess that building a murder case when we've rolled in their evidence would be a bit problematic).
I would also like to add that unless the thing they wanted us to find was tasty and stinky, we probably wouldn't work too hard to find it, therefore if you want us to find a lost child, make sure the lost child is holding a piece of steak, or a used kleenex. It would also help if you threw the lost child holding a piece of steak a short distance, as we get distracted by other things easily and may actually find a rotting woodchuck that was closer.
Meeshka
No more fun crafts with your human bipedal kids anymore either. No more cute little dog crafts with the kiddies because you selfishly wanted that last tiny, itty, bitty shred of toilet paper that got glued to the roll. The cleanliness of your po-po is more important than spending some bonding time with your kid making cute little toilet roll crafts. I'd like to point out to you that if you had some fur down there you wouldn't need toilet paper, but you do need it and that tiny little shred of toilet paper left on the roll certainly won't give you the deep down clean you need or save enough money to get back the quality time you would have spent with your kid who is now in therapy for neglect.
