Its your Queen Meeshka.
Yes, I know its been a while since I blogged, but it is summer, and summer means those horrible thunderstorms, and it is July, and July means those stupid humans™ are setting off fireworks, and generally its been nerve wracking.
The human woman has purchased about a gazillion dollars in "calming" potions, lotions, gels, creams, caramels, treats, liquids, and poultices to help me through the loud noises, to no avail. FINALLY Einstein gets a clue and ordered one of those Thundershirts off the interwebs. Of course she did this AFTER the Independence Day weekend, and since we live in Merryland, where its required that bombs burst in air and rockets have a red glare, it was nothing but explosions, panting, clawing, and peeing.
Please note: if you want sympathy, pee on the carpet and not on the human's bed. I'm just sayin from experience.
To top off the fun, the Mutatoe has developed a disabling fear of fireworks. I still think he's trying to suck up and be just like me and faking it, but he'll go hide under something, or throw himself in his crate and stare in a catatonic state (and that's hard to do if you aren't a cat). The human woman gave him some stuff called "rescue remedy", which is perfect, as he was rescued, and he could certainly use a remedy. I'm pretty sure she gave him shot of tequila instead because he sat in one spot, stared into space and drooled, just like I've seen the Human Woman do when she's had too many chocolate martinis.
She ordered a Thundershirt for him too, and I'm sure he'll LOVE to wear it and will want to wear it all the time... because he's not right in the head. I'm not too sure if I'm going to like it, or if it will work, but I assure you that one way or another, you'll get to hear about it, and most likely see the claw mark action photos on the Human Woman when she tries to put it on me. I've worn a regular shirt before, and I contend that it didn't so much as calm me down, but more like embarrassed me so much that I would crawl under some place dark so nobody could see me or take pictures of me.
As you can see by the cool blog post by the Army of Four, not only did the bitch take a picture of me, but she combed me, AND make a stinking card out of my misery (for which I have yet to see any money from).
So, in the meantime, I'm just hanging out inside with the suck up Mutatoe because every once in a while the stupid humans™ will shoot off more fireworks (even though the holiday has been over for FIVE FREAKING DAYS NOW!) which means that every time I go out to poo... a rocket goes off and I have to skitter into the house without having done my business. This makes me cranky.
Cranky because the Human Woman didn't bother to purchase one of my very own Wunder Thunder Cloaking Robes and also because I really have to poo.