Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Happy New Year Now Shut Up and Go To Bed

My name is Meeshka, and I'm afraid of thunder and fireworks.


I didn't always have this phobia.  There's nothing that scared me, hurt me, or affected me in any way.  One day I was fine during thunderstorms, and the next time I wasn't.  I hate fireworks too.  I sleep through explosions on tv, even fireworks on tv, but not in real life.  I don't even flinch if there's a loud noise somewhere close, but fireworks and thunder, that's another story.

I pee.  Usually I try to pee on the Human's bed.  I think it's the fastest way to get their attention.  I also claw them.  I feel that they need to run around and do something, and clawing makes them run around.

I'll pee on my bed, I'll pee on the carpet, I don't care, thunder and fireworks makes me pee, but I refuse to go outside.

If I'm outside and fireworks or thunder goes off, I'll run inside and pee, just on principle.

Loki Mutatoe is afraid of fireworks and thunder too, but he just cowers under something.

They dress us up in garments called "Thundershirts" which they spray with DAP and they give us Melatonine (3mg) to "take the edge off" and then we go downstairs where the sounds are more muffled and they turn up the volume on the tv and play music.

We still pace and pant and pee and claw, but not as frantic.

We hate fireworks and thunder.

There's nothing we can do about the weather, but there is something we can do about people who shoot off fireworks (illegally in the state of Merryland I may add) and that's this:  KNOCK IT OFF!

Nobody enjoys fireworks... seriously, nobody!  Nobody enjoys fireworks when you randomly set it off on a non-holiday workday at random hours... or when you and your drunk buddies stay up until the wee hours of the morning and set it off... nobody enjoys that.  You are obnoxious and annoying and we all hate you, so stop it.

If you must set it off on New Years.... wait until freakin midnight and get it over with.  Don't be randomly setting it off at 8pm until midnight... you suck.  Oh, and may I add, it's ILLEGAL!

This has been your Husky Service Announcement for the end of 2014.  Let's make 2015 enjoyable for everyone by not setting off fireworks.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Bedtime Routine

Every night we have a VERY strict bedtime routine.

The Humans demand that we all go to bed at 8:30pm every night, 365 days a year... frankly, that's around the time when we are well rested from sleeping all day and are ready to play, but hey, they pay the mortgage, so we have to make some compromises I suppose.

First, they Humans put on Spineless, Bionic Hip/Knee Sam's purse and take him downstairs.


Loki Mutatoe always has to pee, he has the bladder of a pea, so he runs ahead to go out.  I skitter around the house and throw myself up on the bed and sit there regally and refuse to go outside.

The Humans stand around waiting for Sam to find the perfect poo spot, which usually involves shoving Mutatoe back into the house and pretending not to watch Sam, because he is a shy pooper and has to have complete and utter silence and nobody within 5 miles looking at him poop.

After the poo ritual, they help him back up the stairs, and then we all get 2 cookies.  If I'm laying on the bed, I simply stay there to be fed my cookies on the bed... if I'm not, then I must supervise the Human Woman to ensure she counts out the correct amount of cookies.


Then we all run into the bedroom to get out cookies.  The Human Woman then does her normal "get ready for bed" things, and at the very end, she'll get into her "go to bed" outfit, and the moment she's just about ready to go to bed...  I need to go out.

So... that means she has to throw on her robe and slippers and take me out.


I must also sniff while I'm out... because something may have changed between the time I last went out, so depending on how cold it is, I must sniff... if it's REALLY cold, then I must sniff more because that seems to excite the Human Woman.  I also may... or may not poo.  Pooing depends on whether I feel like getting the Humans up at 2am to poo, or just get them up at 2 am for no reason what so ever.  I always go out at 2am... they seem to enjoy the break in their sleep.

After my private escort outside, I am then very thirsty, so I must stop at the water bowl to drink, even though the water bowl is always there and is always filled with fresh water.  I will only drink out of the left water bowl.  If the left water bowl is empty, but the right one is full, I scream until they fill the left water bowl.  I also scream if there's Mutatoe drool in the left water bowl, or if the temperature of the left water bowl is not of my liking.



Sometimes at this point, the Mutatoe decides that he has to pee again and runs out.  The Human Woman always sends him back to bed, and not very nicely, there is yelling... something about "bladderless wonder", and "You've got to be kidding"... he usually isn't kidding, he truly is a bladderless wonder.

Then we go to bed... at 9:30pm... right on schedule!

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Almonds are Most Certainly Bad

So... the Human Man drops a few of these tasty looking morsels on the floor

Yep, those are almonds.  Tasty... crunchy... not good for dogs.

How do I know this... well...


Every half hour... without fail... sometimes with epic fail when the Humans wouldn't leap out of bed and let me out... it was brutal.

So... since Sam had a tooth removed, he's relegated to a soft diet, and since I'm a poo machine, it's a soft bland food diet... which is...


Nasty.

Not only do we have to eat it... but it requires that the food be soaked to make it soft, so not only do we have prison rations, but we have to stand there and wait for it while it soaks.

Torture.  Pure torture.

We are slowly getting our regular tasty food added, but this process can't end soon enough.

I'm literally wasting away... but at least my poo is back to normal.

- Meeshka

Sammy Freak Out

Well, it's been an exciting couple of weeks here in Meeshka's World.

Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee dog, Sam, decided that he wanted to freak out the Humans and get some attention.  I don't know why he feels he doesn't get any attention... none of us get lifted on and off the bed, or get to wear an embarrassing purse and helped up and down the stairs.  The Humans even hold him up when he takes a poo, so I'm pretty sure he gets more than his fair share of attention...

He clearly broke the rules as I was having a bit of gastro-intestinal upset because the Human Man kept dropping tasty almonds on the kitchen floor and let's just say... they didn't agree with me.  So, while I'm screeching to be let out every half hour at all hours of the day and night... Sam up and does this:


Yep, out of the blue, for no apparent reason, Sam started having nosebleeds!

Now, I know a bit about dogs and nosebleeds, and NOTHING good comes from that.  It only seemed to happen every time they forced him to go down the stairs to potty.  Sam hates the stairs.  Sam HATES the stairs, and he'll go to every length to avoid going down them, but this was a bit ridiculous if you ask me.  It was only bleeding in the right nostril for some reason.

So, they whisked Sam off to one vet, who thought he saw a little scratch up his right nostril.  Then they whisked him off to the regular vet who verified that it was only coming out of the right nostril, but couldn't see anything (probably because Sam doesn't like people messing with his nose, but anyway), so they stole some blood and gave him antibiotics to take.

Then on Tuesday the Humans whisked him off to the vet without any food and he spent the day taking a nap, getting x-rays and having his nasty teeth cleaned.
The vet thought that perhaps he had a nasty tooth that was invading his sinus, but the x-rays came back and...

NOTHING.

No sign of tumors (the biggest fear), no sign of dental encroachment... nothing.  No reason for his nose to bleed, AT.ALL.

Sigh... meanwhile I'm on a bland diet... actually we all are because when one suffers, we all suffer.

So, Tuesday night, Mr. Self Importance comes home all zonked out.

Dude... I'm so stoned
His breath is a lot better now, but if the Humans try to force him down the stairs and stress him out... he may have a nose bleed, so they've been very nice at bribing him to go down the stairs with treats and praise and blah blah, seriously?

Meanwhile I'm starving on this bland diet... more on that in another blog post because there's no way I'm sharing my misery with Sam.

He's much better, in case you were all worried.  He goes to his massage every other week still and this morning he was so pleased with his poop that he skittered all the way into the house looking like a spaz.

-Meeshka

Friday, September 12, 2014

Intruder Bunny

We have an intruder.

It's a bunny.

I have no idea how this bunny managed to sneak into the very secure Meeshka World.  The Human Woman has spent her entire lifetime pouring concrete to keep us from digging out, securing the fence cracks to keep us from squeezing out, and patrolling the perimeter ever vigilant for any sort of lapse in security all in the name of keeping us from getting out...

Apparently she didn't expect anything to want IN to our domain.

The bunny has been chased OUT of our domain several times.

The bunny somehow finds its way back IN to our domain.

It ate the Human Woman's vegetables.

It poops near where we poo, as if to say "F you".

Mutatoe HATES the bunny.  He chases it around the yard with his ample ass flapping in the breeze, and yet it still manages to outrun him and hide in the stuff that's under the deck.



From its safe place, it laughs at him.

The Human Woman thought she figured out that it was squeezing in through the small gap in the fence corner, so after chasing the bunny through the gate AGAIN, she blocked that spot.


The bunny laughed at her.

This bunny has some nads, that's for sure.  It actually sits in the yard and waits for us to come out before scampering into its hidey hole of stuff under the deck.


I will get you bunny.

- Meeshka

Sunday, August 24, 2014

The 2014 Uncle Jack Ghoul Pool

Ok humans, it's time to batten down the hatches, and prepare for the worst, it's time for the 2014 Uncle Jack Ghoul Pool!

For those of my loyal fans, you know what this time of year means: death, destruction, and all sorts of mayhem and chaos.

Once again, this year Uncle Jack will not be visiting us, we are sending the Human Man out to visit him and grandma and grandpa Human Man for the safety of the East Coast as we know it.  I pity the West Coast, it was nice knowing you.

Every time the Human Man's relatives get into one central area along with Uncle Jack, something horrible happens in the world.  Typically there is a horrific natural (or unnatural) disaster, and someone famous dies.

Check out the history of Uncle Jack Ghoul Pool at these links:

Here is the back story

And here

Some more

Even more

So you see... it's about to get all freaky in here, so get your guesses in now.

I realize that a lot of that has happened recently (and can probably be blamed on Uncle Jack) such as the passing of Robin Williams, and today's massive earthquake in California (oh the woomanity).

The official start time for Uncle Jack's Ghoul Pool starts on Saturday 30 August 2014, so you have until then to guess:

1.) The horrific natural (or unnatural) disaster anywhere in the world
2.) The unexpected death of a famous person

Put your guesses in the comments and we'll see who wins.  Remember, nobody really wins anything, you just get the satisfaction of knowing you contributed to the horribly events that will occur soon.  So you have that going for ya.

I'll just be hanging out here where it's safe




Saturday, August 16, 2014

It's Not Fair

It has come to my attention that the Humans are wasting a large amount of time "pinning" things they want, or think is cool, or want to do, or have done, or whatever to a site called Pinterest.

I feel this is very unfair.  If the humans can do this, there should be a platform for us canines to share things we have done, want to do, think is cool, or whatever.

Therefore, I want to start a new platform called Peterest.  I fully expect the human site to sue me, but I'm a dog... have fun with that.

Therefore, these are the things I would "pet".

Things I've done:

Things I want:

* Update:  It has come to my attention (thanks Thundering Herd) that the website Peterest already exists, but only contains pictures of pets... I'm not amused.

Friday, August 01, 2014

The Great Escape

The other day, as usual, we were hanging out (napping) in our crates waiting for the Human Woman to come home and feed us lunch.

Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee Sam decided he wanted to sleep on his cushy Serta Perfect Sleeper dog bed.

He really wanted to nap there.

He had enough, he planned his escape, which consisted of pushing open his crate's side door that hadn't been properly latched.


I would like to file a formal complaint in that the Mutatoe and my crates are boxed in and we can't use our emergency side escape hatches.

He then walked around and gloated about his newfound freedom before plooping his creaky butt down on his big cushy dog bed, flaunting his comfort.

This is how the Human Woman found him.

To her credit, she started checking the side door, so he's stuck like the rest of us.

- Meeshka

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Car Ride Roulette

Once again the Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee dog Sammy went in the car and came back gloating about how now he has three women doing his massage and warm toasty laser treatments, and about how all three of them were feeding him tasty treats while we were stuck at home.

After lunch, the Human Woman took Loki Mutatoe in the car.  This is truly unfair!  I totally expected him to come back with stories of being massaged on a nice cushy bed and being fed treats.

Apparently not.


The Human Woman said that my turn is next week.

I'm rethinking this whole "fun" car ride thing.

- Meeshka

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Harvest Season Again

It's the second harvesting of fledglings in the yard.  This crop this year has been bountiful with 1 nest of 3 in the early season, and another nest of 3 in the late season.

Loki 1 down, 2 to go



Saturday, June 28, 2014

New HULA Members - Maggie and Cammie

It is with great pleasure that I introduce you to the newest members of the Husky United Liberation Army (HULA):  Cammie and Maggie!

This picture is ©KZKryschtal... you nab it and I will hunt you down!
It was a great honor when the original Ao4 submitted their application, and I had no doubt that Maggie and Cammie would also be members, and as you can see above, the sitzbank continues to be a "no husky zone" hehehehe.

You will have to journey on over to their blog to read their application, get to know them, see their adventures, and wallow in their glorious misadventures.

My only advice to young Maggie (who is my Prime Minister, by the way) is that you should mix up the whining freak human out sound with yips and yaps of great urgency... that way they don't start to ignore you.  I would also suggest you stare at something on the wall, or something behind the humans so they think there's a bug... or axe murderer behind them.

Way to go you two!  I'm very proud of your accomplishments, and I see nothing but devious things in your future!


Sunday, June 22, 2014

Peemageddon

It's the end of June, and we all know what that means...

Summer Thunderclaw storms and...

Idiot neighbors with illegal fireworks.

The humans are very good at making sure we are well secluded in the house on holidays where fireworks are likely... 4th of July, New Years, Groundhog's day, Saturday... ok, so apparently the stupid neighbors are indeed morons and shoot off fireworks at the drop of a hat, which makes it difficult to be ensconced downstairs with the tv blaring, music blaring, and tasty treats to keep our minds off of the mini-scale world war going on outside.

Even the weather idiots have been horrible with their prognostications of storms.  The other night there was a 0% chance (that's ZERO) of thunderclaw, and yet in the middle of the night, there came such a storm that rocked the very house from under us.

Before you go suggesting ideas for the Human Woman that will help us through these times, let's run through the gamut of failures, this way you won't waste your time (or mine, been there, done that, nothing short of electrocuting the neighbors or ... heaven forbid... one of their rocket mortars exploding in their hands... pleeeeeeze... pleeeeeze... will solve this issue).

 Thundershirt - There's a reason why they call me the "Gingerbread Shmoo"... ain't no way, no how, not ever will you put that silly thing on me.  Catch me if you can... nuh uh.






Rescue Remedy - HA!  That stuff is worthless to me.  Doesn't even put a dent in my anxiety... I could drink the whole bottle and skitter around the house for hours.

Melatonin - Takes the edge off, but only if the Human Woman gives it to me at the right time... and she hasn't figured out when the actual right time is... especially when out of the blue the neighbors light off enough missiles to take over a small third world country.

Benedryl - The Human Woman gave it to me once as a puppy and it had the opposite affect on me.  Since then, she is leery about trying that experiment again... since her scars are still visible and she's still in therapy with PTMD (Post Traumatic Meeshka Disorder).

So... the only real solution has been to herd us downstairs because it's a bit more sound proof down there, turn on everything that makes a noise, and wait it out... except for one thing... we must pee.

Yes, when scared, the bladder goes into protective mode... if my frantic clawing at the Human legs won't move them fast enough to put us downstairs, the only way to get across the severity of the matter is to pee... on the bed.  This typically gets them moving VERY fast.

Last night when the bombardment began, the Mutatoe took to his crate and cowered


I attempted to breach the bedroom to signal to the humans that we mustn't dilly or dally, we needed to evacuate downstairs immediately, but they blocked the bedroom and continued to tell me that it was ok.  It's not OK, someone is trying to bomb us, we need to move downstairs.

While I distracted the Human Woman by peeing in the living room, the Mutatoe scurried and managed to make it into the bedroom and onto the bed... at which point the Human Man tried to get him off the bed, freaking him out even more and causing a fountain of pee.


It was at this time that the dimwitted humans decided that we needed to immediately proceed to the emergency downstairs shelter... ok, so maybe it was after I peed in the bathroom...


Hey, I don't know what they're so freaked out about, they pee in there all the time.

I hate fireworks.

- Meeshka

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Sam's Spa Days

Just to show you how unfair my life is... I told you about how I went to the vet and got poked, prodded, and my precious nails stolen from me, and how the Human Woman pays for all of this torture with my poo.

When I mentioned the horrible trip to Mutatoe and Spineless Bionic Hip, Kneee... oh good gah, too many maladies to list Sam, he told me that he LOVED going on his car rides because he gets massaged, pampered, plenty of treats, and some laser thing that was warm and felt good.

Harumpf... seriously?

But that all changed the other week when he came home from his spa to announce that he had been duped all this time!  No doubt the massage and warm laser thing was just a trick to get him comfortable for THIS!

Holy Mother of everything wrong, what is this thing I'm in???

No, there must be a horrible mistake, I'm suppose to be in the dimly lit room with soothing music getting my massage and warm laser, let me out!

OHMYGAH!  There's water!  WATER IS FILLING THE TANK EVERYONE GET OUT!

CAN'T YOU SEE THE WATER, WE'LL ALL DROWN!!

HELP!!!!

HELP ME, STOP LAUGHING THS ISN'T FUNNY!!!

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?????
Oh yeah, he was NOT happy at all when he came home and told me all about the horror.

He did everything possible except call the SPCA on the Human Woman the next week she dragged him out of the house and to the watery icky treadmill.

"It's for your well-being, it will make you stronger and happier" she kept saying.

Well... the second week he came home and pretty much threw himself in his crate and wouldn't move.  he was really creaky (angry) and sore.

The Human Woman didn't seem to bat an eyelash at it the first 2 days, but when he didn't seem any better by day 3... or 5... she got all concerned and worried and fretted and freaked out.

When Friday rolled around, she dragged poor Spineless out to the truck again, but this time he came back all happy again.  Apparently the underwater treadmill torture is too much for his gimpy body, and so he's back to getting his massages and warm laser.


Well played Sam... well played!

- Meeshka

Saturday, May 17, 2014

My Trip to the Vet

I knew this was coming because I overheard the Human Woman tell the Human Man that she had to take me to the vet for my rabies vaccine and (gasp) nail clipping.

Thankfully the weather was horrendous.  Torrential downpour of rain at the very moment we had to leave for the vet.  I set about my diabolical plan of refusing to get into the truck.  No amount of bribing, cajoling, or threatening would get me into the truck... until I was sufficiently wet.



It is well known in the Siberian Husky world that we huskies have amazing double coats.  The scotch-guarded top coat that allows us to wallow in mud and yet just shake it off, and the downy soft undercoat that comes out in clumps during our shedding season (which lasts approximately 364 days a year).

If we stay out in the rain long enough, all of that water soaks into our downy undercoat and stays there like a giant sponge.  If we loaded up with enough water, we could slowly trot across the largest desert and still be damp and hydrated when we got to the other side.

Once I was sufficiently loaded up with water, I then jumped into the back of the truck... and waited.

Yes, you have to choose your moments wisely.  Too early and the water distribution is not sufficient enough for a reaction.  Too late and the torrent of water is wasted... you must wait until the Human Woman is buckled into the driver's seat, and preferably when she's on a busy highway and concentrating really hard... and then you shake.

The containment of the truck, the closed windows all make for the perfect environment for the spray of cold hairy shake water.  It's best if you can position yourself in the middle of the front seats for the best effect.

Then you laugh and laugh


This also means that once you arrive at your destination, you are dry and pretty, while the Human Woman...


... not so much.

I made sure to make my disdain for the place known with a very well placed poo, which was immediately gathered in a green plastic bag and given to the person at the front desk.  I can only assume that my poo is so precious that it is used as a form of payment and explains why the Human Woman gathers it daily.

As usual, I was forced into a horrible little room that smelled of other dogs who had undergone horrendous procedures, like temperature taking, and teeth looking, and even ... finger in the po-po.

I asked politely if I could leave... and was denied.



I was dragged, screaming, to the back room of torture.  You must scream before they do the procedures, because it keeps them off-guard and they feel bad for making you scream... and it also warns other dogs from miles around that this is the place where bad things happen.

With my precious and well sharpened claws clipped, I was escorted back to the little room where they listened to me breath, poked me in the po-po, then jabbed me with a sharp needle.

I was then taken to the shop of many good smells and encouraged to pick out something special.  I can only surmise that this offer was out of pure guilt, and that by refusing everything offered to me caused the Human Woman even more guilt.  It is worth not having a new chewbone to cause her more anguish.



She finally took me home where I was questioned and sniffed by the Mutatoe and Bionic Hip, Knee, Spineless Underwater Treadmill dog Sam.  I told them of the horrors of my trip and warned them against going anywhere with the Human Woman.  Sam scoffed and said that all of his trips out were relaxing and fun... he is clearly delusional.

Thankfully I am strong enough to overcome such attempts to diminish my dignity.


You will have to try harder Human Woman and I shall defeat you every time!

- Meeshka

Thursday, May 01, 2014

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

SNOW!!!

We FINALLY got some snow!!!  Lots of snow!!!  Beautiful snow!!!!

We wanted to go run in it... but of course Bionic Hip/Knee Spineless Sammy wanted to run too


Don't know why she freaks out like that... snow is soft, if he falls he can't break too many things... he's pretty much out of original parts anyways.

- Meeshka

Friday, January 03, 2014

Mutatoe vs Snow

Mutatoe came inside after running around in the snow acting like he fractured his back leg.

The screaming, the limping, the pathetic wailing and yodeling...


Even the snow kicks his ample ass.

- Meeshka