Sunday, June 22, 2014

Peemageddon

It's the end of June, and we all know what that means...

Summer Thunderclaw storms and...

Idiot neighbors with illegal fireworks.

The humans are very good at making sure we are well secluded in the house on holidays where fireworks are likely... 4th of July, New Years, Groundhog's day, Saturday... ok, so apparently the stupid neighbors are indeed morons and shoot off fireworks at the drop of a hat, which makes it difficult to be ensconced downstairs with the tv blaring, music blaring, and tasty treats to keep our minds off of the mini-scale world war going on outside.

Even the weather idiots have been horrible with their prognostications of storms.  The other night there was a 0% chance (that's ZERO) of thunderclaw, and yet in the middle of the night, there came such a storm that rocked the very house from under us.

Before you go suggesting ideas for the Human Woman that will help us through these times, let's run through the gamut of failures, this way you won't waste your time (or mine, been there, done that, nothing short of electrocuting the neighbors or ... heaven forbid... one of their rocket mortars exploding in their hands... pleeeeeeze... pleeeeeze... will solve this issue).

 Thundershirt - There's a reason why they call me the "Gingerbread Shmoo"... ain't no way, no how, not ever will you put that silly thing on me.  Catch me if you can... nuh uh.






Rescue Remedy - HA!  That stuff is worthless to me.  Doesn't even put a dent in my anxiety... I could drink the whole bottle and skitter around the house for hours.

Melatonin - Takes the edge off, but only if the Human Woman gives it to me at the right time... and she hasn't figured out when the actual right time is... especially when out of the blue the neighbors light off enough missiles to take over a small third world country.

Benedryl - The Human Woman gave it to me once as a puppy and it had the opposite affect on me.  Since then, she is leery about trying that experiment again... since her scars are still visible and she's still in therapy with PTMD (Post Traumatic Meeshka Disorder).

So... the only real solution has been to herd us downstairs because it's a bit more sound proof down there, turn on everything that makes a noise, and wait it out... except for one thing... we must pee.

Yes, when scared, the bladder goes into protective mode... if my frantic clawing at the Human legs won't move them fast enough to put us downstairs, the only way to get across the severity of the matter is to pee... on the bed.  This typically gets them moving VERY fast.

Last night when the bombardment began, the Mutatoe took to his crate and cowered


I attempted to breach the bedroom to signal to the humans that we mustn't dilly or dally, we needed to evacuate downstairs immediately, but they blocked the bedroom and continued to tell me that it was ok.  It's not OK, someone is trying to bomb us, we need to move downstairs.

While I distracted the Human Woman by peeing in the living room, the Mutatoe scurried and managed to make it into the bedroom and onto the bed... at which point the Human Man tried to get him off the bed, freaking him out even more and causing a fountain of pee.


It was at this time that the dimwitted humans decided that we needed to immediately proceed to the emergency downstairs shelter... ok, so maybe it was after I peed in the bathroom...


Hey, I don't know what they're so freaked out about, they pee in there all the time.

I hate fireworks.

- Meeshka

4 comments:

The Army of Four said...

How does that poem go?

Run, run! You ran and you flew!
Can't catch you, you're the Gingerbread Schmoo!

I'm pretty sure that's it.
Really.
Sorry that your neighbors are bozos.
Yours sincerely,
Margaret Thatcher

The Army of Four said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Teddy Westlife said...

I peed on my dad this weekend! Okay it was because he was trying to de-flea me, but still!

Khady Lynn said...

Xanax! Mom gives it to Lena and Timber cuz they are scared to death of thunder and fireworks. You can give up to 2mg, and it works for up to 24 hours!

Khady Lynn