Monday, December 12, 2005

A Very Interesting Night

Nova at 16 years old

So last night we went to bed as usual. After our final "out" for "pee-pee final" (idiot human woman and her double words), we gathered in the bedroom for our ritual bed time treats (or treat treats... sigh).

I'm snuggled at the foot of the human woman, who is contorted and folded to allow me my required space, Loki is sprawled on her, laughing that he's got a bony elbow in her ribs again. Sam has managed a spot at the human man's feet, Nova is on his big cushy pillow as usual... except Nova needed to go out.

Nova (who you should know by now) is 16 years old, which is 112 in human years or some nonsense. Among other problems, his biggest issue right now is a tumor growing in his ass which makes it difficult for him to poop. I feel bad for the old guy. To help him poo, the human woman gives him this tasty liquid that softens his stool, something Loki discovered one day after stealing some of Nova's food and paying for it dearly a few hours later.

After some grumbling, the human man took Nova out, but we weren't moving. We knew it was a human trick to get us to move and they would take over our spots, so we stayed where we were.

Soon, the human man came back with Nova, and announced that he had "done his business" and we could go to bed. Great, I need my beauty rest.

No sooner did the human man get into bed and Nova started yelling to go out again. Like I said, he's old, so he yells loudly. Frustrated, the humans told him to go bed-bed (I swear...), and in response, Nova let blast with what could best be described as a tsunami of diarrhea.

It sounded like plastic being wadded up and a bucket of slop hitting the walls and floor, wave upon wave of diarrhea came out of that old dog. Sam, Loki, and I lay frozen, afraid to move.

The humans jumped up aghast, turned on the light to reveal a flood of poo on the floor, wall, in the vent where I normally lay (thank heavens I was on the bed). The human man began escorting the old guy out of the bedroom, and you could hear him yell at each new blast of goo as they made their way down the hall, down the stairs.

The human woman tried to gather paper towels and toilet paper, we stayed on the bed. The poo and the carpet were the same color, no way were we getting off that bed. Just then, in his hurry to escort the poo spewing old guy out to the back yard, the human man forgot to turn the alarm off, and the shrieking alarm started. The human woman rushed off, tip-toeing through the poo to shut the alarm off, the human man yelling as he dodged more firehose poo. We stayed on the bed.

Finally, the alarm was shut off, the steam cleaners and spray cleaners were brought out, and an hour later, while we stayed on the bed, the carpets were shampooed or thrown out, towels were lay down in case of another gastro-intestinal attack, and we all went back to bed.

I really needed to go out after all that excitement, but there's no way I was going to ask.

Meeshka (the bedroom smells nice and clean now)


IndyPindy said...

Oh, poor Nova! I hope the old guy feels better today. Did he get too much of the tasty liquid? Or did he get into some pungent cheese? They do have an enticing scent, but they wreak havoc on my digestive process.

I am glad that you, Sam and Loki avoided the tidal waves of poo. It must have been so hard not to laugh at the humans as they tried to escape the poo!

Woofwoof said...

Eew eew gross gross!!

Oreo said...

Oh my!! I do hope he's ok, but I have to be honest & tell you I nearly fell out of my chair laughing at this story!!

cyber-sibes said...

I have to go help my human off the floor- she's rotflhao!!!

Michelle said...

Oh, poor Nova dog. I hope he's feeling much better now. He must have been terribly embarrassed on top of the icky tummy.

I had a night sort of like that with my Tashi girl once when she was just a little puppy. We'd given her a big old bone from a standing rib roast---her first bone---and I can only imagine that it was so much richer than the dry food she was used to that she was just a mess all night long. (I should have considered that before I gave it to her, but I was getting ready to throw away the bone when I realized "I have a dog now and she would LOVE me for this" and all rational thought was swept from my brain.) Naturally it was raining like the end of the world at the same time. A bad night for Miss Tashi.

I hope Nova's bad night was similarly a one-time fluke, something tasty in the back yard that he shouldn't have eaten maybe?