Saturday, November 27, 2021

I'm Not Giving Any of My Thanks

 Apparently this week was some kind of festive, food-related holiday where everyone is supposed to give "thanks". Frankly, I don't share any of my stuff well. It's mine. Toast and Bleeder take stuff from me, but I'm not happy about it, so I'm taking my Thanks and I'm keeping it... except for the part about turkey, that part was tasty.

The best position to capture falling turkeys

Somehow my leaf piles disappeared. It was shortly after Bleeder went outside and the machine made loud noises and she came in smelling like my leaf pile and I suspect she did something nefarious to my leaf pile. That's ok, because we had a lot of wind and the leaves are back in the yard. It's only a matter of time before they converge into another pile.

Shortly after this photo, the wheel exploded and the leaves migrated south

It's also now colder, and I really like the colder, but Bleeder doesn't seem to like colder and she puts on a heavy coat, gloves, a hat, ridiculous looking boots and that means I can attack her. At least that's my interpretation of her outfit. It is hideous. She doesn't seem to like it when I dash through the yard, leap up and attempt to steal the silly hat. On the bright side, with all of that fluff she's wearing, she bleeds less.

Ridiculous boots and look at those pajama bottoms!

The squirrels continue to haunt me. They are devious. I also feel that they've called in reinforcements because first it was 1 squirrel, then 2. Just today there was 5 squirrels in the yard. It's as if they are challenging me. Challenge accepted, but I may need to change up my sneaky strategy. It doesn't help that every time EVERY TIME I get into a good position and lull the squirrels into a false sense of security further into the yard and away from the trees, Bleeder comes STOMPING out of the house yelling "CASEY, where are you???" at the top of her lungs. I glare at her... all that work... for nothing.

The latest thing are the sniffs along the side and back fence. I do not know what tasty being is behind that wall, but it smells delicious and I want to rip it to shreds. Bleeder has peered through the tiny slats and pronounces that "nothing is back there", but she doesn't have the 7 miles of nose sensors like I do. There is something there, and I want a piece of it in my mouth. Not sure if it travels along the fence line, but there's something at the back fence too. It's like a little superhighway for tasty things. Tonight Bleeder was trying to wear me out (because they didn't take me for a walk because something about "it's too cold, we're old") and was throwing the fun wheel thing, but I was too interested in the fence line. The wheel is fun, but I'd rather chase something small, and furry, and tasty. Bleeder had to get a leash and drag me back inside. Now she's muttering something about "great, it's probably a raccoon or skunk, or a myriad of other tasty things". Ok, she didn't say "tasty" she said "horrible", and something about ER vet visits, and possibly human ER visits as the past two years have been (in her words) a dumpster full of poop on fire and she wouldn't rule out getting into a fist fight with a chupacabra. I don't know what that is, but I'm sure it's tasty and fun to chase.

I realize that for a holiday where we're supposed to feel thankful about stuff, I've done a lot of ranting, so..

I'm thankful for my new chasey wheel.

I'm thankful for the delicious fence sniffs.

I'm thankful that I have tasty salmon foodables.

I'm thankful that Bleeder doesn't mind contorting into awkward positions so that I can stretch out on her side of the bed.

I'm thankful that Toast makes me toast and stays home with me even though I can't bother him during "core hours" even though I still bother him during "core hours".

I'm thankful that Toast and Bleeder hold a chewbone for me.

I'm thankful for my walks, but I would be more thankful if they didn't clip a leash to my front so I can't pull them both down the street like a sled.

I'm thankful for a comfy couch and window to watch the world

I'm thankful for the tasty... I mean wonderful deck where I can supervise the neighborhood.

I'm thankful for landing in such a cushy gig with such pushovers that I get cheese for every stick and rock I bring to the door.

I'm thankful... except when they put that gate on the "hot" counter so I can't get the foodables on it.

I'm thankful


Sunday, November 21, 2021

The NO NO GET OFF Counter

 The people here have such strange rules. I have yet to figure them out.

1.) I'm not allowed in the bathroom when they are sitting on the water bowl. I don't see a problem with trying to squeeze behind the water bowl while they are just sitting on it because I need to investigate back there. Also, the roll of paper is tasty and alluring with a secret cardboard tasty surprise inside. I contend that people need to grow some fur so that they won't need that tasty paper for finishing up their business. 

2.) I'm not allowed in the bathroom when they are in the rain closet. My job is to clean the water from the rain closet. It's been my job since I got here. No, I do not like to be alone in the rain closet when it is raining in there. I also don't like to be in there when it's raining and the Bleeder is trying to wash the precious dirt from my feet after I dig a wonderfully deep hole in the one part of the yard they always fall into. BUT, if they are in the rain closet getting the rain closet all dirty, then I must shove half my body into the rain closet and lick the water, no matter where it's at, including on the people. It's the law. For some reason they don't like that, so I'm banished outside of the bathroom until they are done, and only then can I dutifully come in and perform my duties as a working breed.

3.) I can dig... just not near the fence, and if I do dig, don't dig where they'll fall into the holes. Ok, fine... but then when I do dig, they always fall in the holes, so who has the problem here? It's not my fault that the trees are shedding and covering up my holes, and my poo, and once again I harken back to my "I'll poo where I want I'm not limited by boundaries and traditions" rule. When I do dig, they insist on taking me into the bathroom to wipe my feet... which is prime time for "make the Bleeder bleed, and cover her in water".

4.) Speaking of shedding trees, Bleeder worked really hard to scrape up the leaves in an attempt to uncover my poo repository (little does she know, I've switched spots again), and carefully piled the leaves up into a neat little pile, so... leaves are fun.

I have two leaf piles now and I insist that Bleeder maintains them into proper piles for me to destroy.

5.) For some odd reason, the people call me "Stretch Armstrong".

When they put things on counters or in the sink... I need to investigate. It's what I do. I'm just assuming that if they put a cup of coffee in the sink, then that's mine. Dirty dishes need to be cleaned, right? So why do they yell at me for stretching up and licking them? There is one counter that they don't allow me on, and that's the thing called "The Stove". I never see them use it for anything other than meal prep, as they use the loud whirring box to cook their things (totally ruining perfectly good raw chicken and meats, but it does make for tasty french fries and my favorite "tots"). They say that this counter is "hot", but I've never experienced it being "hot" except for when cookies come out of the bottom part. They also use this counter to store things that aren't currently being consumed. I assume that these things are for me later on, and just want to help them out by being self sufficient and getting it myself. Apparently, no.

Last night I was in a particular "mood" even after being walked. They had a person deliver their food and there was a lot of it, so of course the rest is for me, right?

Wrong, apparently, because when I tried to reach it at the back of the black counter, they yelled at me and told me "no". I do not like the word "no". To me, "no" means try harder, but be sketchy about it. I wasn't sketchy enough and Bleeder (the gall) put the stupid scary blocker gate ON THE BLACK COUNTER!

They tell me it's hot, they tell me it's dangerous, and there they go putting a gate on it, clearly some form of violation going on here, so I felt the need to alert them to the danger:

They laughed!  LAUGHED at my dire warnings! I didn't get any tasty foodables, but I did get some cheese. I'd do just about anything for cheese. 

Tip of the day: If your people randomly smear peanut butter on a cabinet door, this only means they want to rob you of your nails. It is totally up to you if you want to submit in order to get the tasty peanut butter. Remember, the claws will grow back and at that point you can get revenge... and then more peanut butter.

Sunday, November 14, 2021

I Am What I Am

 Frankly, I'm getting tired of being compared to the perfect huskies that came before me.

Nikki did this, Nova did that, Meeshka did this, Sam did that, Loki was... well frankly they tell me NOT to be like Loki, apparently he was annoying and strange, so when they tell me I'm being a Loki, that's an insult.

For instance: pooping. 

I didn't know there was some sort of rule about pooping, but there is. My predecessors had very strict poop regimens and apparently specific poo spots.

Sam pooped in the back, preferably out of everyone's view because he was a shy pooper, and he preferred pooping on things like sticks, leaf piles, a toy.

Meeshka pooped on the left side of the yard exclusively, and in a very specific spot. If that spot was not cleaned immediately, she threw a snit and clawed. I like the clawing part and may add it to my repertoire. 

Loki pooped in the right, back side of the yard. He would also pee on a pile of leaves and then lay on the pile of leaves. I guess this is why they tell me not to be like Loki.

I feel that the whole yard is my potty area, and the humans are there to clean up immediately after me, therefore there is no reason why I can't just poo where the mood strikes. Just because everyone else has a specific place, just like the humans prefer to do their business on the porcelain water bowl in the tiny shower room, doesn't mean I should be shackled to a specific part of the yard.

The problem is that sometimes Bleeder isn't jiffy quick with the pick-up. I just assumed that their whole purpose was to follow me around and cater to my every whim and clean up after me. Sometimes (and just wait until you hear this load), they open the door in the morning after I stomp them awake, and send me out into the yard, in the dark, all alone to do my morning ritual... and they don't immediately clean up! Then all I hear the rest of the day is "where is it?" as they search the yard for my poo. Well, had you done your job in the morning we wouldn't be playing Easter Egg hunt! How can I be expected to chase the balls you throw without worrying if they will roll in my poo? 

This is even more unacceptable now that the leaves are flinging themselves off the trees and camouflaging my daily leavings. Bleeder is all "out of sight, out of mind" until she slides through some, then somehow it's all my fault?

I continue to monitor the neighborhood happenings to make sure nothing sketchy happens. There's a lot of sketchy things going on around here and I don't know how Toast and Bleeder lived peacefully until my arrival. Neighbor kids walking in their own yard, dogs on both sides, and the back, a cat that taunts me out front, AND THOSE SQUIRRELS! I hate those squirrels.

Is that the cat, the dogs, or the squirrels?

What the heck is that neighbor kid doing over there? Is that even legal?

HEY! STUPID CAT! Get away from that car!!!!

One of these days....

Thankfully Toast and Bleeder seem to have a never ending pile of money to keep buying me therapy toys to rip to shreds to get out my frustrations over not catching any of those squirrels... or that cat... or the red dot that appears once in a while that I can never catch even if Toast claims I did. I didn't taste anything, there was no guts to eat... he's lying to me. But he does feed me pancakes once in a while so I'll give him a pass.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go poo in a new spot.

Sunday, October 24, 2021

Exercise Routine

 Being a Working Breed, I'm told that I must ensure that I exercise sufficiently to maintain my sleek appearance, and tone my muscles.

Having owners that are old, feeble, bleedy, and gimpy, this has proven difficult. Sure, they take me on an evening walk, or as I like to call it: drag the humans through the neighborhood much to the enjoyment of all of the people in the neighborhood. We have quite the audience and frankly this parade is only missing some Shriners driving tiny cars precariously close to the feet of small children on the curbs.

My other exercise routines consist of:

  • Chasing a climbing rope that Bleeder drags through the yard to simulate a small woodland creature, if small woodland creatures were made of climbing rope... not as tasty.

  • Stalking and chasing the evil squirrels who would taste much better than climbing rope if only I could catch them. I'm honing my stalking skills and will soon taste victory... and squirrel.

  • Playing chase and kill the balls. I have many balls, but I prefer the Chukit ball for biteability, the soccer ball because it has easy grip tabs, and the pink soccer balls because they're made of tasty foam stuff. I don't like the small balls except for the one that squeaks like my nemesis the squirrel. The only problem with chasing and killing balls is that I must rely on the feeble Toast and Bleeder to throw them. Bleeder is lazy. REALLY lazy, so lazy that I have to do all the work myself. To punish her, when I run up the stairs, I swing the ball around hard and hit her in the head with it.

I also like to dig. Apparently I'm not allowed to dig near the fence, or near the gate (whatever that is, as they refuse to show me what a gate does), or near the big tasty wooden things that hold the deck up. So, knowing the rules, I have a lovely large hole right at the bottom of the deck stairs that traps all manner of woodland creatures, except the only things I've caught are feeble Toast and Bleeder, who keep saying that I'm trying to kill them, and something about "I can't play with you if I have to use a walker" or something like that.

I must admit that I really like the new Salmon foodables that I'm given and am eating more and pooping better, except for those time when I can't help myself and pull a huge chunk of grass out of the yard and eat it.

I'm looking forward to cooler weather, and I keep trying to look in the fridge reflection to see if there is any indication of snow nose. I'm told that this Merryland state I live in doesn't get a lot of snow, but when it does get snow it's usually a LOT of snow, so I'm hoping for a LOT of snow, otherwise I may have to request a trip to where the snow is.

That's about it for now. I see Bleeder is on the computer, so now I must fling myself onto her lap and lick the keyboard.

Monday, October 11, 2021

Busy, Busy, Busy and Poop

 Hey, yeah I know, I haven't written in a bit, but I'm a puppy, I have things to do.

Job #1: Freak out Toast and Bleeder.

They seem overly concerned about my poop. Everything, to them, is about poop. I truly believe they determine the future of the entire world based on the consistency of my poop. Every time I poop, they examine it, sort through it, give it ratings, place it into a bag and put it into a container. According to them, it is not natural to emit a stream of fluid out of one's butt. 

This got me a ride in my fancy car to the vet. I have to say, I'm not overly thrilled with the destination, this place was marketed as a spa, and yet they do horrible things to me there... like clip my sharp talons. How can I possibly maintain a constant stream of Bleeder blood and scars with dulled nails? The band-aid industry relies upon my diligence!

My poo was put into a centrifuge and determined that bunny poo eating was not the cause of my gastric upset. It may have been the rubber band I ate and pooped out in pieces a few days ago, or it could be all of the grass that I pull up and shake the dirt off of and consume, roots and all. This dirt shaking is also the cause of having a goopy ear, because when one shakes dirt... it goes into an ear canal, which means I have to sit and allow Bleeder to shove her kleenex covered finger into my ear and then squirt goop into it for 7 days.

I also have a suspected soft muscle injury of my right leg, which Toast insists is due to my "klutziness". Sure, I've fallen off the couch a few times, I've fallen up and down the deck stairs more than once, and I even jumped up, got my foot caught in Bleeder's jacket pocket and plummeted to the ground... but I meant to do all of that.

No, I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to stand on the coffee table

But the poop, the poop is the mystery that was supposed to be solved with the tasty new sensitive stomach salmon foodables. But I'm a puppy, and puppies eat all things except their food, so I was put on a rather foul tasting pill that they tried to disguise in a tasty caramel (I bit into it once... um... yuck) and that gave me poops that made Toast and Bleeder celebrate! Imagine having such a horrible life that someone else's solid poop brings you joy? They really need to stop and rip up some grass and shake the dirt in their ears and enjoy life.

Once I was cleared of having parasites, our daily walks started up again (thankfully), and now I'm back to cruising the streets and licking at squished snakes, toads, frogs, and trying to get at that bloated dead squirrel up the block. My walk now includes a run at the beginning and end, but Bleeder (my main walker) runs way too slow, and doesn't appreciate my sudden veering and stopping to sniff at things. She claims I'm trying to kill her.  Well... 

Of course, the poop celebration was short lived, and the moment I went off the pills... squishy poop... with grass. So apparently I'm now forbidden to rip up big chunks of grass when I'm in the yard, and this is not fair.

They also expect me to eat my food from a bowl. I don't like that bowl. I didn't like my last bowl. I don't like any of the bowls except for the small human bowl that Bleeder fills with a small amount of kibble, then replenishes when I've completed that bowl. I literally have them feeding me by hand. I'm a genius.

Until Bleeder has declared that I'll either eat, or don't eat, but if I don't eat that doesn't mean I'm allowed to eat the stuff in the yard instead, and has threatened a leash yard restriction. There are so many stupid rules in this house.

Here's one: I'm not allowed to attack them in bed at bed time.

Seriously, that's a rule here!

I'm not allowed to sneak into their "spot" and then play fight them for the spot! Ridiculousness!

They've instituted a "no play on the bed" rule and have gotten nuclear with the spray bottle of water... which I HATE! 

So, yeah, lots of poop and rules.

On the bright side, I'm getting better at squirrel stalking.

I also got a new bed, some Casper thing. It's very comfortable, so I don't sleep on it, but when I do, I always observe proper husky sleeping positions.

I also have a fun new toy called a Crinkit. Great fun and makes crinkly noises. I have yet to defeat it.

This is my flower. It rolls and I attack it.

Now if you excuse me, I have to watch out for more squirrels.

Sunday, September 19, 2021

Don't Believe Everything You See

 Another week of intensive human training has passed and I'm not too sure these humans can be trained, they seem increasingly dumber by the day. Of course they have their excuses:

  • Sleep deprived
  • Caffeine deprived
  • They are old
  • They are out of shape
  • One bleeds if you look at her wrong
  • The other claims a myriad of physical issues
  • They both have things called jobs, which takes precious time away from me
  • There's a storm with lightening and can't walk me
  • They don't appreciate my 5 foot vertical leaping
  • They don't like it when I stomp on them in bed (Toast is really sensitive about this part)
  • They no longer allow me to ricochet off the new bed (What the fluff!?)
  • Instead of getting me a friend to play with, I have to pretend to be afraid of a leaf bag that Bleeder chases me and rattles... so lame. She can't even run that fast.
One of the exercises I do enjoy is the daily walk. I have to wait until 6pm to go, and I try to get them to go earlier, but something about that time being the perfect time to wear me out for them to go to bed and forego the usual stomping, cover diving, and gnawing routine I've honed. 

The biggest news is that since I was an itty, bitty, adorable puppy, I've had some stomach upset. It usually only happens at the pre-bed poo time, but it's a bit... runny. The humans have tried all manner of potions to solve the issue. Toast suggested that it was all of the yard stuff I eat on my evening yard duty time when I'm not stalking that stupid dove that trespasses in my yard. I can't help it, I love vines, and odd dirt, the occasional stick, some leaves, bugs, and I like to chew on rocks (but I don't eat rocks, I only gather rocks because they pay me in treats to bring them rocks, or something... working breed people!)

Bleeder had noticed that I'm not very fond of the chicken food I've been on since arriving here. Sure, they tried to dress it up... with more gravy chicken stuff, but seriously... I don't like chicken. It's not very exciting. Bleeder hit up her friends (she calls them friends, but frankly I think they're just voices in her head) and discovered that a lot of her "friends" feed this thing called Pro Plan Salmon and Rice for sensitive stomach and skin. I'm sensitive. I like salmon. I try to grab it off Toast and Bleeder's plates when they eat it... flaunting it in front of me when I'm faced with a bowl of bland icky kibble.

Lo and behold a large bag of it showed up. Ok, Bleeder went out and hunted one down and carried it in the house a few days ago. She placed it inside a bin and some spilled out. I sampled it. It was tasty! I wanted more. Bleeder said that I had to transition, so only a bit at a time with increasing amounts for the next 7 days. She didn't want my stomach to become upset. Seriously? I'm already squirting the chicken stuff out in the evening, how worse could it get, just give me the whole bin!

I'll just nap here until you open the bin, thank you very much

So, she started to give me the food, but it's in dribs and drabs and MIXED IN WITH THE ICKY CHICKEN!

So, I went on strike until the situation was resolved.

I refuse to eat until this situation is resolved.

I lasted until the evening. I'm actually not a breakfast girl, and since I don't eat breakfast, I can snack through the day, or just have it for lunch... I'll show them.

When I discovered that they were putting the kibbles into my kongs as "treats", well, I threw a snit so enormous...

I'm just gonna donut until my demands are met

So, I have to deal with all of that in a weakened state.

Feeling sorry for me, Toast suggested that they get one of those calming, cozy couch covers as seen on the socials. It has a little blanket attached to three bolsters and is supposed to the the WORLD'S MOST COMFORTABLEST, CALMING BED EVVVVVVVVEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!

So it arrived. I refused to lay on it. It was a bit silly. They put it on the bed where my favorite pillow was supposed to be, so I slept on Bleeders legs. Something about not having blood flow to her extremities (I mean come on, like there's any blood left in that carcass of hers?), and it was determined to stay on the couch... where I would refuse to lay in it.

At one point it was tossed on the floor and GAME ON! It then became a wonderful thing to play with, chew on, and hump. Yep, I'm the boss of all stuffies here and if a stuffy comes into the house, it will be humped and dominated. I'm a red queen after all.

After I made sure I had dominated the couch cover, I did snuggle with it...

... and then ripped it to shreds. I think it went to the same farm as all of the other stuffies before it.

So, that's about it for now.


Sunday, September 12, 2021

Training Needs More Work

 I have been thwarted in my attempts to train these people.

While I understand they are experienced Northern Breed companions, I'm pretty sure they have never experienced my sheer intensity, drive, and cunning ability to create mayhem.

I hear it all the time: 

  • Our other dogs didn't eat everything in the yard
  • Our other dogs didn't leap up 5 foot high and try to grab the hood on our jackets
  • Our other dogs picked specific poo spots and didn't go crop dusting around on the run
  • Our other dogs liked their food
  • Our other dogs didn't eat the deck
  • Out other dogs didn't stomp on us at night after going for walks and then playing soccer in the back yard
  • Our other dogs sang the song of their people and all you do is yap. Oh wait, Loki yapped... DON'T BE A LOKI
  • Our other dogs didn't nose slam us in the... oh wait, they did, never mind
  • Our other dogs loved to play with boxes and packing paper, what is wrong with you???

I really don't appreciate this crinkly stuff around my neck thank you very much

 I'd like to point out that I have NOT chewed anyone shoes, I have not destroyed any books, journals, planners, pens, computers, wires... ok, fine, I may have sampled the coffee table a bit, but not lately and it only added a rustic patina which is worth thousands, and I may have gnawed that wooden filing cabinet a little and no, you can't put the pull knobs back on because those were especially tasty, but still... and I have tore up the wall any more, mainly because you put a gate panel over it, and I've barely even sniffed the carpet in those 2 or 3 spots in over a month... thanks to the area rugs on top of them... but I've been so good lately.

So, up until a while ago, I've been learning all of the "NO" things, but I turned that around to my advantage. The humans are so simple that I've turned "NO" into a treat opportunity.

NO ROCKS... means I get a treat for spitting out my rock, and frankly there are millions of rocks in that back yard so I'm going to be treated very well.

OMFINGGGETOFFME means I get to play with the flailing arms as I leap as high as I can and pinch whatever fat is available.

LEAVEMYFOODALONE means I get a tasty kong treat inside my crate while the humans eat.

WTFISWRONGWITHYOU means that I'll get to run around the yard with whatever strange plant thing with long roots that I've pulled out of the ground until I get tired and then I'll get a treat when I spit it out, or eat it, whichever comes first, it's a win-win.

CASEYGETINYOURSPOT happens at bed time when Toast tries to get into his spot and I steal it and refuse to move. This has started the bedtime treat ritual where Bleeder holds my attention with treats until Toast gets into bed... then I run over and steal Bleeder's spot, but she's pretty ruthless when it comes to bed spots, so I move pretty quickly out of the way.

Nobody here, just get into bed so I can pinch your fat.

That all changed up though. There are a lot less "NO" now. I'm getting a lot of "GOOD GIRL" and treats for doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!  Seriously! I can just be laying on the couch watching the neighbors and out of the blue, there's a good girl and a treat! If I'm laying on the floor while Bleeder plays her bass, I get a good girl and treat. When I'm outside and leap on them, they turn their backs, wait for me to get in front of them, they tell me to sit, then I get a treat when I do.

If I'm snorfling for rocks or vines, or whatever, they offer me a treat instead, especially if I come running over and sit. Of course I can't help myself with a little flourish by running, leaping up and sitting, just because I'm not a shill for treats at all.

If I'm REALLY intent on doing evil, they tell me Peanut Butter Cookie, and who can resist that. I have my own bin of cookies.

Part of my new responsibilities are: customs agent. No packages can pass until fully inspected.

Guarding the yard from that stupid dove that keeps landing and strutting around like it owns the place.

Best of all, our new partnership of yes means that I can eat my food where it is most convenient for me. I don't like being in the kitchen all by myself, sometimes I like to watch tv and eat or lay near the air vent and snack.

I'm kinda liking the new "yes" phase, and the humans seem less stressed when we all cooperate and get what we want. As a matter of fact, today I've been promised a new bed cushion and something called "Bully Bones", as they want me to use my teeth for good and not evil.


Sunday, September 05, 2021

Woo Is Me

 Bleeder and Toast are no fun.

They've thrown away all of my fluffy toys and my stringy toys because something about I'm not supposed to eat them.

Look, I have centuries of my wild kin built into my DNA and I know full well that when you kill your prey, you eat it, whether it be that bird that keeps taunting me in the yard and has since "disappeared" (and I swear, I don't know where all of those feathers came from, you've inspected my poo Bleeder, there is no evidence I had anything to do with it), or an annoying squeaky toy filled with fluff, or that tasty rug tug toy.

So I LITERALLY do not have anything to play with now

Nothing at all.

If only I had something to play with...

They also buy me things that spontaneously explode.

Wicked Bone #2 R.I.Pieces.

They refuse to hold my chew bones.

They also sneak around and eat MY peanut butter cookies!

I can hear you chewing in there Bleeder!!!

On the bright side, it is getting MUCH cooler outside, so it's nicer to sit on the deck and watch things like airplanes and honky geese.

Plus I can get my frisky on

Bleeder spent some time yesterday clearing out all of the clutter from under the deck because somepuppy was investigating things that "she shouldn't be getting into"... pffft.

Since I have no toys or nothing to chew on, I've taken to finding tasty rocks to gnaw on, which apparently is not acceptable to Toast and Bleeder, so they did build me a nice rock repository... except they blocked it off with chicken wire and wheel barrow walls.  What the fluff?

The good news is that there is lovely dirt under there that is ripe for digging, and so I do, thank you very much.

Today, I'm told, we'll be doing our daily walk in a very exciting new place. I really enjoy our evening neighborhood strolls, as I get to sniff new things, meet new puppies, and also poop in a new yard every time... Toast is not happy about this, as he's poo picker-upper, and for some reason in the evening, my poo is not exactly as firm as usual... hehehe.


Sunday, August 29, 2021

A Day in the Life

 Good Morning everyone,

I certainly hope you had a restful weekend and were awaken by the gentle kisses of a loved one, or as the Bleeder puts it: "GET YOUR TONGUE OUT OF MY EAR, IT'S ONLY 4a.m.!!!"

Back when I first arrived here, I would not take that for a suitable answer, and would proceed to stomp on the Bleeder and Toast, and also pull on Bleeder's hair, which may explain why she's had most of her hair chopped off and now looks like a 14 year old boy, but that's just my opinion.

Since my operation recovery, they just open the door in the mornings and let me free range in the yard. No more "OMG DON'T EAT THAT!" or "STOP LICKING THAT TOAD" (please note, the toads in Maryland are not poisonous, but they don't exactly taste good). I can eat all of the sticks I want, and leaves, and strange things that fall from the sky and Bleeder just sits there, sipping coffee and muttering "don't blame me if you die". (Also please note: Bleeder and Toast have gone to great lengths to keep me from getting something horrible, so stop dialing the SPCA and put down the phone).

I'm a grazer. I love grass. Despite the attempts of Bleeder and Toast to grow a luscious yard of Better Homes and Gardens worthy yard, I have taken it upon myself to eat it all.

During the week, there is a routine where I get crated, but Toast is working from home, so I nap most of the day (which he calls "core hours") and then wait for Bleeder to get home so we can play. Unfortunately it has been so hot (how hot is it?) that my delicious grass is crunchy, and Bleeder sweats through her clothes and pretty much refuses to run around the yard and chase me with the reusable leaf bag, which is great fun.

On the weekends it is nothing but nonstop fun. They bought me a bell to ring when I want to go out. Originally, I had to tell them by leaping up and clawing my way down the coat closet door (because that's where my leash used to hang), which was strenuous. Now all I have to do is walk to the kitchen door and jingle the bells... which I do often. A lot of the time I come in, wait for them to get settled, then ring the bells. Great fun! 

They did try to get those voice recorded buttons that you see snooty poodles using to "communicate" with their humans. Bleeder recorded herself saying "go outside"... put the button on the floor, and I ran out the battery batting that sucker around the kitchen and dancing. So now I have bells hanging on the wall.

I chew things. Everything. I especially love to chew squeaky toys, which is why I don't have any squeaky toys any more... something about "I'm not supposed to EAT the fluff". My pull ropes were taken away after I pooped a lovely string poo. Now I'm only allowed to have things that I can't eat, like chew bones, kongs, and some fire hose toys that make a pathetic honking noise and are not fun to chew or play with. I do have a myriad of balls, and the trusty soccer ball, while chewed, still gets thrown, to my happiness.

Here is how you announce that you are about to pounce on the occupant on the other side of the couch:

I'm not a fan of the camera... at all.

Here is how you sleep so that you get Bleeder's undivided attention and her telling you that you are going to fall off the couch over and over until you fall off the couch. You then blame Bleeder for falling off the couch:

Despite the heat, I rather enjoy cooking on the deck in the sweltering heat.

Then I come inside and air out.

I've been challenged to defeat the evil "Simple Human Butterfly Trash can". They claim that no husky has ever figured out the puzzle, and I'm up for that challenge.

In the evenings, when it cools down, Bleeder and Toast put their pants on and take me for lovely walks through the neighborhood. I love the new sights and sniffs, and there's always some great pee mail to read along the way at the fire hydrant. I'm always finding new things to carry with me until they make me spit it out, like the interesting orange peel, the plastic container, the dead thing in the middle of the road...

I'm a simple girl with simple needs and one of those needs is that prior to retiring to bed, I must have my 2nd poo or else I play trampoline and ricochet bitey face on the new expensive bed. I've made myself very clear on this matter, and yet the humans try to circumvent the routine and pay for it dearly by having to put pants on again and chase me around the yard with the leaf bag until such time that I am ready to make my deposit. If we are on a walk, that means I make my deposits right on the road... I feel this is polite, as I don't want to poo on perfectly tasty grass.

So, that's about it. A simple life for a glamorous husky. 

Sunday, August 22, 2021

Back to Normal for a Husky

 Well, it's been a craptastic recovery period, but I'm pleased to say that I'm back to normal now... as normal as a husky can get.

After getting the annoying strings removed, the vet said that I was off restrictions and hoo boy did I have lost time to make up.

Hey, I'm ready for these strings to come out, hurry up!

I started off with running around like a scalded weasel in the back yard, the house, ricocheting off the bed, the couch, Toast, and then clawing Bleeder. Her arms had mostly healed and we just can't have that, now can we.

With the stupid inflatable pillow off my neck I was able to nap finally.


More napping using my Bleeder pillow

Since I had ripped the wheel off my WickedBone during my recovery (pent up frustrations), Bleeder got me a new one with fancy blue wheels. Place your bets on how long this one lasts.

There was also digging. Lots of digging... I love digging.

I'm particularly pleased with this hole under the deck. I swear I smelled Chinese food.

Trophy picture

I was also able to sufficiently eat my kongs with a little help from my handy kong holder

And chew my bones... if only someone would hold it for me.

I can go on walks, and have the run of the yard to freely eat sticks and weeds and clumps of grass, and bugs, and whatever I want because apparently Bleeder has given up trying to deter me from doing husky things and just lets me be. There appears to be one solid rule she won't let go, and that's digging near the fence. She puts my poo in those holes... euw.

I have to admit that I'm being a small pain in the ass with listening to directions and doing what I'm told, but that's just my teenage years talking. I do what I want, and if I want to try to fish fresh toilet paper out of the human drinking bowl after they stand up, then that's what I'm going to do.

You want me to stop jumping on you? I don't think so, I don't care if you are "in the middle of doing something, I want attention right this very moment". Don't turn your back on my because I can jump pretty high and pinch that back arm flab (yes, I'm talking to you Bleeder, how about some upper arm exercise?)

They've tried the shaker can so often I now know it just makes a loud noise so I bark back at it, and then the spray bottle... I will get that spray bottle and then we'll see just how happy they are when I chew holes in it.

I'm also not talking to them because they got a new bed and it's a bit higher than the old bed, but they didn't tell me that when I carefully gauged my leap based on the old bed and flopped like a fish to the floor. I'll give them a pass, as it's a pretty comfy bed, but only this time.

Excuse me, I have to go find something of theirs to chew on for no reason. Nope, no spite revenge here, just your average husky.