Monday, June 20, 2022

Long Weekends

 Bleeder and Toast have been home for a long weekend because of a holiday and I'm all for more holidays if it means playing, skittering, getting tasty things in my kong bone, and spending time with them.

It has been SO HOT that I haven't been able to go on many walks. Something about the cement being too hot for my sensitive little feety feets. Early morning play sessions in the yard have to do until the weather takes a turn, which it finally did on Saturday and Sunday.

It is so hot here that we now have lizards. Well, something called a skink. I found one in the yard and gave it a good chase until Bleeder shooed me away and released it back into the wild over the fence. By the way, our other neighbor found the big rat snake she released the other day. He seemed appreciative.

This is NOT the actual skink, just one some guy took a picture of (see credit)

On Saturday we all got up, I put on my walk finery and we went for a car ride.

I love the perfectly placed cool air vent on my Tesla

Will there be Puppacino at our destination?

Of course it wasn't a National Park, just a parking lot of my vet place. Apparently Bleeder has been bleeding a lot, and since I won't let them touch my toes without drama... and blood, I was going to get a pawdicure.

I got to walk and do a lot of sniffing in the parking lot while we waited for my appointment, which didn't take long. I may have gained a bit of weight, but you can still see my curvy waist. I'm just tall and leggy and dense.

My manicurist at Countryside Vet Clinic escorted me to the back and did a wonderful job with my nails. There was no screaming. I got plenty of loving and good care, as usual. 

Then we went back home where I got to sniff my pee mail box and other parts of the neighborhood.

Then there was cheese and crackers.

I see you are eating cheese and crackers...

The supply chain of cheese and crackers is a bit slow

Some outside relaxation under the deck after a rousing game of chase the balls and wheel.

What? I'm not doing anything

Then I came inside and found some comfortable napping positions. This one is good for the neck muscles.

Then I found a much more comfortable pillow, which then complained about having to sit still on the floor so long, her butt fell asleep. 

So, it's been a very nice weekend. I'm told there will be another really soon, and I'm looking forward to that. I was also told there will probably be fireworks, which I like to watch from the deck.

Sunday, June 12, 2022

Wild Things

 It was non-stop action here at my house last week. What a week. What an exciting week!

I'm not even being sarcastic about it, it was a week!

Spring is here and there are exciting woodland creatures visiting! No, not just the boring bees that I'm not allowed to play with or eat, or the worms, that apparently I'm not supposed to roll in, but more fun things... squeaky toy things, like the baby bird!

Bleeder told me about fledgling season and apparently that's really a thing, unlike all of her other lies like "if you claw me one more time my arm will fall off". That's such an exaggeration because clearly all of those band-aids will keep that arm on your body.

To Bleeder gets home from work on Thursday and she takes me out for our usual after work play/claw/leap/eat things session and my after work poop. I poop, and Bleeder is all "hey, let's go inside and get a cookie". Well, who doesn't want a cookie, and although it's weird that she didn't play our usual throw 50 balls until I decide which one I'll chase game, I ran inside. She got me a cookie, then ran outside again and shut the door so I couldn't get out.

What the fluff is that all about.

APPARENTLY there was one of those fledgling things on the evil tunnel thing in the back yard. Just sitting there. Innocent, unable to fly... tasty. She called it a "blue jay", and baby blue jay's parents were NOT happy at all and proceeded to scream and attack Bleeder if she got near their baby. 

Bleeder (and Toast) are pushovers when it comes to animals, especially gimpy dogs, so she had to make a decision on where to "rehome" the baby jay. The general rule of all woodland creatures that trespass is they go over the fence. Typically they go over the fence at the gate area. There are no predators so they have a decent chance of going someplace else... NOT in the back yard.

She doubted she could grab it, then make a dash toward the front yard area without getting a blue jay beak to the face. To the right are the yappie dogs... nope. Directly behind is an in ground pool... nope. To the left is 3 dogs... nope. To the left rear is one tiny teacup yorkie that is afraid of everything. Yep.

So acting nonchalantly, Bleeder saunters up to the baby jay, snags it and makes a run to the left rear corner and flings it over the fence and into their bushes while angry Blue Jays swoop and scream.

The only thing I got to do was sniff and roll in the large amount of baby blue jay poop that was left from the adventure.

Friday rolls around and it's mowing day, which I'm not allowed outside during that stuff. Bleeder throws the tarp off the mower and unscrews the gas cap to put gas in and why looky there... a freshly fed juvenile rat snake is taking a nap on the lawnmower deck. 

She gently removed that with the pooper scooper, but it really wasn't in the mood for a ride, so it took a few scoops and attempts to gently fling it over the gate.

I did get to sniff the areas where it jumped out, got scooped up, and finally flung.

Fast forward to Saturday, and I did my usual Saturday squirrel stalk.

Then I mosied over to the other side of the back yard near the stupid blue jay poop covered vinyl tunnel thing and WHOA! What the heck is that long pull toy!

3-4 foot rat snake danger noodle or nope rope

Even better, this pull toy moves on it's own and OHMERGERD this pull toy just looked at me and I'm not really sure about this whole thing.

Bleeder sprinted off the deck without even knowing what was down there because she knows that look. That look of "This is probably going to be a bad idea, but I think I'm gonna go in" and stopped me... just in the nick of time because I would have kicked that snake's butt... no, I wasn't at all afraid of it, nor did I run to Bleeder and hide behind her. Nope that didn't happen.

She asked if I'd rather have a cookie, and of course I did, and she took me by the collar and we went inside, then she went out again and did this with the patent pending danger noodle removal tool that also picks up trash. Right into the front yard with the little one.

When the coast was clear, and I finished my cookie, I went out and gave that whole area a VERY thorough sniffing, but I was still very cautious because eeeeesh, that thing was huge. They also smell bad. 

The rest of the day was spent inspecting that area in case it came back, and eating goodies out of my Kong bone, but the adult kong bone is much more difficult than the little pink puppy bone, so there's a lot of this going on.

Sunday, June 05, 2022

But I'm Just a Baby!

 One of the things I've discovered recently is this whole unfair business of "getting older". Apparently I'm now considered an adult. I don't like this adult stuff, and I can totally see why Toast and Bleeder are angry all the time. Doing "adult" things is really hard.

I'm supposed to behave now. What is up with that? Nobody told me this was coming. A little warning would have been nice.

I'm not supposed to stomp on them any more. Something about it being cute and adorable when I was a smol pile of floof, but now that I weigh a bit more, standing on them seems to be out of the question, although I do it every morning anyway because I have to pee, they need to get up, I don't care if their alarm says they have 30 more minutes, my bladder does not.

They won't help me do things because they insist I have to learn how to do it myself. As if my lack of opposable thumbs doesn't come into play when opening bags of treats, or jars of tasty things, or opening doors.

For instance. I've enjoyed my pink bone for quite some time. Bleeder shoves tasty treats into the holes and then I gnaw on it. When I was tiny, I needed help and explained this by flinging it at Bleeder's head. As I got older, Bleeder would refuse to help me, explaining that I was a big girl now and needed to learn how to do it myself.

FINE! So I did. She was right, I wasn't working as hard as I should have been, so I decided to be the best "remove treats from my pink bone in the fastest time possible so Bleeder had to restuff it, therefore more treats for me" husky. I was killing it! That 15 minutes of solitude for Bleeder turned into 10, then 5, then almost immediate. I liked this gig. Treats, and treats, and treats. Even her stuffing it with cheese sticks, I sucked that cheese out in no time.

So, what happens? Not more treats, that's for sure... big red bone came into the house.

Granted, more treats fit into big red bone, but it's virtually IMPOSSIBLE to get them out without assistance! I mean what in the ever loving woo is this crap trick?

Yes, I'm trying to get them out by myself, but there comes a point where it can't be done. I'm not some gigantic bone crushing beast that can chomp down on this and squeeze the goodies out. I'm a delicate little flower of a husky. To make things worse, I'm gated off from the stairs so I can't fling it down to dislodge the goodies like my predecessor Meeshka used to do. This is foul!

The one bright side is that if I get a good head sling going, I can launch that thing straight at Bleeder and get her attention quickly to communicate that I'd like a bit of help.

Stupid chair
Lately it's been ghastly hot here and I'm NOT in the mood to run around the yard and get my steps in. My Fi collar tracks my steps and I have a quota (like a sweatshop around here, literally), so the other day I went on strike and demanded to stay indoors and broke my 216 day step streak. Toast and Bleeder were WAY more disappointed than I was, so now I'm back to a 2-day streak.

It's been a bit cooler out, but still too hot for me. I'm blowing my winter coat, so it's like wearing a winter coat in the summer, leave me alone I'll be on the air vent. Chase a ball? Absolutely not. I will play ring toss in the house though for maybe 2 throws and after that, I'm done.

So there's a lot of this

Some of this

And because there is an annoying salesperson that seems intent on getting Toast and Bleeder to come to the door (they have a hard/fast rule: if you aren't expected, you can knock until you die, nobody opens the door, even if you are literally dying on their porch), there is some of this... mainly because I'm watching you out there, and also because there's an air vent on that side of the couch.

Every once in a while I do like to go sundogging on the deck, only because when you come back inside it seems even cooler.

I'd like to point out that this is also 2 Sundays in a row where pancakes have not occured and I'm filing a grievance. 

Monday, May 30, 2022

Birds, Bees, and Bones

 I've had a very enjoyable holiday weekend. Toast and Bleeder has explained to me that holidays are when they get to stay home from work and make tasty foodables, play with me, and cater to my every whim, so I'm all in on this holiday stuff. I think there should be more of them, because I deserve it.

I continue to stalk the squirrels, and have even taken to stalking birds, as there seems to be a lot of them invading my yard space. Some birds are really stupid, and Bleeder calls them "doves". I suspect I will be having dove snack faster than I will "robin" snacks. Bleeder has mentioned that it is coming on "fledgling" season and I'm very excited to find out what those are. Bleeder is not as excited, and for some reason she has placed a box of latex exam room gloves within easy reach. Something about removing dead things from my mouth. 

Another fun thing to chase are bees. Not your tiny little bees, mind you, but the GIGANTIC deck bees that Bleeder explains are Carpenter bees. Although big enough, they do not wear little equipment belts, so I'm not sure how they do their work.

Both Toast and Bleeder always scream "NO BEES" when I chase them. Sometimes I listen, most times... nope. I'm told that although the males don't sting, the females might and Bleeder refuses to sex each bee to ensure that I'm not harmed, which I feel is very selfish of her. I also don't understand why she can smack them with the electronic tennis racket and I can't eat them. These arbitrary rules are confusing and unfair.

I'm perfecting the art of retrieving my treats from my pink kong bone. My favorite snack stuff item is cheese (of course), and when Bleeder and Toast feel that I need to just STAHP bugging them for a moment, the pink bone makes an appearance, which means I simply bug them incessantly whenever I want a cheese snack.

When I've finally emptied my pink bone, I want more. I've discovered that the quickest way to get a refill is to fling it at Bleeder when she's trying to do something stupid, like pay bills.

 I'm getting much better with my aim. Honestly, I've always been pretty good at flinging, which is why the large Chuck-it balls, or heavy toys are no longer allowed in the house due to an unfortunately well aimed fling cracking the glass on one of their pictures on the wall.

I've also begun blowing my floof for the summer, which means constant combing and brushing. I really don't mind this, as they stuff goodies into my pink bone and give me a relaxing massage while I nosh. I'm so floofy that Toast had to adjust the suction on the Roomba because on low setting it was gathering my floof and then pooping out very neat little clumps in its wake. They let the Roomba poop in the house, but if I do it, all heckin breaks loose. Yet another stupid arbitrary rule.

Well, I need to supervise Toast's washing of my car, and avoid the pooping Roomba, so gotta go.

Enjoy your Memorial day and remember those brave people that fought and died so we can have cheese.

Sunday, May 15, 2022

I Want a Change in Management

 Once again I sit down to blog and all I have left are pictures Bleeder has taken through the week and has already posted to Facebook. If she's feeling like it, she MAY post to Instagram, but usually repeats the caption.

Not only that, but she posts videos of my squirrel stalking, but she never seems to have the camera ready during those times where I've nearly captured the furry little vermin, so she's making me look inept and slow. It's a METHOD! I know what I'm doing!!

I need better social media curators. I try to give her tips and tricks, but does she listen? NOPE. I also try to give her fashion tips for work but does she listen there? HECKIN NOPE!

White clogs... there's something you don't see ANYWHERE

The only thing she could influence are lazier people than she is. I swear, her wardrobe consists of the 4 same things worn over and over in various different configurations. No matter what I tell her, she insists on wearing mismatched clothes because her method of wardrobe picking is "what's next on the hangers" and who cares if it matches. Green pants? She has green pants. Nothing goes with green pants (that she owns) so why on earth does she own a pair of green pants? More importantly, why does she wear them? Even more importantly, she owns a pair of green shoes. She feels that a brown t-shirt, green pants and green shoes are an outfit. It's not an outfit, it's a travesty.

The green pants again? What a surprise

Also, it is Sunday and there has NOT been any pancakes. NONE! No pancakes, no toast, no nothing. I got kibble. Just kibble. Sure there was a sprinkle of cheese, but it's like prison rations here.

The one shining beacon of the week has been that Bleeder has FINALLY washed my favorite blanket. This is my puppy blanket and sometimes I use it to soak up some gravy food I get, and then I suck on it. Don't judge me! It's comforting. My blanket has been sitting downstairs in the laundry room for a full two weeks waiting for Bleeder to bring it upstairs.

Bout time Bleeder

As a compromise, we've placed it on my spot of the bed so I can sleep on it, scrunch it up and use it as a pillow, or suck on it when I want. 

It finally stopped raining and I was able to go out and survey my kingdom from the comfort of the deck.

There are a lot of squirrels, birds, and other woodland creatures trying to break into my yard and I must be on constant look-out.  I'm also happy that today is Sunday and time for Bleeder to swap into clean sleepy pants because if she doesn't, Imma gonna be rolling on these cuz they're like a dead thing.

Sunday, May 08, 2022

Who Will Stop the Rain?

 I've had it with this rain.

I don't like rain.

The rain gets into my ears and that's not convenient. Plus I have to be toweled off and that's no fun, although I do get a lot of treats during that procedure, so I tolerate it.

I haven't had any time to go chase the stupid squirrels and the other day I nearly caught one.  It decided to play ring around the tree and I was a bit faster than it anticipated. 

The neighbor yappy dogs haven't been out because of the rain, which means I can't run the fenceline, get them riled up, then sit in the middle of the yard and wait for their owners to come out and yell at them to shut up. When they shut up, I wait for the neighbor to go back inside and start all over again. It's great fun until the yappy dogs are told to "go inside".

The ONLY good thing about the rain and wind are the large sticks that fall. It's a bountiful crop of large sticks that I bring inside, tear apart, then trade up for cheese, then Bleeder gets the Dyson hand held out, which means she cleans the floor of stick parts, then she stands in one place while I dash back and forth and pretends to attack me with it while I skitter back and forth. Great fun.

So, during the forever rain, there was a lot of this:

Look, Bleeder, I got nothing to do, and you watch me poo, so this only seems fair

No, I don't want to chase the crinkle tube again in the house, I want to go out, make it stop raining

What do you mean I can't lay on the clean clothes after digging a mud hole?

Look, I enjoy a challenge, but cramming cheese into this thing is a bit ridiculous


What do you mean all of the cinnamon rolls are gone? I only had two bites you pig!

THANKFULLY it has stopped raining FINALLY! The squirrels are out foraging, there's sticks to be chewed, and muddy holes to dig again! 

Saturday, April 30, 2022

Laundry Cookie

 I'm a working breed, but I don't for free you know.

So each Friday, Bleeder announces "laundry time", pulls the bag of glorious, perfectly fine stinky clothes (that don't match) and together we go downstairs and then she dumps the bag into the washer (she does NOT separate anything), tosses soapy stuff in the little drawer, and turns it on. 

Meanwhile, it is my duty to sniff around, find things I'm not supposed to sniff, or eat and get glared at and told "NO". Then I go into the music room and sniff, or try to eat things I'm not supposed to sniff or eat (I see you tasty Fender Bass), and get told "NO" again. Once we get past that routine, I run upstairs and wait patiently for slow Bleeder to get up there, then I demand payment for my work in the form of a laundry cookie.

It's actually a "Blue Dog Bakery" cookie (just get the 3lb size). Tasty. She also breaks them up and stuffs them in my little balls to keep me occupied when I'm being too... oh, what's the phrase she uses... "Pain in the butt". 

I don't mind Laundry Duty, as my responsibilities are very minimal, but the rewards are great. Plus I get a change of scenery by going downstairs and sniffing things.

When the laundry is all done, that's where the real work comes in. Apparently the clothes need to be hung up, or folded.

As Bleeder is lazy and just can't be bothered with details, she typically leaves the clean clothes shoved in a basket downstairs over night, curses as she brings them up, and then dumps the basket on the bed to sort, and fold/hang.

This is where my hard work comes in... as I am required to lay on these clothes. Yep, you heard that right. REQUIRED. It seems that the warmth of my body will help iron out the wrinkles from the clothes sitting in a basket overnight. Plus, the clothes are clean, therefore I must deposit my furs on them again. I simply cannot have my humans walking around without furs.

Give me another 5 minutes, this shirt is really wrinkly

Ya know, perhaps if you hung like colors together, you wouldn't look like a dork

After the laundry is all folded and crammed into drawers, we go out and play.

Well, you gonna come take this? Wheel of Doom doesn't throw itself.

Then I'll have my lunch.

Please tell the chef that I really like the pizza cheese better than the cheddar

Then it's onto the deck for some serious judging.

You just did laundry, those sleepy pants are getting so gamey I may roll on them

I got brushed today. I don't mind. I lay there and Bleeder feeds me little training treats while she steals my floof. It feels really nice and I'd lay there for nithing, but don't tell her that, I also want the treats.

It's supposed to rain tomorrow. I'm looking forward to getting treats for getting dried off.

Sunday, April 24, 2022

What's Happening

 Hey everyone,

It's been the usual around here, I mean other than I was driven to the vet for my annual shots and the technicians RIPPED my precious claws off. Fine, they just trimmed them, but it was traumatic. I didn't feel it necessary to scream bloody murder though. The technicians are nice and give me treats.

Here I am a year ago waiting for my appointment

'Scuse me, am I next? I have places to be

Here I was the other day

Ahem, Can we hurry this up? I have places to be

You can see, I've grown a bit, and I'm floofier. Why two leashes? Well I have a collar leash and a harness leash because my owners are feeble and need some form of braking system to keep me from dragging them into a busy highway.

Now that the weather is getting nicer, I spend my time gutting my favorite ball on the deck.

It's getting just perfect, but Bleeder insisted on getting me two others that are fun for chasing, but when it comes to a good rage chew, you can't beat the gutted ball.

Toast had to put on his pants the other day and leave all day. I do not like this. 

Toast! I know you're putting pants on, STOP THAT!

Although I'm fine in my crate, I do demand some looking out the window time, and some lounging on the deck snooping on the neighbors time, and then undivided attention time, and throw this ball for me time, so this better be a one time thing (I'm told it is not, and will be more frequent).

Hey, I just realized that you have probably been sitting at your computer, or staring at your phone on the toilet (like Bleeder does, and frankly nobody needs that much time to poop) so you need to get up and get a GOOD STRETCH in... ready...

That's better. Now where was I?

Tip of the day: get your human to put a pillow on their lap and then lounge on them. Make sure you shove your front feet into their chest forcefully. They really like that. Very comfy.

Make sure the pupparazzi isn't lurking during your private Toast time... yell at them.

Yesterday was very nice, so Toast and Bleeder came out to sit on the deck with me, watch the stupid squirrels, judge the yappy neighbor dogs, swat at random BEES DON'T EAT THE BEES, and relax.

It was very peaceful and relaxing.

Until Bleeder discovered something.

She started stealing my floof. MY FLOOF! Something about "plucking season". I cultivated that floof for a reason and now she's just randomly pulling my tufts out.

She also mentioned something about "combing", and I'm sure blood will flow.

Saturday, April 16, 2022

Wayback Machine - The Wedding

 Well everyone, Bleeder suggested that since my predecessors lived in a time before the interwebs, that I spend some time learning about them and giving them some space on the blog. I'm all about sharing, just as long as I get some cheese in trade, so... FINE!

Remember, this all happened 34 years ago (that's 238 in dog years), so Bleeder's recollection may be a bit... foggy.

Bleeder and Toast were dating and talking of marriage. Toast was a United States Marine, and Bleeder had recently been honorably discharged from the United States Air Force, (and how they met is another bizarre story for another time) and got a cozy ground floor 1 bedroom apartment, and as a wedding gift to Toast, an adorable Siberian Husky named Nikki.

All they wanted was a quick civil ceremony with a reception of close friends, but there was a bit of an issue with setting a date for the wedding.

  1. Toast's parents wanted to fly across the states from the West Coast to attend the wedding. We told them we would let them know a date. Bleeder's parents were all "well, just let us know, or not, whatever".
  2. The USMC was undergoing an Inspector General (IG) inspection and didn't want any more paperwork to deal with, so they politely asked (ordered) him not to get married until after the IG inspection was completed.
Another detail was, if we didn't get married by the 15th, we couldn't file the paperwork and not get the Basic Allowance for Quarters (BAQ) which would pay the rent. So people always ask "why did they pick the 14th of April?" Well, they didn't, that just happens to be the day the IG inspection completed. So around 2pm it was done, so there was rushing around to get dressed up, gathering of witnesses and a hurried dash to the Annapolis courthouse before it closed to officially file the paperwork they had already pre-filed.

Bleeder grabbed the only dress she owned, Toast got into all his USMC finery and off they went, thankfully before closing time. They sauntered through the court house through the line of convicts in hand cuffs, and had to wait for the couple dressed in leather, and then it was their turn.

They both laughed at the "for richer or poorer" part because how much poorer could they get? About the only thing they had in the fridge was some hamburger, an onion, and some condiments.

Then it was a quick stop at the liquor store to pick up a keg (because Bleeder and Toast are all about swanky) and back to the apartment to prepare for the guests. The guests pretty much consisted of a LOT of Marines ready to celebrate the end of the IG inspection... oh, and that wedding thing, and a few USAF friends.

Nikki had a ball with all of her new friends, but the party was nearly de-railed when it was announced that something was wrong with the keg. People kept having to pump it, and they thought the hose had a leak or something, but then they noticed that once it got pumped up, a certain devious husky would walk up to it, nuzzle the dispenser, and drink the beer that came out. By this time she was sloppy drunk, dancing with a lamp shade on her head, and telling everyone that she loved them.

While they were dealing with drunk puppy, the phone rang and a high ranking Marine answered the phone, said "he can't come to the phone right now, he just F'ng got married" and hung up. Remember Issue #1 above? 

Yep, Toast's mother had called... before Toast could call her back, the phone rang again and the high ranking Marine yelled "STFU his mother's on the phone" for ALL to hear... including Toast's mother... so that's how they found out about our marriage (off to a great start there). So there was THAT conversation.

Meanwhile the guests were passing around the onion to take a bite of, and Bleeder and Toast have no idea what happened to the hamburger and condiments. Despite their attempts to keep the Nikki lush away from drinks, she soon found that if she looked adorable, the guests would put their cups on the floor to pet her and... when they found her staggering around looking for her car keys proclaiming she was fine to drive, they put her in her crate to sleep it off.

The party went on through the night, only one neighbor came to complain about the noise but when faced with an apartment filled with Marines, they congratulated the happy couple and left.

The next morning Nikki walked around sullenly wearing sunglasses, and begging Toast and Bleeder to "keep it down". By noon she was back to her crazy self.

She still loved a good beer now and then, but only in moderation.