Saturday, July 01, 2006

How To Drive the Human Woman Insane

Since we've been cooped up in the house with all the rain, Loki and I thought we would plan a special surprise for the human woman. She's been getting too lax with us, which we enjoy.

She's allowed us to riccochet off the expensive squishy bed because we can't run outside... ok, we can run outside, but its been raining, and we don't like the rain.

She hadn't cleaned out the tasty trash bin in a while, so I've been helping myself to the kleenex goodies in there.

She's tried to hide during my claw-fests during thunderstorms, but I've managed to hunt her down no matter where she is to claw her leg.

Yesterday was nice out. Not too hot, not too wet, not too boring outside. There happened to be a little baby bird trying to hide behind the shed. The humans don't want us to go back there, mainly because we'd use that as a hiding place while we tunneled to freedom, so they put up all of these eleborate fencing things up to keep us from getting back there. They should know by now how well those work.

Both Loki and I figured out how to get back there yesterday, and unfortunately that little suck up mutant pawed puppy got to the baby bird first. I had to just sit there and watch him suck on it, teasing me. He takes his sweet time with stuff, sucking on it, spitting it out, chewing on it, spitting it out. Sammy, with his amazing bionic hip, wasn't able to jump over the fencing with us, so he sat in the yard and complained bitterly.

Next thing you know, we hear the human woman come outside... and she calls us. She calls us again... she calls us screaming and frantic now. Heee, she thinks we've somehow escaped! This is too funny! Even if we could have jumped back across the fencing (which we couldn't), there was no way we'd come running, since it was so much more fun to sit there and listen to her totally freak out!

Finally she comes running, suspecting what had happened, and boy was she not happy in the least! WOOHOO, she was steaming mad, especially when she saw Loki with two little bird feet sticking out of his mouth.

I have to admit, back behind the shed is a bit nasty, as there are all sorts of spider webs and junk back there, so you should have heard her cursing when she climbed over the fence, then proceeded to retrieve the bird from Loki's mouth (which he was now trying to eat as fast as he could). She was not at all pleased with handling the now gooey bird and tossing its succulant body over the fence, and then having to pick Loki up (growling and snarling of course, cuz he's a nutcase), and tossing him back over the little barrier.

She came back for me, and stared at me. I tried not to laugh, but it was so hard... like she's going to pick my massive fluffiness up and put me over the fence... right! She managed to squish the barrier down a bit and I delicately jumped back into the yard for her... I seriously thought she'd have an embolism if I didn't cooperate at that point.

Now that our little hidey hole was discovered, the human woman adjusted the barrier to keep us out (for now), and we danced around happily. "Look what we did, you were so scared, aren't you glad we didn't escape? PET ME!"

We'll keep that little trick in the back of the trick book for now, since she's expecting it, and watching us like hawks when we go out now.

I'm invisible!

1 comment:

Woofwoof said...

Score one more for HULA. I was expecting a "sitting on the woman's head" story, but this was even better. The woman looks to be one very short step from being insane anyway.