Here are my qualifications:
1. Demonstrating disruptive behavior – sometimes when I think my humans have taken my for granted, I will decide to skip a meal or two, lay around, and sigh a lot. Then I will insist that I have to go out several times. I’ll drink a lot of water so that I can pee every time I go out. Then they humans will start to worry and give me extra pets and attention. Then sometimes I will wait until my humans are resting on the couch and dance around and run to the door and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk…then my humans each try to get the other one to take me out, and then finally one of them has to take me…and I just prance around outside and sniff the air and dawdle until the human says "Come on, pee pee, poo!" and I sniff some more, and prance around, and then the human says, more impatiently, "Pee pee! Poo poo!" It’s fun to make them say it really loudly, especially if other people are walking by.
2. Cause your human to freak out for no real reason - see #1, where I skip meals and lay around and sigh a lot, and act like I have an upset tummy, and act like I REALLY have to go out and it’s URGENT. See photo of me acting sick.
3. Cause human guilt for no reason – when I have an upset tummy I will lay on the floor by the table and stare at my humans. My mom swears that when they have to fast me for a day (fasting sucks, I means you get no food!) I somehow make my face look thinner and my eyes bigger.
4. Destroy something - I’m six years old, so I have an impressive list. During puppyhood I destroyed countless pairs of my mom’s socks, underwear, shoes, shirts. I also went after leather gloves, and paper – I LOOOOOOOVE shredding paper! Last night I almost got away with a roll of wrapping paper and a bag from Bath and Body Works that smelled like caramel popcorn!
5. Human behavior modification - See #1 where I make the sleepy humans argue over who has to take me out every hour for no reason! I also love to leave the blood on my paws after I eat a beef rib. I think it makes me look cool, especially when I am going to day care. My mom makes me come into the kitchen and has to wipe the blood off with a wet paper towel, and then we are a few minute late and she gets my fur on her clothes! See picture of my bloody paws.
6. Being dressed up as something for the humor of the humans – I put an end to that. I like bandannas around my neck, they are okay, as they enhance my handsomeness. I do not tolerate hats of any type. Two years ago my mom put a cowboy hat on my head for Halloween. When she came home from work the next day I had shredded the cowboy hat and left it right by the front door.
7. Love of Kleenex - I do love kleenex! I destroy them, but I don’t eat them. I mean come on – I get raw chicken and beef – the flavor of Kleenex just can’t compare! But I do love to shred them and strew them all over the floor, as well as any type of paper or cardboard. See photo of me with shreds of paper.
- Even though I'm suppose to be behaving and being cute and fluffy for the stressed humans during Sammy's recovery, I'm happy to see that others are able to carry the HULA torch while I behave. Congrats Indy. - Meeshka