Tuesday, December 12, 2006
New HULA Member: Shiro
Most Honorable Meeshka,
I wish to officially join the ranks of HULA, although I have been unofficially doing HULA's work for some time now. I am very dedicated to the cause! My name is Shiro; I'm the white husky in the picture. I am what they call a foster dog, which is the best thing for a husky because it allows you to complete many training missions on your practice human before going into full-force HULA mode with your forever human. I am going to outline some of my accomplishments for you.
I am a master of disruptive behavior. My disruptive behavior began before my foster human even picked me up. She couldn't find anyone to help transport me, so she drove three hours to get me herself. However, the joke was on her because she failed to take into account that though we were both in the state of Indy-anna, we were in different time zones, which caused her to arrive during the time the shelter was closed for lunch. I took advantage of her untimely arrival at the shelter to very sneakily place a nail beneath her tire, and then let her drive away. I came from a very small town so there wasn't much to pass the time, so my foster human went into Wal-mart. After an hour there waiting for the shelter to open again, she came out to the parking lot and noticed that her tire was completely flat! Ha roooooo! She then spent another hour out in the car waiting for some guy to come put her spare on for her. After that, she came to the shelter and picked me up. It took a long time to drive home because she had that spare tire on and you can only drive so fast on that thing.
Of course, that was only the beginning. Some of my other favorite disruptive behaviors have included giving my foster human the slobberiest husky kisses possible at inopportune times, such as when she is in bed. I am so persistent with these, she sometimes has to cover her head with the blankets...and then I just lick the blankets until they are soaked which makes it very hard for her to sleep. I also like to make her wake up in the morning in the same way, with the addition that in the morning I will walk on her to make my way up to her face for the slobbery kisses. I like to put muddy paw and nose prints on her work clothes just before she is going to work. Oh, and one of my favorites is to do my loudest bark-woo in my foster brother's ear (which then causes him to snarl and growl at me) when my foster human is trying to watch a TV show or talk on the phone. Not only is this noisy, but it makes her watch us so that we don't get into an argument. She is sooooooooooo easy to distract!
When I first got into foster care, I acted like a little husky angel, but by week two, I was in full cause-human-to-freak-out mode. I will spare you the disgusting details of my devious plot, but let's just say that it involved copious amounts of doggy waste products that just weren't right. This resulted in a trip to the vet where it was determined that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. Ha rooo! I also come in from playing the other day holding up my rear left leg. This caused the human to inspect me for anything imbedded in my paws or a cracked paw pad, and then she gave my leg a massage. I guess I need to hone my skills because when none of these helped, she put me in my room with my dinner instead of rushing me to the emergency vet. However, it did get her to serve me my dinner with much more efficiency than she is usually prone to, so I guess it worked out okay for me in the end.
I have to admit, I am not the best husky in my house at causing the human guilt, but I do have one trick for this. Every time she stands up, I run to the door, wagging my tail furiously and look at the doorknob expectantly. Since the human is very rarely actually going anywhere, let alone taking me for a walk or car ride, this behavior often causes enough guilt for her to break out the treats or chewies for everyone.
My favorite mind game is lulling the foster human into a false sense of security and then strike out on a HULA mission. I was such an angel that first week in foster care, that my human thought she could trust me and leave me safely ensconced in my own room. Boy, did I prove her wrong. I am attaching proof! After that, I had to go in the crate. I acted like I didn't mind that for a couple of weeks, but then I figured out how to open the latches on the crate and escape from it in various other ways. I made a once-nice crate into something very difficult to use....success! Then she tried putting me in an airline crate. That only lasted one day as I was lying in such an enormous puddle of drool by the time she got home that she felt too guilty to try it again. Ha! I've got her number. She is totally under my spell. Now she lets me stay loose in the house during the day. I am biding my time until my next strike.
As a foster husky, one of my responsibilities is to go to Petsmart on the weekends to try to find another human to enslave. As you can see, it is quite unnecessary to do more to my foster human. She was already a husky slave before I got to her; I just had to remind her of that. She is such a slave that she keeps rescuing huskies and releasing them to new homes in which to spread our message of fluffiness, destruction, and woo woos. The foster human thought that since it is the Christmas season, that it would be cute if I'd get in the spirit. I'll go along with it if it furthers HULA's mission and makes someone interested in adopting me, but I don't have to be happy about it. I later tried to eat this hat.
And as far as loving kleenex....well, I would have to say that I do. I like all trash! I will dig through even the most innocuous-looking trash (like the trash can that sometimes gets left in the living room which is devoted almost solely to husky hair) to attempt to find a tasty morsel such as a used kleenex or a box that may once have been anywhere near food. If I don't find these, it is still fun to shred up the gobs of husky hair and use them to re-fluff the floor and furniture (which is as it should be).
Thank you, most gracious Meeshka, for uniting everyhusky in our great cause. Keep fighting the good fight!
Yours in fluffiness,