No, I'm not talking about the pimple on the human woman's face, although it is so disgusting I can barely look at her, I'm talking about the Mutatoe.
It seems that he didn't go "away" to rehab like I thought he would. I was looking forward to at least 28 days of non-ear piercing yapping and him hitting me with that... mutatoe. Oh no, he didn't go anywhere, apparently rehab consists of him not getting any socks... duh, there's a brilliant idea, glad I have such an intelligent human woman. Ok, I take that back, if she were any smarter then I probably wouldn't get all of those medicinal oyster crackers, but still, come on!
So last night I settled in for the night on my comfy human woman head pillow and drooled a little bit, just because I know how much she appreciated drool in her hair in the morning. As usual it gets a bit hot, as the human woman turns into raging furnace at night, and I did see a program on human spontaneous combustion that said that humans that get really hot at night are just flaming time bombs waiting to happen. For my own safety, when she starts cooking, I move onto the air vent, well away from the fire ball of death, should it occur. Right around midnight, she cools off and its back up on the human woman head pillow for me... except for last night.
Last night I was ready to move back up into my spot... but there was something there. At first I thought it was a giant bloated red pillow, but then it snored and I realized that it was THE MUTATOE! The Mutatoe had totally stolen my space on the bed! Normally he's at the foot of the bed with Spinless Bionic Hip Pup Sam, but tonight Sam had managed to sprawl the entire foot of the bed, leaving no room for Mutatoe. Like a good Mutatoe he should have just jumped down and slept on the crappy dog bed on the human man's side, but NOOOO, he just made himself right at home in MY spot and HE WOULDN'T GET UP!
I woo'd. I stomped my delicate little feety feet. I ran around the room woo'ing so it sounded like WoooOOOOOooooooOOOOOO! Nothing, no movement from either him or the human woman, who was using HIM as a pillow and drooling on HIM. To make matters even worse, even if he did get up, the Mutatoe drools like a garden hose. I have no idea why, but its so bad that when the Human Woman goes to bed before the human man, Mutatoe lays on the human man side and the human woman actually has to put a towel down under him so he doesn't soak the sheets. He's such a mutatoe! Even if he did get up, who wants to lay in Mutatoe drool covered sheets!?!!???
I'm certainly not happy with the way my house is being run lately, so there will be changes! Just because I felt like it, I totally attacked the Mutatoe when he tried to run up the stairs and slammed him to the floor and told him to stay out of my spot. He will respect my authority!