Saturday, March 25, 2006

I don't need a bath

I have spent months cultivating a nice sheen of dirt. I spend hours lolling in the lovely cool dirt outside so I can be nice and messy. I certainly don't need a bath!

The human woman just came in and scratched my belly, looked at her hand and pronounced: "You need a bath".

No I don't.

The humans have this clean fetish. They think that husky smells need to be masked with some stinky faux flowery spray, or carpet cleaning stuff. They don't appreciate all the effort we go through just to get a nice sheen of dirt on our fur to protect us from the elements and bugs.

We like smelling like huskies, and we shouldn't smell like avocado oatmeal bisque, or apricot lemon souffle. When has a dog ever smelled like mint, unless they rolled in something dead that recently ate mint.

Just because I leave a small dirt spot on the sheets at night doesn't mean I need a bath. Just because when I shake I send a fine powder of sand and dirt shooting through the air, doesn't mean I need a bath. I'm perfectly comfortable in my husky stinkiness and layer of grime, thank you, now leave me alone.

I doubt the human woman will have time to make good on her threat today. She mentioned something about going to a bridal shower tonight. See, not only are they clean freaks, but they go off to places and bathe with a bunch of other clean freaks. She has a perfectly good shower here, but feels the need to go off and do it someplace else. I'll never understand the humans.

Her going off to this shower thing is good, since we'll be alone with the human male, who tends to feed us too much (actually he feeds us what we should be getting, not those miniscule amounts the human woman feeds us), and he's much easier to drive insane than the human woman. I'm sure he'll be running around screaming before she gets back from the group shower thing. I'll let you know what evil things we manage to do to him later tonight.

(stinky and loving it)


Woofwoof said...

Look at the positive side. A bath is like a huge diet for a husky. You can go instantly from cute and fluffy (and fat) to stick bone skinny when your fur is all wet. Use that to tell the humans that you are undernourished, and need more Cheez-It.

Second, they go through this routine, shampoo, lather, rinse, twice or three times if they think you are dirty. Wait until the last rinse. When they are not looking, jump out of the bath, run out to the yard and roll around in the grass. Dirt sticks better when you are all wet.

The best part is watch them scream and yell. It's going to be hilarious. Remember to video and post for all huskies to see. I am buying tickets already.

IndyPindy said...

Also, if they do give you a bath, make sure that you shake and get them as wet as possible!

Tira said...
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Ivy said...

my peepol just gave me a bath and now i stink something awful. those crazy peepol seem to think it is an improvement, but i'm with you: i like the way i smelled before and i worked hard to get that way! now i have to start all over again.

of course, there is one good part. now that my peepol think i am all soft and "good" smelling, they pet me a lot more and dont yell when i jump up on the bed!