Sunday, August 12, 2007

My Tirade

No, this isn’t a rant. Well, it’ll probably turn into one, this is about the blood test that I had done to see whether or not I’m fluffy for a medical reason, or if its because the human woman is feeding us too much.

As I suspected from Mutatoe’s wide butt, the human woman is feeding us too much, and that is why I’m especially fluffy. My thyroid test came back completely normal, therefore I’m just a full figured gal who is very fluffy and generally cranky.

So, why am I calling this “My Tirade”? Well, because that’s what the human man calls my thyroid test: a tirade test. Ha ha, get it (I don’t, so don’t feel bad). He seems to think that the reason I’m so fluffy and cranky is because I go on tirades, which I do, but I just don’t get it. Human humor is so lame.

For instance, I think its incredibly funny to wait at the top of the stairs for the Mutatoe to come running up. Once he’s at the top of the stairs, I attack him and slam his head into the floor. He thinks its funny, I think its funny, the humans don’t think its funny.

The Mutatoe thinks its funny to wait near the house for me to walk up there, then attack me. I don’t think that’s funny. Spineless Bionic Hip Puppy Sam thinks its funny to stand in the yard and avoid being attacked and letting me get attacked. I don’t think that’s funny either.

We all think its funny to wait for the human woman to sit down, then Mutatoe needs to go out. Wait for her to sit down, then Spineless Sam wants to go out. Wait for her to sit down, then I just claw her for no reason. That’s funny. She doesn’t think so.

We also think its funny to bang on the door, then only one comes in. Wait until we’re sure she’s sitting down, then bang on the door, then only one comes in. Repeat until all are inside, then start asking to go out again the moment she sits down. That’s a hoot.

We also like going off somewhere and being really quiet. This means we’re up to no good, so the humans come running to find us, only to see that we’re sitting very innocently somewhere, doing nothing. Once they leave, we get into the potentially poisonous chewing gum that was clearly out in the open in the human woman’s bag on the desk, pushed as far as possible out of reach. That’s funny.

Mutatoe likes to get one sock and guard it. This seems like a non-event, but then the human woman searches frantically for the matching sock, thinking he ate it. That’s funny.

Clearly on top of the language barrier, we also have a different sense of humor than the humans.

In case you want it, my commentary on the justice system is now on cafe press.

(clawing the human woman awake at 5am on a sunday, now that’s funny)


Tucker said...

Meeshka, my Human Assistant is the same. Yesterday I was sure he said he was taking Jaeger away. I would have done a happy dance except I was in my crate with a nummy treat.

When they came back, Jaeger told me they went to the vet, and he has gained 5 pounds. And H.A. thinks I am cranky and need to lose weight too.

I don't understand human humor either.

Turbo the Sibe said...

I'm going to have to order some justice wear!

Would it be a conflict of interest for you (as the Queen) to be the Chief Justice on my Supreme Court when I'm President?

Kapp pack said...

Meeshka, Canyon waits at the top of the steps for me and attacks me on my way up. I don't think it's funny. Are you sure the mutatoe thinks it's funny?

-Kelsey Ann

Holly said...

I think you are VERY funny! I would suggest a doggie door for you, but that would take away quite a lot of your fun with the human woman, and we can't have that!

I love your commentary on the justice system!! You should mail one to the judge!


cyber-sibes said...

Our new boy Jack must have the same sense of humor, cause he thinks it's a riot to wake hu-mom up every morning at 6:15, including weekends, and scream for his breakfast. I don't think it's funny either, I need my beauty sleep.

Yawning woooos,

Louka said...

Clawing your human woman awake at %AM is the funniest thing ever! I just woo her awake at 5 on a Saturday whe n we're visiting friends in the country, then do the "do I want in or out" joke until 8 so that she can't go back to bed. Hee hee hee. Humans are so primative, that they can't understand our humour!

My mommy says that she really sympathises with your human woman and is sending her good vibes and support. My best friend Lily's human woman had a similar accident, but her it's her legs that are now all weird. It's been a year, now, and she's still on crutches and battling the justice system. So claw your human woman in sympathy for both or us, ok?


Opy - the Original GruffPuppy said...

Hey Meeshka,

First of all - you are not fat, just big boned :-)

Secondly, I hate to say it - but mum was wearing her sleepy pants to do the packing, purple ones - no less !

Thirdly, I gotta get me one of your shirts - they is cools :-)


The Brat Pack said...

Mom has to have one of those shirts. I like the way you work, you have the humans sooooo trained.


Tasha & Eva said...

Oh Meeshka,
I used to be extra fluffy too. (Allegedly, I still have 5 extra lbs of fluff). It sucks!! Now I get less kibble and fewer treats. But on the other paw, I do get more walks and get to go to the dog park more often. Hmmm. I vote for more food and more park.


Guinness & Shiloh's Family said...

Nothin wrong with a little extra fluff - all the better to bash the others with, right? My mom LUVS the tshirts and is begging dad for one right now!

Marley said...

I love the fluffy girls...what sibe wouldn't?!