Monday, October 26, 2009

Woo is Me

Since everyhusky suggested I try a more pathetic pose, I opted for this one.

As always, your suggestions were right on the mark. The human woman felt so sorry for me that she immediately jumped up, scratched my belly, provided me with some tasty oyster crackers and even let me claw her a bit. She's wearing a band-aid to keep from bleeding all over, that's just how much she loves me.

Saturday, October 24, 2009


I thought that with the spineless bionic hip knee puppy Sam being in seclusion (he's taking his seclusion way too seriously, and now likens himself to Brian Wilson and is creating some album that consists of snippets from Fox news without leaving the aerobed) I'd have a lot of time to use and abuse the human woman. On the contrary, she spends most of her time running up and down the stairs to do Sam's bidding. I'm not happy about this development at all.

This afternoon I was even so starved for attention that I allowed her to think that she was able to lure me into the bathroom, where I allowed the clipping of 4 nails for the price of oyster cracker bribes, just to get some one on one human woman time. This morning I used her as a trampoline and drew blood, so I guess that's what started the whole kick to clip my nails. She will never get them all at the same time and tomorrow I'll be sure to shred that new pillow of hers.

Earlier today I struck this pathetic pose in an attempt to get some attention. It did work, as she got out the dental chew bone, smeared the tasty poultry toothpaste on it and held it for me to chew on. Once again, I speared her hand with my lethal dew claw as punishment, and to her credit, she just let me do it. I think I'm wearing her down with my moping, pouting, and fluffy poses. I suspect that I will be back as the queen of attention once I throw in the pathetic sigh of loneliness and then I'll spear her in the eye when she bends down to pet me.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

My World Update

Well every pup (hamsterrier, Huffle and others), its been rough around here lately, what with the $15,000 pup recovery going on. I swear, he milks it with his pathetic whining, and his "oh I can't possibly get off this cushy aerobed can you just hand feed me while I lounge" and his "I need to go out so stop the others from grub digging so I can go pee once then ask to come back inside". He's doing a very good job at annoying the humans, who simply do whatever he wants because he's "recovering".

Just the other day he was actually using the bad knee to walk around, but the humans noticed it and said what great progress he's making... so being the shrewd husky that he is, Sam realized that if he was recovered, his private room, private tv, private crate space and the cushy aerobed would go away, so he immediately started limping more, whining, and had a bit of diarrhea. Way to milk it Sam, I'm proud of you.

Unfortunately that means that the Mutatoe and I must suffer with the human man upstairs when they come home from work and only have time to drive the human woman insane when she comes up to sleep with us. We successfully stopped the Sam sleeping schedule (human man one night, human woman the next) because the human man doesn't tolerate us well. He was not amused when we made him take us out after we got our bed-bed treats. Then we woke him up at midnight and refused to come back inside, then we refused to go into the bedroom, then after he layed down and drifted off to sleep, we started all over again. It was determined that he would spend the entire recovery downstairs with SBHKS (Spineless Bionic Hip, Knee Sam). Now we are free to stomp and claw on the human woman all night and boy does she deserve it.

One nice thing about the recovery is that Mutatoe and I get free access to the deck. The deck is fun to lounge on, fun to run up and down the stairs, and fun to stand in the yard while the human woman tells us to come in, and we pretend we don't hear her, which forces her to walk down the stairs, tip toe through the yard poo only to have us run right by her and up the stairs... we love doing that.

Here is a picture of me posing on the stairs after luring the human woman into the yard... as soon as we figure out how to slam the kitchen door and lock her out, we're so doing that.