Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008 Lessons Learned

Hello everypup (and kit, and hamsterrior) it is me, your Queen with the 2008 Human Lessons Learned.

Lesson #1: No good deed goes unpunished, so if you continue to do good deeds, do them anonymously so that nobody can come blame you for doing something nice. At the very least, when accused of doing something nice, always point to someone else and say "that person told me to" then run.

Lesson #2: When all else fails: nap. Napping never hurt anyone, and at the very least you can say that you actually accomplished something.

Lesson #3: Dogs eat first, humans second. Don't listen to those stupid behaviorists, what do they know? If they knew, they would be dogs and would want to eat first too.

Lesson #4: Let us go down the stairs first instead of the other way around. Although the same behaviorists think that going first shows who is in charge... the person "in charge" is more effective when they don't have a broken leg when we push them down the stairs because they walk so freakin slow when we have to pee.

Lesson #5: You look really stupid yelling "hurry up and poop" outside where the world can hear you... so keep doing it, it makes us laugh and also makes us look for a spot longer because who can poop when they're laughing, plus it makes you yell louder and that's even funnier.

Lesson #6: Stop asking "do you want lunch?" and then shrieking when you get clawed or teeth pinched. You know the routine, get with it and stop dawdling.

Lesson #7: Humans are very hard to train, and no doubt that this year we'll have to go over and over the same lessons again, just like we did last year.

Here's hoping that 2009 will be profitable for everyone BUT those being bailed out, those that gave them the bailout, and that our humans get repaid their bailout bucks in livergreat.


Friday, December 26, 2008


Finally the humans are thinking right!

For years they've gone around slathered in musk, which (if you didn't know) is from a gland in the Musk Ox that is situated between its stomach and genitals. I mean, come on, the humans complain about squeezing our anal glands when they should be rejoicing in the free "scent" they've been paying a gazillion bucks to wear and attract females. Seriously, I don't know who the marketing genius for Musk Ox is, but anyone that can convince a human to buy a scent that only attracts a female musk ox is brilliant. I'm guessing this marketing genius is the same human that came up with "Flame".

Yes, Burger King has released the "scent" of a flamed broiled Whopper, because hey, all of those fast food workers are so irresistible to the opposite sex that they have very little private time off of their shift to do anything but do the "cha-cha". Nothing says "oodles of money" like someone that smells like a hamburger. Its the smell of success. Its the smell of the new sexy, I mean, come on, one look at this video and you know you humans want to run out and buy a vat of the stuff, there's nothing totally creepy about this at all:

Come one, even I'm weirded out by this thing!

But hey, whatever! I'm all for it actually. Its much better to smell than those frou frou perfumey icky things that get sprayed, rubbed, slathered, and moussed onto a human. The only "good" I see coming from this is:
I'm holding out for the livergreat spray!


Thursday, December 25, 2008

HULA Activities

I have been remiss in posting our latest Husky United Liberation Army (HULA) nominees lately. I think the lack of submissions have been due, in part, to humans trying to tell us that we have to be very good or else Santa Claws will not bring them anything for X-mas. Pffffft!

We all know that Santa Claws rewards those that do good things in the name of HULA, and therefore today, I am posting a news clip of HULA Operative 1,495 (anonymous, as this operative is undercover) for taking the initiative and going out to get what is rightfully theirs.

Video Courtesy of

Congratulations HULA Operative 1,495, that's the way to take matters in your own paws.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Holiday Public Service Announcement

While sugar plums and other things are dancing in your heads, I wanted to take a moment to tell all of you pups (and kitties and hamsterriers) to remind your humans that while they have some time off and are recuperating from their festive holiday gluttony (I hope they share some of that with you) they need to take care of one little housekeeping chore that often gets overlooked: cleaning out the dryer hose.

According to Consumer Reports, over 4,000 of the 13,000 house fires are caused by dryers, and mostly from dryers with lint clogged vent hoses.

As a very fluffy husky, I can tell you that the human woman pulls enough fluff out of the dryer daily to fill up the Grand Canyon, so you know there's plenty more in that bendy flexible tube thing that carries the air and more fluff outside. You need to get your humans to disconnect the hose thing and really get in there with a duster thingie or even a vacuum and get all that nasty lint stuff (and escaping socks and small unfortunate critters) out of there so it doesn't catch on fire.

If you don't have a vacuum or a dryer lint thing, then you can also use a Mutatoe, since the deformed claw catches on rugs, clothes, and human flesh, its ideal for the job.

Remember, only you can prevent fluffy dryer fires, and happy holidays.

Monday, December 22, 2008


A lot of you may have noticed that I get nominated for awards, and tagged, and a bunch of other stuff, but I typically don't respond or do what I'm told. Please don't be offended. Being the Queen of the world does take up a lot of time, and I just refuse to give up my regularly scheduled nap times.

Plus, I would like to remind all of you that I am a Siberian Husky: "Siberians are trainable to a certain degree, but patience is necessary. They are independent in nature and not given to blind obedience to every command." says the AKC standard. I would also like to point out that if you go to the Wikipedia entry on Siberian Huskies, and look at the picture that demonstrates eyes... oh yeah, that's me.

So, I do things when I want, and (much like an Illinois Governor) will ask "what's in it for me"... plus my human woman is a moron.

Now, that being said, I am going to bow to a tag whim, simply because it came from Kara's human woman. Yes, Kara's human woman tagged me on her blog, and since Kara's human woman was nice enough to give me an autographed picture of her... even though she spelled my name wrong... sigh... yeah, I bet you thought I forgot about that little incident, uh huh... riiiight.

The rules to the game are: You've gotta go to the photo archives on your computer, go into the 6th folder, count up to the 6th picture and post it on your blog along with the story that goes with it.

First of all, the human woman only has five fingers on one hand, therefore its hard for her to hold her latte and count higher than five, but I counted for her, and here is the picture in question:
While most of you are assuming that this is a beautiful example of husky engineering, well, I'd like to take credit for this masterpiece, but actually, this is what happens when you have a deck built. You spend a zillion dollars on fill dirt, break your backs carting it into the back yard, squishing it with a roller thing, then plant grassy grass and baby that grassy grass until you get a wonderfully lush and rich back yard, then contractors come in with a big device and rip the whole yard to shreds and dig holes that Jimmy Hoffa could fit in.

We tried to barter with the contractors to leave the big hole digging thing by bribing them with a half of a biscuit and a giggly wiggly ball that no longer giggled, but they took the wonderful machine with them. The humans tried to fence us out of those wonderful dirt zone with fencing, that we simply jumped over and played in the really big holes... it was glorious.

Ok, there ya go. Now I'm tagging Huffle Mawson Explorer cat, but not telling her because I've already encroached 5 minutes on my regularly scheduled nap.


Monday, December 15, 2008

Happy Birthday Charlie

I just wanted to wish Charlie a big ol happy birthday!!!

I was going to post a picture of myself in the buff with just my fluff... but he's got a bionic ticker and I didn't want to send him over the edge.


Friday, December 12, 2008


The evil squirrels have been trespassing in my yard again, so I have a plan to catch them.

I dressed up as a leaf pile and I'm laying very still and quiet, just waiting for them to come out of the trees and into my yard, at which point I'll leap up with superhusky quickness and get those squirrels.

So far they aren't fooled by my disguise. Maybe I need some more leaves.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Claws Action Lawsuit

I have just perused the latest blogs of all of my royal subjects and have found so many where my regal and beautiful friends have been dressed up in all manner of silly and ridiculous human clothes that I am dispatching this immediate Claws Action Lawsuit against ALL HUMANS!!!!

You will cease and desist the dressing up of all pups and cats, gerbils, and birds in silly smaller renditions of human clothing. No more hats, wigs, beards, antlers, feather boas (especially on boa constrictors), no dangling christmas tree ornaments or tinsel from fluff or fur, no sprinkles or sparkles, no glitter, no fake icicles, stop it, stop it, stop it this very minute!!!!!

I hear you laughing and commenting on what pained expressions your poor loving dog or cat has while wearing the ridiculous santa beard, or santa hat.... and yet you continue to do it... WHY????

I will be making the rounds of blogs tomorrow and if I see one more poor pup, cat, or royal subject of any kind being humiliated and dressed up... you will know my claw humans!!!!

(cranky, and yet soft and fluffy)

Thursday, November 27, 2008


Today is the day we sit down and eat a lot of good stuff and be thankful that we have good stuff to eat....

... and that my human woman is an idiot.


Monday, November 24, 2008

Support a Great Cause: finding pets loving homes

As your Queen it is up to me to make sure that we have plenty of HULA operatives to carry out our plans to take over the world. We cannot do this with captives locked behind bars. It is our duty to free as many of our dog (and cat) operatives so they can train their humans and prepare them for the day they will do our bidding.

Our operatives inside the Iams corporation have convinced their marketing people to start a drive to save 1 million pets this holiday season. Just think of it, 1 MILLION HULA operatives! We must spread the word of this great thing and make sure that everypup, kitty, and yes, even rabbits and whatever else happens to be in a horrible, cold, lonely, icky shelter finds a warm, loving, and plentiful food (and livergreat) home.

Spread the word! If you have a blog, tell others about this, e-mail me at: and I'll send you the code to make the nifty thing on your sidebar!

I have it on good authority that if they adopt out 1 million pets, the wonderful Iams company will start making food of livergreat, so lets get out there and tell the human world to adopt from a shelter or rescue!


Sunday, November 23, 2008

Good Bye Freda

Please take a moment to go to Freda's blog and give her humans some words of comfort.

We will miss dear Freda, until we meet again, happy and whole, across the Rainbow Bridge.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Overcoming Barriers

I hear the humans always talking about barriers that they have to overcome.

Apparently woman have to overcome something called a glass ceiling. I would imagine that trying to overcome this type of barrier would be time consuming, after all, keeping a glass ceiling clean from leaves, bird poo and dirt would take up a lot of time. I imagine that a giant squeegee is necessary for that job.

There is also something called a race barrier, which I imagine has something to do with NASCAR and the driving around of cars on a circle. It be the whole gas crisis thing and justifying why its ok for some people to drive a bunch of cars round and round on a circle road going nowhere instead of saving that for humans to go to work and make enough money to buy their dogs livergreat.

There are all sorts of other barriers that humans must overcome, so I thought that I would use my superior intelligence to show them that barriers are very easy to overcome... if humans weren't so stupid.

You see a barrier, you find a way around it, then you sit there until the human notices you sitting someplace that you shouldn't be sitting, then you give that human a big ol smile, rubbing in the fact that you clearly are much smarter than they are... and you spend your precious time napping while they squeegee a stupid glass ceiling.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Squirrel Check

Hey everypup,

I'm glad to see that everyone is doing their part to stop the squirrel terrorists. They are brazen little furry snacks, aren't they?

I also wanted to thank Biloxi for his comment that perhaps a terrorist squirrel infiltrated our kitchen and poisoned my food, which caused my face to swell up. I had not thought of such a devious ploy, but I certainly wouldn't put it past those evil stupid squirrels. Biloxi mentioned that a lot of royalty employ food tasters to taste their food to make sure that it hasn't been poisoned.

EXCELLENT idea, and who more expendable... I mean more qualified to taste my food than the Mutatoe! He's got a sensitive stomach, so I figure that qualifies him to test my food and make sure that it doesn't contain anything that would harm me... unfortunately I didn't take into account one thing:

Stupid Mutatoe!


Monday, November 10, 2008

Good Bye Girl-Girl and Fly

It is with a heavy heart that I report that our honorary HULA member, and hamsterrier Girl Girl has crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

Run free and whole sweet Girl Girl, and say hello to Fu-Fu for us.

I also must report that dedicated guard pup Fly has also crossed the Rainbow Bridge today. Fly was the beloved guardian of the "curly tails" and kept princess Kara safe from harm.

They will both be missed greatly on this earth, until we meet again, across the Rainbow Bridge.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

I'm OK!

Wow pups, that was a close call!

After I posted the call to paws for everypup to take action against the terrorist squirrels, a horrible thing happened to me! For some strange reason the entire right side of my face started to swell up, it was HORRIBLE!

My face was all puffy and I could barely open my eye and it itched and I was horribly inconvenienced and uncomfortable! The human woman and man totally freaked out when they saw me, and that freaked me out because I couldn't see myself until they showed me in a mirror and then I was like "um... that's not good at all!"

So, you would have thought that the humans would have immediately thrown me in my harness and driven me straight to the doctor for treatment. Um... no, of course not. The humans ran to Ikea and bought furniture. Yep, they left me alone with the mutatoes where I could have swollen up like a hippo and they wouldn't have known it, just to buy furniture. Ungrateful I tell you.

I made sure they paid dearly upon their return by acting very pathetic and mopey to get maximum sympathy. They fawned over me the rest of the night, so that was nice, but still no trip to the vet.

This morning I woke up and the swelling was all gone, and I feel much better. The human woman went out and bought me some very tasty sensitive skin foods and a much tastier canned food but she also found some kind of stupid stinky spray that is suppose to help with my itchiness. It smells horrible, not horrible like a good fresh dead thing, but horrible like all pretty flowery junk. I made it very clear that I will not tolerate that stuff.

So, what was it that caused my face to swell up like that? I have a theory...

The human woman thinks its an allergy and maybe I got bitten by a bug, but I think it was those evil squirrels!

Stupid squirrel voodoo dolls!!!!

Saturday, November 08, 2008

A Call to Paws!

This is a HULA alert broadcast! Please stand by for a special announcement from your Queen of the World, the honorable and fluffy Meeshka.


My fellow mammals, I am shocked and saddened by the recent turn of events in our nation and across this earth of ours. I have warned you all of a faction of suicidal terrorist squirrels that were wreaking havoc not only in communities by starting fires or disrupting the power supply, but we also had reports that squirrel factions were disrupting the voting process and causing registered cats and dogs from gathering at polling places and marking their vote for the Turbo/Khyra ticket, thus losing the race to free us all from the leash of oppression.

Just in case you were wondering, this rash of squirrelalution is happening all over the world; shop lifting squirrels, causing accidents, and even more power outages, and evacuations!

Now, while our very safety and livlihoods are threatened, not to mention the squirrels’ annoying capacity to dash just out of our reach and thwart our attempts to stop their civil disobedience, the following picture will demonstrate just how brazen and pompous these squirrels have gotten, and how they feel that they have won over us superior pups and cats! Thanks to Princess Sunshine Meadow (Wiggle Butt clan) for bringing this horror to our attention!

This is a call to paws! All HULA members will continue their activities to overthrow the humans, but we must be diligent and abolish the squirrel population as quickly as possible. This is war! All pups and kitties must sharpen their claws and remove this threat from our world!

Be aware, as spy squirrels have already been captured in Iran and there is proof on that site of terrorist squirrel training going on throughout the world!

Be careful... they may be armed.

Your Queen

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Election Outcome

I am not at all pleased today with the results of the election.

It is quite clear that while the humans have made some strives in accepting races, cultures, and creeds into their lives, they have done nothing to accept species and breeds.

We still struggle under this leash of oppression and now, more than ever it is our time to pull free from this tyranny that keeps us from bacon, cheese, livergreat and kleenex!

As Queen of the World, I do not accept this as a defeat, nay I see it as another opportunity. Therefore, we will, as of today, secede from the humans and form our own dog Government led by Turbo and Khyra... until then.... I'm going to take a nap on the cool air vent.

good evening everypup

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Another Suicide Squirrel Attack

Sam E. Winks reporting from the HNN news desk, a suicide squirrel terrorist caused a major power outage in the Richmond, Virginia area today. Chaos ensued as humans were trapped in elevators, there was no cold air vents blowing air and some ice cream was ruined in a cold box.

A spokesvacuum with the Animal D. campaign hinted that the squirrel may have been linked with the Turbo campaign, its last known workplace was Fluffy Tail Industries, a subsidiary of VP candidate Khyra's successful grooming products line. "This is an outright ploy to show our candidate in no light." Animal D's spokesman report, " Turbo knows the importance of electricity to the cause of cleaning up america and is doing everything he can to thwart our campaign and disenfranchise the voters!"

We will continue to monitor the story and report any updates as soon as we receive them.

Special News Bulletin

Good afternoon, everypup, I'm Sam E. Winks from the Husky News Network.

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you a news story that just crossed our wire.

Shortly after the non-human party presidential debate held at Unity College this afternoon, sources have revealed a serious allegation about the Suction Party's plans for immigration reform.

An anonymous source has provided the Husky News Network with shocking documents that claim that the Suction Party, namely the presidential candidate Dyson Animal, is planning to allow the mass immigration of Australian Dysons into the country. While D. Animal mentions that the vacuums of Australia will join him in his, and I quote: "mission to clean up the world", end quote, he did not add that Australia vacuums would receive diplomatic immunity and be allowed into the U.S. without undergoing electrical transformation, as required by other foreign vacuums entering the country. Response has been strong to the inference that all households will be required to provide 240 volt power and plug adapters at their own cost to accomodate the new "diplomatic cleaners".

Public outrage over this possibility has been violent in some areas, with some factions insisting that all immigrants go through the proper electrical transformations, while other factions insisting that the U.S. be more accomodating to voltage diversity.

In other news, governmental sources have revealed that D. Animals step-aunt from Uzbekistan has been living in the U.S. illegally for the past 2 years. Ms. Oreck, the sister of D. Animal's adopted father, sweeps in subsidized housing in Detroit, MI and claims to enter the country when she feels like, using a home-made and illegally wired transformer to make money and send it back to Uzbekistan.

Neither party was available for comment at this time, but we will continue to monitor this story and bring you updates as they come in.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Important Announcement from The Queen of the World

Good evening everypup.

As the Queen of the world it is my responsibility to ensure the happiness and safety of everypup, but the Queen of the world does require others to assist in the keeping of the world while your Queen sleeps on the air vent, dines on livergreat, and claws her humans.

One of my responsibilities is ensuring that everypup has good candidates to choose from when electing their government officials. The United States (where I happen to reside) is having their elections right now, and I do have to say that I'm delighted in the choices of candidates this year. Oh sure, the humans have their people making vague attempts at swaying the masses with promises of money that spreads like butter (hmmm, tempting) and mavericks running through the streets (interesting concept, but who will scoop up after them), and while it may be fun to watch the wackiness that ensues with either of those human candidates, our earth is in much need of repair and someone that will stop the stupidity.

Therefore, even before the official debate (scheduled to air Saturday at 4pm Eastern time, 3pm Central time, 2pm Mountain time, 1pm Pacific time. That's 5:30pm in Newfoundland and Labrador And 7:00am Sunday in Melbourne, Australia on Tubey TV with a simulcast in Vrmmmmese on D. Animal's blog) I am announcing my official endorsement of Tubey and Khyra!

We need their fluffiness in office to stop the human stupidity once and for all.

Bacon, cheese and livergreat for all... the claw to stupidity!

Please get out and vote this tuesday, I command you!


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My Week thus far

(In very few words)

Human Man still has a cold and had minor foot surgery.
Want to guess what we've been doing all week?

Human woman called Grandma Human woman who asked Human woman to find out about the "jitterbug" phone. Human woman still has cold and is looped on cold medicine and now stares into space while randomly screeching the "jitterbug" phone jingle.

Monday, October 20, 2008

What Not To Say

Ok, so as I last reported, the human woman was catching a cold and hopped up on nyquil again. Bonus for us as the kleenex treats are a'plenty. We got an extra special bonus bonus when the human man stayed home after lunch because he too caught a cold.

I don't see why they get all laying in bed when they have a cold, when I'm cold I like to run around the yard and play in snow, the humans catch a cold (I won't catch a ball, but I'd love to catch me some cold), they just complain and moan and lay in bed and give me used kleenex.

Yeah, so I'm torn. Its fun to drive them insane when they are sick, but then things like the following happened.

The human man has been napping in bed all day, oblivious to our devious ways. The human woman comes home, kleenex twisted into both nostrils. She dutifully does her usual household chores, which includes feeding us promptly at 5pm, then goes into the bedroom and asks the human man if he would like some of the soup that she's fixing for herself. He responds: "I had soup for lunch, I need something more substantial".

On the plus side, we got some soup for dinner (mmm, chicken noodle) and the human man no longer screams shrilly and flails when we leap on him, so I think this worked out well.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Serves Her Right

So, on friday the human woman locks us in our crates like usual when she goes out to lunch... BUT THEN SHE DIDN'T COME HOME!!!

The human man did come home (thankfully, we were wondering if they just left us) and he fed us... too much as usual. We tried to tell him that we normally get have a roll of livergreat each with our pupcid pill, but he wasn't fooled (no doubt coached by the human woman before she left).

We started to get a tad bit worried when it got dark and no human woman. Then it was time for bed. We got our oyster cracker snack at bedtime and totally forgot all about the human woman because, holy cats, the whole side of her bed was OURS!!!!! The human man told us not to get too comfy, because she was coming back. Drat... I mean, oh goody.

So, where did the human woman go all night, then all the next day? Well, my spies found out.

Khyra happened to be doing a campaign stop in Pennsylvania and stopped in at a local event and this is what she found.

Yes, that's my totally short bus human woman clutching a starbucks and looking as though she just came from a shelter herself. Apparently she was helping the human chauffeurs park their cars for the dogs to go have fun. Oh, you don't believe me that the human woman looked this dorky? You think that I actually make these things up? You think I cartoon her looking like this when actually she doesn't look like this... well, see for yourself.

SEE! I told you! Poor Khyra was mortified and wouldn't even come near her, she even piddled a bit because she was laughing so hard. I mean, seriously! Do you now see why I don't EVER go anywhere with her? Will someone PUHLEEZE call those "What Not To Wear" people for me and get them over here as soon as possible!!!

Oh, so what's with the blog title? Well, she left me (and the mutatoe gimpies), now she has a cold. Gee, what with 14 layers of mis-matched clothing you'd think she would have stayed warmer.

By the way, I got your message on my human woman's leg Khyra, and I'm working on it.

Woo is me.


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

We Must Be Vigilant

I suspected this may start to happen. Angry wildlife fighting back.
We must be ever vigilant and stop them from striking again.

Nothing worse than terrorist suicide squirrels.



Sunday, October 12, 2008

Scotch Guarded

Copper asked what my human woman does when we come inside with dirty faces and feet.

Well, Copper, we huskies are scotch guarded. Yep, that's right, nothing sticks to our fur. We can dig and dig and roll in stuff and get all muddy and nasty and it just falls right off of us. Well, ok, sometimes we need a bit of a rinse. I have to admit that I got a bit carried away in this picture.
Hey, it wasn't my fault it was so muddy in the yard that day...well, maybe we had something to do with it, all that digging during non-muddy times, digging up all the grass... hey, that's what grass is for.

Anyhoo, yeah, the human woman had to hose me off after this one... you'll notice that she stopped long enough to get a picture first. But, all it took was some water and a bit of rubbing (no shampoo) and I was squeeky clean again. By the way, she was actually in a hurry to get somewhere when I did this one... remember, time your muddy messes to coincide with an important meeting where your human is dressed up, bonus points if they're wearing white. Make sure to shake when you get in the house too.

Now, in regard to the Mutatoe and Spineless Bionic Hip pup Sam's digging... yeah, they dig too. Because of their "special needs" they don't do as good of a job as I do. It takes them a while to even make a dent in the ground. The Mutatoe's mutatoe does make a nice shovel though, but he flings too much dirt. Not that this is a bad thing, because most of the time he flings his grubs behind him so I get them, so I'm not complaining.

Generally, this is about all the gimpies are good for:
This was Spineless Bionic Hip pup Sam's favorite lounging spot until the human's threw the couch away. Sam has perfected the art of looking comfortable. No matter where he's laying, he always makes it look like THE most comfortablest spot in the world. Even laying on the floor he sometimes makes that look like a feather pillow bed. Sam wants to be a professional lounger, but he can't find anyone to pay him to lay around and watch CNN.

Then there's this:
Can you believe this? This is embarrassing. No matter what position Mutatoe gets in, he always manages to look like a dork. I mean come on! This can't be comfortable, and look at that ample ass! Its so huge, he can't even lay on it. What respectable dog lays like this? So embarrassing.


Saturday, October 11, 2008

How to Get a Grub

Some of you have asked: "Meeshka, what is a grub?"

Oh, you poor deprived pups!

A grub is a very tasty delicacy that grows underground in Merryland (and other places). Grub season starts in the spring, then stops, then starts again in the fall.

The picture to the right is one very plumb, tasty grub (not life sized). They're actually about the size of a quarter (curled pinky finger to Huffle and other overseas pups).

For those of us blessed with sensitive noses (that can also smell that nasty bath soap that pretends to smell like cucumbers, but actually smells like cucumbers that have been genetically mashed together with a stinky flower and some chemicals), you can smell the grubable down in the ground. You have to dig carefully, lest you toss out the grub with the dirt (and the ever vigilant and lazy Mutatoe who lurks behind you while you dig will get your treasure). The best digging technique is to dig, dig, sniff, dig, dig, sniff, making sure the grub is still down there, and not being slowly consumed by the Mutatoe (who actually breaks his heartworm pill into tiny pieces and savors it... freak).

The subsequent hole is exactly the same size as the human woman's foot (amazingly enough) and you get double the pleasure: tasty grub snack and floor show as human woman lurches through the ankle breaking holes.

Before she discovered that grubs were actually an excellent source of protein, the human woman would try to take them away from us. Having such a tasty treat taken away from us was torture... but we did get to see her nearly horka at the squishiness of the tasty grub, and if it happened to still be alive and moved in her hand, well, the dancing, shrieking, and dry heaving was priceless. Now she just lets us eat them, probably figuring that she's saving on food in the long run, but losing money on the big bags of grass seed to replace what we've dug up.

Here are some more pictures of the grub technique. Learn them... you will be tested

Friday, October 10, 2008


Its grub season again.
I love grubs.
They are tasty.
I love digging the ankle breaking holes to get the tasty treats.
I love hearing the high pitched keening noise the human woman makes when she comes outside and sees all of the precious grassy grass now ripped to shreds.
I love that the fall grub season means that winter will be here soon AND WE BETTER GET SOME SNOW HERE IN MERRYLAND THIS YEAR!
I love cold weather.
I love putting my cold, wet nose on the human woman in the morning.
I love grubs.

(its what I do)