Sunday, November 29, 2009

Upfront Money Needed to Ease Anti-Man-Made Global Stupidity Deal

By Sam E Winks (CP) - 1 hour ago

Merryland - Money on the table - as much as $40 gazillion - could help close a deal in Merryland next month and keep Anti-Man-Made Global Stupidity talks moving toward a new global treaty in 2010. But if more stupid nations see too little offered up front, the United Canine conference could end in a peeing contest.

The money would help stupid countries cope with hordes of stupid humans, lack of functioning things, and other effects of stupid humans, while also helping them cut down on stupid humans. The funds might eventually come from new sources, such as a tax on buying stupid things, but negotiators, for now, are seeking quicker infusions.

“Rich countries with smart people must put at least $10 bazillion a year on the table to kick-start immediate action up to 2012,” Queen Meeshka of the World told reporters last week in a preview of the two-hour conference opening next Monday in Merryland. “Once smarter countries start ponying up, no offense to the horse community, then stupid people will fork over the cash because they’re too stupid to know any better.”

The needs are becoming increasingly clear.

An international scientific study that wasn’t checked by anyone and performed on Pentium processors that have a logic flow problem said that stupidity is rising faster than anticipated. Humans are going out to shopping centers wearing pajamas, or worse, spandex and thongs with bunny slippers and demanding cheaper goods be simply given to them because they can’t afford them. Stupidity threatens to drown the Maldives, a tiny low-lying Indian Ocean island nation where nobody should be living in the first place, but stubborn stupid people believing that sinking ocean-front property is profitable live on houses built on stilts.

Offers of assistance thus far have been “so low, its like arriving at a pig farm with a tooth brush” Meeshka said, snorting and pawing her nose.

In scores of nations, money will be needed to build schools where actual things are taught such as “how to count back change” and “why not to use gasoline on propane grill fires”. Queen Meeshka predicts that much of the upfront money would go to “capacity building” - training, planning, squeaky toys, and Wubbas, as well as helping to rebuild trust between smart and stupid humans.

Queen Meeshka will be sending a trusted representative to represent the United States of Amerifur, who will lead the contingent in not only brokering a plan for smarter humans, but finding ways to squeeze funds from non-compliant nations.

H.A. Turbofire, congressional candidate for the 14th Missouri District and former Presidential front runner, will represent the Canines in establishing a “stable and predictable” revenue stream that is not dependent on vagaries of budget-writing in national capitols. For more information on H.A. Turbofire’s record on anti-Man-Made Global stupidity, please refer to the candidates Web site.

“I am certain that Turbo will do what humans have failed to do, and most likely will continue to fail to do, but that only means more livergreat for Canines” Queen Meeshka woo’d shortly before she left to attend to other pressing business in the yard.

Copyright © 2009 The Canine Press. All rights reserved.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Catching Up

So much to blog about, so little time with the computer (thanks to Spineless Bionic Hip Knee pup Sam's recovery time).

Things should be getting back to somewhat normal very soon, as I heard the humans discussing that Sam's recovery should be ending Monday, at which time he'll be introduced back to the pack, to run up and down the stairs and play outside with us again, and we'll be graced with a whole new downstairs fun room to play in once the human woman convinces the human man that Ikea furniture needs to go down there and not photography stuff. We can hardly wait.

Despite my royal edict, we had some losses recently, and for that I am very sad. As your Queen I wish I had the power to keep all of you safe and sound and healthy, and spoiled by your humans, but unfortunately the power of the fluffy is not strong enough for the pull of the Rainbow Bridge. We all know that our jobs on earth are not over once we cross, and we're called upon to comfort those who are still waiting to be reunited with their loved ones. It is with great honor that I call to Snickers and Doodles to comfort those that have passed before you until their loved ones can be reunited, and to comfort Darrell "Stone Cold" Canter, a good man who helped others through the charitable organization "Nam Knights".

Friday, November 20, 2009

Candidacy Announcement

It is my pleasure to announce that Sam E Winks will be running for the non-existent Maryland 66th Congressional District Congress position.

The 66th Congressional District has gone long enough without proper representation, and we feel that a canine is in the best position to provide the leadership needed for job growth, fiscal responsibility, and true conservative values from a Siberian Husky leader.

It is an honor to be the first to endorse Sam E Winks as I feel that he will truly pave the way forward to a better, prosperous, and better availability of Livergreat to all!

Queen of the world

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Royal Edict

On this day, 18 November 2009 of the human calendar, I hereby decree that no pup, kit, hamsterrier, member of HULA, or anyanimal that walks on 4 legs (except squirrels) is not allowed to become sick or injured for as long as I decree it.

We were all saddened by the passing of Dakota, but now we have others who are sickly or injured and I simply will not tolerate any more sadness in my world.

Please lift your head and give healing woos to the following:

Tori had emergency surgery and is still in the hospital
Tehya had to go to the vet and have her butt squeezed.
Earl is screeching and may have spine issues or he could be faking it, who knows, but he needs woos.
Dusty has IBD and spent a lot of time in the hospital, but is on the mend!

Enough is enough, so go paw some healing thoughts on their blogs and give out a big woo to ward off the bad mojo that has been affecting my friends... you can also try stomping your delicate little feety feet at the bad mojo too, that helps, and so does clawing your human.

The queen of the world

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Run Free Sweet Dakota

Please give a sad Woo at the passing of Dakota.

Also visit Dakota's blog and paw some kind words to her human to let her know that we are thinking of her right now.

Run Free sweet husky, run across the Rainbow Bridge, until we meet again, whole and well, healthy and fluffy, run free.

Forever in our hearts.


Saturday, November 14, 2009

For Snickers

Hey everyhusky (and pup and kit, and hamsterrier), I know I haven't posted in a while, been busy, but I need everyone to go here and read how they can be a part of the healing husky powers for Snickers today.

Go there... stop reading and just go there, I command you!

Queen of the world