Sunday, September 25, 2022

Catching Up

 It's FINALLY getting cooler outside, so I've been spending a lot of time in the yard eating forbidden things, doing forbidden things, and gathering rocks to trade for pieces of cheese.

Bleeder has, for some reason, deemed Pink Bone Cheese Time at 6pm sharp. That's a whole 2 hours after I eat and can be considered a form of torture. I impatiently wait and at 6pm sharp I fling my pink bone at her to gently remind her that it is now official Pink Bone Cheese Time.

Sometimes she packs the cheese in too tight and I can't get to it easily, so I'll pout and give her the big eyes until she feels sorry for me and helps push the cheese within easier reach. She's such a sucker for that. I'll also deposit Pink Bone on her lap to announce that it needs to be refilled when there's actually still cheese in the center, but it's not fresh cheese, it's gooey cheese and I like my cheese firm.

Last week Bleeder ate some food that was poisoned (or so she says) and she spent all day in bed being all pathetic and not tending to my needs. Something about an upset stomach and nausea, blah, blah, and I don't know why she didn't appreciate my gentle nursing techniques.

She's such a wimp. My stomach hurts, I'm nauseous, now I'm bleeding from your talons.

Last week there was also something very scary in the yard, up in the air, I can't describe it, but I refused to go out in the yard. It was just too scary. I forgot about it the next day, but let's just say it was scary and I didn't appreciate being leashed and dragged out into scary yard when I didn't want to do my "duty" in the scary yard... there was bandaids involved there. Since bandaids are becoming involved, that means it is time for my pawdicure next week. That means a lovely ride in my car, and lots of fragrant sniffs in the vet clinic parking lot.

I won't allow Bleeder or Toast to clip my nails. Nope, not happening. According to the vet staff, I saunter into the back room, offer up a paw and let them do it without screaming or flailing. They give me really good treats. Then I prance back to Bleeder and Toast in the waiting room like "what's so hard about that?". They roll their eyes.

On weekends I've been going on "sniff walks". They used to take me for "walks" which meant I had to walk and not spend any time sniffing the scenery and enjoying the smells. That meant that I needed to pull them really hard to get to the next available sniff spot and get my sniffs in before they caught up and dragged me away from the sniff spot.

Bleeder got tired of being dragged all over, and the walks weren't that enjoyable, so now we go on leisurely sniff walks. They let me go where I wanna go, sniff what I wanna sniff (except the sticky rose bush on the corner), and we go at my pace, not caring about steps or exercise. They've attached a leash to the back of my harness, and one to the front of my harness and we do spend a lot of time circling around when I start pulling, but I found that if I don't pull a lot, we don't circle around a lot, and then I have more opportunity to sniff. I also know that I can take my time and enjoy my sniffs, Bleeder and Toast enjoy the walk, I enjoy the walk, and we all enjoy the walk, which means more walks.

For those of you keeping count; half ball, then quarter ball became no ball recently, so I'm down to one ball.

My favorite ring became a noodle, and while I still enjoy playing tug with it, it also makes a lovely pillow.

Since ball went away, and noodle isn't as fun as a ring, I've dragged a new ball and new ring inside the house.

Last night I noticed that Bleeder was watching the Instagrams and laughing, then got on her computer and ordered something. I waited for her to go get some coffee and checked her browser history and found that she ordered me one of these to play with. I'm very excited and can't wait for it to arrive. If you have the Instagrams, you can see more pups playing with one here.

Now if you'll excuse me...

It was pancake Sunday this morning and I'm very tired from my feast.

Saturday, August 27, 2022

The Art of Eating

 I like routine.

My handlers are hell bent on not being routine because they say that routines make you complacent and then when something different happens and the routine is ruined, then you feel stressed.

There is an entire month of difference and it is named UGHust.

Nothing has been routine since this month started, and all of this change in routine, different people coming in, the handlers are stressing about things, coming and going, people coming and going, one leaves, the other stays, they both leave, they both come back, the new loud alarm thing. I'm actually the ONLY one dealing well with all of this difference in routine.

Let me know when you're done freaking out, I'll be out here

I had JUST trained Bleeder to stuff my pink bone with cheeses and goodies and tasties (oh my) so I would be preoccupied for 5 minutes and give her some peace and quiet and all of that just POOF went away just because I would forego my dinner to make room for all of the treats. 

I know that I need to watch my figure, and stalking only takes up so many calories and steps, so I thought it was only fair that I trade out my kibble portion for the cheese bone treats. My handlers did not see it the same way. They seem to think that I NEEDED to eat my kibble BEFORE I got my cheese treats. OH COME ON, I've seen Bleeder eat cheesecake for breakfast (and not share), so don't give me that whole you. have to eat your dinner before dessert spiel.

My kibble strike went on for 2 days. To make up for not eating, I was grazing in the yard and I may have eaten too much grass and when my poo got a bit... grassy, the Handlers gave me tasty canned salmon food mixed with rice and warm water. That was nice. What wasn't nice was no treats. None. My tasty crate kong was full of... KIBBLE.

Wasting away... in my crate

I found another supplement that came from a box in the bedroom called "nose candy". These pillowy little sheets in snack sizes are easily dispensed, shredded, and consumed. I feel that it's just a fiber supplement. The Handlers think that it's not for eating, but for blowing their nose in and disposing.

Anyway, I may have snacked on a few too many, and my poo was a bit thick. Bleeder called it Pooper Mache and threatened to display it as a sculpture. From then on, they've hidden those treat dispensers. Unfortunately this was also an issue with my predecessors, so my Handlers know all of the tricks already. So unfair. I need to up my game.

Since I was on a strict dog food only diet for the next few days, I felt it only fair that I help them to lose a few pounds. If I can't share with them, they can't have anything. So I blockaded the kitchen and fridge.

Gotta pay the snax tax before you can enter

Finally I got so hungry that I ate the plain kibble with cheese sprinkle and an amazing thing happened... I got dessert cheese bone! 

Then I ate my breakfast bowl clean and I got bread from Toast

I LOVE bread. I love bread more than cheese. I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!?! Especially the bread called baguette. It's chewy and crunchy and tasty!

So, what have I learned this month so far?

1.) I have to eat my kibble in order to get tasty treats. This sucks.

2.) Baguette is tasty, so I'll choke down my kibble if I get more of that.

3.) Bleeder can't match clothes for instance, she mainly wears gray and black outfits, but when she tries other colors she looks like a parade float has exploded. for instance:

She bought these protective sleeve things for yard work and times when I'm a bit rambunctious and in the clawing mood because I can just look at her and make her bleed or bruise. I pointed out something quite obvious... there is nothing in her closet that matches these horrific things. She'll wear them anyway. 

They say dogs are color blind...

Sunday, August 21, 2022

What a Wacky Two Weeks

 Hey, yes, I'm still here, but my computer hasn't been so I couldn't blog.

This has been a wacky two weeks here in my house. Lightning struck something near us (it blowed up our neighbor's tree bark), and we had a pretty sparkly blue light show on the computer hub under the tv.

From there on, it's been nothing but non-stop fixing everything that got blowed up in the house and that required strangers coming in to fix or replace various and sundry things, and more scheduled for later.

My computer went to the shop and got picked up yesterday. Bleeder had to reinstall things and update things, and tweak things, and then spent time on the socials and I glared at her and reminded her it was blog time, so she's sitting on the couch pouting now.

One of the things that blowed up was the security system, so that got replaced and new and improved things. One of the new and improved things was the way that it announced that it was being armed. 

The old one just beeped a lot and then beeped faster and then stopped. That was fine.

The new one SCREECHES AND BEEPS AND FLASHES AND SCREAMS, WHOOPS, HOLLERS and that REALLY scared the crap out of me and I sang the song of my people. Thankfully Bleeder and Toast can monitor me, saw what happened and stopped the horrible cacophony and then I heard Bleeder calling to me from the ceiling that it was ok, and I was fine. I calmed down quickly and ate my kong goodie, but couldn't help thinking "why is Bleeder on the roof?" When only Toast came home, I made sure to stick real close to him in case that racket started again.

They have come and gone a few times since then and it hasn't made that noise again, so I'm getting more relaxed about the whole thing. I'm still miffed that I can't snoopervise the repair people though.

Bleeder's truck was in the shop since forever, and she was in a snit of epic proportions about that. When she finally got it back she was so happy and I wanted to celebrate its return with her, and I may have gotten a bit carried away and accidentally clawed her arm.

 I swear, she's got skin like wet toilet paper, I barely touched her. That may or may not have had anything to do with them taking me to go get my nails trimmed. They claim they made the appointment a week ago, but it's a bit too coincidental. Of course, as we came out of the house, Bleeder got her right index finger caught on the leash and it sawed off a big chunk of skin near the nail. Normally she carries a bag of bandaids, but since we were just running to the vet, she had to use her jeans. She's so embarrassing when we go out. Not only can't she match clothes, but there's usually blood, stains, and food on them.

Naturally I was adorable and well behaved at the vet, and they easily clipped my nails without a struggle or blood letting and then pranced back into the waiting room. I asked them to leave one dew claw with a sharp bit... just for special occasions, like when the existing 6 bandaids get healed and removed.

Right now I'm on day 2 of "I refuse to eat my kibble, please give me cheese or just canned food instead" strike. I can tell by the breakfast kibble still in my bowl and no treats that my kibble strike will be coming to an end quickly. 

That's about it for now. I continue to love the wonky dog door. Oh right, that's another thing that needs fixed because it was installed wrong and we're waiting for that to get fixed, but my part works perfectly... and I can easily bring in live cicadas!

Sunday, August 07, 2022

Must I Do Everything

 I know I'm a working breed and all, but the chores around here keep piling up.

Neighborhood watch


Storm tracker

Yep, that's a storm
Food taster

That banana looks dangerous, better give me some to test

Explaining tv shows to Toast (and eating waffles)

This is the part where it eats her brains

Fashion consultant for Bleeder

You look absolutely ridiculous

Tech support assistant

Look, I said control shift delete now let's go play

Now... now I'm supposed to let myself in and out with my new dog door.

At first they gave me treats for going out and then coming back in, which I felt was only fair, since I'm now doing all of the work. Lazy humans. Can't even be bothered to get up and let me out any more, I have to do it.

Then the treats just stopped. No incentive to go in, or go out.

What? No cheese for coming in?

There are a lot of advantages to being free to come and go as I please. When it's roasting hot outside and they want me to play, but I don't want to play, I just run inside. Let them stand out there and sweat and get eaten by mosquitos.

They seem happy that I no longer need to fling my entire body on the glass door to signal my desire to come inside... or go outside. I still alert them that I'm about to go outside by zooming through the house and then jumping on the coat door. I've done that since I was a puppy because my leash hung there, and I would leap up and grab it to go out. I like to continue traditions (like clawing Bleeder, it's a two bandaid week here).

I can also bring in all manner of tasty chewable things. I particularly like fallen branches with leaves, and my all time favorite: rotted branches, which I then break up and litter the living room floor with the debris. Then the vacuum comes out and it's zoomy time. I have not (yet) brought in anything still alive, but it's just a matter of time. There is a toad in the yard that I'm looking for, and it would be cool to drag in one of the Nope Ropes.

I did bring in one of my favorite yard balls. It's a full yard ball, soon to be half ball, quarter ball, no ball.

When the weather is cooler in the evening, I take it back outside and once again... yet another chore, I have to heave it down the deck stairs myself and chase after it.

As far as I can tell, the only reason I need the humans is to feed me... oh wait, I have an automated feeder, so my only requirement is an automated canned food opener and I could fire my staff and be just fine and dandy.

Ok, fine, they do other things, but seriously, not a lot.

Sunday, July 17, 2022

Maryland Bug Lesson

 Ya know last year when I was just a smol puppy, I don't remember so many bugs... of course we did have approximately 1,204,596,784,023 cicadas in the yard... which are very tasty, and probably distracted me from all of the other delicacies out there.

We have cicadas this year as well, but not as many. I still like snacking on them, and horka up the wings in inconvenient (for the humans) places.

This past month I've discovered quite an array of bugs in the yard. The worms are NOT tasty, but they are fun to roll in. My preferred method is the long, downward slide getting maximum pressure with the back legs so that my neck is covered in goo. That way when Bleeder pets me, she gets to share the fun.

The other things I've discovered I've charted below

The Plain Sky raisins are really annoying and get into the house. I stare at them intently until they get within reach and then I do whatever is necessary to kill them. That includes running over humans, furniture, and slamming my paws against the glass windows. For some odd reason this is not acceptable behavior, even after I've squished it between the glass and curtains. I should be rewarded for this service.

The Plain Sky raisins are NOT tasty.

Spicy Sky raisins. I've discovered these this year. Apparently I tried to discover them last year, but the humans shielded me from them by screaming NO BEES! That was enough of a distraction to allow the Spicy Sky raisin to escape. They come in two sizes around here. The extra grande and the small. 

The extra grande buzz around the deck and drill themselves into the wood. Bleeder hates them and electrocutes them with a tennis racket device. Apparently they are harmless sorta, but hard to catch even though they are the size of a 747. I try, and are told NO BEES!

The small ones... you would think the extra grande would be a problem, but the small Spicy Sky raisins are trouble. I snorfed one the other day while Bleeder had her back turned and that sucker bit me! It HURT! I YELPED, causing Bleeder to run over and stomp on the bee until it was dead and hold her foot on it because I wanted revenge. You can't bite me!!! You must die and then die again! I wanted at it, but she insisted that I go inside. Fine I'll go inside. 

Spicy Sky raisins have spears that come off and that spear was on my lip under my nose, so Bleeder had to suit up in her armor while Toast held me and they scraped the spear out of my lip. After that, it was kind of weird because Bleeder and Toast just stared at me for hours, waiting for something to happen, but nothing did. 

Right after they scraped the spear out, I wanted outside and went straight to the attack area to find that Spicy Sky raisin and kill it some more, but it was gone. I suspect Bleeder moved the body.

Did I learn my lesson? Absolutely... gonna find those Spicy Sky raisins and hurt them back.

Then there's Flashy Bugs. Flashy bugs are pretty cool and fun to chase because they are either really fast, or there's a LOT of them in the yard so I run from flash to flash trying to catch them and not poop like I'm supposed to. They don't move very fast, but can flit when they see you coming. I did catch one finally... disgusting, bitter, nasty. Now I just chase them, but don't try to catch them.

Giant Sticky beetles! Wow, that's a new one, even to Bleeder who said when I was attacking it "What the #&%* is that thing?" It has very sticky legs and when you put it in your mouth, it clings to your face! I'm not cool with that, and it was hard to spit out. It also has some powerful forks on its face that try to pinch you and not in a fun way. When Bleeder stepped on it, she discovered it pretty much explodes in a goo, so she has to stand there and ward me off in order to pick up the mess with a poo bag.

I've found two of them so far because I'm really good at finding bugs, and those little fungus balls that stink really bad and get me a really good cheese trade up. I like bringing the stinky fungus balls into the house secretly so it stinks up the place real good.

The last bug comes in many shapes and sizes but they all have one thing in common... they taste gross, and those are the Flutter bugs. They just bounce around without a care in the world because they think that everyone knows they taste crappy, but hey, I gotta taste each one 50 or 60 times before I get the hint.

We had a LOT of rain yesterday, and thunder. I like thunder. Bleeder and Toast are happy that I'm not afraid of thunder, but they'd prefer I go inside when it starts.

OOH, that was a nice loud thunder
I also like to watch the rain out my window, but since the air vent is right under the window, and my face is against the window, the combination of hot and cold makes my windows fog up and I can't see anything.

Bleeder felt sorry for me so she moved the coffee table in front of the bigger window so I could see out, which was nice, but then I thought... this looks comfortable.

OOH, this is even better

I bought my bone up to have it handy in case I needed a snack. There's cheese in there.

That's about it. 

Sunday, July 10, 2022

A Door of My Own

 I'm taking some time from Pancake Sunday to let you all know that apparently I'm getting my own personal door!

I'm not quite sure where it's going, someplace in the kitchen, but there's already a door there that Bleeder and Toast let me in, out, in, out, in, out, in.

When I want to be let in, but nobody is available at that very second to let me in, I politely knock on the door with my entire body, over and over until they run to let me in. Something about breaking the glass makes this undesirable to them.

Therefore, they went door shopping for me the other day. Disappeared for an hour, came back. Few days later someone came to the house to measure the glass door to make sure the new door fits, so I guess that means the new door is going where the old door is.

They showed me a picture of it and it's a little door within a door. How amazing! A little door just for me!  It's got a flap with a magnet to keep pests out, but I will be allowed to come and go as I please now! No more waiting for them to come up the deck stairs to let me in while I fling myself at the door so I can go inside and get a drink of water because either my outside dog bowl is empty, or not sufficiently filled with muck for me to drink out of. Muck adds flavor instead of the cold, pristine, filtered water that comes from the fridge. Sometimes I prefer drinking from the mud puddles that form in my well crafted yard holes. For some odd reason they don't want me to do that either.

I was a bit off put by the fact that they got me the XL dog door... I'm not that big, but then I realized that there was sufficient space to drag in a large limb, all of my toys and possibly...

Now we have to wait for the door to get delivered and the installation people to come and I'll be free to come and go as I please. 

I'm very excited about all of the possibilities!

Saturday, July 02, 2022

Nose Candy

 Humans are such funny creatures. They wear clothes (in Bleeder's case, she wears clothes badly), but on shoes, complain about the cold, complain about the heat, and won't share all of their tasty foodables.

The strangest thing they do is blow their nose in a tasty paper thing, then throw it away. THROW IT AWAY! They also put tasty paper into the sitting water bowl and it disappears. DISAPPEARS!

This soft, thin paper is delicious, and even more delicious when sprinkled with nose candy. I must have it.

They've tried to be very good about not leaving it where I can get it, but during the night, they are forced to either get out of bed (leaving me to nab their spot) or place it someplace safe until morning. 

Toast was putting it in his side bed stand drawer, then getting up, emptying the drawer of tastiness and throwing it away. But I watched him. Pretty soon he stopped cleaning it out every morning, and I waited.

I don't know how he thought a drawer was safe.

It has a handle

I have paw with claws

It slides out very easily

Soon, I had a whole mouthful of nose candy goodness.

I prance out of the bedroom to gloat about my accomplishment, but Toast and Bleeder did not seem as pleased, which caused me to do a sudden about face and seek sanctuary... under the bed.

They have the fancy Sleep Number and although they've put up blockades to keep me from crawling under it (and gnawing on all of those tasty wires and hoses) there is one spot that they felt I couldn't possibly fit.... until I fit. 

Great fun watching them try to get me, as they are old, creaky, and don't bend well.

The only problem then was Bleeder found a piece of something that fit into that space, and now I'm entirely blocked out. They've also been more careful about leaving the Nose Candy in the drawer.

They have to ruin EVERYTHING!

I got some more toys yesterday, and no, I'm not talking about big snake #3, which was removed unceremoniously the usual way.

I got a new indoor chew wheel with squeakers, and a puzzle toy that is impossible, so I ignore it, and a tug-o-war toy with ropes and tennis balls, giant tennis balls (one is already missing) a Wubba (that's still in the bag because Toast wants to "draw out the fun", and another squishy ball thing (also in the bag because party pooper Toast).

To mix things up, I'm not getting some banana and yogurt kibble squished into my kongs and frozen. That's a refreshing and tasty treat.

They've moved my bed AGAIN, but now I actually use it when the Roomba is out, careening into everything (including me) for safety.

Currently Bleeder is growing some vegetables in the deck planters on the railings. The other day she discovered that I can actually reach them for a little taste, so I'm guessing there will be some form of formal blocking mechanism that comes from this. I do enjoy a challenge.

Monday, June 20, 2022

Long Weekends

 Bleeder and Toast have been home for a long weekend because of a holiday and I'm all for more holidays if it means playing, skittering, getting tasty things in my kong bone, and spending time with them.

It has been SO HOT that I haven't been able to go on many walks. Something about the cement being too hot for my sensitive little feety feets. Early morning play sessions in the yard have to do until the weather takes a turn, which it finally did on Saturday and Sunday.

It is so hot here that we now have lizards. Well, something called a skink. I found one in the yard and gave it a good chase until Bleeder shooed me away and released it back into the wild over the fence. By the way, our other neighbor found the big rat snake she released the other day. He seemed appreciative.

This is NOT the actual skink, just one some guy took a picture of (see credit)

On Saturday we all got up, I put on my walk finery and we went for a car ride.

I love the perfectly placed cool air vent on my Tesla

Will there be Puppacino at our destination?

Of course it wasn't a National Park, just a parking lot of my vet place. Apparently Bleeder has been bleeding a lot, and since I won't let them touch my toes without drama... and blood, I was going to get a pawdicure.

I got to walk and do a lot of sniffing in the parking lot while we waited for my appointment, which didn't take long. I may have gained a bit of weight, but you can still see my curvy waist. I'm just tall and leggy and dense.

My manicurist at Countryside Vet Clinic escorted me to the back and did a wonderful job with my nails. There was no screaming. I got plenty of loving and good care, as usual. 

Then we went back home where I got to sniff my pee mail box and other parts of the neighborhood.

Then there was cheese and crackers.

I see you are eating cheese and crackers...

The supply chain of cheese and crackers is a bit slow

Some outside relaxation under the deck after a rousing game of chase the balls and wheel.

What? I'm not doing anything

Then I came inside and found some comfortable napping positions. This one is good for the neck muscles.

Then I found a much more comfortable pillow, which then complained about having to sit still on the floor so long, her butt fell asleep. 

So, it's been a very nice weekend. I'm told there will be another really soon, and I'm looking forward to that. I was also told there will probably be fireworks, which I like to watch from the deck.

Sunday, June 12, 2022

Wild Things

 It was non-stop action here at my house last week. What a week. What an exciting week!

I'm not even being sarcastic about it, it was a week!

Spring is here and there are exciting woodland creatures visiting! No, not just the boring bees that I'm not allowed to play with or eat, or the worms, that apparently I'm not supposed to roll in, but more fun things... squeaky toy things, like the baby bird!

Bleeder told me about fledgling season and apparently that's really a thing, unlike all of her other lies like "if you claw me one more time my arm will fall off". That's such an exaggeration because clearly all of those band-aids will keep that arm on your body.

To Bleeder gets home from work on Thursday and she takes me out for our usual after work play/claw/leap/eat things session and my after work poop. I poop, and Bleeder is all "hey, let's go inside and get a cookie". Well, who doesn't want a cookie, and although it's weird that she didn't play our usual throw 50 balls until I decide which one I'll chase game, I ran inside. She got me a cookie, then ran outside again and shut the door so I couldn't get out.

What the fluff is that all about.

APPARENTLY there was one of those fledgling things on the evil tunnel thing in the back yard. Just sitting there. Innocent, unable to fly... tasty. She called it a "blue jay", and baby blue jay's parents were NOT happy at all and proceeded to scream and attack Bleeder if she got near their baby. 

Bleeder (and Toast) are pushovers when it comes to animals, especially gimpy dogs, so she had to make a decision on where to "rehome" the baby jay. The general rule of all woodland creatures that trespass is they go over the fence. Typically they go over the fence at the gate area. There are no predators so they have a decent chance of going someplace else... NOT in the back yard.

She doubted she could grab it, then make a dash toward the front yard area without getting a blue jay beak to the face. To the right are the yappie dogs... nope. Directly behind is an in ground pool... nope. To the left is 3 dogs... nope. To the left rear is one tiny teacup yorkie that is afraid of everything. Yep.

So acting nonchalantly, Bleeder saunters up to the baby jay, snags it and makes a run to the left rear corner and flings it over the fence and into their bushes while angry Blue Jays swoop and scream.

The only thing I got to do was sniff and roll in the large amount of baby blue jay poop that was left from the adventure.

Friday rolls around and it's mowing day, which I'm not allowed outside during that stuff. Bleeder throws the tarp off the mower and unscrews the gas cap to put gas in and why looky there... a freshly fed juvenile rat snake is taking a nap on the lawnmower deck. 

She gently removed that with the pooper scooper, but it really wasn't in the mood for a ride, so it took a few scoops and attempts to gently fling it over the gate.

I did get to sniff the areas where it jumped out, got scooped up, and finally flung.

Fast forward to Saturday, and I did my usual Saturday squirrel stalk.

Then I mosied over to the other side of the back yard near the stupid blue jay poop covered vinyl tunnel thing and WHOA! What the heck is that long pull toy!

3-4 foot rat snake danger noodle or nope rope

Even better, this pull toy moves on it's own and OHMERGERD this pull toy just looked at me and I'm not really sure about this whole thing.

Bleeder sprinted off the deck without even knowing what was down there because she knows that look. That look of "This is probably going to be a bad idea, but I think I'm gonna go in" and stopped me... just in the nick of time because I would have kicked that snake's butt... no, I wasn't at all afraid of it, nor did I run to Bleeder and hide behind her. Nope that didn't happen.

She asked if I'd rather have a cookie, and of course I did, and she took me by the collar and we went inside, then she went out again and did this with the patent pending danger noodle removal tool that also picks up trash. Right into the front yard with the little one.

When the coast was clear, and I finished my cookie, I went out and gave that whole area a VERY thorough sniffing, but I was still very cautious because eeeeesh, that thing was huge. They also smell bad. 

The rest of the day was spent inspecting that area in case it came back, and eating goodies out of my Kong bone, but the adult kong bone is much more difficult than the little pink puppy bone, so there's a lot of this going on.

Sunday, June 05, 2022

But I'm Just a Baby!

 One of the things I've discovered recently is this whole unfair business of "getting older". Apparently I'm now considered an adult. I don't like this adult stuff, and I can totally see why Toast and Bleeder are angry all the time. Doing "adult" things is really hard.

I'm supposed to behave now. What is up with that? Nobody told me this was coming. A little warning would have been nice.

I'm not supposed to stomp on them any more. Something about it being cute and adorable when I was a smol pile of floof, but now that I weigh a bit more, standing on them seems to be out of the question, although I do it every morning anyway because I have to pee, they need to get up, I don't care if their alarm says they have 30 more minutes, my bladder does not.

They won't help me do things because they insist I have to learn how to do it myself. As if my lack of opposable thumbs doesn't come into play when opening bags of treats, or jars of tasty things, or opening doors.

For instance. I've enjoyed my pink bone for quite some time. Bleeder shoves tasty treats into the holes and then I gnaw on it. When I was tiny, I needed help and explained this by flinging it at Bleeder's head. As I got older, Bleeder would refuse to help me, explaining that I was a big girl now and needed to learn how to do it myself.

FINE! So I did. She was right, I wasn't working as hard as I should have been, so I decided to be the best "remove treats from my pink bone in the fastest time possible so Bleeder had to restuff it, therefore more treats for me" husky. I was killing it! That 15 minutes of solitude for Bleeder turned into 10, then 5, then almost immediate. I liked this gig. Treats, and treats, and treats. Even her stuffing it with cheese sticks, I sucked that cheese out in no time.

So, what happens? Not more treats, that's for sure... big red bone came into the house.

Granted, more treats fit into big red bone, but it's virtually IMPOSSIBLE to get them out without assistance! I mean what in the ever loving woo is this crap trick?

Yes, I'm trying to get them out by myself, but there comes a point where it can't be done. I'm not some gigantic bone crushing beast that can chomp down on this and squeeze the goodies out. I'm a delicate little flower of a husky. To make things worse, I'm gated off from the stairs so I can't fling it down to dislodge the goodies like my predecessor Meeshka used to do. This is foul!

The one bright side is that if I get a good head sling going, I can launch that thing straight at Bleeder and get her attention quickly to communicate that I'd like a bit of help.

Stupid chair
Lately it's been ghastly hot here and I'm NOT in the mood to run around the yard and get my steps in. My Fi collar tracks my steps and I have a quota (like a sweatshop around here, literally), so the other day I went on strike and demanded to stay indoors and broke my 216 day step streak. Toast and Bleeder were WAY more disappointed than I was, so now I'm back to a 2-day streak.

It's been a bit cooler out, but still too hot for me. I'm blowing my winter coat, so it's like wearing a winter coat in the summer, leave me alone I'll be on the air vent. Chase a ball? Absolutely not. I will play ring toss in the house though for maybe 2 throws and after that, I'm done.

So there's a lot of this

Some of this

And because there is an annoying salesperson that seems intent on getting Toast and Bleeder to come to the door (they have a hard/fast rule: if you aren't expected, you can knock until you die, nobody opens the door, even if you are literally dying on their porch), there is some of this... mainly because I'm watching you out there, and also because there's an air vent on that side of the couch.

Every once in a while I do like to go sundogging on the deck, only because when you come back inside it seems even cooler.

I'd like to point out that this is also 2 Sundays in a row where pancakes have not occured and I'm filing a grievance.