Sunday, November 27, 2005

Report from a miffed off Human

I'm happy to report that huskies from around the world are taking over their humans' computers in order to read my words of wisdom.

This picture shows loyal reader Cheyenne, who took advantage of her human leaving her chair and taking control of the computer. You can sorta see on the computer screen MY BLOG!

Good work Cheyenne! Get a sip of that taco bell cup while you're at it, you deserve it. One little coup for huskies! And good job ignoring the human woman when she told you to get down.

Apparently the humans just don't understand that the blog is for huskies, not humans. At the very least they should type in the URL (since our paws are not designed for these stupid human keyboards), move out of the chair, leave their goodies on the table and leave us alone to read!

I'm honored that you are a fan Cheyenne, and keep up the good husky work!


Me and the Mutatoe

Although I should be flattered that Loki wants to be just like me (and who wouldn't), sometimes it gets to be a burden.

For instance, he poses. Although he's not fluffy by any stretch of the imagination, he's got that gimpy paw, and he's puppylike and bouncy. The human woman would always take more pictures of me, because I'm so cute and fluffy, and I would accomodate her with posing majestically (which doesn't take a lot of work for me, that's just how I am naturally). Now, all that mutant pawed gimpy has to do is look cute (and he does it almost as effortlessly as I look cute and fluffy), and she's not taking pics of me anymore, she's taking pics of him!

He also shamelessly puts himself into cute positions just to make her bring out the camera. Here I am, laying on the floor looking adorable, and she's sneaking off with the camera because Loki has contorted himself into some impossible cute position! The nerve of him for taking away my attention.

He's also very sneaky. He'll do whatever I tell him to do, like stretch up and get some leftover biscuits from the top of the stove thing, but then he won't share! That means I have to go tattle on him to the human woman and then nobody gets anything, but its better than him getting it all!

Even Sam has started tattling on the mutant gimpy. This morning Loki got a thing called a "glue pen" off the kitchen table and started eating it without sharing. Sam was so upset that he went to the human woman and stared at the doorway. Sam hasn't quite gotten the whole woo woo stomp of feet angrily sign down for "Loki has something tasty and won't share". Sam stares. He doesn't like to be a bother, so he'll just sit and stare at something until he gets it. Luckily the human woman noticed the stare (I was off napping at the time) and got the glue pen from evil non-sharing Loki.

To show how funny Sam is, yesterday he went venturing through the back room instead of coming into the house, and the human woman locked him back there. Of course there are all sorts of neat things to sniff and pee on back there, so I'm sure he was happy for a while... but then realized he had been forgotten. This is what happens when you don't assert yourself, stomp your feet and woo for what you want!

After about a half hour of nobody missing him (poor Sam), the human woman thought it odd that he wasn't laying behind her in his usual spot. Loki and I didn't say anything because frankly, no Sam means more treats for us, but the human woman noticed, and figured out where he must be and let him out. There he was... sitting and staring at the door, willing it to come open for him. I'm sure when it did, he believed that his staring made the door open (much like he thinks his "bionic hip" makes him stronger and faster).

Sigh. Dealing with two simple minded step-brothers can be so tiring for me!


Saturday, November 26, 2005

Tug O' Loki

Sam and I played our favorite game this morning: Tug O' Loki.

That little gimpy mutant paw puppy is quite fast, so first you have to catch him. I make Sam chase him around the yard and tire him out first. They'll chase and wrestle, and go on, but the moment Sam nabs and pins him, I'm right there for some fun.

There's really no need for me to work up a sweat chasing him around, I just wait until he's pinned, then join in on the fun.

The human woman always tells us not to make him "squeek", because sometimes we just get so carried away, we forget he's a husky and try to rip him to pieces (which he loves, don't let him fool you into believing he's not having fun), but we've learned that if we make him squeek, he gets very angry.

I've also discovered another game which is quite fun. Its called "sit at the top of the stairs and wait for Loki to try to jump over me so I can grab him and slam him to the floor". OOOH that's great fun! Very little exertion on my part. I just crouch at the top of the stairs and wait until Loki thinks he can dash up the stairs and jump over me. You should hear the thump when I slam him to the ground.

We're all very tired now from playing, so its time for our nap.


Friday, November 25, 2005

Just another exciting day

Today was just another exciting day.

Was I taken to go shopping with the humans? No
Was I taken anywhere by the humans? No

What did I do for what seemed like forever? I napped in my crate with an insufficient Kong bone filled with liver whiz (not enough liver whiz) and a measly cookie, and the humans went "shopping".

Did they bring me back anything? No, not unless you count the full sized mirror they put up on the bedroom door, so now I can stand and gaze upon my beauty for as long as I want. I do admit that its nice to gave at myself when I want to. Perfectly fluffy, perfectly beautiful, but I'd rather go for a "ride" or get some new kind of treat.

They came back all tired and stressed out because apparently every human in the world went shopping today for some reason. You would think they would learn and not go out to these places. Its like all dogs in the world standing in line to mark one tree. There are more trees and other days to pee, why stand in line? Seems a waste of time to me, especially since they should have been home scratching my fluffy belly and feeding me salmon.

They tried to bribe us for missing lunch by feeding us more of that human turkey food. I don't think some morsels of turkey is enough apology, so I've made sure to claw the human woman's leg a lot and make her run up and down the stairs taking us outside, then waiting 5 minutes and howling to be let in, only to start over after 5 minutes inside. They'll never learn their place at this rate.


Thursday, November 24, 2005

Are you looking at me? Are you looking at ME?

Well, you should be, cuz I'm cute and fluffy, and now full of turkey.

Once a year ONLY once a year the humans give us human food. Oh, they gourge themselves on a whole bunch of goodies, while we're locked outside in the cold, and what do we get? Little bits of turkey in our food at dinner. Where's my mashed potatoes? Where's MY stuffing? Where's MY devilled eggs?

Ok, guess I shouldn't complain, at least they give us something, but of course, its not enough for me. I'm cute and fluffy and it takes good nutricious human food to maintain such fluffiness. I'm sure they aren't going to share those two pumpkin pies that just came out of the oven.

I just have to take a moment from talking about myself to ask why Loki insists on dragging the pee pads the humans put down for the old Nova guy, and sleep on them. Why? I guess its the same reason he pees on leaf piles and lays in them. That boy is a P...I...G!

Ok, I have to go sniff around the oven and convince Loki to stretch his mutant body up on the oven and get one of those pumpkin pies down so i can eat it. He may be a pig, but his stretching ability does come in handy when I need it.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Me and the Old Guy Nova

Since he hates having his picture taken, I wanted to share this moment with everyone, me and the old guy Nova.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Ever Vigilent

First of all, I wanted to send my condolences to Susie Lockheed on the passing of Sam, the World's Ugliest Dog.

Its dogs like Sam that make me look so much better, but in a moment of weakness I'll admit that even the ugly ones need love, moreso than us cute and fluffy ones (of which I'm the cutest and fluffiest).

Today's lesson is being vigilent. One must never allow something to be taken away from you, no matter how sneaky or cunning the other dog thinks he is. I'm talking of course about Loki, that bed hog, cushy stealing mutant pawed puppy.

I have a red cushy pillow in the living room. Its mine. I don't use it, but its mine. Its there when I need it and want to lay on it, I just choose not to need it or lay on it unless someone else wants it or lays on it.

That's the problem right there. Loki seems to think that the cushy pillow is now his because I didn't happen to be laying on it. He throws himself on it, lounges around on it, sprawls on it, puts his fur on it, and drools on it. ON MY RED CUSHY PILLOW!

Fortunately for me, Loki loves to drink gallons of water. The pup is just a gimpy camel, he drinks so much water, and because he drinks so much water, he always has to go outside.

The other day he was laying on the pillow and I wanted to lay on the pillow, so I woo'd and pranced and stomped my feet until the human woman got tired of me clawing her leg and told me to go outside. Did I go outside? Oh no! I waited until the human woman started down the stairs, at which point gimpy boy takes off to go pee. I immediately reclaimed my red cushy pillow and lounged upon it.

I wanted to lay there on the pillow until Loki came back in, just to show him who was boss, to show him who owned the red cushy pillow ME!

sigh... he took a long time out there, and I got bored, so I went to get a drink of water, and when I got back that little interloper had come back inside, and threw himself on the pillow again.

I get no respect in this house.


Friday, November 18, 2005

I just wanna be outside now

The human woman just doesn't seem to understand that now that its cool out, I just wanna lay outside.

I'm fluffy, which is very hot sometimes. The humans, devoid of fur, cover themselves with things called clothes, which require a lot of washing and maintaining, but are good for rubbing fur on.

They keep the house at a ridiculous temperature, then put on more clothes, or take more clothes off, depending on if they're too hot or too cold.

We don't have a choice in the matter, we're at their whim when it comes to house temperature (mainly because the temperature thing is located up on the wall and there's nothing near it for us to climb on to change it). We can't simply take off our fur when the humans want it warm in the house, although the humans claim that there's more hair on their clothes than on us, the liars.

So, now that its nice and cool out, i want to spend more time outside, lounging on the cool concrete, or digging a nice cool hole to lay in. The human woman rakes leaves into a pile, which Loki like to burrow in, make a nest. I don't like the leaves, especially because he and Sam pee on them, then lay in them. They're typical goofy males.

Despite my insistance that I want to lay outside, the human womand DRAAAGS us back inside, where I'm forced to woo, prance, stomp my cute little feet, then finally claw her leg to get her attention and let me out again.

You would think that she would learn just to leave us out there, especially while we nap.

Do you smell snow in the air? I don't. The weathe report did say something about "flurries" after the big turkey day feast, but the human woman is right in one thing at least... those high paid nutcase weathermen don't know anything.

I'm basking in cool

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Thelma update

Hey Every husky,

I just got an update from Thelma. If you recall, Thelma didn't like to pull the sled so her human threatened to KENNEL her while the others went off to play and visit new places.

Here is her update:

Hi Meeshka,
The humans tricked me again!!!!

If you recall, I am the husky who is the fastest and most agile of all the huskies who live here (and there are LOTS of them, what with all those "foster" dogs coming and going) and my human decided I should haul her butt around on a sled all winter. I wanted to just run free through the woods but she would absolutely not agree to this. I am still steaming about that, actually-there are so many things to chase in the woods after all. But she said either I do it on the "trail" in a "harness" or I stay at home.

You wisely advised me to go along with her devious plan and pretend I was a sled dog until we went on that trip and then pull a Siberian strike and refuse to pull.

Well, here is where the trickery comes in. Somehow, some way that woman got me to love pulling. I do not know how it happened. I started out all wary and giving the evil eye and trying to back out of my harness and then all of a sudden we are flying down the road and I am having the time of my life! I can't help it-when she pulls out the harnesses I pretty much go bonkers and step into the harness all by myself (and this is just wrong-any Siberian KNOWS you have to refuse to give paws and twist your head when you are being harnessed!) And once I am hooked up on the "line", I just jump for joy and scream to go go go. I cannot help myself.

I have no idea what mind trick she is playing on me, but I now cannot wait to run in harness. She tells me I am a little dynamo and a pulling machine and the best sled dog she has next to Tag (oh, he SO lords it over me that he is in lead and I am back in the line, but we all know the wheel dogs are the most important) and she says I am going to be racing in her "A" team this year!

Looks like the humans won this round. But let me tell you, losing is sure proving to be lots of fun.

Here is a picture of me from Boot Camp, which btw, is a totally misleading name. I did not get ONE boot to chew the entire time. I am the gorgeous grey girl on the right in the picture. Notice my pretty blue harness, please. It compliments me well, don't you think?


I'm sure somewhere the Liver Crack Whiz comes to play in this dastardly plot.

Too fluffy and pretty to pull anything

Monday, November 14, 2005

Devious Loki

The mutant pawed gimpy has devised an evil plot to get us to play with him. Both Sam and I are tired of playing with him all the time. He's like the energizer bunny, play, play, play all the time, non-stop, he never gives up.

I'm cute and fluffy and I can't be chasing him all the time, plus he grabs my delicate tail to make me slow down (as I am gazelle like in my running). Sam gets worn out, plus with all his "bionic hip" bravado, he's just not as fast now that he's 4.

So, the evil little puppy keeps us from our dinner! We'll be outside, and the human woman will come out and announce that our dinner is ready. Of course Sam and I rush in, but Loki dances about, skitters around the yard, play bowing and looking all cute, and refuses to come in.


No amount of calling by the human woman will get him inside, he just dances around, wiggles his butt and wants someone to play with him.

FINE, Sam and I both go out and try to explain to him that we're hungry, we want to eat, but we're not getting fed until EVERYONE is inside. He just laughs at us, dances away, play bows.

Sam will chase after him, trying to herd him back inside. I'll even go after him, but he darts behind the tree, or he'll hide under the new deck stairs and refuses to come in. This can go on for hours if we don't catch him and drag him back inside the house.

Sam got a great idea tonight though, fooled that devious Loki. Sam acted as though he wasn't looking, so Loki went to attack him. Sam raced around the yard with Loki chasing him, then raced straight into the house. He was totally fooled and rather upset that the game was over, but we got to eat.

Tonight I'm going to take his spot at the foot of the bed and not give it back. We'll see who laughs now!

Don't ever call me late for dinner!

Friday, November 11, 2005

The Human Woman is trying to trick me

I've been merrily posting away on my blog using an interface that the human woman gave me to make posting easier.
Right, apparently all of my words of wisdom have been floating away in cyberspace (or is that Siberspace) and not getting posted.

I'm so mad right now!

I posted really funny things too, but its gone, all gone.

Ok, lets see:

I was invited to a play date with some of my local husky pals (who I've never gotten to meet yet) for this weekend, but unfortunately the humans say that I can't go. They suck. Apparently there is this thing called "dog flu" going around, and if it wasn't for the old guy Nova, they would just throw our health to the winds and let us go (so they say) but since there is a risk of us bringing something bad back that would make the old guy sick or worse... we're not allowed to go play with other dogs until either they come up with a vacine, or... well, lets not go there.

Since they wouldn't let me go on the play date, I sat around and sulked for most of the day yesterday and today, but amazingly enough... they got my harness and leash and they actually took me in the truck! I thought for sure that we'd be going to the evil vet, but my skin allergies haven't come in yet, so I had no idea what was up.

We drove for a while and finally came to this thing called a "park" and it had leaves, trees, squirrels, geese (I hate geese, the geese fly over head and they honk and I stomp my tiny, delicate little feet and tell them to go away), ducks and swans. Of course the humans wouldn't let me "play" with the geese, ducks, and swans, or the squirrels either, which was no fun. We did walk through the leaves and that was fun. I pooped in the leaves to the humans had to clean it up, and of course peed on the leaves so that other dogs would know that it was MY park.

By the time we walked all over the park, I was very tired. As we walked up to the truck we saw a malamute being walked with his leash of oppression, but I was just so tired from our walk that I jumped into the truck and demanded to be taken home.

I'm very sleepy now

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Family Portrait

Yeah, yeah, its been awhile again, but I'm a busy dog with lots of things to do, like nap, and eat, and look cute and fluffy.

Here's a "family portrait" for everyone. Its about as good as we'll ever get, since the old guy Nova is morbidly afraid of cameras. Starting at the top left, that's old guy Nova, I'm under the desk in my rightful spot, Loki (the mutant) is near the bottom right, and of course, the amazing Sam.

I've heard a lot of reports that the humans dressed up huskies for a social event that they call "Halloween". Apparently the gist of that event is to dress up as something else, then go begging from door to door for food. Of course they don't share any of this food, but they do insist on dressing huskies up in ridiculous costumes to help them get more food. Who can resist a cute, fluffy husky dressed as something stupid?

Now that this silly little event is over, the humans are now plotting and planning their festive Holiday season. I know that turkey day is coming soon. I love turkey day. In my house (and it is MY house) the human woman slaves away all day in the kitchen and then eventually we get goodies. We tend to get goodies for a good week after the turkey day, so I declare that turkey day is the best holiday for huskies.

After turkey day is usually when the snow comes. I can't wait for the snow. I love the snow. They celebrate something else, but I could care less, as long as there is snow. Who could want anything more than snow. Even the humans seem to want the snow. They watch the tv and shout with glee when some idiot in a suit announces something called "closings". Huskies also like "closings" because that means we can go out and play in the snow more.

Well, the human woman changed the sheets on the bed again, just when I got them all nice and gritty. I have to go mess up the bed and get the sheets dirty again, just the way I like them.

Good night.