Tuesday, May 30, 2006

I'm Back In A Mood

Oh, feeling much better now. The human woman went out and watched me poo, then walked over very solemn-like and gazed upon the poo (I do it too, so I'm not going to make fun of her for that. When I poo, I slowly circle around, as if it will attack me, and then I look at it... hey, we all have our "things"). She pronounced the poo as "good". I guess that means I'm well enough to claw the human leg again.

And that's exactly what I've been doing. I had a week of claw the human leg to make up for it. Claw, claw, claw, scratch, claw, claw, claw.

Human woman is thrilled that I'm back to normal.

The only problem is that its HOT outside. I'm not sure what happened, but one minute it was nice, the next its like sitting next to that oven thing that the humans put meat in and ruin. This morning I REFUSED to go outside just because I knew it would be hot out there. I'm very fluffy, and heat just makes me uncomfortable. Why should I have to go out to pee when the humans do it in their own house? It took some convincing... namely a tasty treat, to bribe me to go out, and even then I tried to sneak right back in, but that human woman is learning all of my tricks.

No way am I going out for pee-pee final... no matter what tasty thing she bribes me with.

(not gonna fall for the faux beef stick thing again, no sirrreee)

Saturday, May 27, 2006


I'm feeling much better today, thanks to the wonderful bland diet, no treats, and crappy medicines being pushed down my throat. At least I'm not forced to scream and yell for the humans to take me outside every half hour. My po-po feels much better as well (thanks for asking).

Even though I'm feeling better, I'm not feeling 100%, and yet Loki (gimpy mutant paw suck up) still insists on attacking me. This picture is the Loki eye view as he keeps me in his radar prior to the run, attack, pounce.

You would think that after I've severely yelled at him and flashed my pretty teeth that he would understand that I don't like my tail touched, let alone grabbed, yanked, and pulled on. He keeps doing it though, and laughs afterwards as he flits away with his mutant paw. Dork.

This morning I freaked the human woman out by not waking her at the usual 5am. We overslept. Sometimes its good to oversleep because the human woman jumped up at 6:30am all freaked out and checked to make sure I was breathing. hehehe. I may let her sleep in again tomorrow, but then the next day I'll wake her up at 3am.

Well, at any moment the human woman will get up and anounced pill-pill (moron double speak). Last night I happily pranced into the kitchen, sat all pretty and let her shove that gargantuan pill down my throat and waited for my tasty goodie... and none came. Um, excuse me? That's the deal here. I sit pretty and get a pill shoved down my throat and I get a tasty goodie. Something about bland diet, which explains the bland food in my kong, the bland food at breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and the bland and unfair no bed-bed (lord help me) treats.

Maybe I'll wake her up at 2am instead.

(bland food anyone?)

Friday, May 26, 2006

I am NOT a Happy Husky Right Now


I haven't been feeling very well the past few days. I thought the human woman had poisoned me with that rice stuff she had fed us. Upset stomach, a bit of diarrhea. Last night I forced them to take me out every 2 hours because my stomach was very upset. Not only that, but my delicate po-po and po-po hair is a bit messy, so I made sure to squish my fluffy backside onto the human woman's head (she was so pleased).

This morning, more of the same. I got a measly portion of some very bland icky food for breakfast and NO LUNCH!

Around the usual time that we wake up and want to play, the human man came home, the moron step-brothers were thrown outside, and they human woman got the harness out. OH GOODY, I'm going somewhere!

In the truck we go, I stuffed my nose out of the window with glee. Hey... wait a minute... this is the smell route to the vet place. NOOOOOO!

I went in on my own volition, and even stood on that thing that weighs me (I've gained a bit since my last visit, which prompted the human woman to comment that I needed to diet again... again? You will feed me ample portions, and snacks, and human food as I please!)

Into a room we went and of course, I lay down next to human man and looked cute and fluffy. I snagged a passing minion who rushed in, captivated by my cute fluffiness, and I was able to stick my tongue in her mouth. I love that reaction.

Another human woman came in and proceeded to stick something in my butt. You've got to be kidding me! No hello, no how do you do, just knelt down and stuck it in there. The human woman helped hold me still (for this, she shall pay).

I didn't have a temperature, which meant that another human woman comes in and starts shining lights in my eyes and ears, and trying to see my teeth (um, how about asking first), then pokes and prods me, and squeezes my already upset stomach, and then STICKS A FINGER UP MY BUTT! Apparently she wanted a souvenir as she smeared it on a glass and took it away. I have no idea how these humans come up with these strange hobbies.

My human woman held me while the other poked me with two needles. Then some guy came in and put me in a head lock and the human woman with the strange poop fetish holds my precious tippy toe in her hand and tries to jab me with a needle. Well, I was having none of that, so I puffed up into my biggest fluffiness and hissed (yes, when I get mad I hiss) and started the "if you don't let go of me right now and remove that thing from my leg I will make you pay" screech... and they let me go. Whew. I showed them.

Ten minutes later, another human comes in, my human woman practically lays on me and they grab my delicate back leg and stick another needle in me! Apparently they got what they wanted after a while and let me go, but boy did I glare at them, and tried to hide under the human man.

Oh, the torture isn't over there... they then proceeded to hold me down and shove liquid up my nose TWICE!!!

Finally, they let me go home, and they even stopped at Petsmart to appease me. I didn't get to meet anyone there, but I told them which dog food I wanted (they didn't get it) and told them which chew toys I wanted (they didn't get them), and which snacks I wanted (once again... why bother taking me if they aren't going to listen to my recommendations).

I was thoroughly sniffed when I got home (yes you lowly minions, I went OUT).

For dinner I got a special food. It was a bit bland, but tasty. The boys got their regular food, but it smelled different. I think they got something special too, but hey, I got to go out, they can have one special meal. Can't wait until bedtime when we all get our usual treats.

While I was trying to rest up from my torture, the human woman shoved a pill in my mouth.

There just doesn't seem to be an end to this day!

(where's my treats?)

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

You can't deny my prettiness

Yes, I'm posing.

The human woman had the camera out, so I had to pose for her. Its so rare that she takes the camera out, I have no idea what compelled her to take pictures today, I'm not at my best.

I've had an upset stomach lately, and the human woman tried to poison us with rice last night. Of all human foods to give us, she gives us rice. That's such a crock of crap. She could have given us that big piece of teriyaki chicken she ate, but no... she's a pig, and we got rice.

I kept hacking up rice last night, and my stomach was upset. The human woman felt compelled to inspect my poo, so I gave her something really interesting to inspect. That'll teach her to be nosy. Can't even poo in peace.

World bed domination continues. I heard a rumor that a fellow husky peed on their owner. That takes a lot of guts, congrats to the pee husky for that! Remember, HULA members, we don't want to be too daring in our exploits, as they have opposable thumbs and have mastered the locking of the crates, so don't do anything that may get you locked up in solitary confinement where you can't be a pest.

Ok, that's about it for today, just wanted to show you my prettiness actually.

Tonight... claw the human woman on the head.


Sunday, May 21, 2006

Paw Pilot

Hey Everyhusky, Meeshka here.

Do you lose track of when its time to wake the humans, take your nap, eat, run, chase after small woodland creatures, or claw the human leg?

If you're like me, you have a myriad of things to do in the house or else nothing will ever get done. That's why I recommend the PAW PILOT!

Made for dogs, the Paw Pilot has a simple paw interface (it only recognizes your paw, so the simpleton other dogs or humans can't access your files), it has infrared capability and will completely overwrite your human's schedule with your schedule. That way, YOU will get fed when YOU want, not when they feel like it.

The Paw Pilot is made of a gooshy, easy to mouth carry cover, impervious to saliva, and also makes a good chew toy to remove that nasty tartar from your teeth.

Wait til your humans leave, then get on the computer and order a Paw Pilot. You'll be glad you did once the humans start doing things YOUR WAY!


Just When You Thought It Was Boring!

The humans were cooking on the deck (we aren't allowed on their precious deck when they do that), and we were locked outside in the yard. The three of us contemplated on having one start to dig, the others wait by the evil deck gate for the humans to rush down and stop the digger, and we rush upstairs and liberate the tasty steaks from the grill, when all of a sudden...

A tasty little baby bird fell from the sky and landed in Loki's mouth. That suck up little mutant gets all the goodies! He played (selfishly) with the warm, moving squeeky toy until it didn't move, or squeek (those outside squeeky toys sure break easy). Then he guarded it from us, lording over us that HE got the squeeky toy bird.

The larger flying birds were not happy at all that we broke their squeeky toy. We invited them to land and explain it to us, but they're apparently much smarter than the baby squeeky toy that Loki had. We were trying to be very quiet and save the squeeky toy for later, but the birds tattled on us, the human woman looked down from the deck and made that more than recognizable noise that said she was coming down and taking away the toy.

I tried to tell Loki to give it to me, I would hide it from the human woman. Sam offered to swallow it whole for safekeeping, but Loki was selfish (as he always is) and didn't listen to me (which gets him into trouble every time), and here comes the human woman with a bag and some dog treats.

"Don't fall for the dog treats" I tried to tell Loki, but sure enough, he "sat pretty" and got his treat while the human woman blocked me, and swooped up that bird in a plastic bag. She's very good at that by now. At least she gave us all treats in exchange for the broken, getting cold squeeky toy.

I know that she hoardes them, and at night when we're sleeping, she gets up and plays with them. She's so selfish, almost as selfish at the mutant pawed gimpy Loki.

(come on! Just one taste!)

Sammy Lounging in the grass

Look at this suck-up. All cute, laying in the human's grass.

I keep telling him that his head is too tiny for his body, but he doesn't listen. He thinks he's special, just because he's got a special hip. Yeah, special all right.

So, as you can see, we've allowed the humans to grow some grass in the yard. They get all excited and go out and look at it, fawn over it. You would think it did tricks and retrieved balls thrown to it, its JUST GRASS!

After the mowing there isn't any good grass to eat anymore, and its also kinda prickly to lay in. They mowed my favorite spot near the tree, so I've started laying under the deck, where the grass is new and soft. Of course, Loki has decided that he wants his new poo spot to be under the deck... where I usually lay. I'm not amused by his poo placement at all.

The human woman (never satisfied) has decided that we shouldn't dig near the gate. Granted, if we wanted to we could get out, but its not getting out that we want, we want to dig up the stinky stuff in that area. She put a stupid board over the place we like to dig, so we dug around and under the board. She wasn't happy with that, so she put rocks under the board in the stinky stuff, so we dug those up too. I heard her say something about big paving stones. I'm guessing those are the heavy things they put under the gate so we couldn't dig there. That's fine, we'll just dig around those, and then she'll have to put them in the whole yard.

Tonight is clean sheet night on the bed. We heard the human woman chaning the sheets, she had the door closed so we couldn't help her. All the time she's complaining about doing everything herself, and yet she won't let us help her. We do a great job of making the bed the way its suppose to be made (all bunch up), but she locks us out. She won't even let us in there until bedtime now claiming for once she'd like to sleep on sheets that don't have dirt and hair on them.

This is the thanks we get for being cute and fluffy.

(harumpf, I'm not dirty!)

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Enough of the grass

The human man wanted grass, fine. We stopped digging and eating the grass. Now there's so much grass, and its so very high that every time I go out to poo, it tickles my delicate po-po! It was impossible to see which areas had already been used, so I'd tippy toe myself to what I thought was a low grass area to do my business, and someone had already beat me to it! I'd have to tippy toe out of the area, trying not to get rainwater on my delicate little feet and find another spot.
Each place I looked had already been used, and the human woman has been neglecting her duty to clean up after us, so there was literally no place to poo where the grass wasn't tickly, except for right in front of the back door. So... that's where I went, right in front of the human woman, and glaring at her while I did it. That'll show you.

That must have done the trick, because we got locked up in the house, and there was the human woman outside with the noisy machine thing, and once we got let out again... the grass had been cut, AND she went out and cleaned up the poo spots. Now Sam can go in his spot and Loki can go in his spot, and they won't dare encroach upon my poo spot anymore.

Now that the grass is very nice, we'll start digging it up. Can't have happy humans, now can we?

Saturday, May 06, 2006

I went to an Expo today!

Look at me! I'm in the car going on a ride, and what a ride it was. The humans took me to something called The City of Greenbelt Pet Expo!

From what I could gather, its a meeting of the humans that their dogs bring them to. There were all sorts of dogs there, some cats (ick) some birds (I didn't get to taste any of them), and some other little things they human woman wouldn't let me near.

All day, it was the job of humans to try to feed me tasty treats, which I spit on the floor and didn't eat. Um... how about some cheetos and you eat the nasty dry cookie thing shaped like a bone?

I got to meet INDY! Yes, Indy has his own blog and he got to be on Letterman because the humans think he can say human words. If they only know what he's really saying they wouldn't allow that on tv.

Poor Indy has stomach problems and wasn't feeling very good, but we got a good butt sniff welcome in before he had to leave. I also got to meet Amber who is a husky mixed with a corgi. Unfortunately the corgi ears are the only real corgi part she has, so she can apparently hear very well. We had a pleasant butt sniff hi as well.

It was a very tiring day, getting petted, having people compliment me on my soft fluffiness, eating crappy dog treats. The human woman did share a small bag of cheetos with me, which I thought was very nice, but made me suspicious. They take me to the cool place so that humans can fawn over me, they feed me some human food... I was getting worried that something was up.

I got bored after a while and wanted to go home and lay on the air vent, but I had to stay there and look pretty, which is really tiring. I also wanted to lord over the fact that I got to go someplace while the gimpy mutant foster boys had to stay home. They were VERY jealous of me and my new smells when we did get home.

Because I got to go someplace, I had to remind them that I was still the boss of the house and yard. Geesh, leave for 5 hours and they try to take over.

Well, I'm very tired from my adventure today, so I'm going to curl up on the human woman's head and sleep well tonight.

The PRETTY husky

Friday, May 05, 2006

Busy Day Today

Today is the day that the human woman stays home and sits in the front of the computer all day cursing. She says she's working, but she curses and types and I don't think they allow that at those places called work, but she does it here a lot.

I spent today playing the "I have to go out immediately... um, not really" game with her. I would woo and prance and bounce around like I was having a potty emergency. Human woman gets up and follows me down the hall (where I continue my urgentness prance) and then at the last minute.... I skitter around and jump on the couch thing and look all cute. No lie, she fell for it every stinking time I did it.

If you want to play the game, you have to have good timing. Don't do it immediately after the human gives up chasing you around trying to herd you out the door. Wait until they sit down, or better yet, wait until they pour a cup of coffee, then do it. That way, the idiot "rescue" suck up huskies that live with you will actually WANT to go out, so while your human woman is letting them out, you get to drink the coffee she leaves on the table.

Another fun trick after the human woman takes the suck ups out is to sit at the top of the stairs and look like you'll come down... but don't. The human woman will stand on the landing and ask you a zillion times if you want to go out (like you don't understand or can't hear her), then she'll hesitate, waiting for you to decide whether or not you want to go out. Wait for the human woman to walk up three steps, then come dashing down the stairs full speed right at her. HOOOO, you should see the look of horror!

Once outside, wait about 2 minutes, then scream and bang on the door to come back in... do this every half hour. The humans just LOVE it when you do this to them.

wanna go OOOOOOOUT? Silly human speak.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

More Coffee Please

I have to say that I enjoy the creature comforts of this house. Although I'm not on the show dog circuit where I should be, staying at luxury hotels and surrounded by minions and fans, living here does have its advantages.

Not only do I get to claw the human leg once in a while, then look all cute and fluffy aftewards so they forgive me, but lately the human man has been bringing me coffee in bed.

Wow! I've really trained them very well apparently. I mean, it couldn't have been for the lazy human woman who was still in bed fast asleep, since he placed it right near my head on my nightstand. I happen to like coffee, and I also happen to like coffee just like the human woman; with cream and sugar.

The other morning, lazy human woman was still in bed, and the human man apparently realized how hard I work all day by napping, tattling on the idiots boys, and being cute, and he brought me a nice hot cup of coffee. I know better than to drink it right away, so I waited until the human woman got up and stumbled into the bathroom, then enjoyed my fresh beverage, barely spilling a drop. Very tasty. I later woo'd a thank you to him, but he doesn't understand our language. He was also out of range for a leg claw.

Tonight something odd happened. I was in the middle of showing Loki (mutant gimpy suck up) who was boss (me) by humping on him, when all of a sudden, Sammy lost his mind and decided he wanted to be boss of the yard and he jumped on me. HE JUMPED ON ME!!!

How demeaning! How dare he! Loki lost all respect for me, and even had the gall to start chasing me and body slamming me! ME!!!! I get no respect in the yard anymore. Someone is always jumping on me, Loki waits and stalks me so I have to skitter butt to the house, tail tucked so he doesn't grab it.

Its been a rough week for me.