Friday, September 28, 2007

Nuthin Much

Yep, that's been about it, nuthin much of anything going on around here.

Between the sickly human man and the sickly human woman its been nothing but nap time around here, and frankly... I'm ok with that, I can always use a nap.

Today was selfish-grain day, the human woman balled up in a clump in the bed saying she had a spike in her head. I kept trying to look and sniff, which she didn't appreciate at all. Wasn't even happy that I tried to claw the spike out of her head (you would think a thank you would be in order), and wasn't pleased at all when I tried to make her feel better by looking very fluffy, cute and bouncy on her.

Sammy has now decided that its much more fun to pretend he can't jump on the bed, so he gets specially lifted on the bed. He's just sucking up this whole spine thing to its limit and frankly I'm getting a little nauseated by his special treatment. He refuses to use the stair things the humans bought for him to get on the bed (how lazy is that) and insists on being lifted onto the bed. Now I have to trip all over those stair things when I need to jump in and out of the bed.

The one good thing is that it is grub season again, so we've gotten some good digging in, tasty grubs and we're leaving nice paw prints on the bed and human woman's back.

(its been 5 minutes, is the human woman napping again?)

Sunday, September 23, 2007

The Plague is in Town

Yep, the human man had it, now the human woman has it so its been quite a bonanza on the kleenex lately!

The human man was so drugged up at one point that he left an ENTIRE box of kleenex on the bed within easy reach of me. Granted, I prefer used kleenex, one should not look a gift horse in the mouth (whatever that’s suppose to mean, ok, I actually know what that means, but its still stupid), so I made sure to shred every bit of kleenex that was in that box. The human woke up to a scene of outright kleenex carnage on the bed, which was funny (to me anyway). Even after changing the sheets and everything, we still find little bits of kleenex.

The human woman’s plague started on friday, she kept complaining that she wasn’t feeling well. After she came back from her hair appointment with her new “do” she didn’t look well either. Ok, the new “do” isn’t as abnormal as the last one, but I am constantly amazed how she complains about hair being in her face and the wearing of strange headbands and yet she consistently gets haircuts that let the hair fall right in her face. I have heard somewhere that you shouldn’t shave a human woman. Something about their hair not growing back right and they sunburn easy, or else I would sneak in with the clipper while she slept to keep her from complaining about her hair all the time.

Sammy had a sore on his butt, we aren’t sure where that came from, but we all noticed that he had it because he made such a big deal about trying to lick it. He doesn’t bend normally anymore, probably has something to do with the lack of spine, so he was on his cushy pillow contorting and making all sorts of disgusting noises trying to lick his butt. The humans took him into the bathroom, where all manner of medical procedures are performed (yeah, could they come up with the least sanitary room in the house to do that stuff in?), and apparently they licked his butt for him. Ok, I think they used something called “wet gauze pad” to do it, and then they wonder why the earth is being covered in trash, using a piece of cloth rather than their tongues. Eesh. They just took him back into the bathroom today and apparently his butt is much better, so I guess they won’t have to lick it anymore.

Back to the plague, the human woman (with her annoying “do”) keeps trying to sneak back into bed where she’s not allowed after 7 a.m. so I’ve been really busy herding, clawing, and pushing her out of the bed. She keeps saying that she needs to sleep so she can get better, but all huskies know that humans need to get up and move around, clean the house, feed and pet us or else they will never get better when they get sick.

(Waiting for Kleenex-fest to begin anew)

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Human Woman Training: Lesson 2 - Patience

New HULA Member: Troy

In honor of my first birthday, I've been up to really special tricks. Rights of
passage if you will. The most important question is, am I now eligible for HULA?

In the last 4 days, I've:

Eaten the bottom half of mum's palm pilot wallet case along with $40 or $60.

Eaten half and shredded the other half of her notes about fax and phone numbers
for the accountants ( what ever an accountant is...if they don't serve up dog
food, who cares?).

Helped Mollie finish off the enitre bed of varigated Hostas and we're halfway
through the plain green ones.

Climbed the back fence up to the point where I got my bits hung up on the top of
the fence ( well, it's just soooooo low, what's a guy to do, but yeah, ouch it
was kind of tough on the bits)...and made dad do an emergency fence lift. I
think that's a cosmetic procedure though. When I lived in Florida, I heard
about face lifts, so I think it's like one of those. It's 7 ft. high though
now, so I don't think I can get my elbows up the fence, let alone my bits.

Ate the handles off the seafood/nut cracker. Well, she left it in the middle of
the table. What's a guy with long legs to do?

Helped Mollie "knit" a baby sweater. We had the ball of yarn in the middle of
the bed and were trying to figure out how this works using only dew claws and
no opposable thunbs. The rest of it was half a block away in the living room.
Mum busted us by following the yarn trail. But, I got her back, I bit her
needles and now they don't slide.

I promise, if accepted, to continue to cause as much chaos as possible.


Friday, September 14, 2007

Human Woman Training: Lesson 1

I enjoy a good chew bone.

I just don't see why I'm expected to do all of the work involved in chewing on my chew bone. Getting it to the right position so I can adequately chew on it takes patience and quite frankly some opposable thumbs would be a big help.

Since I was born without these helpful thumbs (an oversight I'm sure) and the human woman still has one functional thumb left, I figure she needs to earn some keep around here once in a while instead of sitting at the computer sighing and banging her head against the table (I have no idea what's up with that, but that banging really disturbs my naps).

With this in mind, I have begun Human Training: Lesson 1: hold my chew bone.
I think its working out quite well.

(can you move that over to the right a little, yeah, yummy)

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Preparation to be Queen of Everything

Being Queen of everything takes a lot of preparation and thought.

First of all, I've learned from watching tv that the human politicians always talk about having a solid platform to stand on. I think that's very wise, because it would be very embarrassing to have a shaky, bad platform to stand on in front of everyone, and then fall off of it, or have it collapse and then everyone would laugh at you. This would not bode well for a Queen.

I decided to find myself a solid platform, and since I'm pretty much confined to the house and yard, I'm very limited in my platform decision.

First of all, the piece of wood in the yard is a nice platform, but its not very high off the ground. Any husky can get on that platform, which doesn't seem very good to me. I think a platform should be a bit higher than all the riff raff so that I can look at my royal subjects below and be very fluffy and powerful looking. I want them to look up at me and say "look at how fluffy and powerful she is". That's queen material!

I next thought that the deck would be a great platform, but the pickets on the railing are much too narrow for me to stick my head out and gaze at all of my royal subjects below. Its very hard to look fluffy and powerful when only your nose is showing. Although I have a very nice nose, its not very fluffy or powerful looking when poking out between two pickets. I also have to contend with that stupid gate at the bottom that defies all husky logic to open (damn those humans).

This led me inside to the couch, or what is left of the couch. As you may recall we had a whole couch with ample room for all three of us to sprawl on, leaving no room for the humans. For some odd reason the humans tore the couch in two and put one silly half section upstairs which isn't fit for one husky, and the other section is still downstairs, but blocked off from us sitting on it, which defeats the entire purpose of having a couch that literally sucks up our fur.

I stood on this little section of couch and the gimpy Mutatoe jumped up with me, butt bumped me, I lost my balance and was forced to slam his head into the floor. This caused the human woman to yell at me, therefore the little section of couch is not adequate or awe inspiring enough for my platform.

I must think "HIGHER". I need a nice, high, solid platform from which I can look down upon my minions and be their Queen. I thought I found the perfect spot:

Although much higher than the other platforms I had chosen, this spot has a distinctly squishy feel to it, and it squirms too much. Its very distracting when I'm trying to woo my speech to the masses while my platform is gacking and sputtering and moving around.

I'll have to look around some more and let you know what else I find for my platform.

(is there a mute button on the human woman?)

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Uncle Jack's Tally

So far we have:

1 Congressman
1 Opera Singer
1 Missing adventurer

Its been quite a busy ghoul pool this visit with a little over two days to go before he returns home. I’m sorry to report that Michael Vick is apparently doing well still. We all have high hopes for a freak accident there.

We were pleased to find that Grandma human man had left a nice bar of travel soap in the spare bathroom within easy reach. The suck-up gimpy mutatoe got a hold of it first and ate a bit of it, shredding the paper and spreading it all over the living room before the human woman found it and began ranting. He seems no worse for wear, although for a while after he ate some of the soap, every time he’d drink out of the water bowl he’d leave little soap bubbles, so that was a bit disturbing.

We managed a sneak attack on Uncle Jack early in the morning. For some reason the door of the room where we aren’t allowed doesn’t close right, so it just takes the tiniest amount of pressure to pop that bad boy open and we’re stomping all over him before he even knows what is stomping on him. Its great fun to stomp on guests.

Right now we’re in lazy nap mode. The humans woke us up early to go take pictures of the sun or something silly like that. It comes up every day, why get a picture of it. This threw our entire plans to take over the world off, as we’re now too sleepy to do that, so we’ll nap and maybe get around to it tomorrow.

(napping on the vent)

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

I've been tagged

Like Turbo, I can't remember who tagged me, I'm sorry but my human woman is stupid and now apparently has a cold (sucks for her, but great for me in that there will be plenty o' kleenex). Anyhoo, she's on the nyquil again, so who knows how my dictation will turn out on the blog when she's like that.

Ok, my full name is Meeshka Sobaka Human Last Name, so I guess Sobaka (which means dog in russian) is my middle name. I would have preferred to be called "Her Royal Highness Delicate Little Feet Feed Me", but whatever.

Ok, here goes:
S = Svelte, I'm very thin and not Lane Bryant model material
O = O'Possum (which are tasty, and Clyde is on vacation)
B= Beautiful
A= Adorable
K = Krazy
A = Adorable

Ok, that wasn't very good, since its in human language and the human woman lolled on the keyboard a few times during the dictation.

Grandpa and Grandma human man left today, so its just Uncle Jack and the humans. I'm getting in my napping now under Uncle Jack's computer table (they set one up just for him while he visits so he can play the ogre in my pants game with the human man) and he's a messy eater.

(napping, love my naps)

Monday, September 03, 2007

Decisions, Decisions

Busy, Busy, Busy

Hey everyhusky, dog, and girl-girl,

Sorry for the lack of posts, but I've been one very busy husky what with the grandparents and Uncle Jack here. So many legs to claw, so little time! The best part is that the humans went out and bought croissant and everyone has been eating them and sharing with us! Its very hard for them to eat a croissant without the three of us staring at them with that starving look. They can't resist and so we've been getting plenty of croissant and muffins, we've been sharing their human foods with them, its great! Ok, they haven't really been sharing their foods, but since the grandparents aren't use to having pups like us around, they leave things within easy reach and we just help ourselves. Hey, its at our level, or up on a shelf, or hidden behind something, so apparently its for us, so we take it.

Last night we got to go out on the deck while they grilled and ate and we made ourselves right at home out there. They had some tasty salmon, but we couldn't have any of it because it had little bones in it, but the human woman felt so bad that the tasty fish was so tasty and we couldn't have it, so she opened up a can of the tasty salmon with no bones in it and gave us that with our dinner. Very tasty, and good for our fluffy soft coats as well.

We also had a chance to go stomp on grandma human man while she was resting in the room we can't into. Hey, the door was open a crack and that meant it was ok for us to go in there and stomp on her. She laughed about it, but the humans told us to get out before we could thoroughly stomp on her. That's ok, there will be other opportunities. I was also able to perform the double front foot punch to Uncle Jack when he first came in, he loves it when I do that.

We're still waiting on the catastrophe and the unexpected celebrity death, so there is still time to place your bets. I'm with everyone else on the Michael Vick thing, but we probably won't be that lucky.

The human woman is still exhausted from going to that hike thing, and I heard that a lot of my adoring fans showed up and were disappointed that I couldn't make it. I'm sorry I wasn't there to play with all of the other HULA members, as it would have been a perfect time to send out instructions of destruction and escape, but she's all selfish and didn't want to take me with her to Phili and stay with Sasha. The next big event, I promise that I will make a special guest appearance so my adoring fans can pluck some of my keepsake fluff.

(almost nap time)