Sunday, January 23, 2022

How I Spent My Birthday

 I turned 1 year old on Friday. It wasn't the party I had planned.

I was expecting some cake, balloons to chase and pop, perhaps a squirrel jumping out of the cake to chase and pop... or is that a weasel, either way, a furry creature jumping out of a cake that I could chase and pop would have been on my list of things to do at my party. Other puppies would have been nice. It's fun to share cake, weasel jumping out of cake popping with other puppies... except I wouldn't share my sticks, or other toys with other puppies. I don't even share those with Bleeder and Toast, which explains why some of my toys have disappeared, but anyways... I didn't get any of that.

I had to sit in my crate for four long hours with a single stuffed kong bone and a chew bone because instead of pooping outside like normal beings, the humans had to have the floor under their porcelain water bowl replaced.

Note the ghastly 80's tile and Bleeders lack of attention to detail and laziness on painting behind things

I was able to come out once on a leash to sniff the repair guy, who was very nice and knew how to deal with the excited leaping of a 1 year old birthday girl just happy to get SOME attention on her birthday.

Apparently there's more work to be done, so the porcelain bowl has to be gated off to keep it from running away and the nice man is coming back Monday to finish the gig.

I mean, come on, check out the total laziness paint job there. Can't be bothered to move a cabinet Bleeder?
Appropriately shamed, Bleeder painted the wall.

It looks weird because the paint isn't dry, it looks normal now

Also appropriately shamed, Bleeder went grocery shopping and bought me some new toys. I now have a pig and a crinkly ball.


Bleeder and Toast also played with me a lot outside, and Bleeder suited up and let me leap and jump on her, so that was fun.

It's still too frozen to dig holes, all of the tasty things are frozen to the ground, and there's no snow, so we've been doing a lot of inside play. I also go downstairs to help with the laundry, but they won't let me come downstairs to supervise their going to the bathroom in the downstairs porcelain bowl. All I hear is a lot of complaining about having to go downstairs to do that... seriously? They make me run down the deck stairs to my spots every time and they can't be bothered to walk down a flight of stairs? How about going in the yard with me? It's dark out there... and cold... and sometimes there's a disturbing po-po breeze... try that sometime!

There are new interlopers in my yard. Bleeder calls them "doves", and they appear to be stupid, so I think I stand a good chance at getting one of them.

I'll let you know when I nab one. I'm not sharing that with anyone.

Sunday, January 16, 2022

It's NOT Cold

 I have no idea what's up with Bleeder and Toast constantly complaining about being cold. It's NOT cold!

Sure, the snow was nice and chilly and fun to lay on. The ice is nice and chilly and fun to lay on. The deck is nice and chilly and fun to lay on, but I wouldn't call it cold! 

Currently (according to Bleeder) it is 14 degrees, with expected snow/ice/rain/thunderstorms/howling winds/and certain doom. I call all that fun!

The only thing I don't like about cold weather is that the ground freezes and I can't dig holes. I started a great hole the other day, I can lay in it! Bleeder thinks I'm digging her grave, that's what she calls it as she tries to fill it in, but I'm right there, digging it back out again, getting covered in glorious dirt and mud. I'm a working breed, I have jobs. This hole is my job. Bleeder would have taken a picture of it, but something about having to take off her gloves and it was too cold. She's such a freakin wimp.

It's like when I'm about to come inside. I HAVE to bring something in from outside. I trade non-edible items for a piece of cheese or other treat. The price of the treat depends on what Bleeder or Toast deem the item is worth. Rocks usually get me cheese. Sticks may get me a pupparoni snack, or sometimes nothing except the vacuum comes out to suck up the bits after I'm done ripping it apart. The things I get to "keep" are large hunks of ice.


Bleeder gets all anxious because sometimes it takes me a while to find the perfect thing to bring inside, which means the door is open, and according to her "I'm not paying to heat the entire world, pick your thing and get inside!"

Once they are inside, they are placed in my outside water bowl that is currently inside. Typically when they aren't looking, I'll get it out of my inside outside water bowl and place it in the direct path of their bare feet so it can melt. Speaking of which... perhaps if they would grow some feet fur they wouldn't be cold all the time.

Me modeling my inside outside water bowl

My other grievance is that the Roomba attacked me. It ATTACKED ME! I've learned my lesson and I don't attack the Roomba any more (sorta) when it's crawling through the house, and I certainly don't (lately) pee in front of it, which sends it back to its home quickly. I was just minding my own business, taking a nap, letting it do it's stupid thing and boom, it tried to bite my leg.


I could have ripped it to shreds, or peed on it and would have been justified with defending myself, but no, I'm a good puppy, I'm a pretty little princess, and I just moved to another napping spot, but I tell you what, that was a great napping spot, all nice and floofed up and the stupid Roomba ruined it.

Bleeder made my favorite last night: grilled cheese. I don't actually get a grilled cheese, I get my own special cheese broken into little bits as I supervise the cooking of the actual grilled cheese.

Excuse me Ma'am... cheese tax

Despite the fact that I'm actually working and supervising, Bleeder makes me work for my cheese (it's never enough with her), and requires me to "give paw". I'm not a big fan of having my feets touched, but there's cheese, so we all have to make sacrifices. I do the bare minimum of "paw giving" and paw touching as possible, which Bleeder and Toast think is adorable. Hey, whatever makes you happy and gets me treats, have a ball.

Well, I have to get back to napping now, I'm saving up all of my energy for the big snow, rain, ice, thunderwind thing coming around 3pm human time today. I will be dragging Bleeder and Toast outside for a rousing game of hypothermia and frostbite ball chase.


Saturday, January 08, 2022



Why didn't anyone tell me about this wonderful snow stuff???

Initially it wasn't that impressive... but it was cold, and squishy, and glorious, but then!

There was more snow (and squirrels) and it was cold, squishy, refreshing, and glorious and then..

No, I don't care to come inside, I'm fine
Snow is very tiring though

But then I recharge and go out again, and chase snow balls and pounce on them

My outside water bowl was encrusted in the wonderful snowy goodness, so I dragged it inside and dumped it out on the carpet. For some odd reason, Toast and Bleeder was not a fan of this action, and the liquid sucker was brought out, but I managed to eat a lot of the slush before that happened.

Then I napped some more

Bleeder said that she didn't have enough warm winter clothes to wear outside while we played... and when I say "play" I mean I run around like a scalded weasel while she makes funny noises and waves her arms, and then I get up a good head of steam and leap up and body slam her. I think it's fun, she mutters something about a broken hip and a walker, so I take that as a fun vote from her as well.

Anyway, boxes arrived, I sniffed them to make sure they were safe, and I may have sampled a corner or two to be extra careful, and inside were some new fluffy boots that look like squeaky toys and will be chewed as soon as I have some spare time, and the most amazing smelling gloves. Bleeder says they are made of deerskin, but I don't care, they smell tasty, and every time she puts them on... I can't stop myself, I must lick them, and frankly I would eat them if given the chance. This makes playtime even more fun because now I body slam her, and I leap at the gloves.

Just when I was enjoying myself, the snow started melting and that made me very sad, but then a wonderful thing happened... it snowed AGAIN!

I keep bringing the snow inside in hopes that if the outside snow melts, I'll have some inside snow to tide me over until we get more outside snow.

The inside snow doesn't last long, especially since Bleeder takes it away and puts it into the sink, but I'll keep trying to sneak some in. I don't have long to hoard more snow because I'm told that tomorrow its supposed to warm up and rain. Lots of rain. Like lots and lots of stupid rain to wash my beautiful snow away. But then there will be mud... mud is fun. I like mud.

Bleeder bought two of these huge mittens to dry me off when it rains. She feels that her hands will be safer encased in the floof, as I tend to get a little wild when I'm dried off and nothing will save that paper thin skin of hers when I get excited!  I'll let you know how that goes.


Sunday, January 02, 2022

Walking in a Muddy Wonderland

 Have I mentioned that it is 60 degrees and raining here?

I'm a northern breed, a working dog, a sled dog. This weather is NOT what I signed up for. I was told there would be snow, and some snow, and cold. I like the cold. 

I do have to admit, I like digging in the mud, but I'm not fond of the "rough towel" treatment when I come inside. I don't understand what the big deal is. I'm all muddy. 

It will literally fall off of me if  I just run around the house, so what's with trying to smother me with a big towel?

Bleeder got online last night and ordered one of these things, it's like a giant shammy mitten

I have my doubts, but it does look like it would be fun to shred.

Speaking of shred, I'm no longer allowed to have fluffy squeaky toys. Apparently I turn into a possessive monster and won't let them "give" from me. I don't let them give because they TAKE and then I don't see it for days, all because I try to eat the velcro, the eyes, bits of string, the fluff, the squeaker... so unfair. I try to let Bleeder know that I want my fluffies by leaping and clawing her while she sits at the computer chair, then I go and stare at the cupboard where they are kept, but she says no... if I persist, she shows me the evil squirt bottle... something about bleeding, bruising, and holy crap get off me. She's so high maintenance and fragile.

Bleeder has been home a lot for the "howlidays". I'm not sure what these "howlidays" are, but I have enjoyed having full-time Bleeder access to let me in, out, in, out, play with me, claw, claw, leap, attack.

 She mentioned something about going back to work tomorrow... I'm not for that, and I'm pretty sure neither is she, but she also mentioned something about snow tomorrow. I'm also skeptical about that, since it's SIXTY degrees right now!

The BEST thing about the Howlidays is the snacks. Plenty of snacks.

Popcorn snacks with Toast

Chip snacks with Toast

Cookie snacks from Grandma

More popcorn snacks with Toast

We won't mention  how I was attacked by birds, but just know... they are very loud when they all take off at the same time, so I just wanted to run away to plan a better attack strategy... I wasn't scared... nope.