Friday, October 31, 2008

Important Announcement from The Queen of the World

Good evening everypup.

As the Queen of the world it is my responsibility to ensure the happiness and safety of everypup, but the Queen of the world does require others to assist in the keeping of the world while your Queen sleeps on the air vent, dines on livergreat, and claws her humans.

One of my responsibilities is ensuring that everypup has good candidates to choose from when electing their government officials. The United States (where I happen to reside) is having their elections right now, and I do have to say that I'm delighted in the choices of candidates this year. Oh sure, the humans have their people making vague attempts at swaying the masses with promises of money that spreads like butter (hmmm, tempting) and mavericks running through the streets (interesting concept, but who will scoop up after them), and while it may be fun to watch the wackiness that ensues with either of those human candidates, our earth is in much need of repair and someone that will stop the stupidity.

Therefore, even before the official debate (scheduled to air Saturday at 4pm Eastern time, 3pm Central time, 2pm Mountain time, 1pm Pacific time. That's 5:30pm in Newfoundland and Labrador And 7:00am Sunday in Melbourne, Australia on Tubey TV with a simulcast in Vrmmmmese on D. Animal's blog) I am announcing my official endorsement of Tubey and Khyra!

We need their fluffiness in office to stop the human stupidity once and for all.

Bacon, cheese and livergreat for all... the claw to stupidity!

Please get out and vote this tuesday, I command you!


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My Week thus far

(In very few words)

Human Man still has a cold and had minor foot surgery.
Want to guess what we've been doing all week?

Human woman called Grandma Human woman who asked Human woman to find out about the "jitterbug" phone. Human woman still has cold and is looped on cold medicine and now stares into space while randomly screeching the "jitterbug" phone jingle.

Monday, October 20, 2008

What Not To Say

Ok, so as I last reported, the human woman was catching a cold and hopped up on nyquil again. Bonus for us as the kleenex treats are a'plenty. We got an extra special bonus bonus when the human man stayed home after lunch because he too caught a cold.

I don't see why they get all laying in bed when they have a cold, when I'm cold I like to run around the yard and play in snow, the humans catch a cold (I won't catch a ball, but I'd love to catch me some cold), they just complain and moan and lay in bed and give me used kleenex.

Yeah, so I'm torn. Its fun to drive them insane when they are sick, but then things like the following happened.

The human man has been napping in bed all day, oblivious to our devious ways. The human woman comes home, kleenex twisted into both nostrils. She dutifully does her usual household chores, which includes feeding us promptly at 5pm, then goes into the bedroom and asks the human man if he would like some of the soup that she's fixing for herself. He responds: "I had soup for lunch, I need something more substantial".

On the plus side, we got some soup for dinner (mmm, chicken noodle) and the human man no longer screams shrilly and flails when we leap on him, so I think this worked out well.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Serves Her Right

So, on friday the human woman locks us in our crates like usual when she goes out to lunch... BUT THEN SHE DIDN'T COME HOME!!!

The human man did come home (thankfully, we were wondering if they just left us) and he fed us... too much as usual. We tried to tell him that we normally get have a roll of livergreat each with our pupcid pill, but he wasn't fooled (no doubt coached by the human woman before she left).

We started to get a tad bit worried when it got dark and no human woman. Then it was time for bed. We got our oyster cracker snack at bedtime and totally forgot all about the human woman because, holy cats, the whole side of her bed was OURS!!!!! The human man told us not to get too comfy, because she was coming back. Drat... I mean, oh goody.

So, where did the human woman go all night, then all the next day? Well, my spies found out.

Khyra happened to be doing a campaign stop in Pennsylvania and stopped in at a local event and this is what she found.

Yes, that's my totally short bus human woman clutching a starbucks and looking as though she just came from a shelter herself. Apparently she was helping the human chauffeurs park their cars for the dogs to go have fun. Oh, you don't believe me that the human woman looked this dorky? You think that I actually make these things up? You think I cartoon her looking like this when actually she doesn't look like this... well, see for yourself.

SEE! I told you! Poor Khyra was mortified and wouldn't even come near her, she even piddled a bit because she was laughing so hard. I mean, seriously! Do you now see why I don't EVER go anywhere with her? Will someone PUHLEEZE call those "What Not To Wear" people for me and get them over here as soon as possible!!!

Oh, so what's with the blog title? Well, she left me (and the mutatoe gimpies), now she has a cold. Gee, what with 14 layers of mis-matched clothing you'd think she would have stayed warmer.

By the way, I got your message on my human woman's leg Khyra, and I'm working on it.

Woo is me.


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

We Must Be Vigilant

I suspected this may start to happen. Angry wildlife fighting back.
We must be ever vigilant and stop them from striking again.

Nothing worse than terrorist suicide squirrels.



Sunday, October 12, 2008

Scotch Guarded

Copper asked what my human woman does when we come inside with dirty faces and feet.

Well, Copper, we huskies are scotch guarded. Yep, that's right, nothing sticks to our fur. We can dig and dig and roll in stuff and get all muddy and nasty and it just falls right off of us. Well, ok, sometimes we need a bit of a rinse. I have to admit that I got a bit carried away in this picture.
Hey, it wasn't my fault it was so muddy in the yard that day...well, maybe we had something to do with it, all that digging during non-muddy times, digging up all the grass... hey, that's what grass is for.

Anyhoo, yeah, the human woman had to hose me off after this one... you'll notice that she stopped long enough to get a picture first. But, all it took was some water and a bit of rubbing (no shampoo) and I was squeeky clean again. By the way, she was actually in a hurry to get somewhere when I did this one... remember, time your muddy messes to coincide with an important meeting where your human is dressed up, bonus points if they're wearing white. Make sure to shake when you get in the house too.

Now, in regard to the Mutatoe and Spineless Bionic Hip pup Sam's digging... yeah, they dig too. Because of their "special needs" they don't do as good of a job as I do. It takes them a while to even make a dent in the ground. The Mutatoe's mutatoe does make a nice shovel though, but he flings too much dirt. Not that this is a bad thing, because most of the time he flings his grubs behind him so I get them, so I'm not complaining.

Generally, this is about all the gimpies are good for:
This was Spineless Bionic Hip pup Sam's favorite lounging spot until the human's threw the couch away. Sam has perfected the art of looking comfortable. No matter where he's laying, he always makes it look like THE most comfortablest spot in the world. Even laying on the floor he sometimes makes that look like a feather pillow bed. Sam wants to be a professional lounger, but he can't find anyone to pay him to lay around and watch CNN.

Then there's this:
Can you believe this? This is embarrassing. No matter what position Mutatoe gets in, he always manages to look like a dork. I mean come on! This can't be comfortable, and look at that ample ass! Its so huge, he can't even lay on it. What respectable dog lays like this? So embarrassing.


Saturday, October 11, 2008

How to Get a Grub

Some of you have asked: "Meeshka, what is a grub?"

Oh, you poor deprived pups!

A grub is a very tasty delicacy that grows underground in Merryland (and other places). Grub season starts in the spring, then stops, then starts again in the fall.

The picture to the right is one very plumb, tasty grub (not life sized). They're actually about the size of a quarter (curled pinky finger to Huffle and other overseas pups).

For those of us blessed with sensitive noses (that can also smell that nasty bath soap that pretends to smell like cucumbers, but actually smells like cucumbers that have been genetically mashed together with a stinky flower and some chemicals), you can smell the grubable down in the ground. You have to dig carefully, lest you toss out the grub with the dirt (and the ever vigilant and lazy Mutatoe who lurks behind you while you dig will get your treasure). The best digging technique is to dig, dig, sniff, dig, dig, sniff, making sure the grub is still down there, and not being slowly consumed by the Mutatoe (who actually breaks his heartworm pill into tiny pieces and savors it... freak).

The subsequent hole is exactly the same size as the human woman's foot (amazingly enough) and you get double the pleasure: tasty grub snack and floor show as human woman lurches through the ankle breaking holes.

Before she discovered that grubs were actually an excellent source of protein, the human woman would try to take them away from us. Having such a tasty treat taken away from us was torture... but we did get to see her nearly horka at the squishiness of the tasty grub, and if it happened to still be alive and moved in her hand, well, the dancing, shrieking, and dry heaving was priceless. Now she just lets us eat them, probably figuring that she's saving on food in the long run, but losing money on the big bags of grass seed to replace what we've dug up.

Here are some more pictures of the grub technique. Learn them... you will be tested

Friday, October 10, 2008


Its grub season again.
I love grubs.
They are tasty.
I love digging the ankle breaking holes to get the tasty treats.
I love hearing the high pitched keening noise the human woman makes when she comes outside and sees all of the precious grassy grass now ripped to shreds.
I love that the fall grub season means that winter will be here soon AND WE BETTER GET SOME SNOW HERE IN MERRYLAND THIS YEAR!
I love cold weather.
I love putting my cold, wet nose on the human woman in the morning.
I love grubs.

(its what I do)

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Still here

Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema
Just wanted to post out real quick that I'm still here, but very busy.

1.) its the fall grub season, so I've been very busy digging ankle breaking holes to retrieve the tasty grub treats that are in the ground. I love grubs, they are so tasty.

2.) the human man hurt his back in the annual back hurting ritual. Ok, there's no ritual, other than he hurts his back every year and its that time of year. We have been busy bouncing on him while he lays in bed just to hear him scream. Its like playing with a gigantic squeeky toy.

3.) The human woman has discovered that she isn't walking right, which explains why her right leg is gimpy. She's now concentrating on walking correctly, which makes her look like even more of a tard, what with the stylish progressive glasses she's wearing.

4.) Its getting nice and cool outside at night, so we've been playing a lot more, which means the human woman has to come watch us play. Its the law, we need an audience. We're placing bets on when she'll fall in a hole while she practices walking correctly, and whether that will happen first, or she'll go insane letting us out, then in, then out, then in, then out...


Saturday, October 04, 2008

A Fair and Balanced Dog

You should be aware that Sam (spineless bionic hip puppy) leans to the left.

Oh, not his political views, his left front leg is shorter than the other, so he leans to the left.

Despite this deformity, the humans were growing concerned that he spends most of his time laying on the bed watching CNN Headline news, so they're now changing the channel to Fox News once in a while, just to make sure he's getting the news from various sources. If he leans any more left, they're afraid that he'll fall over, and they think that if he gets news from "both sides" that maybe he'll be cured and not lean.

So, here is a report on the latest news from Sam:

Hey everyone! I'm honored that Meeshka allowed me to use some of her blog space to report the news to you. I love the news. I especially love CNN, but that's only because I have the hots for Erica Hill, who isn't as cute as my Frankie Woo but I pretend that Ms. Hill is my Frankie Woo and I daydream, but the humans think I just like the news. Ok, I do like the news, so here's an update on what's been happening on the news from what I understand:

1.) The leaders of the U.S. are insane and pretty soon everyone will get free cheese because they won't be able to buy their own food. I like cheese. I'm all for this free cheese thing. It would be even better if they gave free livergreat and cheese, maybe some bacon too.

2.) O.J. Simpson is guilty. Um... riiight. Next thing you're going to tell me is that Clay Aiken is gay. WHAT? Well, I never saw that coming either.

3.) One guy promises this, another promises that, the first guy says the second guy is wrong, the second guy says the first one is wrong... vote Turbo/Khyra 2008... just so those two guys will shut up so I can watch Erica Hill.

4.) Humans want a woman president... but apparently not THAT woman.

5.) No, I linked that one correctly... what? He's a guy? Oh, sorry.

6.) An American Carol movie sucks, but the Bill Maher's slam on religion is brilliant... I have no idea why humans think the media is biased. Frankly, neither of them have Erica Hill or my Frankie Woo, so they both suck.

7.) The networks have cancelled plans to have DNN: Dogs News Network, apparently there was some problems with the Cat Union wanting equal time, but who wants to watch cats licking their butts.

I think that's about all of the news worth reporting today.

Sammy the Amazing

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Fashion Pig

The human woman was all upset today about some pig named "Bill".

Apparently the rulers of this part of the land feel that Bill wasn't good enough to fool the people into believing that a pig would be a good idea, so one part of the rulers put some lipstick on Bill and fed him so he got really large. Then other part of the rulers put a suit on Bill and fed him some more stuff and now he's really huge.

The rulers are parading Bill around and telling people what a wonderful pig he is, look he's got a suit and he's wearing lipstick (not that there's anything wrong with that) and they're trying to make the people love Bill.

Except they aren't fooled. A pig in lipstick and a suit is still a pig... except the rulers think they know better and pretty soon, Bill will be taking your money away too, instead of helping you. The rulers will applaud and cheer at Bill and claim they've helped the people, because rulers don't have to live with Bill.

I seriously have no idea what she's rambling about. Maybe she's been sneaking the nyquil again.

Regardless, vote Turbo and Khyra... because, well all of the humans running for Prez really suck.


Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Mutatoe Huzzy

Mutatoe Huzzy
Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema
Since I forgot to post a huzzy pose yesterday, since it was Huzzy Wednesday, here is the Mutatoe in all of his shameless glory.

Yep, because of his ample ass, he is able to assume a totally flat pose on his back without fear of rolling over. He's almost coffee table shaped on the back side. The other day the human man nearly put his drink down on the Mutatoe's butt thinking it was an end table.

Have I mentioned that he's got a big butt?