Monday, June 26, 2006

Special Guest Post from Sasha

Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema.

OK, so my tummy wasn't feeling quite right. If they would have just let me eat more strawberry plant leaves, and thrown up, everything would be FINE.

But NOOOOOO, off we go to the freaking ER vet. A LITTLE blood in your poo, they want you to stay.

So they shave BOTH my front legs, stick a needle in, won't feed me, take x rays, fluid going in a tube in my leg, whole thing stinks.

They finally gave me chicken today, it's about time.

So I get to come home, and instead of a big feast for my return, I get a little chicken in a lot of stupid rice. And they keep making fun of my shaved legs, call me Poodle. They took PICTURES. Can you believe it?

Wait'll they go to sleep tonight, I'll get them.

I can't decide if I want to eat the sofa, or tear up the carpet.....

A very unhappy, hungry, shaved Sasha.

Human Training Update

I throw my paws up at training these humans. I swear, they do NOT listen, they don't retain information, and its as though they do the opposite of what you tell them to do. They just can't be trusted.

I very simply explained the whole fear of thunder/fireworks things, and how simply that fear can be overcome with a simple stay at a nice hotel and being fed human goodies, but do they listen... NO.

In case your humans haven't been letting you watch the news, the east coast has been nothing but storm central. With the heat and humidity and non-stop rain, rain, rain, its like living in an armpit around here. Human woman throws us outside, we beg to come back inside and lay on the air vent, and she tortures us. "stay out there for a little bit, all you do is lay around in the air conditioning". Um, hello, yeah, we're covered in fur you dolt!

So last night was the topper. First of all, the human woman knows that when it thunders, she has to sit there and allow me to claw her leg. That's just the way it goes, but does she do that? No. She has to get up and run around the kitchen table. I'm actually chasing her around the kitchen table in order to sufficiently claw her leg. I mean, how ridiculous is it to be chasing your human around the kitchen table during a storm? So frustrating. At one point I just stood and stared at her, stomping my little delicate feet with frustration.

Then bed time rolls around. Does she take me into the quiet sanctuary of the room we are not allowed in? Oh no, she just goes straight into bed and gets under the covers, and expects me to just curl up on her head and sleep like normal, when its thundering. I'm sorry, that's where I draw the line.

So I clawed her.
I woo'd
I clawed and woo'd
I jumped off the bed, jumped on the bed, clawed and woo'd
jumped off the bed, ran down the hall wooing, jumped on the bed, clawed and woo'd
jumped off the bed, jumped on the bed, jumped on the human woman and woo'd.
jump, jump, jump on the human woman, claw and woo

The jumping and clawing on the human was very effective, but I was exhausted after all of that. I mean does it take me jumping on her with all 4 feet before she gets the hint that she has to get up? How many times does this have to happen before she finally gets it?

So, off to the quiet room we're not allowed in for some safety. In the middle of the night the storm went away for a bit, so I woke the human woman so she could take me out and I could go to the bathroom safely. She had the gall to try to sneak back into the bedroom afterwards, and this time it only took one time of my jumping on her to get her back into the safety of the room we aren't allowed in.

I've hear some huskies claim that positive human training works the best, but when it comes to my humans... I'm at my wits end.

When I jump on you, that means get up!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Loud Noise Public Service Announcement

The Mutatoe
Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema.
This is Loki the Mutatoe, he is VERY LOUD!
But he's not as loud as fireworks or thunder, which scare me. Ok, the fireworks isn't a big deal, but the thunder thing is very scary, and that's what I want to talk to the humans about.


I know, I know, you can't stop the thunder stuff (at least that's what the human woman claims), but you can stop making the stupid banging and whistling and booming of the fireworks things every summer.

Its getting to be about that time, and a lot of dogs (huskies too) will start freaking out because humans just have to be all destructive and stupid and set off those fireworks things, causing fires and injuries, and losing an eye and all that (wooo, great fun).

So, you humans, if you can't stop the idiots from setting off the fireworks, then you have to help your dog get through the shock and trauma of that stuff. Here are some tips to help your dog cope with all that stupid noise:

1.) you must sit and hand feed your dog goodies. Things like human foods, meat is good, some candy, candy is good. I've learned that cashews are really tasty, so some of those, they're very calming, and some huskies like fruit too, but NO GRAPES OR RAISINS, but maybe some nice watermelon.

2.) Taking your dog to a 4 star hotel and having the bell boy hand feed them is also good for their nerves. You should make sure the hotel has those REALLY soft towels so your dog can lay in a pile of them on the comfy bed while the bell boy hand feeds them things like shrimp, lobster, and perhaps, salmon bits.

I was going to add a third one, but I think those two would do it, especially #2, the hotel is really a nice thing to do for your dog during this stressful time.

Remember, people aren't too keen with setting fireworks off on the appointed day, so you may have to stay in that hotel for a week or two with your dog to make sure they aren't traumatized!

Just another helpful Meeshka hint


Sunday, June 18, 2006

How Hot Is It?

I sniff you
Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema.
Its really hot outside.
Really hot.
Have I mentioned that its hot?
Way too hot for a fluffy like me to be outside.
So, why was I outside?
Because the human woman thought I needed to go outside, that's why.
All day I've been lounging on the air vent. Nice and cool.
All day I've been napping, waiting for it to cool down outside.
Human woman thinks that now, the hottest time of the day, I need to go out.
I would have asked to go out if I had to go out.
Did I ASK to go out?
She bribes me out anyway. Dangling a human food item in front of me with promises that I'll get a piece.
Did I?
Again I fell for it.
Never again.
Later, I shall claw her for that.
She'll ask me "what was that for?"
She'll already know the answer, so I won't bother telling her.
Its cool inside.
I like cool


Saturday, June 17, 2006

Ultra Fluffy Mode

Meeshka 20060617.jpg
Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema.
Just wanted to share this picture of me.

The human woman went out and got malaria, West Nile, and probably heartworms sitting outside in the grass trying to coax me to look at the camera.

She just doesn't understand how hard modeling is. Getting the right level of fluffy to come out, the pose, the tongue positioning.

Sigh... I need to be paid more, what with this new "no toy" policy they've levied on me.

(pet me, I'm fluffy)

Spoil It For Everyone

I was laying under the table napping, and minding my own business, when apparently Loki, or Sam (I have no idea who started it) decided that someone was too close to an empty kong bone and the fur started flying.

Human woman started swinging a book, human man was screaming and pulling them apart, and luckily nobody got hurt, but it sure did sound pretty awful. While all that was going on, I just stayed out of the way, ain't no way I'm going to get into that mess.

The boys are banished to their crates for a while (thankfully I can nap peacefully now), and I heard the human man say "no more toys".

Um, excuse me? I didn't do anything. Remember me, cute fluffy one, sitting under the table looking very concerned and non approving of the whole argument? Why should I suffer because the gimpy boys have no couth and don't know how to share (in case you've forgotten: what's their is mine, and what's mine is mine).

Great! There go my kong treats in the morning and lunch. Guess we'll just get some old unexciting cookie to gnaw on for 3 seconds before our crate naps.

Way to spoil it morons!

(the now very grumpy)

Friday, June 16, 2006

Husky Holiday Cards

Every human holiday the stupid greeting cards come out that show us huskies (usually cute suck up little puppies) in cute little poses (they're probably sedated), and people just grab those cards up because hey, huskies are cute and fluffy.

But what about the true husky? Where are those cards that show the true husky spirit, what it actually means to be a husky, and how us huskies have created our own spirit of the holidays?

Well, even though the humans bribed me and cut my nails, I was still able to claw some sense into the human woman, and she's created (with my expert husky consulting) a line of holiday cards JUST for husky owners.

Since there are endless possibilities to our adventures, keep checking back, I'm sure there will be more coming, but for now, I introduce to you:
Husky-Tude Cards

Thursday, June 15, 2006

And Stretch, One, Two, Three

Meeshka, preparing to pounce
Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema.
I just got up from napping in the flowerless bed around the tree.

There use to be flowers in there. Every spring these little yellow flowers with happy little faces kept blooming. Every spring the human woman would go out there and gaze upon them and smile... So we destroyed them for her.

First we just ate off the pretty flower part, but they came back.

Then we ripped up the flower part and the stem part, but they came back.

Took us another year to figure out that we had to dig really deep and pull out these bulb things that caused them to grow, and that took care of those pesky flowers.

Now we have a comfortable bed of weeds and dirt to lay in, and not have to deal with those pretty flower things that got in our way.

The human woman didn't even congratulate us for figuring out how to get rid of them. Geez, do her a favor and no recognition.

(Is there dirt on my po-po?)

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Where is that mutatoe?

So I'm out in the yard today, minding my own business as usual, when that gimpy mutatoe tries to take my stick. He never learns, I swear. He made such a racket that the human woman came out and took the stick and threw it over the fence. Um... that was MY stick you just tossed. Its like if I have something, and Loki wants it, he throws such a fit that it always gets taken away.

After the stick was tossed away, then he actually wanted me to get up and play with him. Excuse me, I'm laying here resting. He'll yap and yap and yap (he still hasn't mastered the respectful "woo") and then he'll bat at me with his mutant paw until finally I can't take it anymore and have to screech and skitter at him. He bounces around in glee that he got me to move. He's such a tard.

Every time I move out there he thinks I want him to grab my tail and pull it. I can't even walk out there without him pouncing on me, or trying to grab me by my pretty scruff. He's like a mosquito. I could send him flying with one swipe of my dainty little feet.

Typically, I wait for Sam to wander out in the yard, then when Loki attacks him, I'll saunter up to the house and demand that the human woman let me in. Sam is getting smart though. When Loki gets into his "pounce" position, Sam will hold very still. Sam thinks he can become invisible if he stands very still and avoids anyone's gaze. I'm not here, you can't see me. Sometimes Sam will run to me with the gimpy hot on his tail, then when the gimpy attacks me, Sam meanders for the house. Its a conspiracy I tell you.

So, here I am, walking to the house, little gimpy, puny boy latched on to my tail, pulling. Its a wonder I let him live, especially after what he did today.

I'm napping. I get to nap, I can't possibly babysit these guys all the time, I have to get in my beauty sleep sometimes. Apparently while I was napping, gimpy boy went in and started chewing on stuff he wasn't suppose to be chewing on. AND I GOT YELLED AT!

"Why aren't you watching him, why didn't you tell us!" Are you kidding me? He's YOURS, YOU WATCH HIM! I certainly didn't invite him into the house to drink all of the water from the tasty water bowl! I didn't invite him to sprawl out and take up half the bed! I didn't tell you "hey, I really want a puny little gimpy pawed puppy to latch onto my cute fluffy tail like it was a pull toy", so you deal with it.

So, I'm sulking. Human man didn't share his tasty nachos with us, even though he used our cheese. Human woman didn't share her peanut butter sandwich with us, even though she used our peanut butter. Oh yeah, that's another thing. Hey humans reading this... the human woman got hungry, and is so lazy that instead of reaching into the cabinet for the "human" peanut butter, she just lathers a slice of bread with our hair covered peanut butter, and ate it. Didn't share. Didn't even get to lick the knife.

(I live in crazy-ville)

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Labs Rule the World? Go Fetch!

I got a lovely post from Opy today: Opy's Blog

Opy is a lab that lives in some other country, and he feels that Labs will rule the world. When I stopped laughing, and I'll wait a minute while you fluffy huskies stop laughing, I felt compelled to point out that labs couldn't possibly rule the world!

First of all, Labs have very short attention spans, so they would forget what they were doing unless a human was there to remind them. Secondly, they get distracted easily, so there would be labs... determined to take over the world... someone throws a ball and they all forget what they were doing and chase after the ball!

They're RETRIEVERS! All it would take would be for a human to toss something and they'd go chasing after it. Its not like the humans would throw the world for them to go get!

So, I'm sorry Opy, but Huskies WILL rule the world. We are single-minded creatures with very set goals, and that goal is: RULE THE WORLD!

Just a few hurdles remain in our world domination, mainly opposable thumbs, but Loki the mutatoe is working on that, thanks to his curly mutant toe nails... its only a matter of time for us.

Yours in husky domination

I Won An Award

Look at me (and all of my fluffiness) my blog won an award!

I wanted to thank all of my minions for helping me win this award:

The human woman, for transcribing my notes from paw print to blog print

My adoring legions of fans

The HULA organization for taking over the human world and giving it back to the huskies.

As the human woman types this out, I'm outside guarding my yard and chasing after the annoying mutatoe puppy and bionic hip girly husky. Its a beautiful, cool day, so I'm enjoying it while I can, making sure to dig up a bit of the precious grass just to show the humans who is boss, and lounging.

I'm sure there will be a big award dinner, where my humans are not allowed, and people will feed me steak and other goodies by hand, making sure to wipe off my delicate and fluffy mouth when I'm done. I'm clearing off a space on the overly crowded end table to put my trophy, or plaque. I can't wait until all of the photo offers and ad campaign offers start to come in. I've decided not to let this go to my head, but I do need to make enough money to support my kleenex hobby, and get a bigger house, more furniture to riccochet on, and my OWN BED!

Ok, I'd better practice my autograph now, I'm sure millions of people will be lining up wherever I go begging for it. Sigh, all this fame is very tiring, so perhaps a nap first.

(wheres the human woman's head when I want to nap?)

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Leave My Fluffy Alone

I've decided that I don't like that furminator thing. Oh sure, it removes the excess fluff that clumps my delicate and soft coat, but its just plain annoying. Not as bad as the pully hurt combs and brushes, but just having to sit there while the human woman does it just cuts into my very busy schedule.

She got it out just now. I appeased her by laying on the couch (all cute and fluffy) and allowed her to use it on my for approximately 3 seconds before I pronounced "enough", and unceremoniously left the couch. I've decided that whenever the mutant pawed gimpy dog (who likes the furminator) is brushed, I will sit just out of reach, looking very cute and fluffy, and looking as though I want to be brushed. I will let out a woo and run to the couch, pretending that I want my turn, and then... I'll jump up and leave.

Sure, the human woman isn't totally stupid (well... not totally), so I'll follow her to the evil husky-proof trash bin while she throws my residual fluffiness away, and I'll look all cute and interested, and she'll always come back for a second try... the fool.

I wanted to thank my agents for the potholders, they will work well for our plan.

(still fluffy, still devious)

Monday, June 05, 2006

Have Yard, Will Dig

Its beyond me why the humans have such a big yard to dig in, and all they do is fill up our holes! At one point last year they brought really tasty and fun dirt into the back yard, then yelled at us for digging in it.

This year, with the growing of the grass, they go out and gaze upon the grass and sigh... until they see the wonderful trench we've dug and they can barely contain their excitement and joy! They jump up and down and yell, and we woo back at them and prance because it is a really good trench!

There are these things the humans call "moles", which are little brown furry things that burrow into our yard. We have to eliminate them because we think they may harm the grass that the humans have been trying to grow. Unfortunately the only way to eliminate them is to trench the yard, from one side to the other... in various places... moles dig a lot.

Its fun chasing the moles, because I'll start at the beginning of their tunnel, Sam will go to another spot and dig, and Loki leaps around like a nut and barks his encouragement to us (he's a moron, and only has one front foot to dig with since the mutant paw doesn't work right, so we don't let him help). Between the three of us, we've managed to excavate a really nice trench in the yard, but were unable to locate the wily mole thing (that smells very tasty, by the way).

We've caught them before, and played Keep A Mole back and forth. When we're done with them, we like to roll on them. We call it our victory scent. The human woman apparently doesn't like that scent. Today she caught me rolling in something, not sure what it was, but it smelled wonderful. I have no idea why she does it, but every time I roll in something tasty, she sniffs me, then declares that I stink... then why smell me? I don't turn my delicate little nose up at you when you come out of the water thing smelling like some fake flower... ok, so I actually do, then sneeze, because that's just a foul smell. Why not go roll in a flower bed or something if you want to smell like a flower.

Free perfumes laying dead in the yard and the humans go out and buy fake perfumes, go figure.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

My Own Personal Air Vent

All air vents in the house are mine, but I especially like this air vent most of all. Its in the bedroom, so I can lay on it and cool off, then jump on the bed and lay on the human woman's head, then jump off and get cool again, then jump on the bed and sit on the human woman's head. I don't think she's had a full night sleep since I came here to live, but she's holding up remarkably well for the sleep deprived.

Its been a very busy week, what with all of the storms we had. Claw the human woman, claw the human man (he screams quite nicely), claw, claw, pant, prance, pounce.

This morning, in protest of the really high tickly po-po grass, we dug a very nice trench in the yard and hid it under all of the grass. I'm sure the human woman was surprised to find it when she finally mowed this afternoon. I think I heard a yell and the noise of the mower thingie making a horrible noise when it fell into our trap.

There has been much talk by the humans of victories over huskies. Talk of "locking things up" like tasty shoes. You know, if they really loved us, they would leave these things out for us to chew on. Oh sure, they give us bones to clean our teeth with when we gnaw on them, but its just not enough. We need leather to get those teeth pearly white, and what better to clean our teeth with than sandals. The little straps are great for getting in between the teeth, and those buckles really make our teeth shine. Some huskies say that the particle board part on the bottom of the sandal really bring the sheen out on their teeth.

So, while they gloat about their little victories, they are actually denying us good dental hygiene.

I'm apparently off my "bland" diet now, after a few days of poop inspection, which apparently the human woman deems "good". We're still getting crappy food in our kongs and not the elaborate treats and smear of peanut butter. The bedtime treats are few and far between as well, not to mention the fact that we hardly ever get cheese when we come out of our crates. I'm just hoping that during my bad tummy experience they thought they could get away with stopping all of these nummy treat sessions.

I'll have to be ever vigilent and claw the human woman leg when the opportunity for treats presents itself, to remind her that we're still here, we're still hungry, we want our freakin treats!

(foot napping, because I'm the boss and don't you dare move that foot)