Monday, March 31, 2008

Skin Issues

Yeah, I know I haven't blogged in a few days and all, but I started having skin issues. The human woman thinks its from that new food that all her human friends rant and rave about how much their dogs love it and it does such a good thing for their coats and fluffiness.

So, you would think that with all of my fluffiness that it would make me even more fluffier, but nooooo, oh nooooo.

Apparently, for some reason I appear to have some sort of horrible allergy to one of the ingredients and I started itching, and itching, and I couldn't stop itching and it got worse and worse and before the humans could figure out what was wrong... yep, you guessed it. Shaved.

Ya know, I have to admit that I kinda like that cool breeze on those nether regions.


Monday, March 24, 2008

New HULA Member: Shonee

Although Dusty Doodles has achieved HULA status, his partner in Huskyness, Ms. Shonee has proven to be a mistress of manipulation.

Their human woman contacted my human woman one afternoon totally frantic because Shonee was crying in pain. The poor thing would shriek the husky death scream seemingly randomly and for no reason their human woman could figure out.

She had done this on another occasion, which meant a trip to the vet and large amounts of money spent to find... absolutely nothing wrong with her. Their human woman was beside herself, wondering if this was something horrible wrong with poor Shonee. They checked her all over and couldn't figure out where it could possibly hurt.

While her human was eating a steak, Ms. Shonee let fly with a heart wrenching cry again, which made her human hand over the steak she had been eating. This seemed to help the pain somewhat, but she still seemed very restless and not comfortable. Just in case, the humans packed her up in their car and took her for a 12 mile drive to get her a corn dog. She ate the corn dog upon their return home, then curled up in a ball and went to sleep.

It was then that her humans realized that the last time this had happened, they had taken one of their other dogs to the vet. Wait a minute! Could it be that Shonee knew that another dog got special attention and had figured out a devious but brilliant way to not only get steak, but also a car ride to get a corn dog?

Yep, you guessed it. Our wonderful HULA operative Shonee has found the perfect way to manipulate her humans to get whatever she wants.

Welcome to the HULA Hoop Shonee. You have my utmost admiration


Sunday, March 23, 2008

Looking fluffy and nonchalant

Its a nice day today and I've managed to spend a lot of time outside.

Not too hot, not too cold (like there is such a thing). The birds are singing and landing in the yard, and flying off before I can catch them. The squirrels are staying in the trees, the Mutatoe is leaving me along, and so is Sam.

This is pretty nice actually, lounging, nothing to do, no worries, no cares.
Its great being a dog.


Sunday, March 16, 2008

No Thanks to the Mutatoe

No thanks to the Mutatoe, I've had a really boring and totally frustrating weeekend.

It all started out friday when the suck up gimpy mutatoe caught a mole in MY yard. Its MY yard and he should have caught it and then handed it straight to me, but no. He at least should have eaten the tasty morsel, but no. He likes to lay in the yard with the tasty, dead, chewed mole sitting between his mutatoe feet and parade it in front of me. The human woman, as usual, came out and saw us in prey mode and took the mole away from the mutatoe and she tossed it over the fence... as usual.

Ok, so that's a normal routine around here and as she had some stupid human things to do, she gave us our kongs and went and did her thing. When she came back, the Mutatoe gacked a bit when he got out of his crate, which he does sometimes, but when he got outside, he horka'd his entire kong lunch in the yard. That's not usual. I tried to claw him some, but he didn't even want to chase me or nothing!

The human woman came out in the yard and found him all curled up, drooling and not feeling well at all. He didn't even want to get up and he was shaking a bit. She immediately freaked out, locked spineless Sam and I in our crates and took Mutatoe to the vet. He wasn't even excited to go in the truck with her... so we knew he was sickly.

From what I gathered, the vet ruled out all of the very, very bad things that it could be (bloat, torsion, poison), and decided to take pictures of his innards, and poke him for blood and all of that came back normal too, except he was very gaseous. He shared his gas with the whole vet clinic too, they were very happy about that. They poked him again and put water in him because he was low on water, and he had a temperature, so they gave him some stuff to fix that.

He got to come home that night with the spigot in his leg and he still didn't feel too good. Didn't grumble at me or Sam, just curled up on the bed and slept.

Once again, in the morning, he got to go back to the vet and they put more water in him and more medicines in the tube, and by the time he got home a few hours later... he was feeling a lot better, still gassy, but hey, he's back to being obnoxious again. Since his stomach is all upset, he has to take pills. Normally pills mean LIVERGREAT! but not this time. Because he has an upset stomach, he has to eat bland food, so he gets pills in the bland food. We get the bland food too. The human woman thinks that if one gets bland food, then we all get bland food. Its actually pretty tasty for bland food, a nice change of pace from our regular foods.

So, here is the lesson that the humans learned this weekend:

Oh, and the human's coffee maker died... there was a lot of keening, screaming, crying, and loss of body control until they went out and got another one. Eesh.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Brought to you by MeeshKo

The human woman went to a place called the "maul" the other day. This place sounds perfect for huskies, and yet she never allows us to go there with her. She's very selfish like that.

Anyhoo, she happened to catch sight of these nifty little items. Apparently they are slippers that the humans wear, and as they walk about, the slippers dust the floors for them. Ok, this just clinches just how lazy humans are, if they can't be bothered to pick up a mop or duster thing and actually clean their own houses, then the world is ours to conquer.

To her credit, she thought it was a stupid idea as well, since we have carpet and these slippers would not be very helpful at all in helping her clean up after our fluff. She muttered something about the creator of these slippers getting rich and being able to stay home with their dogs all day and wait on them hand and foot (while wearing their dusting slippers of course).

This got me to thinking, if I could come up with something that humans with dogs could wear that would help them clean up our fluff, then we wouldn't have to listen to that stupid Dyson all the time, and they humans would have plenty of time to spend with us.

Therefore, here is my latest invention: The fluffy slippers:

Made from a space age polimer slipper, the fluffy slippers are really cool because they're just like those stupid wheelie shoes that kids wear in the form of lint rollers. The humans can whiz around the house (and when I say whiz, I'm not talking about how Sam whizzes around the house) and clean really quickly so they can play with us.

Of course the human woman has no balance whatsoever and keeps falling down, so I need to work with her to get her to stay upright for the infomercial I'll be filming and then I'll make a zillion dollars and I'll buy a maul for all of us huskies to play in.


Monday, March 03, 2008

New HULA Members: Phoenix and Kenya

Dear Meeshka

We would like to apply for dual HULA membership. Our foster mom says any affiliation that may help us get adopted and out of her house is fine by her. We are currently employing both physical and psychological warfare to wear the human down in our bid for domination.

I, Phoenix (aka He Who Must Not Be Named), am the leader of this revolution. Foster mom says not only have I broken her spirit, I’ve crushed it into pieces, eaten the pieces and pooped them back out again. And that’s after only seven months in foster care.

When the animal shelter first picked me up, the fools put me in the outside kennel. That 10 foot high chain link fence was nothing. If they hadn’t caught me climbing it, I would have been unleashed on the unsuspecting public within minutes. They thought they could contain me by moving me inside. I tried to go under my kennel door but hit a little snag, literally. When foster mom came to pick me up she totally freaked out when she saw what I’d done to my eye. I’m attaching a photo of me post-surgery.

I have escaped from my crate more times than I can count. I would eat Kleenex, but foster mom is too low-brow for that. She blows her nose in toilet paper. So on one of my many crate escapes; I shredded a roll of toilet paper, and a tube of toothpaste, and a bar of soap. If you think Kleenex is yummy, try toilet paper topped with toothpaste and some soap for dessert. I also shred anything left on, or near, my crate. I particularly liked the shrieking noise she made when she saw what I did to her coat and sweatshirt.

Speaking of shrieking noises, you should hear her voice after she found me with a knife not once but twice. It sounded like a dog whistle when she screeched “Where did you GET that!?” After the second knife incident she has now gotten into the habit of tossing my crate for contraband on a regular basis. I hope she doesn’t ever think to look under the couch.

But all of that are small potatoes compared to some of my other acts of terrorism. After an adoption event one day, the stupid human stopped at the McDonald’s drive-thru. When I heard her order food for herself only, I decided to act. When she accidentally lowered the back window of her car, I made a break for it. She turned just in time to see my big furry butt going out the window.

Ever see a human try to close a window, grab a leash that’s already gone out a window, unlock a door, undo a seat belt, put it in park, pull out of the drive-thru line, and get out of the car all at once? I thought she was going to explode into tiny bits. Just to embarrass her further, I very calmly let a stranger catch me. Nobody could figure out why she was shrieking “Grab him! Grab him! Grab him!” when I obviously wasn’t going anywhere. They all looked at her like she was an idiot. And she was so upset afterwards that she couldn’t eat her burger so she gave it to me. That’s what I wanted all along.

The next week when we got ready to leave she tied my leash to the overhead handle in the car. She was laughing like a loon and mumbling “that’ll teach you” and “dare you to jump out now” as she attached me to one handle and my foster brother to the other handle. Before we’d gone more than ten miles I had both leashes braided together and wrapped around my middle and my brother’s neck.

She had to pull into an abandoned rest area, get out of the car and climb into the back to untangle us. After she untangled us, cursing the entire time (I told you she was low-brow), she went to get out of the car and came face to face with my evil plan. She forgot there’s a pet barrier behind the front seat and that she keeps the child proof locks engaged so we can’t open the back doors. So she found herself locked in the back seat with us with no way to get out. The cursing that came out of that woman as she dismantled the pet barrier embarrassed even me. But we laughed and laughed at her for days after that.

Now whenever we have to go someplace, she spends an hour sitting on the couch rocking back and forth and mumbling before she gets my leash. She’s so unsure of herself that I’m not allowed to leave the house without a harness, a collar, a Halti, a coupler attaching them all, and a leash tied around her waist. She’s really going to pay for making me look that silly.

My foster sister Kenya (aka The Girl) is only part husky. She’s more of a sheltsky and therefore less adept at mental torture. She has gone for physical attacks. In the month she’s been in foster care she has left the human broken and bleeding.

First she made the human play “catch me if you can.” Kenya went racing past her and when the human lunged for her she ran head first into the corner of the refrigerator. I heard her skull crack from three rooms away. The human had a huge lump on her forehead and probably a mild concussion; we wouldn’t take her to the vet for a check up.

A few days later she tried to act all cute and friendly but when the human lowered her guard, The Girl tried to claw her eye out. Since then, it’s been pretty difficult for the human to ask strangers for help in getting away from us. Everyone who sees her thinks she had pinkeye and wouldn’t get within 20 feet of her.

The Girl’s efforts are a pretty good start, but I believe her true skill lies within enlisting her herding dog relatives into HULA. With their help we should be able to raise an army of sheep to do our bidding.

Your faithful (and very busy) servants

Phoenix and Kenya

Sunday, March 02, 2008

What's with Alaska?

Every year, apparently, a diphtheria outbreak hits Alaska and sled dogs are called in to drag that serum to those affected. You would think that by now (and with the advent of modern transportation) they’d figure out how to stockpile the stuff in Alaska so we huskies wouldn’t have to haul it out there every year, but no.

On top of that, for some reason the human woman cartoons this whole event. Come on, I think that’s a bit morbid if you ask me, I don’t know what’s so funny about people suffering with diphtheria and waiting for sled dogs to bring the serum, but hey, whatever, she’s a bit weird in the sense of humor department.

Oh, hang on a second... ok, the Mutatoe has just wikipedia’d this event and apparently its just a RACE. Um, so there’s no dying people and no serum? Then why on earth...

Geez, who knows, whatever. I’ll change that, when I’m queen, the humans will pull the sleds and we’ll ride in the nice comfy bag if they want to celebrate that thing any more.