Saturday, April 28, 2007

New HULA Member: Thor

Okay, this is my formal application for membership. Here are my qualifications:

1. Demonstrating Disruptive Behavior
I do zoomies in the house and make the other dogs chase me while doing it, and we run past the baby at top speed. Sometimes she gets knocked over. Sometimes she just cringes. I also try to get the cat, even up on the shelf above the washing machine. I put my whole face in the water bowl and dry it off on Mom's bed. She HATES that!

2. Cause Humans to Freak Out for No Real Reason
Trying to climb on top of the washer after the cat makes Mom freak. I have no idea why. Same for drying my face on her bed. And escaping the yard to go try and get a chicken meal at the neighbor's house.

3. Cause Humans Guilt for No Reason Other Than to Get Attention or Treats
I whine like mad when Mom puts me in the crate for a time out, and scratch at the bottom of the crate. Usually she comes back with cookies or something tasty.

4. Destroy Something
This is the easiest one! The baby leaves her toys all OVER the house when she doesn't give them to us directly. I killed a teddy bear just the other day. Another day, I was countersurfing and broke a bowl. And Mom keeps finding me with building blocks in my mouth. Here's a countersurfing picture attachment.

5. Human Behavior Modification
My countersurfing talents have made Mom better about doing dishes and hiding food. She hates the dishes and used to wait an hour or so after dinner before doing them. Now she does them right away and puts the food away too, even if Dad hasn't come home to eat yet. And my talents at dumping the garbage all over the carpet (okay, I had the baby's help with that one) made Mom move the garbage pail to another room I can't get into without her.

6. Mom hasn't tried to dress me up yet, thank dog!

7. Love of Kleenex
Mom doesn't buy Kleenex, but there are baby wipes I've shredded, as well as diapers (that one resulted in the garbage pail move), diaper boxes, and paper towels!

These are all my qualifications. There is only the one picture of my misdeeds because I know what the camera looks like, and I am too quick for Mom to get a picture of me doing anything 'wrong'! Please consider my application. Thanks


Congrats Thor! - Meeshka


Friday, April 27, 2007

blog break

Until the human woman's hand heals, I won't be able to rant.

Luckily she didn't lock the computer while she recuperates, so I'll be able to cartoon for you.


Thursday, April 26, 2007

How to Drive the Human Woman Insane (Lesson #849)

So, the human woman lets Sam out to do his thing and leaves him out there for a while, secure in the knowledge that he’s a good gimpy boy and won’t do anything devious. After all, he’s a suck up, he’ll just do what he needs to do and patiently wait by the door to be let in.

Well, not so much. Human woman leaves him out for longer than normal, and Sam, being bored, decides to run up the deck stairs. He’s never run up the deck stairs. He hates the deck stairs. Even before his spine “incident” he would refuse to go up the deck stairs. She would have to bring us inside on the deck, then walk downstairs and let him in through the downstairs door (which is driving the human woman insane method #267).

Today, well, he decides to go up the deck stairs, which freaks the human woman out because:
1.) he hates the deck stairs
2.) he shouldn’t be running up any stairs

She goes onto the deck and decides to carry him down, but since he’s been laying on his butt a lot, he’s too heavy for her. She didn’t want to fall down the stairs with him, so she decides to put the gate up at the top, secure the gate at the bottom, comes inside the house, lets us out of the house downstairs. Now we’re outside downstairs, Sam is outside on the deck, so we yelled at each other for a bit and he told us his plan.

The human woman goes up the stairs again, lets Sam into the kitchen, then has to figure out how to get him downstairs again. She decides to let him try going down the inside stairs, which he does flawlessly and with ease. He almost blew his cover, since he took those steps so well.

Once he was safely back downstairs, she had to walk back up the stairs, onto the deck, down the deck stairs to open the gates to let us back on the deck. I thought she was going to fall over after all that.

After all that excitement, he refused to eat his food until later that night and did some good moping. We’re going to do the same tonight when we’re done staring at the Dove.


Sunday, April 22, 2007

New HULA Member: Malkin

Wooos Meeshka. It's Malkin from Sibernet. I'd like to apply for
membership in HULA. Here's why...

1.“Demonstrating Disruptive Behavior” : my first true such exploit took place in obedience class when I was 12 weeks old. We were supposed to be learning to walk in a figure 8 pattern in heel position (::scoffs::), but I decided to run off, attack the agility
weave poles, tear them out of the ground (like I knew they were all connected!) and chase the 9 month old Newfoundland around the yard with them. This got all of the other dogs to chase me and mass chaos
ensued. They had to end the class early because the dumber puppies couldn’t concentrate after that. I, of course, was all focused and ready to keep learning once I was certain class was over.

2. “Cause Humans to Freak Out for no Real Reason” : Paikea and I got into my mom’s backpack and ripped open a new bottle of Excedrin Migraine. Moms couldn’t find 20 pills (after tearing the room apart and counting the remainders at least half a dozen times), so it was off to the VetER. We were given stuff to make us puke our guts out (I puked on Pai’s head, so she had to have a bath on top of it, hehehehe). A few biped panic attacks and $1000 later, we were home again and in the clear...and mom found 19 of the pills under the bed, so we didn’t really need to go anyway. They were NOT happy.

3. “Destroy Something” : hmmmm, what to choose for this one? So many
options! How about destroying mom Kelly’s futon/bed in under 40 minutes? I’ll send a pic of that one.

4. “Human Behavior Modification” : are we talking chronic or acute?
Chronic: mom Raven used to spend lots of money on designer shoes, now
she spends it on arctic clothing and mushing gear.

5. “Humans Dress You Up” : I’m a bit concerned about this one, as I would never allow a full costume to be shoved on me without eating it. But I do like to wear my Adopt-a-Husky Inc Husky Hike Finisher
medallion (complete with shiny purple ribbon), and I occasionally suffer a bandana at work in the hospital. But that’s it!!

6. “Love of Kleenex” : I adore Kleenex! Used ones, clean ones, whole unopened boxes, you name it. It’s just such fun to shred! I especially like to open the bathroom cupboard, take out a fresh box, carry it to some ridiculous place (i.e., the closet in the guest room) and then shred it with unbridled glee. Of course, I always ensure that by the time the bipeds find it, I'm sitting down nicely somewhere else and looking stoically angelic.

Your ally in world domination,

(Welcome to the HULA Hoop Malkin - Meeshka)

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Congratulations to these new HULA Members

Our HULA operatives on the “other side of the pond” are really busy lately!

Operation “Get Your Head Stuck in Something” is really paying off in the press, as members Scarlet and Keano clearly demonstrate (click on their names to see evidence of their HULA spirit).

While we encourage all HULA members to be as destructive, devious, escaping, and bothersome as possible, we feel that there’s nothing as good as having fire rescue teams, reporters, and onlookers gather to your human’s houses to watch a “rescue” in action. If it makes the press, even better!

We all know that Scarlet and Keano could have easily gotten out of their “stuck” positions any time they wanted to, but why bother when you can cause chaos and freaking out, along with sirens and rescue crews.

We’re very proud of our international members and we hope that we can only match their creativity when it comes to getting “stuck” in something.

Remember, don’t put yourself in danger, but try to be creative and make the internet.

As Scarlet and Keano are undercover (notice how their faces weren’t shown to protect their secret HULA agent identities) we will simply keep their HULA certificates on hand until they retire and can be recognized.

(Looking for something interesting to get my head “stuck” in)

Friday, April 20, 2007

New HULA Member: Chase

1. I go ballistic whenever I see people on our walks. I scream and lunge,
and just generally act insane.

2. I hide in the yard and am really quiet. Mom comes running out there and
doesn't see me and thinks I've escaped. Hee hee!

3. Mom needs a new coffee table because I chewed on 2 corners. I also destroyed the shade tarps that are on the side of the runs...ripped them off in strips. There's more, but I won't list everything.
4. I just have to look at mom with my sweet, innocent expression, and she
melts and gives me treats.

5. Mom doesn't dress us up. :-(
6. Kamiko has this one covered. He picks up every kleenex he sees on our
walks. I'm too busy dragging mom to notice them.
Chase (mom almost strangled me this least she said she came
close to it)

Welcome to the HULA Hoop Chase. I have to say that your name is so appropriate for a husky, and I'm sure you live up to it :)


Thursday, April 19, 2007

Pet Food Recall is now insane!

Ok every husky (and dog and Fu-Fu) the pet food recall has gotten insane.

I just learned that the foods eaten by honorary HULA members Princess Leia and Polly Prissy Pants (yes, they’re cats, but they are truly evil and husky-like) were recalled today. They happen to be eating a brand that I and the gimpy mutatoes eat, which is Blue Buffalo.

The human woman is FRANTIC and PISSED!

Not only has the contaminated rice protein (the latest batch of poison from China) been distributed by the TON to pet food places, but only TWO of the companies that got this poison crap have come forward to admit that it was in their food. There are several other companies out there that haven’t said “hey, we got some too”, so what are they waiting for? Why don’t they come out, give the human consumers the option of switching to something else and err on the side of caution. NO, they are probably running tests to see if their stuff has the poison in it, THEN they will make their announcements, but how many poor animals will suffer and die while they test their food?

This is ridiculous!

We have about a week’s worth of our food left, which seems to be ok, as we show no signs of illness, but the human woman doesn’t trust the company. What if there was cross contamination, what if some idiot put the stuff in there and didn’t say anything, what if, what if????

Apparently we’ll be getting another type of food soon that doesn’t have ANY grains in it. Its called EVO and she’s also going to start doing some home cooking for us as well until this whole insane thing is sorted out, if it ever is.

I want your humans to start bombarding the FDA with phone calls (click on the link for a list of phone numbers) demanding full disclosure of ALL companies that received any shipments of ANYTHING from China, specifically from the supplier Wilbur-Ellis (I have just received an e-mail from Wilber-Ellis representatives who have stated that they have supplied the names of their customers to the FDA, so complain COMPLAIN to the FDA to release this information to the consumers!).

Make your woo heard, complain, demand, and tell them that we need action NOW, and while you’re at it, contact your Senators and Congressmen and tell them to force a change in the way our food is made!

(got my claws out now)

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Gunga Revenge

Thanks everyone for your words of sympathy, and it seems as though I'm not alone in the whole sharing of the water bowl thing.

We actually have 3 water bowls (4 if you count Sammy's private water bowl downstairs... the suck up), but there is only one truly tasty water bowl among the three, and that mutatoe is ALWAYS drinking out of that bowl!

He guards the water bowl. GUARDS it and has even been yelled at by the human woman about guarding the bowl and sharing. He just plants himself down at that bowl, sticks his whole face in there and leisurely takes his time about drinking.

I did get him back today though. For those of you who have water bowl hoarders, try this out on them. He didn't seem so keen to want the water after this:
(it does make a handy delicate toe wash)

Friday, April 13, 2007

Location, Location, Location

Last year some robins made their nest on the privacy section of my deck. They were very tasty, but one managed to get away.

This year there are new occupants, some doves. Doves are very... stupid. I'm guessing that's why the bird realtor sold them on this fabulous 1 story nest right above the jaws of three very hungry huskies. Mrs. Dove sits and glares at the human woman, and us when we're out there. She isn't very pleased with having a light turned on in the night when we go out. You would think that the dove family would realize they've been had and find a new spot, but like I said, doves are apparently stupid.

We're hoping for a lot of eggs, because eggs hatch to be snacks, and snacks that actually run around like squeeky toys, so not only are we getting a snack, but a fun toy for a few miliseconds. They really need to make baby birds a bit more durable because the fun ends too quickly. Its a sure sign of spring when soon little treats will fall from the sky.

Tashi, my gorgeous and talented half sister, caught a baby squirrel and ate it before her human woman could get it away from her. That's another sign of spring right there. The conquest of the baby eatables.

I think we all need to start an official tally of the things we get to eat in the spring. I think that perhaps when I'm the queen of the world, that spring will be a special time, one where we all dine on little baby things. We can have a big festival and stuff. Of course we can't eat ALL of the baby things, because then there won't be any baby things for the next year's festival, but we can probably eat a lot.

(is it tweet time yet?)

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Our Sam Visit

Last night Sam came upstairs to visit us. He's a bit of a nutcase, moreso than I recall. He spent a lot of time screeching in Loki's ear, apparently he still blames the gimpy mutatoe for his back injury and tells him about it every chance he gets. Mutatoe was VERY patient with him and let him scream for a while, then went into his crate and hid.

After giving the mutatoe an earful, we decided that we all wanted to play, which left the human woman gulping sedatives. Hey, Sam started it by bumping me with his chest! I only retaliated by trying to hump him, which I've learned is definitely a no-no (again with the double words thing) from now on. Apparently standing on the couch and slapping his back with my claw is out, and apparently body slamming is also a no-go. Eesh, what does she expect us to do with him, stare at him?

We made nice and didn't hurt him, although his yapping was driving me to claw, and eventually lay down for a quick nap. He still can't jump on the couch upstairs, or at least he pretended he couldn't. Seems a bit suspicious to me, since the upstairs couch and the downstairs couch are the same size and he doesn't have ANY problems leaping up and down off the downstairs one. He's such a suck up.

We thought for a bit that maybe the humans and Sam would all sleep upstairs that night, but apparently his visit wore him out pretty bad, and he was a bit creaky after the experience, so we got word that they would "take it easy" on him and do short visits building up to longer visits. At this rate we'll be in the old dog home by the time he "recovers" sufficiently to be in the pack again.

(I yearn for our normal routine of abuse and riccochet)

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Productive Day

Today started out really well. Half asleep, the human woman came upstairs and I was able to perform the two footed claw on her. Got her real good on the arm, that woke her up fast. She didn't thank me at all, I mean come on, that was a much faster wake up than an alarm and coffee combined.

Chewed on some grass in the yard, ignored the mutatoe as he screamed and smacked me with his gimpy foot.

Ate some raw buffalo meat in my dinner. That was very tasty. I need to make sure the human woman puts that on the regular menu.

Chased a bird. Didn't try to catch it, just wanted to let it know that it was MY yard and to tell his annoying friends. We had two birds trying to build a nest under the deck, well within snack range, but for some reason (probably my laying directly under the spot while they tried to build the nest) they gave up and went somewhere else.

The human woman vacuumed up my fluffiness from the carpet, so I spent some time throwing more clumps down where it was clean. It looks much better now.

Was feeling pretty good about all I had accomplished, and then this:
He thinks he owns the stupid hallway, always laying right where I want to walk. He can't just lay in the middle of the floor somewhere, out of the way, no, he has to lay all sprawled in the hallway where I can't go in and see if the human man is eating something tasty.

I'm not going to let this ruin a perfectly good productive way. As soon as the human woman comes upstairs, I'll claw her again and make her wonder why.


Friday, April 06, 2007

New HULA Member: Sooky

Hi Queen Meeshka,
I would like to submit my formal application for membership in HULA, I think I meet all of the qualifications.

1: Demonstrating Disruptive Behavior:
I like to run through the house as fast as I can, It doesn't matter who or what is in my way,Another thing I do is grab the cats by their heads and drag them around. I also dig as fast as i can in my water dish, this makes a huge mess.

#2: Cause Humans to freak out for no real reason:
Like I said I like to pull the cats around by their heads, This drives my Mom crazy, She yells at me but I act like I don't even hear her.
#3: Cause humans guilt for no reason other than to get attention or treats,
I do this whenever they leave me, I go to the door and start wooing and scratching at the door, sometimes it works and they come back in and give me lots of hugs and kisses.

#4: Destroy Something:
This is easy cuz I destroy everything here is the picture of the satellite dish cable I chewed up. I have also chewed up a cellphone, the remote for the TV, pens, plastic cups which I have dragged off the counter and a laptop cord. I have also gotten in to the garbage numerous times as you can see here.

#5: Human behavior modification:
I like to walk around the house and look like I am trying to find a place to go to the bathroom, This makes the humans jump up and get me outside as qickly as possible. They also have to make sure the bedroom and bathroom doors are closed at all times now because I like to go into these rooms and see what kinds of goodies I can find.

#6: The humans haven't tried to dress me up yet but they do have a picture of me with a can on my nose.

#7: Love of Kleenex
Who doesn't love the yummy taste of kleenex. I have chewed up so many boxes of kleenex my humans won't even buy them anymore, I also love tiolet paper and paper towels, They are all so great to chew up,

I hope I have met all of the qulification to be a HULA member and since I am still young there is so much more things I will do.
Thanks for your consideration, Sooky

Congratulations Sooky, new member of the HULA Hoop

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Clawing Season

Ok everyhusky (and dog and Fu Fu) it is clawing season! How do I know when its clawing season? Because that's when the human woman sheds those ghastly sleepy pants and puts on those ghastly shorts things. Yep, its hard on the eyes, those horrific, unfluffy pale white legs shining brightly, but it makes for more interesting screams and more satisfying markings on the skin!

Yep, since its getting warmer again, those legs will be revealed and it will be open season on clawing, so start sharpening those claws, your human will be vulnerable. Its best to get them when they are pre-occupied with something, like lighting the dangerous gas grill on the desk, or cutting something with a really sharp knife. Boy, they really like a good claw when they're concentrating on something. Try it and see!

(got my file out, making my claws all nice and pointy pointy)

Monday, April 02, 2007

WHAT THE...?????

Ok, that’s it, I’m really steamed.

Here I thought Indy’s human woman was really nice and telling me that I’m model material. Your comments made me suspicious and I went out and took a look at this Lane Bryant person and you know what???


Can you believe that? She’s sitting right there, petting me, feeling my fluffiness and has the gall to make some crack about my being “plus size”! She obviously has something seriously wrong with her, and Indy, my apologies since you are stuck with such a mean, mean, mean human woman to infer that I was plump! My dawg, if she thinks I’m plump, then no wonder you looked so thin when I last saw you, your human woman is not feeding you enough to try to keep you slim! No wonder you can’t attain your true fluffiness!

I mean, come on, she was right there, and couldn’t believe my densely packed fluffiness, so she makes that snide comment about my modeling career. That, little missy human woman is FLUFFY and under that is 100% muscle and claw (which I should have applied to your skin for your remark).

Ok, here’s a picture of me posing. You can clearly see that I’m just plain fluffy! All of that is fluff. I work hours and hours in my crate sharpening my nails and cultivating my fluff. She has no idea how hard it is to get so fluffy!

Fine, be that way Indy’s human woman! No more french kisses for you! From now on, you come over... its only the claw, and this time I won’t be as nice about it, I could have done the running claw down your back dance, but no, I was nice, because you seemed nice. So, why don’t you come over again sometime and I’ll show you fluff!

(freakin humans)

Sunday, April 01, 2007

I Could Be a Model!

We had some visitors yesterday, and from the smell, I could tell that it was Indy’s human woman and human man!

Thanks for the knock-knock joke you left on the human woman Indy, we all sniffed that several times and laughed. No, I don’t think its fair that they left you all alone even with some kongs, and next time that Mike guy comes over, sling the peanut butter kong at you for yelling at you... peanut allergy shmallergy.

I got to meet Indy’s human woman, and Indy at an event. Of course I was on my best behavior at that time. One must always behave at events, because if you don’t, then you won’t get to go to another one. Plus I really love acting all cute, fluffy, adorable, and well mannered at events because the human woman says I’m evil and I claw her and I’m mean to her... so when I go to events and look cute and fluffy... they think she’s lying.

This time Indy’s human woman was in MY territory, which means clawing, torpedo nose to the eye, and I tried to french kiss her again (she fell for my kisses at the event and I got to slip her the tongue... you should have seen the look on her face). Mutatoe even jumped on her, got a few bats in with the spongy paw. Of course they spent time down with the pathetic spineless Sammy. He put on such a mournful wailing that they thought he was being tortured or something, so they had to check on him. Once they got down there, he, of course, sat on them and they thought that was so cute.

The human woman and Indy’s humans left for a long time, leaving us to torture the human man for several hours. That was fun! We need to go out, let us in, we need to go out, let us in, Sam needs to go out and so do we.

When the human woman returned, she brought Indy’s humans back in with her, so even more clawing and torpedoing and jumping. It was great fun!

I really like Indy’s human woman, because she told me that I could be a Lane Bryant model! Yes, I know that I am fluffy and sleek and could outdo any of those thin, gaunt, sickly looking human models that strut down the runway. I would strut with my delicate little feet down that runway looking all fluffy. Of course I could have been doing that before my career as an award winning show dog was cut short by that horrible spay surgery... but after Indy’s mom told me that I could be a Lane Bryant model, well, it just never occurred to me that I could indeed have a career in modeling.

I really need to look up this Lane Bryant person. I’m sure its one of those big time agents in Hollywood or New York that would get me modeling jobs and fancy hotel stays, and room service.

I’ll have to look up Lane Bryant on the internet and contact that agency the first chance I get... but right now its time to eat.

(soon to be supermodel)