Sunday, August 23, 2009

Another HULA Victory

The human woman thought she'd do some nail trimming today. I have no idea what compelled her to think that, but it was my sacred duty to ensure that it didn't happen.

First she tried bribery. She got the container of oyster crackers out, which sent the Mutatoe and the Spineless Bionic Hip puppy into a frenzy of excitement. They're so easily fooled, lucky for me.

It seemed that her intent was to lure me into the bathroom (where all bad things happen to us) to contain me so she could bribe me to hand over my delicate little feety feet and clip the sharp nails I have so painstakingly cultivated. I wasn't going to go without a fight.

Initially I didn't even have to put up a fight because the moment she opened the bathroom door, the Mutatoe shoved his way in and was trapped. I guess that while he was "in there" he got the clippers because I could hear all manner of caterwalling and screaming like a little girl in between clipping noises. He apparently was sufficiently bribed to sit still long enough to have his three mutatoe talons clipped, then summarily tossed out of the bathroom.

After that, SBHP Sam pushed his way in and he got to chew on the tasty chewy bone since he either somehow manages to never need a talon clipping because they don't grow or they wear themselves short. Who knows, he's weird. So after some chewing, he was tossed out of the bathroom. Mutatoe tried to get back in there, but the human woman thought she had the answer... and tossed them both outside.

I was lounging on the bed when she came back up, but she had a look in her eye that said she wasn't going to give up, but I had a look in my eye that said I wasn't fooled by the look in her eye and so it went. She tried to bribe me into the bathroom with oyster crackers. I wouldn't budge. She tried to bribe me in there with the tasty chewy bone... nope. She tried chasing me, but I'm much quicker and dashed off to my crate. She doesn't dare do anything once I'm in the safety of my crate. She walked away, shaking the oyster cracker container, luring me back out into the room. She even walked into the bathroom and placed some oyster crackers on the floor with the chew bone, but I would only poke my head through the door. I know this game: she's going to wait until I'm in the bathroom, then close the door. She went out the other door and closed it, but I know that plan too, she was going to wait until I ran in, grabbed the oyster crackers and then sneak in behind me and trap me, but I was faster and got the oyster crackers and dashed back out the door before her fat butt could run about to shut the door behind me. AHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

We then played a bit of, get on the bed, leap off the bed, run down the hall, run back into the bedroom and ricochet off the bed, run into her, dash by her as she jumped up and down holding her shin, dash back, jump on the bed, lay down and look pretty until she approached, then leap up and dash off again.

She gave up.

Oh yeah, catch me if you can, I'm the gingerbread Shmoo.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Just Trying to Help

The human woman (when she isn't complaining about her foot) is complaining about the ants that are finding a way into the house. Hey, as long as they aren't eating my food, walking near my air vent, or in my kong, I could care less, but she's obsessing about them.

Being the good human woman, she simply can't poison the entire house because she may harm our delicate systems, so she's using sprays that are "pet friendly" and apparently do absolutely nothing to the ants except make them drunk and horny.

So, in her inept attempts to get rid of the ants, she looked at us and actually said "Don't look at me like that, why don't you do something about this?" Um, we're dogs, A, and B... hello Ms. superior human intelligence, you gonna let some puny little ants kick your butt and take over the house?

While she was up freaking out about the ants, we all came downstairs and googled "ant removal" and found this interesting little tidbit:
Check it out. Its an "anteater". I mean duh, figures that there's an animal that can do what the human woman can't do. Unfortunately we couldn't find any online, not even on e-bay or craigslist and they usually have EVERYTHING. Apparently its hard to get them, as I'm sure there are plenty of ants all over and they're just too busy.

Being resourceful huskies, we figured that we could come up with something similar, I mean come on, its not like we're limited in the brain pan area. So this is what we came up with. I'm pretty sure it'll be a success.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


I just wanted to clarify, for the record, that I did NOT bite the human woman. Those impressive marks were made solely by my sharply honed claws that I spend a lot of time sharpening in my crate for just that very reason, to motivate her to do my bidding.

The wounds were justifiable, she had NOT gotten off her butt to fill my water bowl and I was thirsty. The unmitigated gall of her to simply sit in front of her computer and not get up when I asked her to and give me some water. I mean, seriously, what does she think her purpose is in this house other than doing my bidding?

Its not my fault that her skin is paper thin and she does not have a protective layer of fluff. I regularly chew on the Mutatoe and the Spineless Bionic Hip pup Sam without causing them to bleed. I even claw them with no gushing blood. She needs to either grow some fluff or learn how to coagulate better.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Ghoul Pool Time

Yes everypup, its that time of the year again.... (cue scary music) UNCLE JACK WILL BE HERE SOON!

As you all should know (because you faithfully follow my every word and have read all 992 (this will be 993) of my posts, that Uncle Jack’s arrival usually brings a horrible natural disaster and the death of a famous person.

There are no prizes for anyone that guesses which famous person kicks the bucket during Uncle Jack’s visit, other than a smug sense of satisfaction and slight guilt trip wondering if you are partially responsible for a star dying by your guess, but give it a guess anyway. You can also try to guess this year’s natural disaster as well if you are feeling particularly cruel.

The official Uncle Jack death watch will begin on 5 September and end on 12 September, so if your guess dies between those dates... well... I mean really, what can you say.

Unlike last year where I spent all of my Uncle Jack visiting time trying to keep the human woman sober while I posted 100 blog posts for a good cause, I will not be doing anything this vacation time except napping, sleeping, eating, napping, and perhaps laying on the air vent. I will be posting more than usual (and lately its been most difficult, what with the human woman complaining about her broken foot, hello human woman, you don’t type with your feet so shut up), so stay tuned for that fun.

On a side note, I’m having some issues with the Mutatoe that I’ll be discussing in a later post entitled: And what part of Queen of the World don’t you understand as you lay on my spot on the bed.

Post your ghoul pool guesses in the comment section.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

New HULA Member: Bet

Being a "working breed" I know how it is when humans actually think that your title means you have to "earn" your room and board. Just because humans have no sense and work most of their lives (and complain about it every night) doesn't mean we dogs have to do the same thing. We're much smarter than humans, after all, who cooks and cleans for us?

My friend Kara directed me to her human's post about Bet, a Border Collie that didn't really want to work either. Can't say that I blame her. Bet was offered a cushy position as resident house dog, foot warmer, and puppy wrangler. Her only duties were to make sure that future Iditarod pullers didn't stray too far from home and to look very cute on the couch. Apparently Bet didn't read her contract too carefully (and had she consulted with her Attorney at Claw I would have done pro bono work for her) because there is that pesky "other duties as required" claws. In this case, Bet was suppose to save her human in case a bear caught them stealing its food. Yeah, right, like one poor pup could fend off a gazillion pound angry and hungry bear!

While most pups would have just done what they were told, Bet has been under the careful guidance of Kara and found a unique way to get out of such a crappy job... by rolling in bear stuff.

Nice job Bet, and for your creative use of stinky poo to get out of an unsavory duty and be left back at the house on your comfy bed, I hereby award you with the coveted HULA award, and welcome you into the ranks of HULA as an honorary Siberian Husky.



Saturday, August 01, 2009

Rest In Peace My Friend

It is with a very heavy heart that I paw this blog post. A very special friend of mine has passed and the world seems so much heavier today.

Three years ago I was honored to meet via the Interwebs a very stunning Labrador by the name of Charlie C Bucks of Dogs with Blogs. I had a crush on Charlie from afar but never said anything about it. He was so far away and most long distance relationships never work out, even for a Queen of the world. Despite our distance, Charlie was always supportive of my work as the Queen of the World, and he and Opy were very supportive of me during Blogathon 2006 and my other adventures to raise money to help pups find good homes.

Charlie did a lot of good things for other pups as well, being one of the first pups to get a bionic heart pacemaker thing. His humans are also wonderful humans (for humans, that is) and did a lot of good things for pups and organized the whole Dogs with Blogs movement.

Charlie seemed invincible, chugging along, driving his humans crazy, and destroying things when he could. He was a very honored and cherished member of HULA, and someone that I looked to for advice and counsel.

Charlie lost his fight today and crossed the Rainbow Bridge. While I know that he will be met by a lot of the same pups that he helped and who loved him (including Nikki and the old guy-guy Nova, to name a few), he leaves an incredibly huge hole in the earth down here, one that will be hard to fill again.

Charlie lives on in all of our hearts. Thanks to his humans, we all have a bit of Charlie in our hearts, and we learned so much from him and will continue to spread his love throughout the world.

Thank you Charlie, and run free and proud, across the Rainbow Bridge my friend.