Saturday, December 26, 2009

New HULA Member: Diefenbaker

Now that my glorious snow is all melted from the stupid rain and my yard is nothing more than a quicksand pit of goo, I figured its a sign for me to get busy with inducting some new HULA members.

I have to admit, I've been purposefully ignoring young princess Dief for a while. She has so much potential, and frankly its been fun watching her do more and more devious things in order to get a coveted HULA membership. I nearly piddled in the human woman's chair when I saw the mud fest and frankly, there's no better way to totally freak out a human for no reason than by revealing your (natural) third eye lid at them and thinking your eye is going to fall out. Simply brilliant!

I also commend you on your methodology for telling your humans when you have to go outside, the tongue in the nose thing really does work.

So Diefenbaker, I hereby award you with a coveted spot in the HULA Hoop, so very well deserved, and I know you will strive to come up with new and exciting ways to torture your humans, and assist me in taking over the world.


Wednesday, December 23, 2009

We remember

Its been a sad time for HULA and Dogs With Blogs lately. We've lost quite a few wonderful family members this year, so in honor of those who have crossed the Rainbow Bridge and wait for us from afar:

Forever in our hearts

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Wubba

The human woman felt bad about not letting me play with that ultra cool Wubba thing, so she brought it out for me to try:

Um... not seeing the fun factor here, except for making the human woman go retrieve it. She does it so well, doesn't she?

Monday, December 21, 2009

That's Just Not Right!

Ok, so all this time I've been feeling sorry for the spineless bionic hip/knee pup Sam because Mutatoe and I have been out frolicking in the snow and having fun, but Sam has been cooped up in the house, no doubt pining to run free in the soft, squishy, cold, fluffy snow with us... and then I happened to see this movie!

All this time I was thinking he was deprived... hey! Where's my Wubba toy??????

Sunday, December 20, 2009

We Interupt This Snow for a Special Announcement

You may recall that last year, the Iams Corporation promised to make a livergreat food if we got over a million pets adopted last year. Good news for all of the homeless pups, kitties, and other furries, their goal was met, but I'm still waiting on the livergreat food.

So, when Victoria, the poodle dressed as a human that works for the Iams marketing firm, contacted me again, she was very apologetic about the lack of livergreat food, and asked for my help with finding more homes for the homeless pets this year.

Well, I guess I can set aside my wants, needs, and desires for another year, and I command all of you with blogs to spread the word of this good cause once again. We need your help getting all of these potential HULA members a home so that we can take over the world!

All of you bloggers, go get the badge to the right to show your support for finding homes for pups, and kits, and hamsterriers and others who don't have loving homes yet, and tell everyone you know to support this good cause! I DEMAND THAT YOU ALL COMPLY, and I'll make sure you get a stash of the new livergreat food that Iams, once again, promises to produce.

Ok, back to laying in the snow.


Saturday, December 19, 2009

Nap Time

I'm seriously exhausted now. I think I may have overdone the whole frolic in the snow thing... since it happens so infrequently, I wanted to make sure that I:

1.) played in the snow - check
2.) lay in the snow - check
3.) Pile drived the Mutatoe's head in the snow - check
4.) Pooped in the snow - check (although the snow is the same level as my po-po and that was disturbing)
5.) ate some snow - check
6.) ran in the snow - check

There is now so much snow that I can't even walk in it! I had to force the human woman to blaze a trail for us to walk through the yard. I'm not complaining, don't get me wrong, but why can't it be a reasonable amount of snow spread through the winter? Merryland is so stupid. I need to get Turbo involved in righting this seasonal dysfunction.


Oh Yeah, This Is What I'm Talking About

We have at least 5 inches of snow, with more falling, and its suppose to BLIZZARD!!!!!!

This is the Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee puppy and I attacking the Mutatoe. We pile drived him into the snow and totally covered him, the human woman laughed.

This is me gazing upon all of my beautiful snow.

This is me running away from the Mutatoe after we pile drived him into the snow... I'm running so fast I'm just a blur.

Friday, December 18, 2009

We're waiting

Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema
We're suppose to get two feet of snow tonight... we're waiting, we're waiting, where's the snow, hurry up snow, better get snow, better get lots of snow, I want snow, don't make me claw you weather people!!!!!!

Monday, December 07, 2009

More Snow Please

The local weather guessers were spared a gory claw death when we actually did get snow here in Merryland. Of course this caused the local Global Warming conference to be canceled because it was much too cold outside. I spent much of my time outside camouflaged from the human woman who frantically searched for me to no avail. She has new glasses which cause her to tip over again, so its no wonder she couldn't find my brilliant hiding place right in front of her.

I have been spending my time basking in the snow, then lording over my (once again) full pack, now that the Spineless Bionic Hip Knee Pup, Sam, is back with us. No longer does he have his own room, his own Wubba, and the undivided attention of the humans, no, he's a mere lowly pack member once again. As an added bonus, the lower room is now open to us and we have our own couch again. This means we have a couch upstairs and downstairs. The humans seem to think that the couch is for them to watch tv on, but we've made it clear, by taking it over, that its for us. I hear the human woman is planning on buying new chairs so they'll have something to sit on, which is only appropriate. If the chairs are comfy, we shall overthrow them as well.

Now that things are back in order, and I have unlimited ability to claw the human woman (who can't hide from me downstairs anymore, I can claw her at will and am making up for lost claw time) I will be able to better attend to my blog and my queendom.

Some of the things on my to do list include inducting some deserving pups into HULA, and also plotting the overthrow of the world, since humans are totally messing things up.

So, on that note, I leave you with some snowy fluffiness.


Tuesday, December 01, 2009

What Is This?

I think I've made it very clear that I am not happy with the current Amerifur leadership situation.

Its bad enough that the election was literally stolen by squirrels that hoard acorns from Turbo, but for those rodents to put this guy into a leadership position when he clearly has no clue how to interact with other humans.

I mean come on! Play bowing? There was no posturing, no butt sniffing and for a young leader to play bow and old leader like that right off the bat, it just shows that he's not a pack leader, he's not an Alpha by any stretch of the imagination. I mean he's bowing so low, he's venturing into Omega status and I was very surprised that he didn't roll over on his back and tuck his tail in!

I would expect a leader of Amerifur to do a hard butt-check, a stiff legged stomp, a snort and then a butt sniff when meeting another world leader. This display is embarrassing. Even more so that when they parted, he didn't pee on anything!

I can't support this human if he can't demonstrate true Alpha leader qualities.

At this time I am supporting H.A. Turbofire not only for his congressional district, but for the 2012 election (if Amerifur lasts that long). I am in the process of gathering resources to insure a fair and honest election this year, and will be convening a group to help stop human stupidity in the interim, and make sure that the voters of 2012 aren't so freakin stupid again.

A very cranky Queen of the World.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Upfront Money Needed to Ease Anti-Man-Made Global Stupidity Deal

By Sam E Winks (CP) - 1 hour ago

Merryland - Money on the table - as much as $40 gazillion - could help close a deal in Merryland next month and keep Anti-Man-Made Global Stupidity talks moving toward a new global treaty in 2010. But if more stupid nations see too little offered up front, the United Canine conference could end in a peeing contest.

The money would help stupid countries cope with hordes of stupid humans, lack of functioning things, and other effects of stupid humans, while also helping them cut down on stupid humans. The funds might eventually come from new sources, such as a tax on buying stupid things, but negotiators, for now, are seeking quicker infusions.

“Rich countries with smart people must put at least $10 bazillion a year on the table to kick-start immediate action up to 2012,” Queen Meeshka of the World told reporters last week in a preview of the two-hour conference opening next Monday in Merryland. “Once smarter countries start ponying up, no offense to the horse community, then stupid people will fork over the cash because they’re too stupid to know any better.”

The needs are becoming increasingly clear.

An international scientific study that wasn’t checked by anyone and performed on Pentium processors that have a logic flow problem said that stupidity is rising faster than anticipated. Humans are going out to shopping centers wearing pajamas, or worse, spandex and thongs with bunny slippers and demanding cheaper goods be simply given to them because they can’t afford them. Stupidity threatens to drown the Maldives, a tiny low-lying Indian Ocean island nation where nobody should be living in the first place, but stubborn stupid people believing that sinking ocean-front property is profitable live on houses built on stilts.

Offers of assistance thus far have been “so low, its like arriving at a pig farm with a tooth brush” Meeshka said, snorting and pawing her nose.

In scores of nations, money will be needed to build schools where actual things are taught such as “how to count back change” and “why not to use gasoline on propane grill fires”. Queen Meeshka predicts that much of the upfront money would go to “capacity building” - training, planning, squeaky toys, and Wubbas, as well as helping to rebuild trust between smart and stupid humans.

Queen Meeshka will be sending a trusted representative to represent the United States of Amerifur, who will lead the contingent in not only brokering a plan for smarter humans, but finding ways to squeeze funds from non-compliant nations.

H.A. Turbofire, congressional candidate for the 14th Missouri District and former Presidential front runner, will represent the Canines in establishing a “stable and predictable” revenue stream that is not dependent on vagaries of budget-writing in national capitols. For more information on H.A. Turbofire’s record on anti-Man-Made Global stupidity, please refer to the candidates Web site.

“I am certain that Turbo will do what humans have failed to do, and most likely will continue to fail to do, but that only means more livergreat for Canines” Queen Meeshka woo’d shortly before she left to attend to other pressing business in the yard.

Copyright © 2009 The Canine Press. All rights reserved.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Catching Up

So much to blog about, so little time with the computer (thanks to Spineless Bionic Hip Knee pup Sam's recovery time).

Things should be getting back to somewhat normal very soon, as I heard the humans discussing that Sam's recovery should be ending Monday, at which time he'll be introduced back to the pack, to run up and down the stairs and play outside with us again, and we'll be graced with a whole new downstairs fun room to play in once the human woman convinces the human man that Ikea furniture needs to go down there and not photography stuff. We can hardly wait.

Despite my royal edict, we had some losses recently, and for that I am very sad. As your Queen I wish I had the power to keep all of you safe and sound and healthy, and spoiled by your humans, but unfortunately the power of the fluffy is not strong enough for the pull of the Rainbow Bridge. We all know that our jobs on earth are not over once we cross, and we're called upon to comfort those who are still waiting to be reunited with their loved ones. It is with great honor that I call to Snickers and Doodles to comfort those that have passed before you until their loved ones can be reunited, and to comfort Darrell "Stone Cold" Canter, a good man who helped others through the charitable organization "Nam Knights".

Friday, November 20, 2009

Candidacy Announcement

It is my pleasure to announce that Sam E Winks will be running for the non-existent Maryland 66th Congressional District Congress position.

The 66th Congressional District has gone long enough without proper representation, and we feel that a canine is in the best position to provide the leadership needed for job growth, fiscal responsibility, and true conservative values from a Siberian Husky leader.

It is an honor to be the first to endorse Sam E Winks as I feel that he will truly pave the way forward to a better, prosperous, and better availability of Livergreat to all!

Queen of the world

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Royal Edict

On this day, 18 November 2009 of the human calendar, I hereby decree that no pup, kit, hamsterrier, member of HULA, or anyanimal that walks on 4 legs (except squirrels) is not allowed to become sick or injured for as long as I decree it.

We were all saddened by the passing of Dakota, but now we have others who are sickly or injured and I simply will not tolerate any more sadness in my world.

Please lift your head and give healing woos to the following:

Tori had emergency surgery and is still in the hospital
Tehya had to go to the vet and have her butt squeezed.
Earl is screeching and may have spine issues or he could be faking it, who knows, but he needs woos.
Dusty has IBD and spent a lot of time in the hospital, but is on the mend!

Enough is enough, so go paw some healing thoughts on their blogs and give out a big woo to ward off the bad mojo that has been affecting my friends... you can also try stomping your delicate little feety feet at the bad mojo too, that helps, and so does clawing your human.

The queen of the world

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Run Free Sweet Dakota

Please give a sad Woo at the passing of Dakota.

Also visit Dakota's blog and paw some kind words to her human to let her know that we are thinking of her right now.

Run Free sweet husky, run across the Rainbow Bridge, until we meet again, whole and well, healthy and fluffy, run free.

Forever in our hearts.


Saturday, November 14, 2009

For Snickers

Hey everyhusky (and pup and kit, and hamsterrier), I know I haven't posted in a while, been busy, but I need everyone to go here and read how they can be a part of the healing husky powers for Snickers today.

Go there... stop reading and just go there, I command you!

Queen of the world

Monday, October 26, 2009

Woo is Me

Since everyhusky suggested I try a more pathetic pose, I opted for this one.

As always, your suggestions were right on the mark. The human woman felt so sorry for me that she immediately jumped up, scratched my belly, provided me with some tasty oyster crackers and even let me claw her a bit. She's wearing a band-aid to keep from bleeding all over, that's just how much she loves me.

Saturday, October 24, 2009


I thought that with the spineless bionic hip knee puppy Sam being in seclusion (he's taking his seclusion way too seriously, and now likens himself to Brian Wilson and is creating some album that consists of snippets from Fox news without leaving the aerobed) I'd have a lot of time to use and abuse the human woman. On the contrary, she spends most of her time running up and down the stairs to do Sam's bidding. I'm not happy about this development at all.

This afternoon I was even so starved for attention that I allowed her to think that she was able to lure me into the bathroom, where I allowed the clipping of 4 nails for the price of oyster cracker bribes, just to get some one on one human woman time. This morning I used her as a trampoline and drew blood, so I guess that's what started the whole kick to clip my nails. She will never get them all at the same time and tomorrow I'll be sure to shred that new pillow of hers.

Earlier today I struck this pathetic pose in an attempt to get some attention. It did work, as she got out the dental chew bone, smeared the tasty poultry toothpaste on it and held it for me to chew on. Once again, I speared her hand with my lethal dew claw as punishment, and to her credit, she just let me do it. I think I'm wearing her down with my moping, pouting, and fluffy poses. I suspect that I will be back as the queen of attention once I throw in the pathetic sigh of loneliness and then I'll spear her in the eye when she bends down to pet me.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

My World Update

Well every pup (hamsterrier, Huffle and others), its been rough around here lately, what with the $15,000 pup recovery going on. I swear, he milks it with his pathetic whining, and his "oh I can't possibly get off this cushy aerobed can you just hand feed me while I lounge" and his "I need to go out so stop the others from grub digging so I can go pee once then ask to come back inside". He's doing a very good job at annoying the humans, who simply do whatever he wants because he's "recovering".

Just the other day he was actually using the bad knee to walk around, but the humans noticed it and said what great progress he's making... so being the shrewd husky that he is, Sam realized that if he was recovered, his private room, private tv, private crate space and the cushy aerobed would go away, so he immediately started limping more, whining, and had a bit of diarrhea. Way to milk it Sam, I'm proud of you.

Unfortunately that means that the Mutatoe and I must suffer with the human man upstairs when they come home from work and only have time to drive the human woman insane when she comes up to sleep with us. We successfully stopped the Sam sleeping schedule (human man one night, human woman the next) because the human man doesn't tolerate us well. He was not amused when we made him take us out after we got our bed-bed treats. Then we woke him up at midnight and refused to come back inside, then we refused to go into the bedroom, then after he layed down and drifted off to sleep, we started all over again. It was determined that he would spend the entire recovery downstairs with SBHKS (Spineless Bionic Hip, Knee Sam). Now we are free to stomp and claw on the human woman all night and boy does she deserve it.

One nice thing about the recovery is that Mutatoe and I get free access to the deck. The deck is fun to lounge on, fun to run up and down the stairs, and fun to stand in the yard while the human woman tells us to come in, and we pretend we don't hear her, which forces her to walk down the stairs, tip toe through the yard poo only to have us run right by her and up the stairs... we love doing that.

Here is a picture of me posing on the stairs after luring the human woman into the yard... as soon as we figure out how to slam the kitchen door and lock her out, we're so doing that.


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My 1,000th Post

I'm guessing that all of you were expecting something wondrous and fantastical and amazing and clever and worthy of the Queen of the World.

Well, this is it:

The Spineless Bionic Hip Puppy is now the Spineless Bionic Hip and Knee Puppy, and he's home from having his new bionic implant inserted and he's resting.

Happiness is having your pack back together even if that means he gets to sleep on the aerobed with his own human and get special foods and attention and we're stuck upstairs and have to go to the yard via the deck to pee.

Get well soon Sammy


Sunday, September 20, 2009

Time Flies (Post 999)

Wow, time really does fly when you don't wear a watch.

Uncle Jack came and went, and frankly we're very disappointed that there were no horrible catastrophes or celebrity deaths, except for Patrick Swayze, and that was after Uncle Jack left.

We aren't even counting the Water Heater death on him, nor are we blaming Spineless Bionic Hip pup Sam now limping because he was running outside one minute, then he yipped and now he's limping. Between the water heater and Sam, we're pretty sure the human woman will be keening and rocking back and forth about the bills to fix both of them.

The fun thing is that they humans have been without hot water for the past 3 days and its getting nice and stinky in the house. Between the dirty dishes, the dirty clothes and the dirty humans, we're liking this whole gone to nature smell around the house. No flowers, no sickening sweet smells, its really started to smell like a true husky house. Apparently those tasty smells will come to an end tomorrow after noon as soon as an organ or two is sold to repair the problem... then its off to the vet for Sam for another cash for clunker dogs deal. The human woman is ready to get him a cart and a bubble wrap coat.

Pretty much all I've been doing lately is:

Does this air vent make my butt look fat?


Monday, September 07, 2009

Catch up to Today (post 998)

For those of you actually keeping track, I'm only two (after this) posts away from 1,000. I have no idea how I'll celebrate my 1,000th post, if anyone has any ideas that doesn't require me to actually DO anything strenuous, let me know.

Its been a rough patch of blogging lately, what with the malfunctioning human woman. I wish she was still under warranty or maybe I could have traded her in under some lemon law, but I keep duct taping her back together and she seems to function well for a while before more duct tape is needed. The latest was her contracting some kind of pig issue. She says it was just a cold, but nobody has "just a cold" this time of year, so I'm guessing she's contaminated half of Merryland with her swine flu thing. Of course she's better now, but who knows how many lives she's ruined with her snot contamination tour.

The best part of the illness was having the human woman modeling her new stylish "hello kitty" motorcycle helmet for us with a cold. Yeah, like we didn't expect this at all.

Uncle Jack arrived Saturday night, and as usual we made sure there was 5 minutes of frenzied greeting (along with a well placed paw punch) and then back to business as usual. Sunday was very exciting because they had some of the "gnomes in my pants" game players over for a cookout. We kinda figured that the "gnomes in my pants game players were merely the delusional voices of the human man, but it turns out they are real people... and fun to claw as well. I made sure that I was presentable to the company by rolling in a very stinky dead thing prior to meeting them. Unfortunately the human woman caught me before I could make my grand entrance and wiped me down with wet towels and some stinky towelette things. I managed one good eye torpedo before the day was over.

So, the pretty much brings us to today. The humans are still using abundant kleenex treats, bonus for me, and its kinda crappy outside so I think today is going to be lounging, napping, eating, pay attention to me, feed me, all about me day... and perhaps a celebrity will die... still waiting on that one.


Sunday, August 23, 2009

Another HULA Victory

The human woman thought she'd do some nail trimming today. I have no idea what compelled her to think that, but it was my sacred duty to ensure that it didn't happen.

First she tried bribery. She got the container of oyster crackers out, which sent the Mutatoe and the Spineless Bionic Hip puppy into a frenzy of excitement. They're so easily fooled, lucky for me.

It seemed that her intent was to lure me into the bathroom (where all bad things happen to us) to contain me so she could bribe me to hand over my delicate little feety feet and clip the sharp nails I have so painstakingly cultivated. I wasn't going to go without a fight.

Initially I didn't even have to put up a fight because the moment she opened the bathroom door, the Mutatoe shoved his way in and was trapped. I guess that while he was "in there" he got the clippers because I could hear all manner of caterwalling and screaming like a little girl in between clipping noises. He apparently was sufficiently bribed to sit still long enough to have his three mutatoe talons clipped, then summarily tossed out of the bathroom.

After that, SBHP Sam pushed his way in and he got to chew on the tasty chewy bone since he either somehow manages to never need a talon clipping because they don't grow or they wear themselves short. Who knows, he's weird. So after some chewing, he was tossed out of the bathroom. Mutatoe tried to get back in there, but the human woman thought she had the answer... and tossed them both outside.

I was lounging on the bed when she came back up, but she had a look in her eye that said she wasn't going to give up, but I had a look in my eye that said I wasn't fooled by the look in her eye and so it went. She tried to bribe me into the bathroom with oyster crackers. I wouldn't budge. She tried to bribe me in there with the tasty chewy bone... nope. She tried chasing me, but I'm much quicker and dashed off to my crate. She doesn't dare do anything once I'm in the safety of my crate. She walked away, shaking the oyster cracker container, luring me back out into the room. She even walked into the bathroom and placed some oyster crackers on the floor with the chew bone, but I would only poke my head through the door. I know this game: she's going to wait until I'm in the bathroom, then close the door. She went out the other door and closed it, but I know that plan too, she was going to wait until I ran in, grabbed the oyster crackers and then sneak in behind me and trap me, but I was faster and got the oyster crackers and dashed back out the door before her fat butt could run about to shut the door behind me. AHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

We then played a bit of, get on the bed, leap off the bed, run down the hall, run back into the bedroom and ricochet off the bed, run into her, dash by her as she jumped up and down holding her shin, dash back, jump on the bed, lay down and look pretty until she approached, then leap up and dash off again.

She gave up.

Oh yeah, catch me if you can, I'm the gingerbread Shmoo.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Just Trying to Help

The human woman (when she isn't complaining about her foot) is complaining about the ants that are finding a way into the house. Hey, as long as they aren't eating my food, walking near my air vent, or in my kong, I could care less, but she's obsessing about them.

Being the good human woman, she simply can't poison the entire house because she may harm our delicate systems, so she's using sprays that are "pet friendly" and apparently do absolutely nothing to the ants except make them drunk and horny.

So, in her inept attempts to get rid of the ants, she looked at us and actually said "Don't look at me like that, why don't you do something about this?" Um, we're dogs, A, and B... hello Ms. superior human intelligence, you gonna let some puny little ants kick your butt and take over the house?

While she was up freaking out about the ants, we all came downstairs and googled "ant removal" and found this interesting little tidbit:
Check it out. Its an "anteater". I mean duh, figures that there's an animal that can do what the human woman can't do. Unfortunately we couldn't find any online, not even on e-bay or craigslist and they usually have EVERYTHING. Apparently its hard to get them, as I'm sure there are plenty of ants all over and they're just too busy.

Being resourceful huskies, we figured that we could come up with something similar, I mean come on, its not like we're limited in the brain pan area. So this is what we came up with. I'm pretty sure it'll be a success.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


I just wanted to clarify, for the record, that I did NOT bite the human woman. Those impressive marks were made solely by my sharply honed claws that I spend a lot of time sharpening in my crate for just that very reason, to motivate her to do my bidding.

The wounds were justifiable, she had NOT gotten off her butt to fill my water bowl and I was thirsty. The unmitigated gall of her to simply sit in front of her computer and not get up when I asked her to and give me some water. I mean, seriously, what does she think her purpose is in this house other than doing my bidding?

Its not my fault that her skin is paper thin and she does not have a protective layer of fluff. I regularly chew on the Mutatoe and the Spineless Bionic Hip pup Sam without causing them to bleed. I even claw them with no gushing blood. She needs to either grow some fluff or learn how to coagulate better.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Ghoul Pool Time

Yes everypup, its that time of the year again.... (cue scary music) UNCLE JACK WILL BE HERE SOON!

As you all should know (because you faithfully follow my every word and have read all 992 (this will be 993) of my posts, that Uncle Jack’s arrival usually brings a horrible natural disaster and the death of a famous person.

There are no prizes for anyone that guesses which famous person kicks the bucket during Uncle Jack’s visit, other than a smug sense of satisfaction and slight guilt trip wondering if you are partially responsible for a star dying by your guess, but give it a guess anyway. You can also try to guess this year’s natural disaster as well if you are feeling particularly cruel.

The official Uncle Jack death watch will begin on 5 September and end on 12 September, so if your guess dies between those dates... well... I mean really, what can you say.

Unlike last year where I spent all of my Uncle Jack visiting time trying to keep the human woman sober while I posted 100 blog posts for a good cause, I will not be doing anything this vacation time except napping, sleeping, eating, napping, and perhaps laying on the air vent. I will be posting more than usual (and lately its been most difficult, what with the human woman complaining about her broken foot, hello human woman, you don’t type with your feet so shut up), so stay tuned for that fun.

On a side note, I’m having some issues with the Mutatoe that I’ll be discussing in a later post entitled: And what part of Queen of the World don’t you understand as you lay on my spot on the bed.

Post your ghoul pool guesses in the comment section.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

New HULA Member: Bet

Being a "working breed" I know how it is when humans actually think that your title means you have to "earn" your room and board. Just because humans have no sense and work most of their lives (and complain about it every night) doesn't mean we dogs have to do the same thing. We're much smarter than humans, after all, who cooks and cleans for us?

My friend Kara directed me to her human's post about Bet, a Border Collie that didn't really want to work either. Can't say that I blame her. Bet was offered a cushy position as resident house dog, foot warmer, and puppy wrangler. Her only duties were to make sure that future Iditarod pullers didn't stray too far from home and to look very cute on the couch. Apparently Bet didn't read her contract too carefully (and had she consulted with her Attorney at Claw I would have done pro bono work for her) because there is that pesky "other duties as required" claws. In this case, Bet was suppose to save her human in case a bear caught them stealing its food. Yeah, right, like one poor pup could fend off a gazillion pound angry and hungry bear!

While most pups would have just done what they were told, Bet has been under the careful guidance of Kara and found a unique way to get out of such a crappy job... by rolling in bear stuff.

Nice job Bet, and for your creative use of stinky poo to get out of an unsavory duty and be left back at the house on your comfy bed, I hereby award you with the coveted HULA award, and welcome you into the ranks of HULA as an honorary Siberian Husky.



Saturday, August 01, 2009

Rest In Peace My Friend

It is with a very heavy heart that I paw this blog post. A very special friend of mine has passed and the world seems so much heavier today.

Three years ago I was honored to meet via the Interwebs a very stunning Labrador by the name of Charlie C Bucks of Dogs with Blogs. I had a crush on Charlie from afar but never said anything about it. He was so far away and most long distance relationships never work out, even for a Queen of the world. Despite our distance, Charlie was always supportive of my work as the Queen of the World, and he and Opy were very supportive of me during Blogathon 2006 and my other adventures to raise money to help pups find good homes.

Charlie did a lot of good things for other pups as well, being one of the first pups to get a bionic heart pacemaker thing. His humans are also wonderful humans (for humans, that is) and did a lot of good things for pups and organized the whole Dogs with Blogs movement.

Charlie seemed invincible, chugging along, driving his humans crazy, and destroying things when he could. He was a very honored and cherished member of HULA, and someone that I looked to for advice and counsel.

Charlie lost his fight today and crossed the Rainbow Bridge. While I know that he will be met by a lot of the same pups that he helped and who loved him (including Nikki and the old guy-guy Nova, to name a few), he leaves an incredibly huge hole in the earth down here, one that will be hard to fill again.

Charlie lives on in all of our hearts. Thanks to his humans, we all have a bit of Charlie in our hearts, and we learned so much from him and will continue to spread his love throughout the world.

Thank you Charlie, and run free and proud, across the Rainbow Bridge my friend.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Sam Stares

There's one good thing about the Spineless Bionic Hip pup, and that is: he stares.

Whenever an icky bug gets into the house, he stares at it. He doesn't woo, or attack it, he just stares at it, wherever it flies or crawls, he stares.

This is handy for the humans, for when they do figure out that he's staring at something (other than Fox News), they'll go and squish the bug or suck it up in the vacuum cleaner (which attacked the human woman today, but that's just too embarrassing and deserves its own blog post).

The other day Sam saved the entire world by staring at a centipede on the ceiling, and then an icky beetle thing that same night. Either the human woman is negligent in her housecleaning duties, or the bugs are getting sneaky and finding a way into the house, either way, I'm not too keen about bugs in the house, at least bugs that aren't tasty. Now, if there were a massive grub infestation, I'd be all for that, but I doubt the humans would be.

Monday, July 20, 2009

My Most Excellent Vet Trip (sorta)

On Saturday I got to go for a ride in the newly remodeled Husky RAV. Its about time the human woman took out those back seats and made it purely MY chariot for rides to cool places, but so far the only place I've been was to the vet this weekend. I need to make it clear to her that going to the vet does not count as a cool ride.

I thought for sure that I'd be scott free, what with the human woman incompacitated by the stupid boot thing, but she was still able to drag me into the clinic and into a room. I didn't want to go, I know what they do there and its not pleasant at all. The human man had to step out of the room to take a phone call just as they rudely put a thermometer in a place where things aren't suppose to go in, only out. I screamed really loud and scared the human man who thought I was being skinned alive.

You will be pleased to know two things:
1.) I am down to a svelte 65 pounds thanks to my fat burning regimine of laying on the air vent and starving to death on the meager amount of food the human woman put me on. My doctor was very concerned about the weight loss until the human woman explained that she had been starving me to death to make me lose weight. I thought for sure my trusty doctor would tell her to feed me more, but she didn't. I hate my vet now.

2.) I would not hold still and allow them to squirt that kennel cough crap up my nose. No amount of people laying on me (a total of 3) could get me to sit still for that nonsense. I was able to throw all of them off me and make a run for it, but I was connected to the human woman and dragging that fat load down a slippery vet clinic hallway was impossible. They ushered me back into the room and poked me with yet another needle.

They gave my human woman a vial to collect my poop to bring in, and frankly I'm not pleased at all with that. What's mine is mine and I won't let her have any. I've made it a point to poo as far away from the house as possible so she doesn't want to gimp out there in her boot and gather my precious poo.

After all that exertion you would think I would get some extra food or at the very least more cheese sprinkles than normal, but no, the meager portion of food. Come on human woman, I'm so thin I may just waste away if you don't up the caloric intake pretty soon.

Just to make sure she knew I wasn't happy about my "trip" I sat on her head at bedtime and refused to move. Tomorrow I'll claw her broken foot.


Sunday, July 12, 2009

Fetch, the Husky Way

So the human woman snuck out last night with the Mutatoe and played throw the squeeky with him. I know she did this because my keen hearing heard the squeeking going on outside. I can’t hear the human woman yelling at me to get off her head (when I’m sitting on her head) and I can’t hear her tell me that I need to get a pill or get brushed, I can’t hear her when she’s screaming for me to stop standing on her broken foot, and I can’t hear her when she’s demanding that I come inside when its snowing, but I can hear the can opener, the food bin opening, the cracker container opening, and I can hear a squeeky toy in the back yard through closed doors.

So, in they come, the human woman gimping and complaining about being eaten alive by mosquitos (sure, complain about our fur on your furniture, its that fur that makes us impervious to mosquitos you hairless wonder), and the Mutatoe smells like squeeky toy.

Sure, she played for a good half hour with me in the house with the squeeky hot dog (that doesn’t taste anything like the hotdog I stole from the counter years ago, and nothing like the bratwurst I stole from the deck table), but if she’s going to spend quality time tossing a squeeky for the Mutatoe, then she’s going to throw one for me too!

The Mutatoe has the perfect husky “fetch” technique. He runs after the squeeky when its thrown, then makes it squeek a few times, sits down and waits for the human woman to gimp out to where he is so she can throw it again for him.

I have a small variation to this game, its called “hopeful optimism”. Human woman throws the squeeky toy, I run after it and run back at her full speed, veering at the last second to avoid her (although I have misjudged the distance a few times and layed her flat, or she’s moved in my way to get out of my way with the same hilarious result = human woman flat on her back keening and broken). Then the next time she throws it... I just stand there. Refuse to go get it. Just laugh at her while she tells me to go get it. Yeah right, you fool, you never learn now do you?

So I let her throw it, ran after it dutifully, then... out she had to gimp, going after the squeeky. She’ll then toss is close to me, dangle it above me, do everything including making strange animal noises to entice me to attack it... to no avail, then I refuse to come inside until she’s inside and sitting for 3.5 seconds, then I claw at the back door and scream.

Gosh I love playing with the human woman.

Never a dull moment

So, this weekend has been... weird.

The human man bought an expensive and VERY loud toy that they call "Vroomy" (apparently that's what the human woman calls it, the human man apparently doesn't like that name, but has yet to come up with anything else, so Vroomy it is), and he's been out riding it. I think its some kind of horse with horrible flatulence, as it sounds horrible and could probably use some tums or something.

The human woman was very kind to go out and buy me a new 24 inch iMac so that I didn't have to squint at the tiny laptop screen anymore. I fully expect her to leave the laptop in my crate during the day so that I can cruise the interwebs and order good chewy toys online while she's making money to support my chew toy addiction, but she said something like "um, no freakin way", which to me means "um, sure, let me run a cat 5 cable up here in case the wi fi goes out".

So, with the human woman still fully booted from the Wii incident, the human man off on his gaseous horse thing, what better way to spend the day than having a stupid fight. Loki tried jumping on the bed, but his ample ass weighed him down, so he fell pretty close to Spineless Bionic Hip puppy (good thing he didn't land on Spineless Bionic Hip puppy because Sam would have been crushed under the massive weight of the Ample Mutatoe ass). Mutatoe was all bent out of shape, having just been brushed by the bored human woman, so he took the fall and his combing out on Sam, who wasn't going to take any of his crap, which meant the human woman is screaming and pulling Mutatoe off of Sammywinks, losing balance because of the boot, flailing and screaming ensued, nobody got hurt (amazingly enough) and I had a good show from the safety of the bed.

The good thing about all of this is that the human woman thought I was "such a good girl" (said: such a goooood giiiiiiirrrrrrrl) about not wading into the stupid fight that she sat on the bed with me and held my chewy bone for me. hehehe, she's such a sucker.


P.S. I forgot to mention that I got to maul Indy's human woman and human man when they came to visit yesterday. I think that Mutatoe left a pee mail for Indy on them before they left.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Poppy Needs good thoughts

Go to Poppy’s blog and wish her luck with her spine surgery.

Spineless Bionic Hip Puppy Sam has a soft spot for the plucky little Chi, since she shares a spineless issue like he does.

I command you to have good thoughts and let Poppy’s human know those good thoughts.

The cranky queen of the world


Saturday, July 04, 2009

4th of July Address

First of all, I wanted to thank all of you for your words of encouragement on the progress of my human woman. I did look into euthanasia, but apparently there's some silly human law that says you can't do that. Seems a bit odd to me, but they are humans, whatcha gonna do with them?

She's making some progress. She got the tooth fixed, she's no longer covered in oozing sores, she went out and got her usual haircut back and apparently felt it necessary to accessorize with a big gray boot on her left foot. I'm thinking that its some kind of memorial to that Michael Jackson guy (he wore a glove, she's wearing a boot... who knows). She says she broke a bone in her foot and messed up her ankle and blames the innocent and entertaining Wii We all know she's a klutz on her own.

So here it is, the 4th of July. Here I am hiding in the basement with booted human woman and the Mutatoe waiting for the neighborhood humans to knock it off with the loud, scary fireworks. I was hoping that the current government had spent everyone's money and nobody had any to buy stupid fireworks, but they've probably sold their children for spare parts to get firecrackers. Nothing says fiscal responsibility like spending money on something that lasts 3 milliseconds. " OOOOH AAAAAH, dammit I should have paid the mortgage."

Its now very apparent that the obnoxious labradoodle and terriers next door have been foreclosed upon. They left the place a shambles (the posion ivy that attacked my human came creeping from their yard) and their half filled swimming pool is a mosquito all inclusive resort. My humans will be calling the health department about it, but I'm sure the human's new government will tell them that everyone has to pitch in, so if they want anything done, clean it up themselves and while they're at it, pay the mortgage on it.

I think you can tell that I'm not a happy camper about the way the new government is honing in on my world. One thing that huskies do NOT like is being told what to do and more and more this new government is telling humans what they can and can't do, how they have to fork over more and more money to do things the humans don't want done, and taking over my world little by little. I'm still rather pissed about the voter fraud that happened and robbed Turbo and Khyra of ultimate power. They would not have spent a gazillion bucks in their first few months in office, they would not be passing laws that take away our freedoms, and they wouldn't be telling us what to do all the time. Sure, Turbo would have called humans stupid and yelled at them, but that's what humans are for, isn't it?

I think its time that we dogs claw our humans into action and make them tell their government that the government works for the humans, not the other way around, and if the government wants money, they can just freakin do something to earn it like everyone else, not mandate it and enact stupid rules that make fearful humans hand over their money or face stupid consequences... its time the humans grow a backbone, otherwise, there won't be a world for us pups when we finally take over... and frankly capitalism worked for over 200 years, I don't think that's a fluke.

Well, the human gave me some sleepy liquid, so I'm going to go crawl under a desk and ride out the stupid fireworks... when its all done and your humans are all proud of their country... tell them they need to get off their ample asses and tell government to go shove their stupid cap and trade, their automobile buyouts, their stimulus bribes, their universally crapfest healthcare, their ponzi scheme social security and medicare, their czars (I'm a siberian husky and even I KNOW that the U.S. shouldn't have czars who answer to NOBODY), and their taxes that aren't really taxes but they are taxes stop pissing on my head and telling me its raining. The government works FOR you, you don't work for them so why are you giving them all of your money? It should be spent on livergreat for all of us pups.

This has been a ranting message from your queen under a table and pissed off at the fireworks.


Saturday, June 20, 2009

I'm watching You

Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema
I see that the neighbors aren't sorting their recycling, which is apparently why the whole neighborhood is under double secret recycling monitoring probation thingie, or whatever the human woman is ranting about.

Stupid cat is pooping in my flower bed again. I've told the human woman to let me out and I'll take care of that problem, but no. I guess I'll just have to throw myself at the big picture window every time it happens.

Oh, hey, old neighbor human, if you're going to walk around nude, please close the curtains... seriously.... even Shar Pei dogs aren't that disgustingly wrinkly.

I wonder if we're having grilled food today.


Sunday, June 14, 2009

Just Keeps Getting Better

She can barely walk because the Wii has messed up her ankles (so she claims).
She's covered in red bumps from poison ivy and going insane from the itch
She's now taking steroids for the itch so she's more nutty than usual and has to pee all the time.
She broke a tooth yesterday.

We found this nice soothing jacket for her to wear until she gets better. Shhh, say nice things to her in a soothing voice, you don't want to start the keening and high pitching wailing again, it hurts our ears.

Friday, June 05, 2009

HULA Political Update

You may recall our failed attempts to infiltrate the American elections with our own HULA operative. We truly do feel that a canine with experience can make better decisions than any human.

We had sent one of our best HULA operatives to specialized human training. “Windswept Siberian Snowfall of the Wunderlands“ AKA ”Britches“ AKA Governor Tim Pawlenty was found out when the Bangledeshi spun human suit failed under adverse conditions during a ”meet and greet“.

We truly did feel that once Britches was found out, the humans would never fall for it again, but we’ve found that humans have a memory that lasts about 1 month long and you can actually fool them more than once with the same thing. It truly is amazing their gullibility and lack of long term memory.

This time, we commissioned the suit to be spun from Chinese worms, and paid top dollar to ensure that the silk did not contain melamine or lead or anything else toxic and harmful, and it appears to be holding out quite well, even during moments of great stress, such as press conference saying he was not running for Governor a third term and leaving the press to slather about his chances for President in the next election.

We feel that with the suit now performing as expected, and with Britches really living the role of a human, we stand a chance at winning over what is left of the country in 2012... except for that pesky Mayan calendar ending thing in which case... never mind.


Saturday, May 30, 2009

Its Always Me

I'm convinced that the human woman has that Munchausen by dog thing going on. No, Munchausen isn't a pathological need to eat junk food continuously, although she has that too, its that thing where people hurt themselves all the time to get sympathy from their friends.

Case in point, she was standing right where I was putting my foot down and the next thing I know she's screaming and hollering, jumping up and down and clutching her foot. She's accusing me of stomping on her foot so hard that I bruised it. How could little fluffy me do such horrendous bruising to a human foot? Human feet are apparently quite delicate and bruise easily. She once stubbed her toe on the Mutatoe, and while the Mutatoe is quite ample in the ass, I don't see him being so sturdy as to damage a toe.

She also accuses me of clawing her bloody (especially during storms) but if she would just do what I demand, when I demand it, at the times I've set forth in the rules of the house, I wouldn't need to claw her. Apparently humans are so dense that you have to claw them a LOT to get them to follow rules. I truly don't see how they even function as a society with their set of rules and laws when they can't remember that at 6pm my food bowl better be on the ground and filled!



Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

My paws hurt from digging for grubs. What? You aren't suppose to say anything on wordless Wednesday?

I am husky, hear me woo on Wednesday.



Sunday, April 26, 2009

Fitness Training

Sorry I'm not posting a lot, but its a full time job making sure the Human Woman sticks to her fitness schedule. As her personal trainer I have to remove the Little Debbie snack cakes from her face and supervise her training rotation.

I swear, I have no idea how humans survive without canine supervision.


P.S. She's still very gaseous

Sunday, April 19, 2009

In Case You Were Wondering

Hey, the humans turned on the air conditioning, so I've been busy sucking all of the cold air coming out of the vent. Its my job, its what I do.

Let's see, what's new... nothing really.

Human woman cleaned up the thunder room for us in case the thunder comes. The thunder room is very handy because its like my own person torture room just for the human woman. The Mutatoe has to join us (because he's a girly dog and has to be within three inches of the human woman or he cries), so not only can I stomp and claw the human woman, but I can stomp on the Mutatoe and get away with it because "I'm afraid of thunder and loud noises". Heck, if I can get away with it, I'll start being afraid of the sun if that means more clawing.

Here's an obligatory picture of me.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Um, its MY blog

For those of you with encouraging words for the Human Woman’s stop smoking plight, yeah, yeah, whatever, go post a comment on HER blog, this is about ME!

Apparently she’s totally exaggerating the horror of her experience and told me to tell all of your humans that the lozenges aren’t THAT bad if you like sucking on lozenges, but apparently sucking on lozenges keeps her from drinking coffee and shoving snack foods in her mouth 24 hours a day. The horror.

Enough about her, unless its to say that she came home after work late and didn’t feed me dinner until late and frankly there’s gonna be some clawing going on whether she’s “suffering” or not. Its quite apparent that she’s obsessing about this whole no smoking thing and is not giving me the time and attention I so richly deserve.

As promised, here’s the new “do” she’s sporting. Say it looks nice, even if you don’t mean it, remember, she is armed and off the nicotine.


Tuesday, March 31, 2009


The human woman is trying to quit smoking again. Had I known that I wouldn’t have clawed her earlier, which is why she’s wearing two neon bright smiley face bandaids on her arm (because that’s all they had) and now she’s glaring at me with her new hairdo.

I’ll post a picture of the new hairdo as soon as she stops keening, rocking back and forth and muttering something about Commit tastes like ass. Seriously, I really have no idea what she’s talking about this time, but her breath does smell a bit like the Mutatoe’s butt.


Saturday, March 28, 2009

New HULA Member: Ari

Yes I know, two blog posts in one day, but I was so enchanted with Ari's story (as told by her human) that I couldn't wait another day to reward such a clever pup for such a clever deed. Although Ari's accomplishment doesn't meet ALL of the HULA standards, there are some deeds (like sitting on pork chops) that deserve recognition and I know that the new member will continue to delight me in their mission to drive their human insane.

So it is with great pleasure that I pronounce Ari a member of the HULA Hoop for this very creative way of causing chaos and mayhem.

Please visit Ari's blog for the sad tale of the soup.


Award Time

Yep, this time I didn't even have to steal it (all of them belong to me anyway, as I am the queen of the entire world), its nice the Huffle Mawson (honorary husky and actual HULA Hoop member) honored me with it, so here it is along with the rules:

The rules for the award say I have to post the award on my blog, add the link to the award, then:

1. Pass it on to furries that do the hidey.

2. Share it with woofies that are good friends & protect us all.

So, with that said and since I'm in the middle of a nap, if you like the award and you qualify, go for it, you all deserve it as well if you are reading my blog.


Tuesday, March 24, 2009

State of the Husky World

I can't say that I'm too pleased with what is going on with the United States recently. I have assigned Spineless Bionic Hip Puppy Sam as my Press Secretary and have given him my twitter account to report on the state of the state of the states. I was spending too much time tapping my statuses on the iPhone, and frankly it was cutting into my naps and eating. He will be following the press conference tonight, so follow SamEwinks on twitter.

In regard to the decisions made by that guy that was elected to run the U.S. until the inevitable take over of the world by Huskies, I have to say its a mixed bag.

I was happy to see that more and more humans were losing their jobs and being forced to stay home and wait hand and foot on their pets, but that optimism turned to feety feet stomping anger when the stupid unemployed humans refused to give up on their belongings and instead starting shoving their pets into shelters.

I was once again buoyed with hope when POTUS announced that his new house was so big that he would take in all of the homeless pets... which turned out to be only ONE dog. Harmph, there's plenty of room in that big house for more than one dog.

Recently in the news I saw them digging up their lawn. They didn't even do a good job of that, if they had more dogs, that would have been a much nicer hole.

I'm also upset that there are no dogs in the Congress. I'm sorry to report that the weasel faction has taken over a majority of the House of Representatives. Since weasels are a close relative of the squirrel (ok, I have no idea if they are related or not, but they are furry, snarky, and have long tails therefore they must be related) I am calling on all of you to do what you can to get al of the weasels out of office and make sure some dogs are installed there to get this nation back on track and flowing with unlimited livergreat.

Lastly, I give you a picture of Timothy "Turbo Tax" Geithner without his clothes on.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Stupid Fight

This weekend things were going to well. Its been so boring around here lately, even though we've trained the human woman to toss a squeeky toy to us out in the yard (one at a time though, since every squeeky toy is MINE). Its been rainy and I guess squeeky toys melt in the rain, although I think its actually the human woman that melts in the rain, whatever, we haven't been getting enough exercise and excitement, so what bette way to get the blood flowing than with a good ol stupid fight.

We started out in the yard like normal, but then Sam decided he wanted a little drama, so he started in with harassing the Mutatoe. Mutatoe didn't like that, so let the fun begin. I stayed off to the side with a bowl of popcorn and watched the fun (better than HBO) as Mutatoe and Spineless Bionic Hip pup had a knock out, drag out stupid fight with tufts of hair flying, screaming (by the human woman) and even a surprise guest appearance by the human man who in his rush to get out to stop the stupid fight put his shorts on inside out.

Oh, it was so amusing and entertaining!

Nobody was really hurt during the stupid fight (except for a small nick on Sam's ear that bled a lot and freaked out the humans), and after sufficient screaming, they stopped and went back inside and took a nap together.

Humans... so dramatic.