Sunday, July 17, 2022

Maryland Bug Lesson

 Ya know last year when I was just a smol puppy, I don't remember so many bugs... of course we did have approximately 1,204,596,784,023 cicadas in the yard... which are very tasty, and probably distracted me from all of the other delicacies out there.

We have cicadas this year as well, but not as many. I still like snacking on them, and horka up the wings in inconvenient (for the humans) places.

This past month I've discovered quite an array of bugs in the yard. The worms are NOT tasty, but they are fun to roll in. My preferred method is the long, downward slide getting maximum pressure with the back legs so that my neck is covered in goo. That way when Bleeder pets me, she gets to share the fun.

The other things I've discovered I've charted below

The Plain Sky raisins are really annoying and get into the house. I stare at them intently until they get within reach and then I do whatever is necessary to kill them. That includes running over humans, furniture, and slamming my paws against the glass windows. For some odd reason this is not acceptable behavior, even after I've squished it between the glass and curtains. I should be rewarded for this service.

The Plain Sky raisins are NOT tasty.

Spicy Sky raisins. I've discovered these this year. Apparently I tried to discover them last year, but the humans shielded me from them by screaming NO BEES! That was enough of a distraction to allow the Spicy Sky raisin to escape. They come in two sizes around here. The extra grande and the small. 

The extra grande buzz around the deck and drill themselves into the wood. Bleeder hates them and electrocutes them with a tennis racket device. Apparently they are harmless sorta, but hard to catch even though they are the size of a 747. I try, and are told NO BEES!

The small ones... you would think the extra grande would be a problem, but the small Spicy Sky raisins are trouble. I snorfed one the other day while Bleeder had her back turned and that sucker bit me! It HURT! I YELPED, causing Bleeder to run over and stomp on the bee until it was dead and hold her foot on it because I wanted revenge. You can't bite me!!! You must die and then die again! I wanted at it, but she insisted that I go inside. Fine I'll go inside. 

Spicy Sky raisins have spears that come off and that spear was on my lip under my nose, so Bleeder had to suit up in her armor while Toast held me and they scraped the spear out of my lip. After that, it was kind of weird because Bleeder and Toast just stared at me for hours, waiting for something to happen, but nothing did. 

Right after they scraped the spear out, I wanted outside and went straight to the attack area to find that Spicy Sky raisin and kill it some more, but it was gone. I suspect Bleeder moved the body.

Did I learn my lesson? Absolutely... gonna find those Spicy Sky raisins and hurt them back.

Then there's Flashy Bugs. Flashy bugs are pretty cool and fun to chase because they are either really fast, or there's a LOT of them in the yard so I run from flash to flash trying to catch them and not poop like I'm supposed to. They don't move very fast, but can flit when they see you coming. I did catch one finally... disgusting, bitter, nasty. Now I just chase them, but don't try to catch them.

Giant Sticky beetles! Wow, that's a new one, even to Bleeder who said when I was attacking it "What the #&%* is that thing?" It has very sticky legs and when you put it in your mouth, it clings to your face! I'm not cool with that, and it was hard to spit out. It also has some powerful forks on its face that try to pinch you and not in a fun way. When Bleeder stepped on it, she discovered it pretty much explodes in a goo, so she has to stand there and ward me off in order to pick up the mess with a poo bag.

I've found two of them so far because I'm really good at finding bugs, and those little fungus balls that stink really bad and get me a really good cheese trade up. I like bringing the stinky fungus balls into the house secretly so it stinks up the place real good.

The last bug comes in many shapes and sizes but they all have one thing in common... they taste gross, and those are the Flutter bugs. They just bounce around without a care in the world because they think that everyone knows they taste crappy, but hey, I gotta taste each one 50 or 60 times before I get the hint.

We had a LOT of rain yesterday, and thunder. I like thunder. Bleeder and Toast are happy that I'm not afraid of thunder, but they'd prefer I go inside when it starts.

OOH, that was a nice loud thunder
I also like to watch the rain out my window, but since the air vent is right under the window, and my face is against the window, the combination of hot and cold makes my windows fog up and I can't see anything.

Bleeder felt sorry for me so she moved the coffee table in front of the bigger window so I could see out, which was nice, but then I thought... this looks comfortable.

OOH, this is even better

I bought my bone up to have it handy in case I needed a snack. There's cheese in there.

That's about it. 

Sunday, July 10, 2022

A Door of My Own

 I'm taking some time from Pancake Sunday to let you all know that apparently I'm getting my own personal door!

I'm not quite sure where it's going, someplace in the kitchen, but there's already a door there that Bleeder and Toast let me in, out, in, out, in, out, in.

When I want to be let in, but nobody is available at that very second to let me in, I politely knock on the door with my entire body, over and over until they run to let me in. Something about breaking the glass makes this undesirable to them.

Therefore, they went door shopping for me the other day. Disappeared for an hour, came back. Few days later someone came to the house to measure the glass door to make sure the new door fits, so I guess that means the new door is going where the old door is.

They showed me a picture of it and it's a little door within a door. How amazing! A little door just for me!  It's got a flap with a magnet to keep pests out, but I will be allowed to come and go as I please now! No more waiting for them to come up the deck stairs to let me in while I fling myself at the door so I can go inside and get a drink of water because either my outside dog bowl is empty, or not sufficiently filled with muck for me to drink out of. Muck adds flavor instead of the cold, pristine, filtered water that comes from the fridge. Sometimes I prefer drinking from the mud puddles that form in my well crafted yard holes. For some odd reason they don't want me to do that either.

I was a bit off put by the fact that they got me the XL dog door... I'm not that big, but then I realized that there was sufficient space to drag in a large limb, all of my toys and possibly...

Now we have to wait for the door to get delivered and the installation people to come and I'll be free to come and go as I please. 

I'm very excited about all of the possibilities!

Saturday, July 02, 2022

Nose Candy

 Humans are such funny creatures. They wear clothes (in Bleeder's case, she wears clothes badly), but on shoes, complain about the cold, complain about the heat, and won't share all of their tasty foodables.

The strangest thing they do is blow their nose in a tasty paper thing, then throw it away. THROW IT AWAY! They also put tasty paper into the sitting water bowl and it disappears. DISAPPEARS!

This soft, thin paper is delicious, and even more delicious when sprinkled with nose candy. I must have it.

They've tried to be very good about not leaving it where I can get it, but during the night, they are forced to either get out of bed (leaving me to nab their spot) or place it someplace safe until morning. 

Toast was putting it in his side bed stand drawer, then getting up, emptying the drawer of tastiness and throwing it away. But I watched him. Pretty soon he stopped cleaning it out every morning, and I waited.

I don't know how he thought a drawer was safe.

It has a handle

I have paw with claws

It slides out very easily

Soon, I had a whole mouthful of nose candy goodness.

I prance out of the bedroom to gloat about my accomplishment, but Toast and Bleeder did not seem as pleased, which caused me to do a sudden about face and seek sanctuary... under the bed.

They have the fancy Sleep Number and although they've put up blockades to keep me from crawling under it (and gnawing on all of those tasty wires and hoses) there is one spot that they felt I couldn't possibly fit.... until I fit. 

Great fun watching them try to get me, as they are old, creaky, and don't bend well.

The only problem then was Bleeder found a piece of something that fit into that space, and now I'm entirely blocked out. They've also been more careful about leaving the Nose Candy in the drawer.

They have to ruin EVERYTHING!

I got some more toys yesterday, and no, I'm not talking about big snake #3, which was removed unceremoniously the usual way.

I got a new indoor chew wheel with squeakers, and a puzzle toy that is impossible, so I ignore it, and a tug-o-war toy with ropes and tennis balls, giant tennis balls (one is already missing) a Wubba (that's still in the bag because Toast wants to "draw out the fun", and another squishy ball thing (also in the bag because party pooper Toast).

To mix things up, I'm not getting some banana and yogurt kibble squished into my kongs and frozen. That's a refreshing and tasty treat.

They've moved my bed AGAIN, but now I actually use it when the Roomba is out, careening into everything (including me) for safety.

Currently Bleeder is growing some vegetables in the deck planters on the railings. The other day she discovered that I can actually reach them for a little taste, so I'm guessing there will be some form of formal blocking mechanism that comes from this. I do enjoy a challenge.