Sunday, February 20, 2011

New HULA Member: Teddy

Now, all of you may be wondering why a kitteh is being inducted into the HULA Hoop.  Cuz I said so, that's why... I mean, because every once in a while, your Queen has such a devious plan that sometimes she can't share the news with everyone until it needs to be told.

Its time to tell the tail of Teddy.

You see, Teddy is actually a very small husky puppy disguised as a kitteh.  Yep, this plot is so devious that I'm telling my whole entire world without fear that Teddy's owners will believe it!  Isn't that deliciously livergreat levels of evil!!!??!!!

Teddy "showed up" at the doorstep of Huffle's house one rainy day and put on an Oscar winning performance of pathetic homeless wet kitteh escapades, that Huffle's humans were totally fooled.  Huffle had been briefed beforehand and is still pretending to HATE Teddy, which is what we had planned all along.  While the humans are busy with Teddy and trying to make him more appealing to Huffle, Huffle is able to go about her covert activities without the humans watching her.  See just how EVIL this plan is???

Initially, Teddy was instructed to ensure that the humans would accept him into the household.  Using every minute of his extensive "How To Be Like a Kitteh" instruction, Teddy did cute kitteh things like:
The cute kitteh in the basket routine.  This always gets the humans, look how cute he is in the basket, isn't he adorable, how could we possibly throw him out into the cold cruel world aaaaaaawwww!

Once his humans took him to the vet (who couldn't find the ingenious zipper on the kitteh costume), and named him (his real name is "Majestic Snowgod of Powerderville" aka: Floofy), Teddy began to start his covert activities by:
Hiding in dark spaces waiting for the humans to walk by with bare feet so he could pounce on them and sink his razor sharp little costume kitteh claws into their flesh.

We did have a scary moment when Teddy was found doing this:
Yes, he's chewing on Huffle's human woman's shoes!  It was a true test of whether or not his covert actions would continue, because Huffle's human woman is a known shoe hoarder (with great taste), and we thought the jig was certainly up, because what kitteh actually chews on shoes.

Well, imagine our surprise when the reaction was not to boot Teddy out into the blistering Australian heat... or downpours... or flooding... seriously, who wants to live there... but anyhoo, nope.  Huffle's Human Woman simply got the camera and took a picture of Teddy... which is the ultimate moment of any husky's life and a true statement that we're fluffy and cute for a reason.

Welcome to the HULA Hoop dear Teddy.


Sunday, February 13, 2011

New From MeeshCO

A friend of the Human Woman, we'll call her "Feather", sent this link to my Human Woman and suggested that since these panties were embedded with caffeine, that they would be perfect for traffic jams, because you could just suck on your panties. 

 I'll pause a moment while you all throw up.


As disgusting as that sounds, it is the impetus for the next revolutionary idea straight from MeeshCO!


Why wait for the humans to give you treats when you can just walk right up to them and take a bite.  No more doing stupid tricks for treats, the Livergreat Pants© will free you to go about your business and snack when you want.  Made from only the finest Livergreat, the MeeshCO livergreat pants are guaranteed for freshness and tastiness no matter how long they are worn... and the stinkier the better!

Get your livergreat pants exclusively from MeeshCO, where dogs rule!

Sunday, February 06, 2011

My Week in Review

Lets see... I clung to the last tiny bit of snow left on the deck, using the pillow technique that Zim taught me through his "how to build a snow fort" tutorials.  Zim is also suppose to send me some of his snow... but it hasn't arrived yet.  I'm sure it got lost in the mail.

Then I glared at the Human Woman because all of my snow downstairs was also melting, and not only that, but it started raining and washing it away faster.  This is my "Do something about this rain and make it snow" look.
I have had a few comments asking me if I sufficiently got back at the Human Woman for nearly poisoning me with Sam's pill.  The answer is most definitely YES.

Not only am I waking the humans up in the middle of the night for no reason (last night I climbed mount Human Man and stood on him until he yelled at me to get off of him), but every time the human woman sits down to pay attention to that stupid iPad thing, I do this:

Well, this would be where I had a video of me attacking the human woman... but blogger is being a butthead and won't upload it... harrumpf.

Today's festivities included the Human Woman making cookies.  But instead of the usual tasty peanut butter cookies, she made cookies that we can't have because they had chocolate in them.  Can you imagine that?  SERIOUSLY?  You're going to bake and NOT give us anything?

I mean SERIOUSLY!  Spineless Bionic hip/knee pup Sam even got off the Sleep Number bed because he smelled her baking and expected his cookies!

We totally guilted her into making us something tasty.
Ok, I totally blocked the oven until she did make us something.  We got our very own buttermilk biscuits hot from the oven and hand fed to us.  Yep, we know who rules the house.


Friday, February 04, 2011

Hoo That Funny Human Woman!

Wanna hear something funny?  Oh its a real knee slapper... if dogs had knees... well, we do have knees, its just a bit inconvenient to slap them when we laugh, but I'm sure you'll appreciate this real hoot of a funny story.

Yeah, so remember how I told you that Spineless Bionic hip/knee pup, Sam, was on antibiotics for a personal (sore pee pee) reason?  Yeah, and did I happen to mention that the specific antibiotics he was on is the very same antibiotics that I'm allergic to and make me horka if I have them?  Well, I may have neglected to mention that part, because why on earth would the human woman even bother to give me any of those pills, because they are for Sam and not for me and she knows that they make me horka?

Because the human woman is a moron and the other night while she was distracted with whatever delusional thoughts go on in that head of hers, she prepped us all some tasty livergreat and smooshed the Spineless pill in some livergreat and then gave us all our bits of mooshed livergreat and then said (wait for it, its a side splitter):

Wait a minute... where's Sam's pill?

Yep, that's right, she had no idea WHO she may have fed the livergreat smeared pill to!  Hello SPCA?

So what do you think the odds were that of three livergreat globs given to three dogs that the ONE dog that's allergic to the pill would get it... need a calculator for that one... want a hint?
I'm so freaking clawing her in her sleep.

I want another dinner now!