Monday, May 31, 2021

My Gadgets


Generally I discovered that my humans are old and somewhat lazy, especially the Bleeder. For some odd reason, she doesn't like to play tug with me and constantly yelps and stomps off to throw on yet another bandaid. Mr. Toast stubbed his little toe on one of the many barriers in the house (I call them the NO FUN walls), and hissing every time I gnaw, stomp, claw, or nibble on that toe... go figure.

Anyway, back to lazy people.

Just as an FYI, I will be recommending products through Amazon Affiliates because I'm not cheap and require some sort of reward for my testing of these products. I'll tell you what is great, and what is not so great and if you buy them, well, puppy needs treats. All links are stuffs the humans have bought me, they didn't get anything from anyone from buying them.

One of my first toys is the Cheerble Wicked Bone. It's an interactive chew bone that you can throw in automatic/interactive, or drive around and make jump and spin.

At first, I didn't know what to think of this thing

What the heck?

It moved on its own, and seemed possessed and out to kill me.

But after a while, I realized... hey, this thing is pretty fun and chewable! It doesn't stomp off and put band-aids on itself all the time.

I also have a ball toy called Wicked Ball.

Same thing, it spins and rolls on its own and flashes its flashy lights and I love to cram it into a corner and beat it into submission.

My next "toy" is an automatic feeder, which isn't a toy, and it's not really fun, but it dispenses pellets of joy and energy. The Pet Safe Smart Feeder has many bells and whistles for the humans, such as... they sadistically control when you eat, how much you eat, when you get snacks, and the very cruel, disable the quick snack feature button on the top when you discover how to use it and try to empty out the goodie bin. It also lets them know (on the handy phone app) when you got fed (thwarting all plans to look pathetic as though you have not been fed) and can tap the app to give you a snack (which rarely happens around here). Mr. Toast controls the feeding. It will also sense when you run low on food and will auto-order your food... which is good because as I said early, my humans are old and slow (body and mind).

I feel that the feeding schedule is crap, so when I'm hungry I sit and stare at it, willing foodables to drop like some horrible slot machine of kibble.

When that doesn't work, I pour on the "I'm starving and can't last another 10 minutes until lunch, PUHLEEEEEZE give me some kibbles before I waste away" look.

Then when that doesn't work, I go for the "I can barely sit up, come on, have mercy, just 5 kibbles!" look.

The next "toy" is more like a horrible nightmare. This thing... I mean seriously... is NOT fun.

The loud gobble up my toy machine kicks off whenever Mr. Toast thinks I've been too messy.

This thing careens around like a drunken robot and sucks up tasty things like crumbs, and essential things like my furs and toys. I hate the loud gobble machine with a passion and they've taken to locking me in my crate when it's bumping around and sucking up my precious things because I really, really hate it, and I've figured out that if I pee in front of it, it gets sent back to its home.

Wanna know another thing I hate... when this happens.

Mr. Toast is NOT funny.


Sunday, May 23, 2021

Working Breed

 Sometimes being a working breed has its perks.

I really do enjoy laundry inspection day

If you're gonna do it, look good doing it

Car wash supervision day is tiring

Ensuring that all of the dishes are out of the NO NO! GET AWAY! STOP LICKING THAT machine.

Ensuring the coffee table is the right consistency

Yep, still tasty

Official door watcher

Official watcher watcher

Official Kong bone goodie stuffer supervisor

Got enough bandaids there, Bleeder?

Official kill the stupid robot vacuum official

Official bed maker

Official Wall artist

Official dump your water bowl all over the place specialist

Official neighborhood watch

Official upper arm strength workout specialist

Official air conditioning vent covering specialist

Official lawn maintenance specialist

There are others, but revisiting all of my responsibilities has made me weary.


Sunday, May 16, 2021

Catching Up

 Look, I'm going to be honest, the Bleeder and Toast took me for what they claim was my FINAL pokes (but there was some cryptic back and forth about the "appointment" when I turn 6-months old that didn't sound anything like cake and ice cream type of festivities, so I don't trust them on this "FINAL" thing.

Anyway, I'm a bit worn out from all of the poking, prodding, nail trimming, handling, the oohing and awwwing at the vet (they at least recognize my beauty), so I'm going to phone in my blog post this week.

As a puppy, I'm growing really fast. So fast that Toast says I no longer have new puppy smell and my toes aren't frito anymore. I have no idea what he means as I've stomped in poo, rolled in dead things, dug up some lovely wormy dirt, and smell perfectly fine

Here is a bunch of pictures and movies of my tender puppy weeks so you can catch up to where I'm at right now. Enjoy.

Here are the pictures that lured Toast and Bleeder to me.

How could you resist this face!!!!

Here I am with my brothers and sisters. As you can see, I'm a tiny little peanut of a puppy (and there's a reason why, but I don't want to get into it right now, I'll save that for next week).

I knew I hit the motherlode when this box arrived full of foodables and toys and such.

I'm going in!

At this point, I had a normal food and water bowl, things got fancy shortly after this.

I really like this couch.

and I really love my breadbowl

As a working breed, I know that it is my duty to assist in the folding of the clothes. Please make a note of the big hole in the carpet... I did not do that. That was Meeshka... while she was crated. I aspire to be just like her.

Really pouring on the adorability here.

As part of my training, they bought this elaborate pee area thing, but I felt it was better suited as a bed.

My teddy bear was bigger than me, but I still managed to maul it.

I also love to ricochet off of things

And sleep is strange places

And get into places I'm apparently not supposed to get into

And look adorable for the camera

More next week.


Sunday, May 09, 2021

Rules? There's Rules?

 First of all, I didn't think I had to do this weekly, but apparently there's that and some other rules living with these people.

Had I known they were so high maintenance I might have altered my devious plan.

I'm not allowed to chew on things.

Hang on, let that sink in for a moment: I CAN'T CHEW ON THINGS?

Oh sure, they bought me bones and toys and things to chew on, but why would I do that when there's a really tasty wooden coffee table at the exact height for chewing?

This coffee table is pre-chewed so I don't want to hear it

Walls aren't made for chewing? Excuse me? Did I hear that right... walls are NOT made for chewing? I'm pretty sure that's not correct.

Once again, I'm clearly NOT the first puppy to sample this wall

Did I mention the tasty carpet...

So, clearly there is precedent for chewing and I'm a puppy, so I can chew.

The people think otherwise and The Bleeder bought a bottle of "Bitter Orange" to deter me from chewing. Every time I'd gnaw on something, she'd whisk me aside and spritz that concoction on whatever tasty thing I sunk my sharp teeth into.

I think the whole purpose was to stop me from chewing, but I find the taste and aroma a bit cloying. It's a medium bodied and saucy mixture with decedent elements coalesced. It pairs well with drywall and old rug.

Since this didn't work, they brought out the big guns with the scary can of "NO".

It's loud, annoying, and apparently means "no"
Not everything is a "no"

I get to sleep on the couch when I want, but I need a hand getting up and down, because I'm tiny

I have a bread bowl bed, which is comfy, but also chewy... but I haven't ripped it up yet. I'm waiting to gain the people's confidence and then rip it to shreds.

I will, of course, blame the Toast Man for this because he keeps trying to convince me that something is under it, and that I must attack that thing

Speaking of Toast Man, he's actually very comfortable.

Back to the rules:

I'm not allowed to snorfle at the kitchen shelf items

I'm not allowed to stick my head under the very expensive dish cleaning machine and rip out its guts.

They also don't want me to hang off the couch... for some reason

But this is how ALL huskies sleep.

There are more rules, but I've forgotten all of them, but The Bleeder and Toast Man constantly remind me about them.

Next blog post I'll show you all of my cool electronic gadgetry.