Saturday, September 25, 2010

How Do They Do That?

I'm sure its never occurred to humans how dogs, no matter how much light, manage to run through a yard and not step in any poo, whereas humans managed to ALWAYS step in poo.

First of all, when you live with a lazy human woman who NEVER scoops the yard, despite her high tech poo scooper that makes scooping poo easy and clean, believe me, you develop a plan for pooing that involves only pooing in low traffic areas, plotting paths, and enforcing the claw when one of your gimpy co-horts violates the rule and leaves a tasty little package where it isn't suppose to be.

Coupled with our ultra high tech sensors such as 7 miles of nose buds that can smell poo (and tasty dead things to roll in) from miles away, and a keen sense of eyesight that rivals that bogus 6 million dollar man guy, we are perfectly capable of avoiding the most nasty of things no matter the lighting...


So, early this morning, despite the fact its one of those days where the human woman claims she is able to sleep in and not feed us or give us treats, or whatever and can lounge in my bed for hours and hours, we got her lazy butt up so we could pee and I needed to poo.  Its dark, but per our poo arrangement, I am able to easily navigate the minefield of the back yard and do my "business" and navigate back to the house, expecting my breakfast.

Mutatoe, who continues to be a suck up wannabe, ran over to where I had been and...
... he's so embarrassing, I mean seriously!  Like he couldn't smell that?  I would have smacked him down, but eeeuuuw.

He's all sorts of upset now because the human woman now calls him the "Pootatoe".  I think that name is going to stick... pun intended.


Saturday, September 11, 2010

On This Day...

New From MeeshCO!

You may have seen those bracelets on tv that claim to dispel negative energy and bring stability to your life!   Frankly the human woman does that whenever she eats egg salad sandwiches... oh wait, that's distributes negative odors and brings instability to the household, well, whatever, you know what I mean.

I find that humans are so gullible that they are most likely breaking limbs getting to their phones to order a zillion of these things when all they really have to do is tell people that annoy them to shut up (as we pups have all learned from Master Tubey, high priest of dispelling stupidity), thus dispelling all negative energy from their lives, along with stocking up on tasty ice cream.

So, now that I've just taught you humans how to dispel negative energy, wouldn't you rather spend your money on something that will make you irresistible and loved?  Wouldn't you rather have people greet you with open arms and invite you to places?  Wouldn't you rather be the life of the party?  Screw negative energy and balance, you want to have everyone to love you!

Introducing: iPopular!
Made from only the finest Gallus gallus domesticus materials, and secured around your neck with fine silken-like but not really silk materials, the iPopular will guarantee that you are the MOST popular person at any function you attend.  Even standing in line to pick up your stupid dry cleaning, people will talk about you and want to be around you... they'll probably even take pictures of you, because who can resist the fine craftmanship of the iPopular and the stunning person wearing it.

A must have for people with no social skills or friends, put on the iPopular and feel the love as people point at you in awe and respect.

Be warned, your popularity from the moment you put the iPopular will grow so quickly that it could be a bit overwhelming, so until you are use to its powerful ability to draw friends to you, you'll want to wear some sensible shoes.

Be the first one on your block to own the iPopular, yours for only the low low price of $19.95 plus shipping and handling.  If you call now, we'll give you TWO iPopulars, one for yourself and another for friend so you can share the love.

iPopular, exclusively from MeeshCO, where quality is... quality.