Sunday, August 08, 2021

I Want a Refund

 This spaycation has been HORRIBLE!

I was expecting a tropical island where someone would fetch me fresh sticks and a cool drink while I lounged on the beach.

Sure, the Bleeder and Toast has been home with me the whole time, but it's been nothing but NO!

No jumping off/on the couch


NO jumping on the bed


NO jumping

NO running

No licking that thing in my stomach


NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!

I've had to wear a myriad of stupid things around my neck for NO GOOD REASON.

 AND THEY SHAVED MY BELLY! This was not the bikini wax I was promised!

I did find one very good use for the neck pillow... using it to ram into the human's legs when I was displeased....  The neck pillow started leaking air and I thought AHA I shall be be free of this cursed contraption, but nooooo

This horrible, infernal monstrosity was strapped to my neck. What the ever loving heckin in this!!!!

I could hear them snickering when I tried to eat or drink.

I did NOT look like a vacuum cleaner, or a trash can (yes, I read Bleeder's facebook posts, I know who you all are, laughing and snickering at me)

Toast kept telling me it was a matter of days until it would come off, but seriously? A matter of days to humans are X7 to me, so that was an eternity!

Then this happened.

I developed a bump. A freak out bump. A "this is what happens when you don't listen to us" bump. A "you may need to go have more sutures put in and this crap starts all over bump", and a trip to the vet.

I hadn't been out of the house much for a week, so when they took me out on a collar and not my super svelte RuffWear Webmaster harness, I felt that I was totally entitled to leap and spin and skitter, and pull, and general go wild outside, then inside my sweet ride. Bleeder was frazzled trying to keep me from leaping into the front seat. Come on, it's a self driving car, Toast doesn't need to do anything, right?

We got to the vet and to Bleeder and Toast's relief, the vet came out to see us on the nice, shady grass near the clinic (they were very busy and full, and squeezed us in because Countryside Vet Clinic is the BEST clinic with the BEST vets in the entire state of Maryland and I will fight you about that if you disagree).

Dr. Thumel gave me a thorough exam and determined it wasn't a hernia and not an abscess, but a Seroma. He prescribed some antibiotics as a precaution, and some pills he said would take the edge off the husky in me so the humans could relax a bit. When they asked for some Xanax for themselves, he laughed and laughed, so I guess that was a "no". About time someone told them "No" for a change.

My, my, my, my Seroma should resolve itself in a few weeks.

We went home, and I was a bit worn out from all of the excitement and napped for a bit.

Bleeder went out for foodables and came back with a new, stylish blow up neck collar for me. I also got my pills and whooo boy... that Trazadone stuff made everything taste so wonderful, and the colors were so bright, and wow, I'm a bit sleepy.

So after that I've been allowed to do my usual duties: go outside on the leash and be allowed to play a little with the leash dragging, go downstairs and help with laundry, but I really need to practice hiding the socklet in my mouth because Bleeder catches me every time, and I inspected the trash while it was being gathered, and I can also keep an eye on the neighborhood. I can also do my favorite activity: run down the deck stairs, run to the fence, stir up the yappy neighbor dogs and then skitter away when their humans yell at them.

Mainly I've been going crazy and racing around the house (the Trazadone can't keep me down), then I will nap in the sun, the couch, or watch the airplanes take off... I like watching the airplanes.

I've been told that tomorrow at 4pm I will get my sutures out, which means no more cone head, but I still have to be leash walked... yeah, riiiiight.

For some odd reason, the Bleeder is really looking forward to getting back to work. Something about being able to sleep peacefully there.

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