Don't Believe Everything You See

 Another week of intensive human training has passed and I'm not too sure these humans can be trained, they seem increasingly dumber by the day. Of course they have their excuses:

  • Sleep deprived
  • Caffeine deprived
  • They are old
  • They are out of shape
  • One bleeds if you look at her wrong
  • The other claims a myriad of physical issues
  • They both have things called jobs, which takes precious time away from me
  • There's a storm with lightening and can't walk me
  • They don't appreciate my 5 foot vertical leaping
  • They don't like it when I stomp on them in bed (Toast is really sensitive about this part)
  • They no longer allow me to ricochet off the new bed (What the fluff!?)
  • Instead of getting me a friend to play with, I have to pretend to be afraid of a leaf bag that Bleeder chases me and rattles... so lame. She can't even run that fast.
One of the exercises I do enjoy is the daily walk. I have to wait until 6pm to go, and I try to get them to go earlier, but something about that time being the perfect time to wear me out for them to go to bed and forego the usual stomping, cover diving, and gnawing routine I've honed. 

The biggest news is that since I was an itty, bitty, adorable puppy, I've had some stomach upset. It usually only happens at the pre-bed poo time, but it's a bit... runny. The humans have tried all manner of potions to solve the issue. Toast suggested that it was all of the yard stuff I eat on my evening yard duty time when I'm not stalking that stupid dove that trespasses in my yard. I can't help it, I love vines, and odd dirt, the occasional stick, some leaves, bugs, and I like to chew on rocks (but I don't eat rocks, I only gather rocks because they pay me in treats to bring them rocks, or something... working breed people!)

Bleeder had noticed that I'm not very fond of the chicken food I've been on since arriving here. Sure, they tried to dress it up... with more gravy chicken stuff, but seriously... I don't like chicken. It's not very exciting. Bleeder hit up her friends (she calls them friends, but frankly I think they're just voices in her head) and discovered that a lot of her "friends" feed this thing called Pro Plan Salmon and Rice for sensitive stomach and skin. I'm sensitive. I like salmon. I try to grab it off Toast and Bleeder's plates when they eat it... flaunting it in front of me when I'm faced with a bowl of bland icky kibble.

Lo and behold a large bag of it showed up. Ok, Bleeder went out and hunted one down and carried it in the house a few days ago. She placed it inside a bin and some spilled out. I sampled it. It was tasty! I wanted more. Bleeder said that I had to transition, so only a bit at a time with increasing amounts for the next 7 days. She didn't want my stomach to become upset. Seriously? I'm already squirting the chicken stuff out in the evening, how worse could it get, just give me the whole bin!

I'll just nap here until you open the bin, thank you very much

So, she started to give me the food, but it's in dribs and drabs and MIXED IN WITH THE ICKY CHICKEN!

So, I went on strike until the situation was resolved.

I refuse to eat until this situation is resolved.

I lasted until the evening. I'm actually not a breakfast girl, and since I don't eat breakfast, I can snack through the day, or just have it for lunch... I'll show them.

When I discovered that they were putting the kibbles into my kongs as "treats", well, I threw a snit so enormous...

I'm just gonna donut until my demands are met

So, I have to deal with all of that in a weakened state.

Feeling sorry for me, Toast suggested that they get one of those calming, cozy couch covers as seen on the socials. It has a little blanket attached to three bolsters and is supposed to the the WORLD'S MOST COMFORTABLEST, CALMING BED EVVVVVVVVEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!

So it arrived. I refused to lay on it. It was a bit silly. They put it on the bed where my favorite pillow was supposed to be, so I slept on Bleeders legs. Something about not having blood flow to her extremities (I mean come on, like there's any blood left in that carcass of hers?), and it was determined to stay on the couch... where I would refuse to lay in it.

At one point it was tossed on the floor and GAME ON! It then became a wonderful thing to play with, chew on, and hump. Yep, I'm the boss of all stuffies here and if a stuffy comes into the house, it will be humped and dominated. I'm a red queen after all.

After I made sure I had dominated the couch cover, I did snuggle with it...

... and then ripped it to shreds. I think it went to the same farm as all of the other stuffies before it.

So, that's about it for now.



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