Friday, November 28, 2014

Bedtime Routine

Every night we have a VERY strict bedtime routine.

The Humans demand that we all go to bed at 8:30pm every night, 365 days a year... frankly, that's around the time when we are well rested from sleeping all day and are ready to play, but hey, they pay the mortgage, so we have to make some compromises I suppose.

First, they Humans put on Spineless, Bionic Hip/Knee Sam's purse and take him downstairs.


Loki Mutatoe always has to pee, he has the bladder of a pea, so he runs ahead to go out.  I skitter around the house and throw myself up on the bed and sit there regally and refuse to go outside.

The Humans stand around waiting for Sam to find the perfect poo spot, which usually involves shoving Mutatoe back into the house and pretending not to watch Sam, because he is a shy pooper and has to have complete and utter silence and nobody within 5 miles looking at him poop.

After the poo ritual, they help him back up the stairs, and then we all get 2 cookies.  If I'm laying on the bed, I simply stay there to be fed my cookies on the bed... if I'm not, then I must supervise the Human Woman to ensure she counts out the correct amount of cookies.


Then we all run into the bedroom to get out cookies.  The Human Woman then does her normal "get ready for bed" things, and at the very end, she'll get into her "go to bed" outfit, and the moment she's just about ready to go to bed...  I need to go out.

So... that means she has to throw on her robe and slippers and take me out.


I must also sniff while I'm out... because something may have changed between the time I last went out, so depending on how cold it is, I must sniff... if it's REALLY cold, then I must sniff more because that seems to excite the Human Woman.  I also may... or may not poo.  Pooing depends on whether I feel like getting the Humans up at 2am to poo, or just get them up at 2 am for no reason what so ever.  I always go out at 2am... they seem to enjoy the break in their sleep.

After my private escort outside, I am then very thirsty, so I must stop at the water bowl to drink, even though the water bowl is always there and is always filled with fresh water.  I will only drink out of the left water bowl.  If the left water bowl is empty, but the right one is full, I scream until they fill the left water bowl.  I also scream if there's Mutatoe drool in the left water bowl, or if the temperature of the left water bowl is not of my liking.



Sometimes at this point, the Mutatoe decides that he has to pee again and runs out.  The Human Woman always sends him back to bed, and not very nicely, there is yelling... something about "bladderless wonder", and "You've got to be kidding"... he usually isn't kidding, he truly is a bladderless wonder.

Then we go to bed... at 9:30pm... right on schedule!

4 comments:

The Army of Four said...

We get two bedtime cookies, too! Our routines really are very similar!
Cammie!

John Vassel said...

With Miss Reba the longer she waits before bed, the longer she'll wait to go out in the morning. But if by chance you stay up until midnight and let her out, she must then go out again by 5am. Probably the same sniffing reasons, as her midnight trips are usually the longest and most lackadaisical.

Teddy Westlife said...

You are my hero! I will have to see about getting bedtimes snack instituted in this house.

Laika said...

I don't care about thunder, firework and all that stuff. But Vaks, my brofur he hate thunder and our peeps sneezing. He don't care at all of firework though.