Hello my adoring subjects,
Bleeder says I get a lot of questions on the Facing Books and the Instantly Grammar (humans have stupid names for everything), so I thought I would sit down on this rainy day (because Bleeder is all: aw heck no I'm not going out in this and throwing a soggy ball for you and then have you dig mud holes the size of small cars, and then clean your feet) and answer some of your questions.
Question 1: Do you "talk and sing"?
Answer 1: no. At least not when humans can hear me. I sometimes sing the song of my people when I'm crated and left alone... ALONE. But only when Bleeder or Toast don't put enough good things into my kong. Generally I just eat my kong and nap. It's more of a protest song. I make noises, and I will bark at evil things (a branch that appears from nowhere in my yard), I will make whiney noises because I want to get the two yappy neighbor dogs barking and running up and down the fence line, then I go to the middle of the yard and sit and wait for the neighbors to come out, apologize for the noise, and tell the yappies to shut up and escort them inside. That is a fun game. Bleeder keeps telling them that I instigate the whole thing and to just let them bark and run. I make noise when I have a good stretch.
Speaking of kongs, Bleeder has taken to stuffing it so tightly that it is impossible to get out. I'm left to fling it all over the house, bounce it off walls, stomp on it, but sometimes I have to give up and hand it over to Bleeder to "loosen it up" so I can get down in there. Bleeder is bitter and sadistic.
Question 2: What's the best thing you've destroyed in the house?
Answer 2: Meh, I don't destroy house things. I know, I know, what kind of husky am I? They leave shoes out and unguarded, they have things on lower cabinets, there is plenty of tasty leather couch to destroy, but I just don't. I do try to eat the one section of bedroom wall, but only because it had been peeled by huskies before me, therefore it is fair game. I nibble on a part of the carpet that was chewed before my time, but they put another rug on top of the carpet, so I generally leave that alone. There is this bass guitar thing that sits behind a gate next to Bleeder's desk like some kind of shrine. I've sniffed it, and it holds no interest to me, so I have no idea why there's a gate there.
Ok, I just remembered some house things I do destroy... but it's technically not inside the house. I like to peel the wood off the deck railings. That's fun. I also took all of the little rubber screw hiding circles off the deck chairs and ate them. Bleeder freaked out at those poop piles until she figure out what they were, then removed the rest from the chairs and table. Then I discovered the hard plastic tips that keep the fabric of the chairs from falling out... they're gonna get a big surprise this summer when they sit on them. Once again, Bleeder figured out what I was doing and removed most of them. I also chewed a bit on the side of the doorway, but they put a plastic gate over that part. I was sampling the lawnmower pull handle, but Bleeder covered it up with a tarp.
I enjoy destroying my toys. As soon as I destroy, more arrive in boxes (which I must sniff before they can be opened, and chewed on for a bit), and it seems to be a never-ending supply of toys, so... I like the fluffy squeaky toys, but those are getting fewer and fewer for some reason.
I destroyed 3 dog beds and 1 crate pad. I like the current Casper dog bed, so I leave it alone. I also like my bedroom Wash-N-Zip bed. I typically sleep on the fancy sleep number bed with Toast and Bleeder, but there are times that I like to spread out near the air vent and my Wash-N-Zip is perfectly placed near the vent where Meeshka used to sleep, so if it's good enough for her...
Question 3: How do you maintain your sleek figure without another husky to play with?
Answer 3: It is difficult being an only dog, but the benefits outweigh having to share my toys, and food, and attention. I consider Bleeder to be a weaker, less furry, very annoying, lazy, bleedy, and slow playmate. I can easily convince her to come out and play ball, or chase me with the leaf bag around the yard, or throw the ring. When I get good and riled up, I like to play "run as fast as I can, leap into the air and try to knock her down without hitting her". She really loves that game. Toast plays with me too, but he's got rules to follow, is slower, and doesn't understand that I get distracted easily, so he thinks I'm done and goes back inside. I try the leap up and claw on both Bleeder and Toast, but they have NONE OF THAT.
They also take me for walks, although I'd rather the walks be a lot longer, that they allow me to pull them, and that I can sniff more things, greet more people and dogs, and generally do what I want... but they won't let me.
I also enjoy tennis balls, and once I'm done playing with them, I peel off their soft outer covering.
I have a Fi collar that tracks my steps and my sleep too. Because I'm super competitive I'm trying to be the most active husky (currently I'm 797), but my near-term goal is to be the most active dog in the Balmer area (currently I'm #20).
I dig holes.
Chasing squirrels is another favorite past time. I will get them. I will.
Question 4: What is your favorite food?
Answer 4: ooooh so many to choose from. I LOVE cheese. Any type of cheese. I have my very own bag of cheese sticks for when I'm a good girl, or for when I need to "trade up", or when I daintily give them my paw to shake. Trade up is great, because I'll go out in the yard, and find a random thing (typically a large rock) and come back in, ploop it out on the kitchen floor and wait for my trade up. They keep my rocks on display on the kitchen table until the basket gets too full, then they empty it and I have to start over. When I was a puppy they used to carry treats in a pouch into the yard because I was constantly into things I wasn't supposed to chew/eat/play with. They don't do that any more, which is a shame. They just let me gnaw on any ol thing now.
I LOVE POPCORN! I know that sound, and I stand and wait at the microwave for it to get done.
Then Toast will sit on the couch and hand feed me pieces once it has cooled. What a cushy gig I have.
I love coffee! They leave coffee cups sitting around all the time, so... I figure they meant that I can drink it. I'm also very good at leaning into the kitchen sink and drinking out of cups in there. Once again, I'm compared to the "sink sucker Loki", but he couldn't have been such a freak if he, too, enjoyed a nice cup of cold sink coffee.
I like my kibbles. I'm glad I managed to convince them to get rid of that nasty, bland chicken kibble and on to the tasty sensitive stomach Pro Plan salmon kibble.
Question 5: How old am I?
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