Sunday, December 05, 2021

My Daily Walks

That title is totally misleading because if Toast and Bleeder aren't feeling up to it after their day at "work", then we don't go on a walk. They claim they work, but I'm a working breed, they aren't working, they sit in front of the computers all day, if they were working they would be pulling that desk with all of the computers on it for a 1,000 miles. How tired can you be sitting for 8 hours? I nap most of the day and I'm refreshed and ready to go, so should they.

But I digress: my daily walks are fun, I really love them. I get to sniff strange things squished into the street, pee mail at the hydrants and road signs, meet different people and dogs... although the dogs at this one house are awful, run free in the yard while their human says things like "Muffin, MUFFIN, come to mommy", while Muffin (who looks like a used wire brush) is in the middle of the street trying to look all big and ferocious for a poodle while I just wag my tail slowly and plot ways to shake that squeaky toy. Bleeder and Toast are not happy with that human, or Muffin.

But I digress again. In case you haven't noticed, I have a short attention span because I'm a busy puppy.

Toast and Bleeder have tried a few harnesses on me with varying degrees of success. For me, success means "comfortable enough to drag Bleeder down the street at will". Success to Toast and Bleeder clearly mean something else, so after 4 harnesses they finally settled on this very stylish and badass looking Goat Trail Tactical SSGLex Harness.


I went with black because it goes better with my furs. It came with some little back packs that can be used to carry your spare poo bags, a snack, a flashlight, small knife, air fryer, and a 67 chevy... ok, maybe not that big, but they are cute and fun to try to rip off your back, so apparently I have to wait until I'm "more mature" before they snap the backpacks on... all a part of my plan to never carry backpacks. I'm a working breed, not a mule.

There are several really horrible things about this harness:
  1. The snaps are VERY secure.
  2. The leash connectors are metal and VERY secure
  3. It's very adjustable, which means it's very tight, but comfy, but I can't back out of it
  4. It has a rubber handle near the neck, which means if a stupid squirrel runs out in front of me, it's easy for Bleeder or Toast to grab and control me, no flimsy fabric handle that twists and hurts their hands.
  5. It's got leash connectors at the back and front.  THE FRONT? UGH, this is the worst because it keeps me from dragging them down the street. It keeps me from veering wildly back and forth as I drag them down the street. It keeps me from lunging at things as I drag them down the street. This part is the suckiest part of all.
So, I get nothing from Goat Trail for warning other huskies about this horrible harness, and now that I've mentioned all of the horrible things, I'm pretty sure your humans will go and buy one, and for that, I'm sorry... but it is comfy and stylish, and honestly if it gives Toast and Bleeder the confidence to take me on walks, then I guess I'll just have to make do.

My second form of exercise is chasing, gutting, and destroying these balls.


Immediately get on your human's computer and order about 50 of the large ones.  They are great fun. I have two in various stages of destruction. The rubber foam innards are not tasty, but are fun to rip out and leave all over the yard, the carpet, the kitchen tile, in your furs. Best of all, they bounce really high, the roll very fast, and they simulate chasing tasty squirrels if tasty squirrels were made of neon orange rubber foam covered balls... at least that's what I image squirrels taste like because I have yet to catch one, but I'm still young.

This is how I tell Bleeder that I want to play:

Get your lazy butt out here and play with me now!

While I know most of you aren't "fetchers", this is why you need more than one. Bleeder throws one ball, you chase it... run around the yard and shake it dead, then drop it, then Toast tosses the other while Bleeder gets the first ball, repeat. See! 

Seriously, put the stupid phone down and play with me


I also recommend this wheel of doom


It's pretty sturdy for a foam wheel of doom and I have yet to destroy it. It's not only fun to chase and chomp on, but it's a great tug of war toy as well. Get the large, you'll thank me later.

So, this is how I maintain my girlish figure, well, that and stalking squirrels and digging up the dead tree stump in the back yard because Toast and Bleeder were too cheap to get the stump grounded out when they had the tree cut down... that's ok, I'll do it for them and dig a lovely hole in the process. Working breed work is never done!

I'm also going to send a shout out to Peppy Pooch and their very tasty chewables, made in the USA.

Very nom, and Bleeder says they don't stink

The bully sticks are delish as well. I'd like to have them every days, but I'm told they are for special occasions... like when I'm spastic and won't leave Bleeder or Toast alone for "FIVE FRICKEN MINUTES OHMYGERD JUST LET ME DO THIS ONE THING CASEY" and that's when I get a tasty chewy.

So, just sharing some of my favorite things. I don't get anything for sharing, just want to let you all know what things to ask your humans for that I find fun. Sure, I still play with my Wicked Bone (after the wheel got glued back on), and with Wicked Ball. I have a box full of toys, and once in a while I go and pick out one I haven't played with in a while, plop it in the middle of the floor and repeat that until all of my toys are in the middle of the living room walk area... the goal of this game is to see which one (Bleeder or Toast) steps on a toy and yells, falls, or kicks it out of the way. When the kicking happens, I chase it and put it back somewhere else inconvenient to them (like on the couch where they'll sit on it). Fun times!

Have a fun day annoying your humans!

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