For the past week there's been something smelly behind the fence.
I sniffed, snorfled, and paced back there and Toast and Bleeder were all "there's nothing back there, leave it".
But there was something back there, and on Saturday I almost caught it.
There we were, out in the yard at O'Dark Thirty... an intruder had breached my perimeter and I was having none of that, so I chased it up the tree.
Bleary eyed Bleeder didn't see what it was because she had her nose so deep in her phone and didn't look up until the intruder had scampered up the tree. I tried to follow, but climbing trees isn't within my skill set, so I just glared up in the tree.
My glaring should have been a clear signal to Bleeder to climb up that tree and throw the intruder down to me so I could take care of it... instead she ignored me and told me to go inside... for a treat.
A treat? While an intruder is trespassing in my tree? What kind of treat?
I went inside, because there was a treat, but I wasn't happy about it.
They wouldn't let me go out again until daylight, and only after Bleeder searched the yard and inspected the trees to make sure nothing was out there. Like I can't handle myself or something. eeesh.
So, the day goes by, it's getting cooler, which means I can play in the yard without overheating, so we played a lot in the yard, and we had fun... but I had a feeling.
Later in the afternoon when we had finished playing and I was testing the firmness of a lovely stick I had found, Bleeder and Toast were chatting about something stupid and Bleeder looks up and sees this high up in the tree.
The trespasser I tried to evict from the yard!
It was just staring at us... like we were the problem. The gall of that trash panda!
I was immediately escorted back inside, like it would fling itself down onto us or something. I'D LIKE TO SEE IT TRY THAT! But I was not allowed to see if it would try that.
There were phone calls made, and no calls returned, because it's hard to find good help these days (or other words used by Toast), so the plan was to leash me up whenever I had to pee or that other thing, and keep me within the confines of the area of new grass that I shall not be allowed into until the grass has grown and then I'll be able to dig it all up with giant holes (I added that last part).
So, that's what we did until it got dark. Then Bleeder spied on the trash panda as it slowly made its way down the tree, and then tip-toed over to another tree, and climbed that, used some overhanging branches to get over the fence and make its escape.
After Bleeder was sure it had vamoosed, they took me out on the leash again, but I REALLY had to poop, and I only poop in one spot (near the tree in question), so they finally took me out of the little fenced area on the leash and allowed me to do my unfinished business in my official poop spot, and then we went to bed (after my medicinal cream cheese).
The next morning I had to wait with legs crossed while Bleeder went out with a flashlight (probably freaking out all of the neighbors) to search the trees and entire yard before announcing it was safe, and I went out for my morning constitutional. There were no enticing sniffs of it left, but I will remember you trash panda... don't come back here, I'm waiting for you.