Sunday, November 21, 2021

The NO NO GET OFF Counter

 The people here have such strange rules. I have yet to figure them out.

1.) I'm not allowed in the bathroom when they are sitting on the water bowl. I don't see a problem with trying to squeeze behind the water bowl while they are just sitting on it because I need to investigate back there. Also, the roll of paper is tasty and alluring with a secret cardboard tasty surprise inside. I contend that people need to grow some fur so that they won't need that tasty paper for finishing up their business. 

2.) I'm not allowed in the bathroom when they are in the rain closet. My job is to clean the water from the rain closet. It's been my job since I got here. No, I do not like to be alone in the rain closet when it is raining in there. I also don't like to be in there when it's raining and the Bleeder is trying to wash the precious dirt from my feet after I dig a wonderfully deep hole in the one part of the yard they always fall into. BUT, if they are in the rain closet getting the rain closet all dirty, then I must shove half my body into the rain closet and lick the water, no matter where it's at, including on the people. It's the law. For some reason they don't like that, so I'm banished outside of the bathroom until they are done, and only then can I dutifully come in and perform my duties as a working breed.

3.) I can dig... just not near the fence, and if I do dig, don't dig where they'll fall into the holes. Ok, fine... but then when I do dig, they always fall in the holes, so who has the problem here? It's not my fault that the trees are shedding and covering up my holes, and my poo, and once again I harken back to my "I'll poo where I want I'm not limited by boundaries and traditions" rule. When I do dig, they insist on taking me into the bathroom to wipe my feet... which is prime time for "make the Bleeder bleed, and cover her in water".

4.) Speaking of shedding trees, Bleeder worked really hard to scrape up the leaves in an attempt to uncover my poo repository (little does she know, I've switched spots again), and carefully piled the leaves up into a neat little pile, so... leaves are fun.

I have two leaf piles now and I insist that Bleeder maintains them into proper piles for me to destroy.

5.) For some odd reason, the people call me "Stretch Armstrong".

When they put things on counters or in the sink... I need to investigate. It's what I do. I'm just assuming that if they put a cup of coffee in the sink, then that's mine. Dirty dishes need to be cleaned, right? So why do they yell at me for stretching up and licking them? There is one counter that they don't allow me on, and that's the thing called "The Stove". I never see them use it for anything other than meal prep, as they use the loud whirring box to cook their things (totally ruining perfectly good raw chicken and meats, but it does make for tasty french fries and my favorite "tots"). They say that this counter is "hot", but I've never experienced it being "hot" except for when cookies come out of the bottom part. They also use this counter to store things that aren't currently being consumed. I assume that these things are for me later on, and just want to help them out by being self sufficient and getting it myself. Apparently, no.

Last night I was in a particular "mood" even after being walked. They had a person deliver their food and there was a lot of it, so of course the rest is for me, right?

Wrong, apparently, because when I tried to reach it at the back of the black counter, they yelled at me and told me "no". I do not like the word "no". To me, "no" means try harder, but be sketchy about it. I wasn't sketchy enough and Bleeder (the gall) put the stupid scary blocker gate ON THE BLACK COUNTER!

They tell me it's hot, they tell me it's dangerous, and there they go putting a gate on it, clearly some form of violation going on here, so I felt the need to alert them to the danger:

They laughed!  LAUGHED at my dire warnings! I didn't get any tasty foodables, but I did get some cheese. I'd do just about anything for cheese. 

Tip of the day: If your people randomly smear peanut butter on a cabinet door, this only means they want to rob you of your nails. It is totally up to you if you want to submit in order to get the tasty peanut butter. Remember, the claws will grow back and at that point you can get revenge... and then more peanut butter.

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