Sunday, November 14, 2021

I Am What I Am

 Frankly, I'm getting tired of being compared to the perfect huskies that came before me.

Nikki did this, Nova did that, Meeshka did this, Sam did that, Loki was... well frankly they tell me NOT to be like Loki, apparently he was annoying and strange, so when they tell me I'm being a Loki, that's an insult.

For instance: pooping. 

I didn't know there was some sort of rule about pooping, but there is. My predecessors had very strict poop regimens and apparently specific poo spots.

Sam pooped in the back, preferably out of everyone's view because he was a shy pooper, and he preferred pooping on things like sticks, leaf piles, a toy.

Meeshka pooped on the left side of the yard exclusively, and in a very specific spot. If that spot was not cleaned immediately, she threw a snit and clawed. I like the clawing part and may add it to my repertoire. 

Loki pooped in the right, back side of the yard. He would also pee on a pile of leaves and then lay on the pile of leaves. I guess this is why they tell me not to be like Loki.

I feel that the whole yard is my potty area, and the humans are there to clean up immediately after me, therefore there is no reason why I can't just poo where the mood strikes. Just because everyone else has a specific place, just like the humans prefer to do their business on the porcelain water bowl in the tiny shower room, doesn't mean I should be shackled to a specific part of the yard.

The problem is that sometimes Bleeder isn't jiffy quick with the pick-up. I just assumed that their whole purpose was to follow me around and cater to my every whim and clean up after me. Sometimes (and just wait until you hear this load), they open the door in the morning after I stomp them awake, and send me out into the yard, in the dark, all alone to do my morning ritual... and they don't immediately clean up! Then all I hear the rest of the day is "where is it?" as they search the yard for my poo. Well, had you done your job in the morning we wouldn't be playing Easter Egg hunt! How can I be expected to chase the balls you throw without worrying if they will roll in my poo? 

This is even more unacceptable now that the leaves are flinging themselves off the trees and camouflaging my daily leavings. Bleeder is all "out of sight, out of mind" until she slides through some, then somehow it's all my fault?

I continue to monitor the neighborhood happenings to make sure nothing sketchy happens. There's a lot of sketchy things going on around here and I don't know how Toast and Bleeder lived peacefully until my arrival. Neighbor kids walking in their own yard, dogs on both sides, and the back, a cat that taunts me out front, AND THOSE SQUIRRELS! I hate those squirrels.

Is that the cat, the dogs, or the squirrels?

What the heck is that neighbor kid doing over there? Is that even legal?

HEY! STUPID CAT! Get away from that car!!!!

One of these days....

Thankfully Toast and Bleeder seem to have a never ending pile of money to keep buying me therapy toys to rip to shreds to get out my frustrations over not catching any of those squirrels... or that cat... or the red dot that appears once in a while that I can never catch even if Toast claims I did. I didn't taste anything, there was no guts to eat... he's lying to me. But he does feed me pancakes once in a while so I'll give him a pass.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go poo in a new spot.




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